Just diagnosed and wanting to talk to people who understand

Diagnosed yesterday.Feeling all at sea,how the hell am I going to get through this.Feel like I want to keep this private at least for a while but realising that complete random strangers will end up knowing I have cancer which I hate.Don’t want my son who is doing his exams to know or my very elderly father so having to keep secrets from people close to me.Not easy.My husband fell apart yesterday,today I think he is at loss how to help.Friends I have told keep coming out with platitudes ,they mean well but can’t possibly understand.Cant remember half of what I was told yesterday when I went for results of biopsy.Have lumpectomy 24th June then will know more about treatment after that.So many practical things to sort out when least able to deal with things.Would help to touch base with someone who really understands.

Big breath time right? xxx you will get a lot of support on here - Ive just logged on the first time in many months…was diagnosed in November last year …bit of a long story but bilateral mx in Jan and just had my fourth chemo (two left).  The waiting for a clear treatment plan is very hard and trying to protect others is difficult too.  Ditto children doing GCSEs, son in first year at uni and elderly parents who I had to tell over the phone in the end.  I remember logging onto this site in a state of blind panic but have met such lovely amazing friends through it and you will too xxx   You, your husband, your family will all learn that this is going to be OK xxxxx just wanted to send some hugs as you have just posted and it can feel a very lonely place in those early days.  Everyone here definitely understands and there is always someone here who can answer random questions even in the middle of the night, also provide much needed smiles when you feel low.  Take it a day at time for now - it does get better x  lots love xxxx

Jill, I remember well how you are feeling just now.  You want action and speedy action too.  It will work out in the end.  Once you get grading type etc and the treatment plan you will start to settle and simply get on with it.  There are good treatments available so keep positive.  Dont read too much on the internet only recent information and wait until you know what you are dealing with.  Good luck and take care. 

Hi Jill1998 and welcome to the BCC forums

Along with the support you have found here, please,feel free to call our helpliners, they are on hand with practical and emotional support for you on 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 during the week and 10-2 Saturdays

I am posting a link to the BCC ’ Just diagnosed’ area, here you will find further support ideas and information which I hope will help:


Take care
Lucy BCC

Hi jill deffo one day at a time! Am post WLE and node biopsy, waiting for chemo. Google worst idea!! The info links on here are good, and info from the doc. The thought that got me through first few days…cancer I got you (and plenty ruder!) you don’t get to take me. It is crap and scary, but you have docs, nurses, and you will get a plan, its a fight but you found it. I find it hard that family etc got so upset, but they love you and it hurts. I normally like to be the one looking after everyone else, and this means they need to care for you, and you have to let them. Good luck for 24th x

Hi Jill1998

Sending you virtual hugs. We all know exactly how you feel. The waiting is the worse part but you will get lots of support from the lovely ladies on here. Treatment for BC has advanced so much in recent years. I’ve had 2 lumpectomies and a SNB and both were not nearly as bad as I thought. I went home a few hours after mine and didn’t have much discomfort at all. Very important to do the exercises they give you, makes a lot of difference. Make sure whoever is driving you home brings a pillow to cushion the seatbelt, just feels a bit more comfortable. You will find a way through it all, although you feel scared and overwhelmed at the moment. It’s a big shock and everyone reacts differently. I’ve had some meltdowns believe me and it still feels very surreal, 6 months down the line. My OH was also very affected by it and struggled to come to terms with it. We have periods when we talk about it and then times when we don’t want to. Telling people is always a difficult thing, especially your children, but I think you’ll be surprised at how strong they can be. Anyway, enough rambling! Keep posting. This forum has been so important to me and I’ve made some lovely virtual friends. They understand how you feel when no one else does. Xx Francine

Hi Jill So sorry you’ve joined this club …I was diagnosed last July and like you was so very scared and like you mostly worried about the impact of my illness on my loved ones. I couldn’t sleep and thought of little else. My beautiful stepson was killed in 2009 and I felt so responsible for bringing do much upset to my family again with my cancer. But just to say my lovely, ten months on and I go days without even thinking about me having cancer. You’ll find treatment fine and you’ll be strong again …yes its changed me and Id be a liar to say that cancer drugs are a breeze but most of the changes in me are bloody great and I never sweat the small stuff anymore!! I think however hard it seems staying positive is half the battle Good Luck xx

I received my biopsy results on Election Day. Please just keep thinking positive, I won’t tolerate negatives. Keep yourself busy as much as you can - it’s those moments and times when alone when it gets harder.

