Wowsers … that’s some growth 
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Just got home after a few days away close to Thetford Forest.
Minus point: the absolute ! In the pub who, seeing me sans hair, decided to serenade me with ‘always look on the bright side of life’ . I could perhaps of taken Ìt from someone who had been through chemo but on questioning them they had not got a clue. then they came out with how I could have a boob job on the NHS…….fraid I was not at home to reasonable or nice at that point and did not mince my words. Ruined the last two days as it really upset me as I have no choice but surgery.
plus point: travelling back stopped at a service station. lady spotted my Chemotheraphy hat and asked about it. poor soul is due to start chemo the day after I have surgery and was panicking over what to do about losing their hair. being able to tell them about NHs wigs on the voucher they had been given and where to try for hats and wraps and telling them l hoped they would be well looked after as I have been. Made the crap a bit better.
11 days till surgery and wish l could stop crying about having to be in hospital and having a GA. It scares me more than chemotheraphy ever did for all its for a much shorter period of time.
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I would feel sorry for the person that tries to serenade me with that song! We are still in the thick of it @wibbles I am not suprised you were upset by this. And I’ve had the boob job comment a few times now. Honestly I try not to react. I think if they are ignorant enough to not realise then good for them. I wish I didnt know so much about it or how it feels to be in this position, lucky them they dont know 
although if they want a conversation about it I don’t hold back haha
Is there anything we can say to help ease your mind about the surgery? Im no expert but I have had 3 breast surgeries so far so I’m sure I can answer some questions you have
I wish……previous experiences of surgery have not been great. My surgeon asked if l had any questions and all mine were around managing severe haemorrhages and what was the likelihood I would wake up in HDU or ICU. Thankfully my DD and DH stepped in and explained why. Part of me thinks irrational fear and part of me cannot stop remembering even using everything the trauma therapist tried to cram in presurgery. This is why they allocated me the lead surgeon. TBH it’s horrible. The best l can think of is to write down a synopsis of previous surgeries for the anaesthetist and remind myself the surgeon has taken it all so seriously he allocated me his lead trauma trained theatre nurse for my booking visit. I was such a mess at that she has organised taking my bloods on the week of surgery ‘ just in case’ . I have to somehow walk into the ward let alone the pre theatre and tbh l wish it was done. Sadly I have had to wait for my bloods to improve to reduce the need for emergency heam protocol blood transfusions. My oncologist did not know THAT was my previous experience of blood transfusions and once they did they winced and said the MDT including surgical will do all they can to reduce the risk of my needing such.
How about telling me what it’s like when you wake up and what happens after till you can go home. I cannot imagine that for now and somehow I need to think of an after surgery.
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All 3 times I have woken up have been with 2 lovely nurses around me. Randomly the first thing I do is wiggle my feet and roll my ankles around because I get worried about dvt. But it feels good to wake up and start moving as soon as possible.
The nurses are always chatting away to themselves and I try to resist joining in because I always feel a bit drunk. I cant trust myself to say something silly haha.
Each time waking up has been the best part. No pain just pure relief the hard part is done
My first surgery everything was so new and it was taking me a while to wake up. One of the nurses came over and tried to offer me a sandwich and I remember thinking… what??? I am struggling to keep my eyes open how am I going to eat a sandwich 
but the 2nd time I was awake and because I was so hungry from the fasting before it was a bloody good sandwich!
Before you know it they are standing you up and encouraging you to get dressed and you are walking out.
The one thing I would say is try not to spend too much time thinking about the surgery. You aren’t there today and you dont want to spend more time there than you need to. Thinking about it all the time you might as well go camp in the waiting room. This is a really great time to practice some mindfulness which is really helpful for anxiety. Think about where you are now? What room are you in? What can you hear? Smell? See? Feel? Be in the moment and present as much as you can be
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Oh @wibbles I am so sorry you had to encounter such an awful individual on your break away. You did right not to mince your words when people are that ignorant. Just remember, they have to live in their own head everyday, which wont be a nice place to be at all.
Sending you an extra hug and love 
.
Hold on to the fact most people are the opposite to that person.
Re: coming out of surgery…. Years ago after surgery, I remember having my cheek squeezed and my face slapped, in order to wake me up….I remember feeling so embarrassed at the time, and confused as to why they did that. Years later, Ive had two operations within a year. One on my leg and the other the mastectomy. Each time I have woken up with kindness. No brutal “force me awake” methods, just Nurses sat by the side of me, working on their computers, waiting patiently for me to wake up in my own time. It was such a lovely, respectful approach, compared to archaic methods used years ago.
The surgeon and Team, came to see me when I had woken up properly, and they were so respectful, it was lovely. My scars were neatly and cleanly bandaged. My first reaction for the mastectomy was, “ oh my goodness that is so neat”.
Id only had 4 weeks to plan from diagnosis to op. So it was a rollercoaster of emotions. But in that time I prepped everything, as I live on my own. I sorted the house out, stocked up my freezer, put a recliner bed downstairs, bought an extra TV for me to watch in bed. Bought silly, yet important, comfort items e.g. new rug and curtains for the living room. To make it look nicer whilst I was home so much post surgery.
