Thanks Dee, going to watch educational TV programme now (Big Brother!)and forget about the s***ing thing for a while.
Just dragged myself through a morning at work,I work on caring profession but don’t feel like I care very much right now.Again feel like other peoples moans and groans are so small compared to this.One minute I am quite calm next I feel really scared.Still no appointment to see surgeon even though I have date for op.Dreading letter as it brings it home again what is happening ,will have to hide it under front seat in the car like my lovely handbook of breast cancer that way it can’t hurt me!!!
Hi Jill - I got my letters yesterday and my stomach churned. I’ve hidden mine in a cabinet with the china. Went to a yoga meditation class today and it killed the thinking for a couple of hours. Must be hard if you have to care for others and listen to their problems.
Girls,
I did exactly the same thing too. I shut myself off to it and hid my hospital letters too to start with, just couldn’t face it. You’re not alone i really couldnt deal with it at the start. Glad u both shared that as I felt i was going bonkers…
I am working towards bringing
them in from the car!They may need to go in the cupboard with the Christmas decorations after that…
I’m coming towards the end of my 3 weeks of rads now after being diagnosed in early March and there are still plenty of people who have no idea what I’ve been going through and that’s how I like it, once I knew what treatment I was having I didn’t feel the need to make a huge statement about it, we gradually told close family and friends and the people I work with who are mainly family and close friends anyway so I had no problem with them knowing and they have all be fantastic, it’s a personal journey I’ve found and although I’ve had masses of support I’ve done things my way, I don’t want pity looks from everyone, I want to be able to walk around my local supermarket without feeling everyone is feeling sorry for me, I feel absoloutly fine and other some stress related weight loss you wouldn’t know there was anything wrong with me!
The early days of diagnosis were sheer hell but I’m coming out the other side now and I Can tell you ladies life feels wonderful again! Love and best wishes to you all going through this crap but the sun does shine again 
Love Jo xx
Hi ladies.
I didn’t have the classic ‘finding a lump’ scenario but noticed the tiniest pucker in my boob, which was only visible sometimes. Thought it was just a side effect of losing weight but I decided to get it looked at by my GP. She immediately referred me to the Breast Clinic. Still convinced when I got there that it was nothing. Turned out to be Grade 3 invasive BC and i was completely gobsmacked. It was as if it was happening to somone else or a very bad dream, which I’d wake up from soon. I was immediately terrified and in denial, cried a lot and keeping up a front for my customers (i run my own business) was the hardest thing. Every time someone asked if I was keeping well, it was 'oh yes, fine thanks, what else could I say. For some reason it started to feel like I was keeping some nasty secret, which wan’t helpng me get my head around it at all. Now I’m not saying that I told every Tom, **bleep** and Harry (!) but after having a thought provoking chat with a good friend, I decided to tell a few people outside my immediate family that i had been diagnosed with BC, if they asked me if I was OK. Clearly, it was obvious to some that I was not my normal self. Everyone is different of course in how they deal with a diagnosis of BC and there have been some days that I’ve found it hard to deal with. However, I can only say that from my experience (diagnosed in January, had 2 WLEs and a SNB and am awaiting more surgery) that getting those books and appointment letters out of the car (!) and actually facing them, helped me come to terms with it and move on. Once your treatment actually starts, you just seem to get on with it and nothing is as bad as you thought it would be. It’s the waiting that’s the worst and so messes with your head. Everyone on this forum has been so supportive and it’s been my lifeline. Just talking to others who feel like you is fantastic and you can share your feelings without having to worry about upsetting your partner or children. Take heart, you will come out the other side and gain a completely new perspective on life. Sending you all virtual hugs. Xx Francine
Yes ,privacy to come to terms with this in your own way is important I think ,although the people asking how are you who don’t know is a killer,one day for a laugh I am going to say actually I’m not ok I have breast cancer and freak a few people out!I am working towards bringing book in out of car! I am feeling a lot more accepting than I was this time last week but still having some " I’m not going to know my Grandchildren " moments of hysteria .thanks all for your support and advice.
My husband likes to wear bandanas in the summer and is going bald ,I’m guessing at some point in the next few months depending on what treatment I have he will think I am copying him!
Good Morning ladies
How lovely to be able to speak freely with you all! I found that having all my letters, booklets etc and a kind of diary in a folder has helped me an awful lot. Scatterbrained at the best of times it lets me keep track of where I was on a certain date and the diary just allows me to track how I was feeling in general at any particular time and silly things really
It’s been a week and and a half now since I had my lump removed and waiting for the pathology report in 18th June, I have taken on a fresh attitude to life, my son has a Fitbit so he bought me one as well so I can track my calories, miles walked etc,my brother and sister in law got them as well and we are all sending “cheers” to each other when we hit a target we have set.
It’s still difficult meeting people, for example I was out walking yesterday and bumped into a lady from along my street asked if I was on holiday. I thought I could wave it off and said , no just recovering from surgery and she said oh whats’s wrong? I blurted out breast cancer and she looked absolutely horrified and wished she’d never asked! I just kept striding along waving as I went lol
Good to talk to you and hope we can all stick together here to support one another in any way possible love to you all. Sheena xx
I think I will tell the window cleaner he has just asked how I am from 10 feet up a ladder what do you think?
No I am tying things up at work before I go off for op,finding it a struggle to concentrate.luckily I only work part-time.
Yes that’s fine.I have another 2.5 weeks to go.May finish work earlier and take some leave before that as not sure if can keep up pretence, only couple of colleagues and my boss know and to be honest my motivation is nil.
Good plan!
Then akin to swan lake a bright new swan will appear after all this is done. A beautiful swan who wont get affected by people mundane woes and general maladies. Now i have a job not laughing when people complain of minor illnesses and how awful they feel. Their patheticness makes me inwardly smile and thank myself i’m not like that. BC does make u chill out about minor stuff Xxxx
I am sitting park in sunshine watching the baby ducks and my dog playing.Have taken a photo to remind me of a peaceful scene for times ahead when I need to go my happy place!
That sounds idyllic , I found a waterfall after my last post and took a video of it,funny how things like that suddenly seem more beautiful and important now .
Cheers K,I will read the article and I have asked friends who have been supportive for their help.I have also decided to be kind to myself ,I am not very good at that usually. Sod it if you can’t be kind to yourself when you have cancer when can you!Thanks for our support.
Ah Kilimanjaro, am now visualising you in your bandana, very bohemian I think. How was the lovely LRI onc dept?! Had my BRCA test last week, wonderful parking again, not. Now a 6-8 week wait for results. Spent this afternoon osprey watching at Rutland Water, lovely day. X
Treated myself to some new earrings and a large bar of chocolate ,have decided I will have treat after every horrible appointment or procedure.Forced myself to look at post surgery bras in M and S but couldn’t face buying one.