Hi Jill

I was diagnosed on May 5th, had to have an MRI scan which thankfully came back clear, having my op on 8th June. Like everyone here on this site the reaction to being told is the same. I am trying very hard to not think about it, still feel like its happening to someone else and not me. I received a phone call from a lady I know who had to have her breast removed on Tuesday, when she phoned she sounded so positive , I hope I will feel the same when I’ve had my op, it might feel real then. I agree with all the other ladies, keep busy and stay positive . x 

Hi Jill, I was diagnosed in march and have felt every emotion you are feeling, you don’t want the world and his wife knowing your business but you do need support so telling a few close family members and friends can be a real help, my husband has been amazing and has kept me sane as have a couple of my best friends, there are still plenty of people who don’t know and that’s the way I like it, I’ve been fortunate enough not to need chemo and am currently going though radiotherapy following a lumpectomy and SNB and it’s all be pretty straight forward, the op isn’t any where near as bad as you may think and I was on my way home withimg a few hours of surgery feeling fine, your emotions will be all over the place but time and knowledge will help your mental state no end and I’m now feeling pretty much normal and looking forward to having a lovely holiday to recover from it all! Take things one day at a time and as others have said there will always be someone here to help and listen, it’s a horrendous shock but things do get better , take care love Jo xx

Hi Jill, just want to wish you masses of love and xxxx as suggested already, stay strong ! And positive. It will help, and the further you go on the more you will cope. I  am post rads 5 weeks now and not doing bad. The ladies on here are aabsolutely fantastic, so make sure you speak out to us all. You must learn some calming tips, please. Oh and as you go through your treatment, make up a story to tell. I  envisaged James Bond was coming to rescue me off the rads machine and when I told the girls on here they quite rightly thought I was bonkers. Seriously, you will be fine Jill, remember you are a very special lady. Xxxxx

Oh got to be Robert Redford for me! He just gets better with age, wish I did!!

Hi Jill, I was diagnosed on the 20th May and my surgery is the 16th June. I can so identify with your feelings - two weeks on I am not crying so much but it is still SO,So hard to carry on as normal. My children are older than yours but it was still terrible telling them about my diagnosis. I still haven’t told most of my friends and I am finding it hard to deal with the questions of the ones that do know. I’ve received some lovely messages from women going through the same thing so I think that this forum really helps - especially when you are in the space of feeling so lonely. I’m thinking of you wherever you are and wishing you peace of mind as you start your journey back to health. Jennifed x

Hi Girls.

Your words really resonate with me. I too had the sleepless nights at the start of treatment until after my surgery and thought id never be able to get a decent nights sleep again with all the worry!

I had my surgery in March and just starting rads now. Day 2 done. I only told a very tight circle when first diagonsed as i couldnt deal with it and needed time myself to deal with it before sharing with others.

I found things got much better after surgery it was a relief and i was finally able to sleep again. Sending everyone of you big hugs xx

Tell people when you feel ready. Its all too easy not to put yourself first but this BC rollercoaster teaches you to do just that. As another lady put it on another thread BC sorts out the wheat from the chaff in terms of work colleagues, friends, family etc. When u get further on in treatment after surgery everyday moans and groans from ordinary people just wont affect you. You feel like you have been given a second chance in life and are determined to make the most of it xxx. Woe betide anyone that tries to put out your light and smile they just wont affect you anymore xxx

Thanks Gill and please if you want any info feel free to ask. We’re all in this together. Im starting a younger womens group at The Royal Marsden in Chelsea. I never thought id be organising groups but i feel meet up groups of fellow BC girls is so important. As i said u learn to grab every opportunity life gives you. Xx

Go for it Dee ,hope it goes well.Good to do something positive with such a c**p experience.

Thanks Gill,
Before BC came along i wasnt living i was surviving for various reasons living alone didnt help and after first dx you never forget those words…‘yes its cancer’. My world fell apart i was an anxiety ridden mess. But then my survival instinct kicked in and I felt after surgery id been given a second chance. I saw things through different eyes. I was a changed woman and it felt good. I was calmer and stronger knowing whatever life dealt me now i could deal with it. That inner self love and confidence i developed because i had to to survive had a powerful effect. It sounds a bit cliched i know but posistives do come from this if you let it xxx

Fingers crossed it works for me too!Have seen some positives as it has made me realise my partner of 25 years actually really cares for me ,he does a good job of hiding it usually !And I have some really lovely friends.Some not so great but hey !Hope you continue feeling positive ,looking forward to that feeling

Thats good u have support Gill. Dont worry too much about people who have dissapointed you with their reaction or support. I found some people want the high drama of it all and then are nowhere to be found post surgery!!!

As i said it bothers you at first but not for long! xxxx