Just needed to come and put my feelings down in here as I know you will understand where as at home I just feel Iām affecting everyone else..
My lumpectomy is on Monday and despite being brave and positive for two days Iām now feeling really low and scared.
Iām struggling to explain it to the husband who thinks Iām over reacting but even after the op which one minute Iām scared of and the next Iām thinking ā Oh ill just walk in the theater and the next thing Iāll be awake and it will all be over ā but the truth is its not over is it . Its another long wait for results , then treatment then the worry of will it reoccur. It feels like this ā thing ā has claimed my life and I donāt know what the future holds anymore , the plans & dreams I had may well have been taken from me .
Sorry for the depressing post , I just needed to vent on here
hello - I understand completely. I have my lumpectomy this coming Wednesday. I am scared of being put to sleep and everything else! I have already had chemo to shrink - so my journey started in June, such a long slog. Then of course itās the wait for results, always waiting ! Would love to know how you get on, sending support. jo x
Thanks for reaching out itās very much appreciated.
Congratulations on completing your chemo , how did you find it? I havenāt had to have it up to now but there is a possibility in the future as Iām Er+ HER -so am assuming they will want to oncytype it.
Itās a real whirl wind of emotions isnāt it ? One minute Iām positive ( especially after talking to people on here ) next Iām right down again and worrying about everything.
Do you mind me asking where you are in the country? xx
Sending love and solidarity to you both. I had a single mascetomy two and a half weeks ago and was so scared. I okpw exactly how you are feeling. Donāt know if this is reassuring but it was nowhere near as bad as I feared it would be and I think the waiting is way worse than the reality when it is happening. I felt so relieved and happy when it was over and you will too. Yes the waiting for the results bit is AWFUL - currently waiting myself but once the op is done you have taken a monumental step in getting well again and you will shock yourself at how doable it is. Not taking away from how horrible this whole thing is but you can do it and you will get through it. Sending love and positive vibes xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thankyou for reaching out and glad to hear your surgery went well .
Am sure your right and the thought of it is far worse than the reality . That certainly seems to be how itās been for me so far and hopefully Monday will be the same . Even though I know thatās how itās been I canāt stop myself from worrying ( no matter how much I try )
I think Iāll just be glad when Monday is over and like you say Iāve taken the first step to getting well again.
I am also ER+, HER- . My oncotype score meant I needed chemo - and it did successfully shrink the cancer thankfully. The chemo was tough, but manageable. Since finishing chemo end November have shed so much hair which I am really struggling with, I cold capped but the dose dense chemo at the end was ultimately too harsh for my hair!
As well as lumpectomy am having sentinel node dissection also.
Like you said, itās reassuring to hear how others have got through the surgery so well. Thank you @tryingnottogoogle for sharing!
Your nerves are very justified, going for surgery is not a normal thing for most of us. I just want to reassure you that youāve 100% got this. You will be so suprised once you are awake at how capable you are. It took me a while to wake up from the anesthetic, and Iām not suprised as I do like my sleep haha but once I was fully awake and had a drink in me I was on my feet and getting dressed ready to leave
Your anxiety at the moment is on high alert and thinks you are in more danger than you are. I had the same thoughts as youā¦ will I wake up? What about my children? What if surgery goes wrong? But honestly where do these thoughts get us? A lot is out of our contol and thatās partly why we are so anxious. Just remember how normal these operations are and that the people looking after us do this daily, 365 days a year
Just wanted to echo that your worries are, of course, completely normal. Iāve been under general anaesthetic 6 times now, with my lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy 2 weeks ago being the last, and after the first time, I still wondered every subsequent time if this would be the one that I wouldnāt wake up from!
The biggest thing that has helped me is to take everything one step at a time as much as possible. I still indulge in a little catastrophic thinking from time to time, but when this happens, I try to let the thoughts and the anxiety come, have a little cry, then they pass. I took my dressing off yesterday and felt like a bit of a hero, then later in the day, I thought, āwho am I kidding, Iām going to die from thisā, burst into tears for about five minutes, then went off and made an amazing dinner!
Do you mind me asking how big your lump was and how they oncotyped it ?. I thought the oncotype test was something they did when the lump was removed .
Am praying I donāt need chemo. Iāve read so many different things about who needs it .
I have my surgery on Wednesday and fluctuate from excitement to get it done and nerves are kicking in.
Itās normal to have these feelings. Well done one expressing them here.
I havenāt had surgery before.
I did read if we can over think bad thoughts why not change them to the best ones instead. It is easier to type than done.
My husband was diagnosed with AML ( leukaemia) April last year and he is now in minimal residual disease. If we got through that we can get through this.
Until I know different when I come home on Wednesday evening I am cancer free. I do think going through last year has made me so far take this with a pinch of salt.
I also think because we feel physically well it seems a bit strange to go for surgery. Or assuming most of us do.
Just think by the time I go in you will be on recovery and can give me tips!
I did feel like the plans etcā¦ were taken from me with his diagnosis. So I donāt have that this time.
Since late September when he was able to go out. We have had three long weekends away. We adapted to what he could manage and it has been amazing. Each time we have left his diagnosis behind us.
The plans you had may change, but there will be new ones and when it came to it I didnāt feel cheated. I was just pleased to be able to make memories.
We will always have a tug of war game with cancer and thoughts, but we can win this.
@butterflywing@hen as Iāve come through the surgery and Iām 100% ok, my recovery was very managable with the right amount of rest and painkillers and Iām cancer free until told otherwise, I will be excited for you both I canāt tell you how anxious and scared I was and I really believe if I can do it so can you
@hen you and your husband have such a great attitude. You really do give me hope for all the future curveballs we get in life. We can adapt x
You are right , the plans we have may change but we can make new ones and memories with loved ones .
I think Iām still in shock about my diagnosis. We have no family history so itās the last thing I was expecting to be hit with.
I know I catasphroise, I canāt help it ,Iām a born worrier.
My husband isnāt that supportive, Iāve already ruined his Christmas, tomorrow is his birthday so no doubt I will be blamed for ruining that to .
You know when you just want that reassuring hug from a love one ? I never get that . I have two boys who just say ā youāll be alright mum ā and an 88 year old mum who I donāt want to put my worries on.
Thats why Iām so thankful for this group and people like you xx
I have no family history either and I think that is heavily hinted at when in truth it is more likely to have it without. I guess thatās the preventative rather than cure.
You cannot ruin someoneās day etcā¦ it is their emotional reaction to a situation that is ruining it.
I am sorry that you are not getting the support where you feel you should. Again unfortunately it is known in these situations.
Friends - online friends can become the family you need and deserve. I let go of people and cut contact from family members who do not deserve my time. Not comparing to your family life.
Are there pre op things you can do tomorrow to help? Treats you can do? I know you said itās husbandās birthday.
I feel like I need a quiet day tomorrow but maybe that will change when I get up .
I know Iāll have to make an effort tomorrow but my nature is to isolate when I have things in my head I have to process . I know I wonāt be bring fair on him if I do that tomorrow.
I remind myself this is a long path and Iām only at the beginning but one day I and all the other lovely ladies on here will be at the end xx
I canāt tell you how anxious and scared I was and I really believe if I can do it so can you 