All the prepping took my mind off the operation. I used a lot of mindfulness techniques. I trained in meditation years ago, and use that even walking round town, going to Oncology appointments. I clear my mind of clutter, and do breathing techniques to refocus. So I would echo what @foxgem has said on all that.
Trauma is huge though, and I understand completely how hard this is for you. But as youve mentioned, trauma Nurses are so well trained nowadays. Its a different ball game to years ago, when techniques were more brutal, clinical, and lacked empathy. So let your Team hold your hand and guide you emotionally as well as physically.
If you can access anyone in your area, who does meditation/breathing techniques individually, its worth booking yourself some sessions. Or get your DD and DH to do them with you in your home everyday for an hour. I could not have got through this year if I hadnt trained in these techniques.
Sending you huge love and hugs. We are all by your side Wibbles. Stay strong. …. But remember “Strength” equally includes a licence to cry when you need to. 
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What an arse you ran into @wibbles I’m sorry it impacted your break.
I can’t imagine what it’s like squaring up to surgery with all your previous experiences. But as has been shared above, my experience of coming round from breast surgery was my best of any GE experience - lovely gentle words and kind people. Immediately checking in about pain as I must have looked uncomfortable and giving me additional painkillers. I was very slow to come round (the much older women on the ward were sprightly by comparison 
) but they moved me into the nurses room so they could watch me. Got tea and toast when I was ready and nobody hurried me to get to the loo. Wasn’t interested in doing anything after my tea and toast, just did some texting and then dozed and listened to the other people on the ward chatting, while I dispatched my water jug. Once I’d mobilised and done a wee I was allowed home - I think she said it was a min of 3-4 hrs to home after day surgery normally though I reckon I was 5ish.
Was given my little heart pillow to go under my arm when I arrived and it was a very good prop for the walk out and car ride home.
@herts82 nice to hear from you and see your hair! Less good news about the tamoxifen but hopefully things will settle? Endocrine therapy for me too on the horizon so I’m listening with interest.
@foxgem I think maybe you’re right about the shock. My friend asked me yesterday how I was doing and I said I think the quiet of recovery is getting in my head a bit. But the last few days I’ve made a point of going for a walk and it’s helped I think. Going for a walk feels like purpose. Small things can be purpose!
@big how are you doing with your chemo now?
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@sam1204 did you use any serums for your eyebrows or lashes? I finished my last chemo about five or six weeks ago and I’m now losing them 
. I was hoping I’d got away with it
Good morning @felineoptimist 
… I had my last EC on Thursday … it was a very emotional day, I cried alot 
… I just think it was the enormity of having had gruelling treatment since the beginning of March, working throughout and just kept going like a Duracell Bunny!! I feel as my body started to shut down (dramatising there, but I can’t think of the correct terminology) the week before, I’ve never felt so tired in my life (maybe when my 21-year old was a baby 
) … I was overwhelmed come-Thursday … no ‘ringing of the bell’ as it didn’t feel right and I didn’t want to really, as I’m back on the ward every three weeks until March next year for immunotherapy and I’ve got my mammoplasty on the 9th September so we’ll see what’s what at that point …….. but ….. yesterday whilst having my morning shower feeling sooo tired, I just ‘“OMG, I’ve done it … I’ve had no delays, no dose reduction, I’m absolutely knackered, but that’s the first stage done ……” - I feel positive that I’ve got through that stage …. and I’m ready for the next 
…. thank you for asking @felineoptimist
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Wow congratulations on finishing the chemo part of your journey! I know it isnt the end yet but its definitely worth celebrating the end of certain treatments. And no delays and no dose reductions you are an anomaly haha no wonder your body is tired Our bodies are so resilient you will be suprised how quickly you start to feel “normal” Maybe not the normal you knew before but your new normal will feel good. When I look back on my chemo treatment I cant believe I got through it and I’m out the other side. In comparison to how I felt then I am 10 feet tall and the strongest ive ever been at the moment 
Sending you big squeezy end of chemo hugs
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Aah, thank you @foxgem I’m fascinated to see how I start to ‘re-build’ after this stage … sometimes it’s hard to get your head around, isn’t it! I’m just very accepting that this is what life has thrown at me, so I’m cracking on with it … it’s all you can do, isn’t it I keep looking out for when registrations open for Chatsworth next year so that you and I and all those others from our March thread that are interested, can meet
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… and P.S. - after what you have and are going through, it is uplifting to hear your positivity, as always @foxgem
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the future can be exciting again. I really look forward to organising this
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The same @foxgem … the same 
@big so glad to hear you’ve reached the end!! You and your body have made it through such a long slog. I totally get you on finding it challenging to ‘celebrate’ at that point as I’m on a similarish treatment path, so at the end of chemo I had surgery to come, and I’m also on targeted therapy every three weeks probably until May 2027 unless I get early release for good behaviour.
Finding your way back to your body is nice though, if quite incremental. