Hello all, after 3 days of feeling desolate after being diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, I’m looking for advice on how to keep motivated. I was treated for primary Feb 2023 so it was a shock to be diagnosed with secondary in the spine this week.
I’m now in that awful place where I’m awaiting treatment so my mind is going haywire. I wasn’t offered any support, just told to wait to be contacted about a PET scan which is needed prior to radiotherapy. It feels like everything is taking so long… any advice on how to cope at this time would be much appreciated. Thanks x
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Sorry about that.
I remember how i felt when i was just diagnosed with secondary breast cancer 2 years ago, so terribly sad and scared.
And the waiting time is devastating, i still so anxious after every scan. It is very difficult not to think about…but what I do is reading, take a walk, and do some Wim Hof breathing exercise when I feel i’m taking a panic attack…and it work pretty well.
Other than that, once you will start treatments, you will see that things will slowly adjust to a sort of new normality.
I now have my life back almost to normal, other than the day i’m in the hospital for pick up my tablet therapy and exams…
I’m sorry about that, I hope I could give you better advice, but unfortunately MBC is hard for me as well! May be somebody here have more suggestions.
Best wishes for everything and your scan
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Hi Bunty-B
I’m sorry to hear your news it’s just bloody rubbish, the thing now is treatments have advanced forward so much , keep that in mind
I do think the waiting is awful , stay strong lovely thinking of you an sending positive vibes , be kind to yourself, speak to your GP , nurse or
Someone at cancer charity there’s help from healthcare providers to talk through stuff you need support take care lovely 
XX
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The shock is enormous Bunty and you now have to go to have scans and tests which you’d rather not have, but get yourself through those and get a plan going and you’ll calm down a bit and then slowly start to live with it. I’m 18 months in, still bewildered but now realising that apart from month trips to hospital and having my phone ping to remind me to take my meds, life isn’t all that much different to when I had my SBC diagnosis. None of us know how long we’ve got left and so I just try and live for the day and try not to think about the future - I still find planning ahead difficult and upsetting so just let others do it. It’s very early days for you and I remember very clearly how panicky and desperate I felt but it’s helped me enormously to talk about it and it’s reassuring to speak to ladies who get it, rather than those who have never had cancer themselves, well meaning as they are. Some of the ladies I’ve come into contact with have been living with mets for years and still going strong. The difference I’ve found with my treatment is that it’s all given with the aim of keeping you well and most of us tolerate it better than we probably expected to.
So deep breaths and do what ever you need to do to get through the next few days, weeks and months. Sending hugs.X
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Thank you very much Amel, it is so comforting to hear from others as it’s quite lonely when you’re first diagnosed.
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Thanks very much Cool Nanny, for your helpful reply. Deep breaths and Lego, I think!
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Thank you Nikks for your kind words, it all helps me feel less alone.
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So sorry that you are here with us, but I hope you will not feel lonely in this group.
I was diagnosed de novo in June 2020 at 39 years old and was in complete shock.
I waited a long while for all the tests. I did chase the hospital a lot to make sure I didn’t get lost in the system.
I would also give the Breast Cancer Now phoneline a call, if you have not already. Just for some support.
I thought that Future Dreams House did some really nice leaflets with what questions you can ask and things like that, which I think are helpful in the early days. They also do online classes of yoga and meditation, which might help to briefly take your mind off things. Expert advice and support through a breast cancer diagnosis (futuredreams.org.uk)
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Hi @Bunty_B, I hope your day started off well today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here - you are in a safe space.
I am sorry you weren’t offered support. I wonder if one or more of our services may be useful to you. You can find more information about our face-to-face or online services here.
We have more info on living with secondary breast cancer here, in case it’s useful.
If while you await treatment you’d like to speak to one of our breast care nurses, you can reach us on freephone 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm). Our team is always here to talk things through, at your own pace.
Sending our warmest wishes
Bernard
Hi, so sorry you’re having to go through this. I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer two months ago. I’m now on Letrozol and hope it’s doing its work. Two months ago I thought my life was over. I felt horrifically scared and just thought I may as well give up. I live in The Netherlands and even had a chat to my gp about euthenasia. However, I came back from 5 days in Paris yesterday and had a fabulous time i enjoyed every moment. I’m still gutted but am getting used to a new normal. I think it’s a process we have to go through. I really hope you can find your new normal and enjoy your life to the full. Sending you all my best. X
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Thank you Shirley, I am so glad you’ve had a great time in Paris - I’ve been avoiding planning things and now I’m thinking I need to get away too. I think once I start on some treatment it may help. I’m in the waiting stage. Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot x
Hi Bunty-b how are you doing hun hope your bearing up XX
Having gloomy days and ok days which I guess is normal. Everything seems to be taking so long in terms of treatment. Feeling impatient about when things will happen, and having to keep chasing the hospital. How are you? X
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Hi, how are you doing?
Struggling to comes to terms with things still, and also the time to wait for treatment. Everything seems to take so long… I keep finding aches and pains in new areas and that sets my mind off worrying too x
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I really feel for you. Just know that you are not alone. X
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Morning Bunty-b keep your head up chick , it’s not easy I know the days where your mind wanders to the ifs and buts , be kind to yourself
You life has been turned upside down with the dreaded news no one wants to hear stay positive, and keep talking, you will get through this crazy journey
lots of love Nikk’s
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Morning Bunty, I was thinking about you this morning wjile walking my dog in the rain. It was so peaceful and the dog was chuffed with everything he sniffed. It is possible to feel happy after a diagnosis like ours. It’s up and down but it takes time. Sending a big hug. X
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Hi everyone
I also found out I have liver and spine secondaries around a month ago. I’m actually a breast cancer doctor which is a mixed blessing. I wasn’t surprised initially because I had a high risk of recurrence initially but now it’s sinking in it’s pretty hideous. I’ve stopped work because psychologically I just couldn’t do it; I don’t have any symptoms apart from side effects of capecitabine. I live on my own and am bored senseless.
How do people just get through their days with this awful uncertainty?
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Dear Caz
So sorry to read your post, I’m really sorry but I can help with your prognosis please take good care of yourself.
I’m not sure where home is for you, but I’m sure that your position as a doctor took up a lot of your time so now perhaps it’s time for you, I find when I’m a bit low a trip to London, the art gallery and building are wonderful when you have the time.
Wishing you well, fingers crossed for a good outcome. We are all here for you.
Hugs Tili 
