@nicd congratulations on finishing your treatment!! I’m so glad you had a good celebration treat afterwards.
Biscuits eaten and this morning have been replaced by another box which will probably be eaten before Christmas too 
3 Likes
@nicd
We did the war of the world thing, being big fans. It was so brilliant!’
Congratulations
1 Like
Whooo @nicd you’re done… what a big relief! Hope everyone else doing ok with ops and follow up pains and meds and any other thing that might crop up for any of us!!! @pat glad you survived the powercut, I too presumed you’d eaten the biccies in the dark!!!
So only another 15 days until Xmas… I sort of can’t believe it. What a bloody year for us all. It still all feels a bit like a dream. Whenever I mention it to anyone, it’s like I’m describing someone else … perhaps that’s a way of distancing myself from it otherwise it may all just be a bit too much and I’ll start sobbing! I have told myself that December is PARTY MONTH and family holiday to Lapland on Boxing Day (the holiday that at one point was going to be cancelled so pheww) but January is more reflective with the moving on course and naturally the no drinking/eating/breathing vibe of the NY!!!
I’ve been quite thoughful this weekend, fuelled by more champers. I met with friends this weekend which got me thinking etc… etc… after ages chatting about me (of course!!), they moved on to chatting about the usual middle age, middle class angst stuff and I had this realisation that I may never be able to join in with this sort of small stuff ever again…maybe that’s short lived but it felt sort of freeing to know that I don’t need to really worry about the things they were chatting about. Not sure that will make me a popular friend in the future as I did feel like shouting out ‘NONE OF IT MATTERS’!!! … but maybe this is one positive thing out of all this… maybe… anyone else had such thoughts? Or am I drinking too much and thinking too much, ha ha…
Anyway… .happy week and love to all xx
4 Likes
Thank you for the cheers and support guys…
@donna_51 I do think this is a year that will take some time to process. I havent had time to think too much or talk to many people since finishing, but i know i was feeling ‘odd’ for the past month or so. Have counselling later this month and the online moving forward course in Jan, hopeful they will help a bit. As you tell people lots, just go easy and gently with yourself…
Ive got friends who have had BC in past and i am finding it hard even with them, so thinking its my perspective and processing. The lack of sleep and fatigue dont help…but im just trying to go with it. I feel i may need to give in to busying soon and flop, but thats what Christmas is for!
Anyone who’s had RT, did your side effects get worse post it? Ive got a rash across my boob and collar bone and on my back shoulder, itchy and sore and wasnt there last week! Its achey too but that was happening before and just have to exercise and loosen each morning…
2 Likes
Morning @nicd … yes, my skin was absolutely fine for a week or so after RT, religiously applying the gel etc… but then bizarrely had an itch which felt no-where near the Radio bits that turned into a real patch of dry, cracked skin. I just added gel and moisturiser and now it’s gone. The main issue was trying not to itch it… that was hard!!!
I agree… this year will take time for my brain to catch up and process. Too many thoughts and feelings flying around at the moment. Hopefully they’ll calm down at some point - I love the idea of flopping. Going to plan some of that I think xx
3 Likes
@nicd I’ve not had a rash so far but occasionally a bit itchy above my chest and an itchy nip a couple of days 
So just moistured more with my MooGoo and it settled down. Still have an achy stiff shoulder though. If you haven’t done already I’d call the RT team for advice re the rash. That’s what they told me to do if I developed any issues as they said the side effects could still develop a few weeks on from finishing. I got a call from them on Friday to check everything ok. She said the same then too. Hope it settles down soon.x
3 Likes
Thanks guys, sure its normal. Ill keep slathering the moo goo, but will call if it doesnt get better.
Thanks for the sanity check.
2 Likes
Hi all. I hope everyone is OK and enjoying their social engagements and Christmas preparations!!
I went to see the surgeon today for the results from my surgery. He got good margins around both lumps. He removed 8 lymph nodes and one was affected, which we already knew about. All the others were clear. So now it’s waiting for the end of December for the Oncologist, but it will be radiotherapy to the breast but not the axilla. Also, Letrazole, zoledronic acid infusions and Abemacyclib 
Is anyone else on these last two?
5 Likes
Thats good news @pat , glad margin is good and the nodes ok. Sorry I’m on different treatment so cant help. Hope someone else can…
As others have said, fascinating/scary how different places seem to operate and treat so differently! I cant think too much about it otherwise does my head in.
I had Lumpectomy and 1 node removed (precaution, before surgery i was told they didnt think in my nodes). After op, was in my node and higher proliferation than they first thought. The other nodes were all left , but chemo and radiotherapy to boob and axilla, and now on tamoxifen.
If i let myself think too much, i worry is it still in me in those nodes and has travelled…the onc has told me hes happy its gone but my head says he cant KNOW this, even if i feel nuked to pieces! Breathe…and try to trust i guess
Love to everyone x
2 Likes
@nicd it’s astonishing how your brain can convince you of things. By the time i got in the room with the surgeon yesterday i was convinced he had taken out 68 nodes and they were all affected As you have had radiotherapy to the axilla, plus the chemo, then I’m sure any stray cells, if they’re ever were any, will have been mopped up. I think they know a lot about how the cancer cells are behaving so they can be confident in the treatments they prescribe 
They can’t KNOW it but even when everything has been removed with surgery they can’t KNOW it won’t recur. They can only give you things that have been proved over and over again to work but, annoyingly, we’re all different and react differently to treatment!!
Love to all. Hope you’re all have a good day. We’re off too see Father Christmas. Taking granddaughter along as a cover to be allowed to get into his grotto
3 Likes
@pat glad you got some good news re the margins and nodes. Can’t help re the meds I’m afraid, just on Tamoxifen for now. Have a lovely time with Santa and your granddaughter 
@nicd think we had had similar treatments didn’t we. The way I try and get my head round having RT to the nodes, I was given the choice of RT or surgery and in my circumstances was told would be the same outcome whichever I did otherwise they wouldn’t give me the choice, is to trust the science and the reassurance of the oncologist and also the RT doctor I spoke to. Although, part of me found it hard not to have that reassurance of them physically being able to check nodes like they can with surgery. Now that my physical treatment is done I’m just trying to not think too much about it, which is most unlike me as I am an over thinker and worrier normally, but I think after this awful year I just want to focus on getting my life back. I’m just waiting for my review appointment to come through with my oncologist now. Going to do that moving forward course too in the new year to help get my mind in the right place too.
Has anyone’s finger nails gone dodgy. The Xmas nail wraps have had to come off as I now have a dodgy thumb nail to go with my other nail that partly split. I maybe should have waited a bit longer but thought my finger nails were ok. Just when you think you’re coming out the other side of the chemo side effects 
3 Likes
@wjs and @nicd I wasn’t given a choice about the lymph node surgery as I had a proven affected node right from the beginning. Well I could have refused but you know what I mean. He did a full axillary clearance in the hope of avoiding radiotherapy to the axilla as my lymphoedema risk was increased because of the surgery so I’d have had a double whammy. I think you just have to trust them in the end and I do. I’m presuming the Oncologist will not say anything different.
I too am trying to compartmentalise it all as thinking about it all at once is too mich. Didn’t think about surgery until chemo was done, didnt think about radiotherapy until surgery was done. I’ve not thought much about the hormone treatments and wont until after Christmas. Its hard to put it away in a box but I’m trying!
3 Likes
@wjs I’m glad youve mentioned about the nails as its helped me to make up my mind not to have Christmas nails done. I have no splits but the third that’s grown up from the cuticle has ridges in and dry bits so I’d rather not risk it. My nails had gone a weird colour - like i smoke 200 a day and the bit that’s newly grown is the right colour but stripy
3 Likes
Good news about the clear margins @pat I don’t have my follow up from surgery until next week so hope to find out more then.
Hope you get to see Santa in his grotto! 
and your granddaughter loves it too!
I’ve got lots of ridges on my nails too but they’re bearing up okay otherwise, for the moment anyway!
@pat yes we just have to trust what they tell us don’t we which is hard - especially as all our circumstances are different and so mostly we all get different treatment options. Re the nails, mine were just a bit discoloured but otherwise strong so thought they’d be ok as just nail wraps, so I would wait a bit longer if I were you. Mine look awful at the moment
3 Likes
@jojoh I hope goes well with you follow up with the surgeon …
I thoroughly enjoyed my visit to Father Christmas and so did my little granddaughter
4 Likes
Thanks for the pep talk @pat @wjs …you’re right, we do have to have trust, or question it at the times we can.
Re the nails, mine lifted on quite a few nails post chemo , not during, and are very ridgy. I just keep them v short… my nurses did tell me to expect that, and can paint them at home. Im thinking i might pamper myself on my rest day tomorrow. …
Hope santa thought youd been a good girl @pat …!
4 Likes
Thank you @pat, it’s a nervy wait. Have now been referred to the lymphoedema clinic for swelling in my hand!
What a lovely photo, it looks so Christmassy and glad your granddaughter had a lovely time x
2 Likes