Hi fellow Julyers
I had a strange appointment today with the surgeon. I had to make all these decisions whichc i wasnt expecting at all- breast conservation or mascetomy (mascetomy), node clearance or not (node clearance please just to be safe), implant or DIEP (i was expecting that). Going for implant and hoping it survives because now I find out i probably have to have radiotherapy.
I was exhausted by the end. It’s so emotional talking about losing bits of my body while also keeping cool (or trying to). I had to have a scone and tea to recover afterwards and then slept for 2 hours.
Those of you on Docetaxel- it sounds horrible!! I hope it eases somehow. It’s sounds really awful with those side effects and hospital admissions. Xx
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Thinking of you. It is so hard when you know what’s coming. I hope it won’t be too bad for you. Get plenty of rest. You’re nearly there. x
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What a lot of big decisions to make! I’m sure you’ve made the best ones for you. Sending very best wishes as you process all this ahead of surgery /radiotherapy x
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That’s lot of decision making. Hope you were given time to digest it all or was it at the appt you had make them @cf640 ?
Back in May, I had a 2nd surgery to get better margins. I had a choice of full axillary clearance or radio to the area as my first surgery came back with 1 node with 3mm of cancer cells.
I couldn’t sleep for a week. Then a super kind BCN on this site who I called said I wouldn’t have been given a choice if it wasn’t safe to do so. So it really helped me manage my anxiety over it.
But there is safety in being told what to do so completely get that.
@fluffy888 @zaran @olli3 @angieb1 heart racing is one of my biggest side effects
I went for acupuncture a week after my last chemo & the therapist even was surprised by how fast it was. All my TC treatments my heart when “resting” was in the low 90’s. I’m still getting a thudding and asking about this at my nxt appt. They want to put me Letrozole which can raise your cholesterol & blood pressure … with a resting heart like mine I’m unsure what to think. Will it get worse ?
Is anyone here going back to work as is in person after chemo? I tried last week and I felt like I was jet lagged after a day in. Like to the bone tired. So different from wfh.
Not sure I can do it yet & I have 4 weeks of radio starting on the 15th. I’m feeling a bit of pressure to be normal since I had my last chemo but they have been accommodating (tons of appts, 2 surgeries, chemo …etc) I feel like I should be grateful
My glimmer is today is Thur & the weekend is almost here . Going to hide under a duvet
Xxx
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Good morning everyone. I know everyone is feeling crap so sending love to you all. @zaran plenty of rest my love and let others help. @olli3 hope you get home soon. I managed to get to my oncologist appointment to talk about radiotherapy. I wasn’t up to driving so sorted a lift. I had started to feel better but after been sat there 1 hour and half started to feel crap again. All they said was the delay was because only certain people do that talk. And needed someone to become available. Hello ive got an appointment they knew i was coming. Anyway was in the meeting around 15mins. Tbf she did explain everything clearly. I will be having 15 doses of radiotherapy. She also mentioned my chemotherapy treatment was reduced all the way through which i wasn’t sure about. Maybe thats why l haven’t had it as rough as a lot of you. Didn’t seem at all concerned about last 2 Doxetactel flooring me and all the muscle and bone pain. So its obviously expected. 1 more to go. She gave me a prescription for ibandronate to start before radio but have to see dentist first to give the go ahead. To take for 3 years. To help with done density. Osteoporosis. Will be having an ETC scan before treatment but that is so they know exactly where to treat and not for any information for me. Sorry for the long post. Take care xx
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Forgot to say think things are on hold regarding puppies. I think it was a case of pestering until i give in then think about the reality. And that was just my husband lol. Atm we have the best of both worlds we look after some lovely dogs for family and still get to go away. If this has taught us anything its try and live life to the fullest. Xxx
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You shouldn’t feel any pressure to go back to work. Things aren’t normal and won’t be for a while yet. You have been through some pretty major stuff and you need to take all the time you need to look after yourself and let your body heal. If you’ve got radiotherapy coming up you’re going to be too tired to work. These are all big things and take time to get over. Be kind to yourself and don’t worry about what other people think - they’ll understand.
I’ve been really lucky and signed off since June when I had my mastectomy. I won’t be going back until after my radiotherapy in December. I’m not looking forward to it. I have a great bunch of work colleagues but not sure how I’ll cope with having to use my brain again! I’m not thinking about that too much at the moment though. We need to focus on one step at a time. Enjoy a duvet day. 
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Pleased you got sorted for your radiotherapy. Can’t believe they kept you waiting an hour and a half. There’s nothing worse especially when you feel poorly.
Did they say how long they leave it after your last chemo before starting?
Think you’re right to wait to make a decision about a puppy especially if you have dogs you can look after but hand back at the moment. I think we all deserve to focus on ourselves next year and make up for all the things we haven’t been able to do this year. I can’t wait to book a trip over to Spain to see my daughter and grandson. Plus I’ve got lots of postponed celebrations for my 60th that I want to do.
Hope your bone pain is easing now. Only 1 more to go. Hope you have a good day. X
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@debi1 can’t believe the appt wait. It’s these experiences that can make me moody lol
I think you’re TNBC? So no hormone? Will they still suppress your ovaries or not needed?
I’m having the book thrown at me hormone wise and the bone support is an infusion not tab. May ask why….
