You’ve made me laugh this morning @cf640 with your absolutely spot on observation - the ‘let me know if I can help’ brigade . You want to say they’ve already helped by letting you know they aren’t going to do anything spontaneous. I’ve realised with this brilliant friend category that my two lunch companions are SO this.
Shall we start a national ad campaign? “Do you know someone with breast cancer? Can you spare a little time? Send cake IMMEDIATELY. It’s not hard, you can do it. These people NEED your support”.
Don’t feel alone on your journey sweetheart, we’re your virtual cake makers
I think when we have a query to raise, we’ve gone through a hundred conversation scenarios in our head, we go quite potty. If she says this, then I’ll say this etc etc. So glad you felt heard, really good to hear I agree with really not wanting to fight meds with meds if possible x
The infusions sound awful @zaran and @idcand49 and any other ladies on them. I really hope they get more manageable over time xx
I am still deciding between operations. I don’t want to do either I was looking forward to the radiotherapy (not sure looking forward is the right phrase) and getting some time to heal. I am sure I will be positive in a few days time xx
@idcand49 how long did your hair take to grow 1.5-2 inches? I have very sparse hair on top but a fringe & straggly bits at the sides and back. Lol not sure its a look that will catch on…
Love it maybe BCN could add this to their campaigns. I had one friend of 20 years text 5 times in 5 months and only once during chemo, and when I challenged her (after advise from counsellor) she said I did check in and text. I was really careful with my wording and said how I felt with no accusations. She said I didn’t think you wanted to see anybody. I left it no point arguing and a few months later a card was put through the door. I read it and it said exactly the same, I don’t know what I did wrong!
I have had no further contact and spoken to another counsellor who said if people don’t give you joy don’t have them in your life. I also spoken to other cancer patients who were also advised to let go of people who do not benefit you.
It’s hard when you are having chemo or post surgery to say ‘I would like… I need…’ you are just trying to feel better and get through the treatment. People need to offer support. ‘I will bring you dinner/cake… I will pop around at 6 and collect your washing and return it in a few days…I will be around at 8 to take the kids to school and keep then after school for a play date’
From my experience and reading many posts, the same people are the ones that think ‘you need to move on/get over your cancer’ when your treatment has finished. With no thought of recurrence or spread that we all live with.
What an upsetting and shitty experience for you, with someone who you believed you could rely on. I really feel for you
The Macmillan counsellor I spoke with said the same about friends who should bring you joy and how you should feel better after each contact with them, not questioning what you did wrong. I’ve mentioned my best friend of 30 years before who I have excused her crappy behaviour and snide comments to me during this last 8 months as just being her ‘unfortunate’ choice of words. No more. I see who she is now, I see it all needs to be about her, and I am awake to the fact that she is not who I thought she was. Contrast the 30 year old daughter of a good friend who lives in North Africa who, without fail, messaged me every single day I had treatment and every week if no treatment due. An angel indeed. And my 70 year old male chum who visits every week has been a superstar just by showing up.
Shout out to all the heroes of our journey, and definitely something I have to, stop giving the disappointing ‘friends’ head space and making myself sad.
A bit like cake, we need friends who make us smile we certainly deserve them
Thanks @idcand49 for sharing your experiencex I am going back & forward in my mind about which one. I would prefer a reincision but at the back of my mind I am worried that the DCIS area was large (7cm) & didn’t show up on the scans in my case and what if there was another patch of DCIS elsewhere in the breast, Maybe the smx would be better but I just don’t know. Hoping talking it through with dr/bcn just waiting for an appointment.
In the meantime I am trying to get fitter after the lumpectomy 2 weeks ago. Trying to walk more & do a little pilates…
Your hair progress sounds great! I am looking forward to having enough to go in a ponytail again!!
So i attended a course today which will be every friday for 12weeks. Its a trial thing in my hospital and it was fab. Met lots of lovely ladies and going forwards its all info on stress management, dietitians, exercise etc. Brilliant. Im chuffed to bits i went now xxxx
Anyone get a kid of blistering rash after radio? Creaming it like mad as it’s only on my chest.
Just wondered if anyone could recommend a cream to use or maybe hydrocortisone?
Can ring the radio team on Monday but just wanted any recommendations.
Hi @kerrylou1 - yes I did, found the hydrocortisone made it worse in my experience, I just stuck with Cera Ve moisturiser twice a day, either topless or vest top in bed so nothing rubbed it (my cotton nightshirt wrinkled too much and rubbed it worse), daytime no bra, a cotton T-shirt and keeping it as cool as you can (especially at night). 2-3 weeks of this sorted it out a treat x
I will carry on creaming and exposing my chest as much as possible .
It’s driving me mad but compared to what we’ve gone through the last few months/year it’s nothing really is it? Xxx
Sometimes it’s the little things that drive you up the wall . Hope it gets better soon for you, my radiotherapy nurse said about letting the air get to it, so it’s a ‘tits/tit out’ job , depending whose company you’re in
I had my results from surgery yesterday! So all good news and now cancer free the sample taken did still have a 4mm trace of cancer still there, but my original lump was 5x4cm so very good response! Next step radiotherapy and reading your comments sounds fun and because I was triple negative and a small trace was found they may consider Cape, but will find out more on the 6th as have appointment with oncologist
They may now drop immunotherapy as this has upset my kidney’s, so need to wait and see! But for now I am a happy bunny
It does feel surreal though at the mo, hard to get my head round what I have just been through and was also recommended the moving forward course!
@bex1 hope you are recovering well from your op and good luck with your results
@booklover1 good luck with whatever decision you make, can’t be easy
@cf640 totally relate to the friends comments, you certainly find out who your true friends are during this journey!
I have found the forum so amazing throughout, from useful tips, to sharing experiences, and has made me laugh along the way, would highly recommend to anyone starting this horrendous journey to join, it really does help!
we certainly deserve them 
)
, depending whose company you’re in 
the sample taken did still have a 4mm trace of cancer still there, but my original lump was 5x4cm so very good response! Next step radiotherapy and reading your comments sounds fun 
and because I was triple negative and a small trace was found they may consider Cape, but will find out more on the 6th as have appointment with oncologist 