I’m just where you are, both treatment stage and the tearing up emotional bit too. Been so good so far, but suddenly cry at everything. I can’t work out if it is just the enormity of it all, or not recognising myself, or a bit of relief that I have made it this far without any major disasters thank goodness. I do know I also need someone to talk to, and the Macmillan team might be the answer. I have a great partner, but I can’t tell him all that is in my head, he’s dealing with this well, but I don’t want him to feel helpless in not having an answer for me, it won’t help.
I have my radiotherapy set up appointment on Monday, and I’m thinking I might wander over to the Macmillan centre to see what support is out there.
I understand your confidence bit, I don’t know what I’m going to say, but I figure a large percentage of people walking in for help will be where we are at. They will know what to do, just try to gather it up to get in there and take it from there. Go for it, and good luck with it xx
Lots of love to you @pipspops. It definitely sounds like you are where I am at the moment, it really helps me to know that I’m not alone in how I feel at the moment xx
@booklover1 hooe you are feeling better. You’re nearly there hun. @bex1 you too love. Thanks for posting the storm. Think we all relate. @alisona1 good luck tomorrow. @zaran love the thought of your son ringing his bell. Glad you have a date for radio i start on 27th nov and finish 17th dec. Just in time for Christmas. @ldm yes definitely chat to macmilian for support. @pipspops i dont feel i want to tell my husband how scared i feel. Hes so supportive and in everyones eyes im positive and joke my way through things. I don’t think ive actually cried yet so i know ill crack at some point. Take care everyone look after yourselves. If ive not mentioned you doesn’t mean im not thinking of you all. Xxx
@debi1 I have the same radio dates as you btw! yes I spoke with mine tonight about speaking with someone, bless him he’s off work today and is taking me for chemo (he isn’t available for my last one next Friday, but this is the next best thing), he’s going to the Macmillan bit for me while I’m in - they don’t seem to be open all the time from when I’ve gone past them before so he’s checking opening times for me.
The first thing he said was that he was sorry if he wasn’t doing everything right and after a long discussion I’ve managed to convince him he’s brilliant and doing nothing wrong at all, but I might need someone who specialises in this and that a stranger would also be best. I’ve managed to be upbeat and jovial and still haven’t really cried ‘for me’, but I sure as heck am emotional about everything else in life - if the cat looks at me with big eyes I burst into tears!
@ldm you are not alone sweetheart 
I’m so glad @zaran mentioned Macmillan centre in hospital and I’m so glad everyone else who has felt it has mentioned they are emotional just now, thank you all for being open and honest. We are going to sort this out, talk it through with someone with a big box of tissues and hopefully give ourselves a big hug for everything we have achieved. The power of a ‘no strings, no emotional attachment’ conversation can’t be underestimated. Let’s do it! Xx
Hi what a coincidence with the same dates. I phoned a free mini bus service to talk about transport. Some of my times were all over the place but the man i spoke to was brilliant said he would call the hospital and get my times changed. Wow what a big help. Thought id be driving to a big city centre early morning and one at 6pm. Even said my husband can come if there’s room on the bus. If i do go to speak to someone afterwards like macmilian ill probably keep it to myself. My boys are coping well because they think i am. Which mostly i am. But its the thought of the expectation of drawing a line under the past 10 months and getting on with life. I dont know if i can fake it till I make it. Xxxx
Yeah i must admit, macmillan have been amazing. Theyve put me forward for their HOPE course. Its 6 weeks, and they teach you coping mechanisms etc for trying to move on after completing treatment etc. It starts in February because theyve just finished one. But i feel like ive done something already. I feel like ive achieved something just by reaching out.
I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone
Xxxx
Not been on much lately but good to catch up with how you are all doing. Pleased to see a lot of you like myself are now finished with chemo, hope it’s not too long for everyone else.
Thank you @bex1 for posting The Storm poem, it really resonated with me.
Good luck to @zaran @debi1 @pipspops and everyone starting their radiotherapy soon. I have appointment on Wednesday with Oncologist which I hope is to get my start date.
I am so pleased to be finished chemo but have to say if one more person tells me how happy I should be and that radiotherapy will be “a walk in the park” I think I may scream!
Hiya. Hope Wednesday goes well. Yes even my bcn said after chemo radiotherapy will be a breeze, Maybe it will but we’ve still got the emotional part that this ordeal has been a trauma, family and friends are all assuming we will be able to carry on where we left off. I dont really blame them at all as i would probably say the same things to people that are been said to me. No-one will ever really get it if they haven’t walk in our shoes. Not that we’d want then to. Take care xx
@debi1 Thanks, you are right as thinking back to my diagnosis I did think the same too, assuming that once the treatments had finished I could get back to normal. I suppose we just need to create a new normal for ourselves.