@angieb1 with work it doesn’t help that I no longer like who I work for. I was starting to look for another role but then my diagnosis came along. Need to focus on 2025 like you. Have you started day dreaming about your 60th celebrations ? I fantasy holiday shop for my belated 50th 
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Thanks for all of the support. It’s a bit worrying that it could’ve affected my heart. I’m not going to focus on it though, and hopefully it won’t happen again. Unfortunately my house isn’t the most relaxing as my oldest is Autistic, but everyone is out today so I’m not planning on doing much. Weekends are a bit rough when everyone is home, I’ve got to try and be at 100% all the time and it’s a bit tough. This year has just been horrendous trying to cope with everything, if I’m honest.
With regards to going back to work, I don’t plan on going back until after radiotherapy. I think after radiotherapy is all done, then the enormity of the situation might hit me and I’ll need a bit of time to process it all. I’m just going to go back when I feel ready and put myself first for once. I wasn’t one for taking time off work beforehand, but I think stress has probably contributed to the situation that I’m in now and it’s on my mind a lot that it will come back if i get stressed too much. Which I know is probably a bit ridiculous (probably the wrong word) and also can’t be helped too much.
Take time for yourself to process everything and go back when you feel fully ready. You’ve been through a hell of a lot. Xx
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Thats a lot to take in @cf640 no wonder you needed a cup of tea and a scone afterwards! When I get the results of the genetics test I need to see the surgeon to plan what type of surgery I need. When I saw her last she said it was a new policy in some trusts anymore to do full clearance but am not sure why, something I need to ask. Its hard when they give you these choices. Do you know when surgery will be?
@deb1 hope you are feeling ok today. Will the radiotherapy start soon? Totally get your decision about getting a dog atm especially having dogs you can borrow & hand back! It is only working for us as husband able to wfh
I can’t imagine going back to work yet! I hope your work will let you have a bit more time off or a more gradual return @idcand49. I was looking for a new job although current job have been really kind and accomodating…Maybe 2025 will a time for new beginnings 
Hope all of you who have been having a bad time of it are beginning to turn a corner xx
X 
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So sorry you had such a wait for your appointment, how awful when you’re feeling so horrendous. I’m following your progress closely as I know your triple negative like me & so far have been on the same treatment. 15 lots of radiotherapy sounds a lot, but hopefully it’ll be a walk on the park compared to chemo. I’ve got oncology appointment next week to discuss radiotherapy so will find out more then.
Are the tablets the bisphoshonates?
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I get how you feel about the stress thing, I’m triple negative and had the genetics test which came back negative, relieved but also means there’s no known cause as to why I got this. Having been under considerable family stress last year, it just seems very coincidental that I got this. Decided I’m going to have to up the yoga and have subscribed to Headspace app as well! Have reduced workload too (am self employed) & will just have to get my head into a better place going forward xx
@olli3 and @fluffy I wonder about the role of stress too as 2 of my children (young adults) have extra needs. Love them to bits but it has been exhausting too.
Think I defintely need to look at how I deal with stress. I guess its a good time to try and rebalance life xx
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Just heard I’m being discharged this morning! Will be sooooooo glad to get home 
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Hi @booklover1 can I ask how many nodes did you have involved ? I didn’t go for the fully clearance as it was in 1 only discovered at the lumpectomy part and a after surgery a PET didn’t show anything but now that anxiety mindset of mine is having a slight panic
Feel like anxiety and what ifs will be around me for a while
@olli3 hooray for getting home xx
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@idcand49 I have one positive confirmed node by biopsy. The u/s showed some borderline ones too but they haven’t been biopsied and only the positive one showed up on the pet scan. I won’t really know until surgery for sure.
I think the surgeon said that policy was changing as they are trying not to overtreat and risk lymphoma and removing fewer nodes was equally effective (with radiation) but I need to ask more as to what this is based on… i should have asked more questions but still in shock mode at that point!
@olli3 so glad you’re goinghome @angieb1 don’t think it will be long after my chemotherapy when i start radiotherapy. Maybe November or December. Ill let you know. It will be 5 consecutive days of treatment with weekends off. Im 56 and post menopause. Xx
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@olli3 I’m TNBC as well, although my progesterone was slightly positive so my Consultant said it wasn’t a true TNBC, but I think they’re classing it as that as everything else was negative. My Oncologist said there probably wasn’t any point putting me on Tamoxifen for 10yrs, but it’s still on all of my letters, so no idea what’s happening there. It’s a long time to be on something that probably won’t help.
I reduced my hours quite a bit before all of this happened, just with everything I had to deal with at home, rather than work stuff. I just wasn’t coping well at all. I still don’t know how I’ll cope once I go back and the stress of trying to work and everything else. I can see how a lot of parents with children with extra needs just can’t work.
That’s brilliant news that you’re allowed to go home. Plenty of rest when you get there. Hope you’re doing ok. Xx
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@booklover1 sounds like our trusts are similar
My onco friend (breast) passed me two trials to read
Z11
AMAROS
I didn’t understand any of it bar the abstract
And I remember that shock of a node being +
It was horrific (esp as even after surgery it didn’t look obvious - histology changed all of that)
I’m only just processing all this twists & turns from Feb to now
X