@Geo23 well I’m still here, so that’s gotta be good! The nurses did change my anti nausea, only these tablets worked even less than the first ones and I was vomiting all day/evening. It’s really not been a good cycle for me so far. Hope you’ve been well.
@Guida hope you get your next treatment sorted and you get though it OK.
Cali 
do ring your team and get them to tweak your antisickness meds again, sorry they’ve not found right combination for you get but they will ??
Shi xx
Hi Beeza66 I think you’d be unusual if you weren’t scared- everyone is I’m sure because you don’t know how it will affect you. The actual process is ok, it’s just the side effects which can vary so much from person to person and even from day to day. There are days when i feel sort of ok, and other days when I want to cry and hide and just want the whole process to go away.
I guess we all, have to hang onto the end outcome, and the hope that it means more years with friends and family and a normal life. I’m surprisingly not too bothered not to have one boob, but I’m 66 and live on my own, so it’s only me who sees it, but I hate not being in control of how I feel physically day to day. If only I could climb into a cave and come out when it’s all done!
I really try to take it one day at a time. The Insight Timer app has lots of great meditations for anxiety and cancer, and I use that every day, to help calm me when I’m feeling really fed up. I’m lucky that I only have myself to worry about, and don’t have a family to look after too, but it can get lonely, and it’s not always easy to tell people how you’re really feeling. This forum is great, because we’re all in the same boat. I hope everyone has a good day today x
@Cali @Sorry to hear you’ve been sick and the tablets have not worked. I was sick 3 times after surgery and now still a week later, apparently I don’t do well with opioids, goodness knows what will happen on chemo.
I remember reading on Dr Liz O’Riordan’s Twitter or blog about an anti sickness called Emend for when all others fail. Worth asking if you can try this if you haven’t already.
@naughty boob I was never sick after surgery thankfully, though I did have difficulty sitting up to eat for several weeks afterwards. Used to get terrible chest pain.
I was just hoping for a better recovery this second round, and instead got worse! The benefit has been that I’ve felt a lot less nauseous on day 3 this time than I did last time. Immediately after each cycle though I keep thinking that I can’t do another one. But hopefully I’ll get there!
Good luck with your own treatment
@Guida So thoughtful thinking of me. The rash is still there but disappears when I lie down so I think it’s a vascular thing and hoping it won’t interfere with chemo!
Cording is still there also but vessel bumps are showing in my upper arm now and still very painful if I try to stretch.
Have you heard when your treatment will start ? It’s normal to feel down. This is such a difficult journey and we are all here to support each other.
@Guida So sorry to hear about potential delay. Hoping its sorted ?. I love your red angel. That gives me hope of what I have head.
Big hug to you and hope we can all lift you up, xxxx
My feelings and sentiments exactly. My life was full and busy and I never planned ‘illness’ time. Same as you, I want to hide in a monastery being zen and then come out the other side ‘revitalised’. The drugs are to fight the cancer but the potential side effects varies. As long as they do the job, leave the organs and systems intact with no long-term deficiencies, I will bear the lot and take it one step at the time as rushing ahead can be overwhelming.
I want to thank each one of you in this forum for sharing your experiences, thoughts, fears, tips etc which I have found invaluable and comforting.
Sending you all love, light, hugs, best wishes and success for your own unique journeys ?
Hi Beeza66
I was too with my first session, but seriously, there’s nothing to worry about, i think it’s like anything, it’s the unknown. Also, if your chemo team are as good as mine, they make me feel like i’m the first person to ever have had it done.
Good luck
Keep posted
xx
@kar3n I agree about chemo teams. They are amazing. My chemo was yesterday and a long one, because the doctor forgot to sign the paperwork and one of the drugs which is made at the hospital labs had a rogue particle and needed to be chucked and re made. So that meant a 9 hour day. I was exhausted but the doctor gave me a mild relaxant, I drifted off to sleep and final home made drug arrived, we started and 30 minutes later job done. I felt like strong woman - even if I did lie down on the sofa when I got home and wake up 6 hours later!! No one dared move me!!
our bodies and our minds are tough and with each other here we can do this through the ups and downs. I chatted yesterday to a 27 year old - i just wanted to wrap her in a warm duvet. No one should do this at any age but so young. Yet what a girl. Feisty and full off life and we chatted about how to keep that because it is still fundamentally who she is. Cancer can’t rob us of our personalities.
i hope you are all doing ok and wrapped in your virtual duvets xxxx
@Dhillman Thanks for saying all of that. So much in what you say to support our positive mindsets and its helping me to learn through this extraordinary time.
really appreciated and I’d join you in the monastery and emerge zen. A great analogy! ?
xxx
Dear @kar3n and @rachel60 and pink ladies.
Has anyone lost concentration ? I lost my passport (in my house) and yesterday was awful!
I found my perfect wig it looked fabulous on me and I so wasn’t expecting it too as it was free (from the NHS). I was so delighted as it brought out the best in me. Well silly me got distracted and as I went to get off the train I bumped into someone I knew. I chatted half the way home until I realised - I’d left the wig (in a box in a plastic bag) on the train !! I logged it with lost items and tried to chase the train stations to find if anything had been handed in but it was too late.
I panicked but really it was so upsetting, Think I’m very anxious about starting chemo next week and my family are all leaving for month on 6th august to Spain,
My friends are organising an August rota to be here for me and I must say my friends have been better than my family in all of this. We pink ladies are all on the same damn journey and the support here is fab.
@Beeza66 i certainly have. I forget what I’m talking about mid sentence. And lose stuff. I managed to leave my wallet behind fortunately at a friend’s house. Really frustrating but brain fog is normal if you think what we are all going through.
we’ll all be here for you next week. Take it really slowly and ask anything of chemo nurses. We are doing this for the first time but they do it every day for years. Great you have a friends rota. That will really help!
hope you can do something nice this weekend.
xxx
Thank you @rachel60 @Florence_87 @Beeza66 @kar3n @Dhillman for your kind words and supportive comments. It has been really stressful not knowing when my next cycle is…it was booked for Friday (yesterday) but it was canceled Tuesday because of the strike. I received a notification for an infusion for the 28th of July ? that’s a 2 week delay…I phoned yesterday twice to the medical unit and breast nurse to know if there was a mistake… Nobody knew and they told me they would call me back. Nobody did. My last cycle should have been end of July. I have flights booked (pre diagnosis) for the 16th of August to see my mum, my family, and friends (I live abroad). I felt miserable, the worst day since my diagnosis. I don’t feel like talking to anyone and canceled all the plans for the weekend. My blood pressure shot up, my bowels packed up, and have cried all day. Another example that your mind controls the body…sorry for the rant ?
Dear @Guida
You poor poor thing. I know how you feel. There is nothing worse than waiting and not getting answers in this treatment. It drives up the anxiety and depression. Especially when you have treatment planned and it’s cancelled and then it’s impossible to get in touch with anyone to get answers. Hold on in there!
It must be so hard for you away from your family at this time. I really hope you can get to see them.
I’m sure I’ll have days when I want to crawl under the mat forever. Thank goodness you were able to write and come this platform. We are all here for you. You will crawl out of this at some stage and be stronger than ever.
@Guida @So sorry to hear about the delay and I would be incredibly frustrated too if I had pre-booked plans.
Will you still go, how will that impact insurance? It’s important to see family but it’s also incredibly important to care for yourself and not raise the stress hormones (not conducive to healing).
The best thing I have learnt is to let go of ‘expectations’. Treatments get booked and cancelled for numerous reasons. We are all at the mercy of this. Strike, short staffed, holiday season, our blood work, side effects etc etc …all impact.
Is it possible to move with the flow so it does not cause additional turmoil? We only hurt ourselves if we don’t let go of expectations. I know it’s easier said than done.
Let the tears come when they come. I hope you feel less ‘burdened’. Some clarity is needed to decide who or what you are going to focus on moving forward.
Never apologise for saying things to get them off your chest or ‘rant’ as you called it. I think all of us here have earned the right to do so.
Don’t be so hard on yourself and take good care x
Oh you poor love @Guida . That is tough and lets hope they do it earlier and you get back some time. They need to phone and that is not good to leave you in limbo. Do you have a MacMillan nurse or someone similar you can contact?
anyone of us in that situation would be the same so your reaction is totally normal. Think what we are all going through physically and mentally - is huge!
i know when I’ve needed to shout at the world, I have gone out for walks and looked at the sky, trees, grass, flowers and tried to find some peace even if for moments. I’ve put headphones in and sung at the top of my lungs - shout by tears for fears is my current favourite. I am that neighbourhood rapidly balding strange woman but in that moment I don’t care because I need to off load.
all I can do is send you a huge virtual hug. And thank you for posting because its not easy when its all rubbish. But our group is really like finding a lovely warm duvet waiting for us each day
Hope you will let us know what happens on Monday. A friend said to me yesterday, who has just finished her chemo, we have to be our own advocates and willing to push when the system doesn’t work.
xxxx
@Guida I’m so sorry to hear that Friday was cancelled and they have not done a good job a rescheduling your next appointment. I can totally understand the frustration when you have made plans, don’t ever apologise for being upset, hurt or angry. The anxiety this is causing won’t help in your healing but I hope you get answers on Monday. Try to do something nice to distract yourself this weekend. ?
@Beeza66 Great news you found your perfect wig but sorry to hear you left it on the train. Hopefully it will be returned soon. I’m so pleased you have a great friendship group that are going to help you out. ?
@rachel60 sorry to hear your session was 9 hours long, it must be really frustrating. I know the staff try their best but it can be hard when you need to get back for kids, pets etc. ?
Thinking of you all. You’re doing great. You are strong.xx
im so sorry to hear that you’ve had such a difficult time, I do hope they can give you a new appointment tomorrow, so at least you know what’s going on. And I hope that you get to see your family very soon.
things just don’t always go to plan- I went the the Marsden at Sutton last Tuesday to get a Picc line put in but after an hour of trying they gave up- apparently I have thick veins! So I’ll have to go back again this week- just hoping that they can do it this time. But I went and sat in the lovely Maggies centre and had a coffee afterwards which calmed me down. One day at a time. Sending hugs to all the brave ladies here xx
Dear @Artylady
Poor you! Thick veins that’s a new one I haven’t heard about ? How frustrating for you. I sure hope they can fit one ok for you.
I’m well scared as I start my first cycle of chemo this wed. I’m not sure about pic line as I thought I had good veins but guess one never knows!