So glad to have this group for support and advice. 
xx
Hi everyone
It’s such a treat catching up with the news, good and not so good. I love the lifeboat analogy! And how the people on the shore can’t quite help or maybe don’t realise there’s trouble on board.
Good luck with radiotherapy all of you who have that now. From what I’ve read, the aftereffects can go on for months so i don’t think it can be so easily dismissed as outsiders seem to think.
I’ve got one EC left. Then waiting for surgery in January. I’ll be relieved to finish phase 1 (chemo for me) and begin planning how i manage my recovery from surgery… 4-6 weeks of not doing much…I’ll want to hoover and drive and walk!!
Xx
My advice for surgery recovery is getting meals in!
My family gifted me COOK meals & and a hefty m and s voucher. It was very much appreciated.
Maybe start hinting now 
Well all, I’ve completed radio as of today (last boost 30 min ago)
The team were ever changing but many familiar faces so I gifted a large tub of Heroes and said in the nicest way, I hope I don’t see them again
It’s bittersweet lol.
Just had a cry as feeling empty again
Need to find my groove and it’s a Monday so not the best day fam wise to go out and celebrate
Have my DEXA scan Sat so as one door closes (radio) another swiftly opens (AI)
Hope everyone had a good weekend x
Well done on completing your radiotherapy. It is an emotional rollercoaster. Hope you are doing ok and that your DEXA scan goes well on Saturday. x
@idcand49 glad your radiotherapy has finished love. Well i did something this weekend. I actually went out. Yes OUT OUT! 
was a charity night to raise money for our local cancer hospital. Was very nervous as i knew id see people who didn’t know and i didn’t really want the attention. I didn’t need to worry. Yes i saw a few people looking and they came to me and hugged me. I ended up having a lovely time and over £1000 was raised. 
Love this. Going OUT OUT 
and that’s an amazing amount to have raised. Good to get back to a bit of normality. I’m going out on Saturday for my friends Hen Do. Feeling a bit nervous about it and seeing a lot of friends who haven’t seen me for months.
Trust me you will be fine. Give it half an hour and a couple 
and you will wonder why you were worried. I was more worried about the pitiful looks but we were all there to support the charity and so many there, no too many there have been affected by this disease. It was great to see our community all pulling together. Xxxx
Well done on finishing radiotherapy, another box ticked 
I saw a lady at the Macmillan room in the hospital yesterday when I went to get my radiotherapy set up (and tattoos done!) - the office isn’t manned full time, so when my partner went on Friday no-one was there. She was very welcoming, very helpful and gave me a few leaflets which I will digest today. She mentioned the Moving Forward course and the 4 session Bupa counselling as specific for moving on, rather than general support. I did rave about this forum to her and said I had honestly found it more helpful than anticipated (not being a group kinda person). So anyone wondering what type of reception you will get from Macmillan, if you get a lady like I did, it was wonderful .
Hope all goes well Saturday for you x
Thanks @pipspops and @angieb1 @debi1
I was lucky that my first radio mtg was literally a week after chemo and planning scan a week later
I was initially told radio onco would be 2 weeks post chemo and planning 2-3 weeks after that
Hallelujah to no waiting list issues
@debi1 how wonderful to raise money and being OUT OUT. I haven’t dressed up in months … or been OUT OUT lol
And I know what you mean about fearing the “pity” stares. I avoided going out on my high rd during the summer for this reason (and to avoid ppl seeing me burst into tears )
What a great event
@angieb1 where is the hen do? That will be fun. It is fab to hear we are dipping our toes into some “normal” fun 
That was very fast for your radiotherapy, hoping mine will be just as quick.
There’s a private room booked above a restaurant for Hen Do. We’re having a buffet then the group is going to go around some bars in town. Like you I’ve avoided leaving the house a lot this last few months as I don’t feel or look like ‘me’ and also been very teary 
I do feel more positive now that chemo is done though and I know I need to make more of an effort to get out.
Still a bit of a journey to go for most of us but we’ve all come such a long way since our July chemo start. x
Hi
Glad your radiotherapy is finished @idcand49 
another stepping stone! Good luck to everyone about to start their radio 
I am just emerging from second EC side effects. The thought of 2 more seems a bit overwelming atm but I have another 10 days to pull myself together 
Good luck with your last chemo @cf640 x
Exciting to hear of news of going out!! Congratulations on going out & raising all that money @deb1 and @angieb1 hope you enjoy the Hen do! I guess its a bit like covid and it feels weird being social again but you soon start relaxing and enjoying being out 
Also thanks @pipspops for posting about how nice the MacMillan people are, it will encourage me to put my head round the door. I am thinking if doing the HOPE course you mentioned @zaran one of the BCN nurses mentioned it as being really helpfulx
If anyone has had a lumpectomy already do you mind me asking how long it was before you could drive? Also what to bring to the hospital with you? Thank you!!
Happy Tuesday wherever you are x