Hi ladybowler
thank you for your post, it’s great to hear all these stories.
ive just had a call from breast imaging, the MRI I had on 31st Dec showed ‘another area’ so I now need yet another US to see if they see it too, or have already seen it… I think she said!
It feels like you take 1 step forward, 2 steps back sometimes! xx
Thanks Helena! I need plenty of hugs right now!
its so frustrating as I just want to know what I’m looking at! My boobs hurt now but don’t know if it’s all in my head! xx
Pinkloz83 I’m the same - twinges here and there thinking what’s that? My left arm has hurt for a year now, couldn’t pick up a coffee jar - even went to A&E as thought I MUST have fractured it but they said it was repetitive strain from work - is a lot better now but still hurts upper arm and of course now my head is linking it! Even had a bath tonight and thought if I soak my boob long enough under the water the lump might shrivel up and go! The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes we have to remember that xx
Thanks girls, you’re words of support are amazing
i feel like my boob has started to swell now too! Is the lump getting bigger now I’ve noticed it?! I mean I’ve had a couple of biopsies in that area, the last one a week ago
don’t you have days where you forget about it all, or just put it to the back of your mind, an dare I say actually laugh at something?! then all of a sudden you find yourself imagining being on your death bed! Arrgghhhh!! Not having a good night tonight! xx
Hi Pinkloz,
have been reading your journey with interest. yes, I do have days like that, even 16 years later. When I was at your stage, I went through a really bad time. I had a lobular cancer lump of 8x7 cms! It had also spread to my armpit lymphnodes and the soft tissue around those lymph nodes. 12 out of 13 were affected, they didnt manage a good margin, and I was given a poor prognosis.
in those days lobular cancer was hard to see as it doesnt show up on mammos, so mine was missed the year before my diagnosis.
I remember being so very scared and retired from my job on health grounds ( NHS) however, here I am 16 years later! I remember scouring the forums, asking if there were any ladies with so many lymph nodes like me, who had lived a long time…and there were! After my initial treatment, I had about 10 years being cancer free before it returned. I eventually went back to work again, but had done loads of study and a couple of degrees meanwhile, just to keep myself positive.i hope you find this encouraging.xxx
love and hugs,
Moijan???
Oh Pinkloz, was going to add that after having biopsies it would be quite normal for swelling and inflammation
to be present in that area…would be very unusual if there werent, try not to worry, but you can always get it checked if things dont improvexx
Moijan???
Oh moijan thank you so much for that - that’s my diagnosis and I feel like I’m gonna live now … thank you thank you thank you - at 16 years is amazing by anyone’s book after being told bc and in nodes - I was a gonna and now I’m gonna live - thank you ( sorry to be out but I’ve been waiting for this) xxxxxxxxxxxxx and to all girlies on here big (((hugs))) xxxx
Also pink and Alex - same here, arm aches and shoulder and I’m sure it’s been for over a year - pins and needles too … also my boob is now massive , blue veiny and still sore a week after biopsy - nurse did say yesterday , that’s normal and aches and pains are common and not necessarily to do with my boob / biopsy or bc … … I still worry though - roll on MRI and results and plan eh xxx
Moijan thank you for your wonderful post x
Moijan you’re an inspiration, it just makes me keep telling myself that yes the next few months are going to be hell but I can have a life afterwards!
im really not having a good couple of days, I’m telling myself that because I have this now, I’ll end up dying younger! And even if I do get rid now, it will just come back and I’ll have to go through all this again. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life worrying 
im feeling incredibly morbid today! I sometimes get these moments of wanting to run away and just ‘take my chances’! In that I don’t want any of this, I want to rewind time and make a conscious effort to check my breasts from being 18! Xx
Hi Lou, thank you for your post! There’s so much support on here I love it.
What stage are you at now in the ‘process’? I wish I was well on my way and have light at the end of the tunnel… this really is the worst time. It has to be! xx
Even though I’ve seen my consultant I still don’t feel much wiser! They just seem to be throwing every treatment at me. I guess I haven’t caught it ‘early’… that’s all I’m thinking anyway. I wish I could just have a lumpectomy and rads
I have my sentinel nose biopsy on Monday, I’m hoping after that I’ll get more info and I can press on with this b**ch!
Xx
We seem to be at a similar stage in the process Pink - like the radiologist said to me at my ultrasound “you have to look at this as a positive that we have found it” - now found they can deal with it. Makes me wonder how many women are out there walking around and not knowing - exactly like I was prior to my invite for trial screening - I wouldn’t have gone, had no symptoms but was chosen at random to be screened. I only moved areas 6 months earlier… who knows if I was still living where I had lived from 2005-2015 I wouldn’t have been chosen by another health trust?? It’s fate, it’s meant to be. I’m 49 and they said I may not have been called until I was 53 (depending on when my birthday fell). It’s all about getting into “task mode” and telling yourself this is going to be treated with the excellent treatment they have nowadays. My husband took his mum to her hospital appointment (cardiac) today and it’s on the same hospital site as the breast unit and he bumped into an old work colleague whose wife is having BC treatment and she’s doing great! Hail our NHS for looking after us I say ?
Pink, hopefully you are feeling a little better? Hope Monday went well?
Yes even I have the odd day like that…we still get worries
and late at night, in your head, on your own…well thats the worst time.
I found my friends were the very best people to chat to, I try to ‘park’ worries when
they hit me at night…tell myself theres nothing I can do at that moment, and agree
to worry about them when I wake up…somehow worries during the daytime are
easier to cope with!
hugs, Moijanxx
Hi Moijan
Thank you for thinking about us :)
Monday went well, feel a bit sore and tender though! It was touch and go whether they did it cos I’ve had such a bad chesty cough lately, but I just wanted it over with!
So 2 weeks now to results… :-(
had a really bad day on Sunday, just felt so low, was crying to my mum and husband that I just didn’t want to do any of it! I didn’t feel strong enough to cope with the next few months.
Hows everyone else doing?xx
Hi Pink…I absolutely am with you on the ‘not wanting to do any of it’ have felt that a few times now…I think we may go through a kind of mourning process…not sure, but it feels like we just dont want to accept it and then we can get depressed…
I wish I could say something that would make it easier…but what will help is that once your treatment plan is well under way… You will feel a bit better…usually we feel more in control and can forward plan…its the uncertainty thats hardest, not knowing xx
hoping you now have some really good days to buck you up. Will look in to see how things go…
hugs, Moijan??? xx
Yes you are all very lovely…such a lucky lot to have each otherxx
thank you Helena…love to you tooxx
Thank you Moijan & Helena ?
I have my oncology appointment this afternoon… should be fun?! Can’t wait to hear all about the horrific side effects ?
I also have an appointment with Reproductive Medicine tomorrow morning, it’s all happening!
Alex - how are you getting on? xx
Good luck Pink. Come back later and let us know how it went xx