I feel like no one understands a single word I say - so feel maybe it is best for me to write here to a potentially familiar audience. My life is feeling like a total shit show & hopefully someone can understand or maybe even relate?
After a crap 2024 (redundancy, breakup, break down, family issues, financial challenges) I got cancer.
For almost 10 months prior to this - I kept saying to friends and family that I didn’t feel ‘right’. Everyone said it was perimenopause. Went to gp. Paid for private blood test … (I also have endometriosis) this came back with testosterone off the scale. Potential PCOS. Scan showed not PCOS but multiple fibroids. Gynae didn’t care about blood test results - just if I wanted a baby. Said she wouldn’t operate unless I planned children. In ALL my research high oestrogen & high testosterone = high risk for BC. Despite her asking me if it ran in my family (lost my grandma to bc) this was never mentioned to me.
Fastforward 6 months. Swollen boob. Go to GP. ‘Not bc’. Referred me anyway. Ping ponged around departments. 3 rounds of antibiotics. Graded a 3. Sent to day surgery as told it was a cyst. Asked for a mammogram. Told no. ‘Too young’. Yep - it was BC. IBC.
Had a new job, new relationship (awfully,he was widowed to yep cancer) and i had no financial protection. Live in london by myself with a mortage. I worked very hard for. Worked full time through chemotherapy, 3 wks off for mastectomy & the 15 rounds of radiotherapy. Was a contract. So of course- they didn’t want to keep me and gave to my counterpart.
Have a new contract which is pretty awful. I am tired and angry and washed out. Lost all health and fitness. Friends vanished and feel i should be jumping from the roof Tops. I am disconnected and lack trust in pretty much everyone and everything. Finding my sister awful - says I will be the reason mum has a heart attack. I am angry at how casually they talk about me. I am due to be 40 next month - i want to hide. I just want someone to take care of me. Everyone just gives me a hard time. My body is ruined. My future. My brain. Everything. I do not want to go back to oncology who have said the most awful things to me. I don’t want to know if it has spread.
No one will answer a question when i ask why. Everyone says something different. My head is ruined.
Firstly there’s the issues around your diagnosis. Then the breakdown of your relationship with your treatment team. Your family being less than supportive is hard. Then there’s the work issues and you’re upset about how your body now looks. On top of that you feel like your brain no longer functions properly.
It’s a lot but you’re not alone. Many here will recognise things you’re saying.
I’m going to suggest you reach out to a real person. There are the nurses here Mon-Fri and the MacMillan helpline. Maggie’s have a centre at St Bart’s if that’s close to you and you might have local charities too.
Go see your GP too. They may be able to talk you through what’s happened, prescribe something to help, signpost local support or refer you for counselling after this very traumatic experience.
You don’t say what treatment you’ve had but if you’re on hormone therapy it can cause brain fog, memory problems, anxiety and depression which may explain how you’re feeling about your brain.
Have an honest conversation with your family about how you’re feeling as they’re probably unaware how you feel.
I am so sorry you are goimg through all of this..all of your feelings are valid. I dont think people realise how hard it is unless they have been through it. I am still getting chemo but my counsellor is nearly helping to prepare me for after active treatment..she said thats the part people find the hardest. Its sounds like you are in that stage.
I would reach out for support. Connect with or reach out to your friends who you like being with. You can overcome these feelings.
I also never knew about alcohol and breast cancer risk and feel we are bombarded with alcohol at every turn, from tv to soc media, to how we socialise. And i also have a lot of anger and resentment about this never been highlighted enough. Hugs to you xx
You’re having a very difficult time, but you’re not alone.
You sound to be crippled with anxiety and fear and it’s a position we have all been in. Please reach out to the breast cancer nurses in clinic as you will find them very caring and helpful. They can explain again the full picture and can reassure you. You won’t be on your own thinking that consultants are not the easiest people to talk to and they don’t like questions. You are entitled to ask for a second opinion and your team should willingly arrange this for you.
Try not to focus on why you are in this position. You’re not broken and are stronger than you realise.
Close family don’t always respond well to cancer news. It’s not that they don’t care, they just find it difficult to see you in that situation. My own mother was like that because she just couldn’t face my diagnosis so in the end I didn’t tell her anything to protect her.
Do reach out to your sister. Perhaps she can go with you to some appointments if you need further treatment. Very often we forget what consultants say by the time we get back to the car, so it really helps to have 2 sets of ears.
Going through breast cancer diagnosis and treatment is very traumatic and counselling really helps. This can be arranged through Macmillan. The nurses in clinic can arrange this for you.
Firstly, well done on writing this post @sbee. It comes across to me like you’ve been full to the brim with crap for a long time and you’ve finally taken the lid off and allowed it to all burst out. I hope you found a little relief in just doing that for now.
Secondly, there’s not much I can add in terms of advice really because I think the previous posters have got you covered, but just to echo the most important part, there is so much help out there available for you so please use whatever you can to help yourself heal from this. x
I’m sorry things are still really hard for you. You’ve been through a huge amount of really difficult stuff, no wonder it all feels a lot.
I think you are stuck on trying to find a reason why all of this has happened to you and that seems to centre on finding the reason why you got cancer. Like you I wanted a straightforward answer. I was an alcoholic so wanted to be told directly that my shamefully high level of drinking caused my cancer (I did know it was a risk factor). I figured if I was told it was drinking then I could logically tell myself that if I don’t have alcohol again I won’t get cancer again, right? Unfortunately it isn’t that straightforward. I also have PCOS, I’m older (46 when diagnosed so in the run up to menopause), have dense breasts, used to smoke, had only just started exercising after years of inactivity. Any one or all of those things could be the reason I got cancer, equally it could simply be that I was unlucky as there will be countless other people in similar circumstances who don’t get breast cancer.
If you haven’t already I would really recommend counselling to work through all the really tough stuff you have been through. I accessed counselling through MacMillan when I was diagnosed and it was really easy to set up and incredibly helpful.
My heart goes out to you and truly hope with the right support you are able to find some peace and acceptance. x
I can feel your overwhelm and suffering from reading your post. I am really sorry you weren’t able to find someone to be that support you need in such a disorienting time. I get that it’s hard for people to understand what we are going through but providing a listening earn and empathy shouldn’t take much from people, I don’tthink. It really sucks to do this alone. I hope you are able to find your peace and work through your mental health obstacles. I have been on anxiety meds and I honestly think is helping me a lot.
Hello - I’m a year past radiotherapy, 18 months past chemo and 2 years past diagnosis. The most helpful treatment I have had was counselling. I was refered through my Macmillan BC nurse but the GP, breast cancer now and Maggies all offer counselling too. Please do book yourself in for some. It helped unlock
I can certainly relate to feeling lost, angry and broken. Sorry to hear that you have been through the mill. I can tell you what helped me through. I found EFT and it has grounded me and enabled me to look at things a different way. I use an app called the tapping solution. Sending hugs
Thank you all so so much for your kind and considered replies - it is so different speaking to this audience.
Unfortunately, i wasn’t feeling well on Monday & seem to of developed (i hope) a raging uti infection… have been in bed for days. Seems that my body cannot fight like it used to sadly and that is equally sobering at 3 fucking 9. I have antibiotics which are making me very sick & it is bringing up some of the trauma … same gp packed me off with antibiotics lastime. Xxx
The misery of a bad UTI is totally underestimated . I remember sobbing my heart out when I was about your age when I had one . It took two different antibiotics to getting anywhere near under control I had three weeks off sick from work and lost over a stone in weight . You have my sincere sympathy .
I didn’t really find that antibiotics were an effective solution as symptoms crept back once I stopped taking them . Nowadays I use a combination of D Mannose ( which can be taken alongside antibiotics ) and lemon barley water . If your infection is not e.coli though I’m not sure the D Mannose will work as well , but if it is give that a try . There are many recommendations on this site for D Mannose . xx
I feel like no one understands a single word I say -
Yup, and have you noticed how much nonsense people talk, when they have no idea what they are talking about! I found the only people who really get it are the other ladies who have bc or have been through it. Previous ladies have posted all sorts of useful comments, and I don’t have anything useful to add. Just that I feel for you. Have a big hug.
Oh that’s truly miserable. It will get better I promise, it’s just that you’re very understandably run down right now.
When you’ve finished the antibiotics take something like Actimel or Yakult to replenish your good bacteria. I find it helps with post antibiotic bloat.
Is there another GP at your practice you can see? I’m lucky that I can pick & choose depending on what I need.
Right? I dunno if it’s a generational thing or the whole instagram world we live in now, or my circle - but no one seems to be able to accept that things are just utterly s*it. Everything needs to be overcome, or some massive testament to strength or some big positive. (I don’t mean to sound ungrateful) but the reality is that I would much rather have not had to ‘live’ through this in the 1st place. . .
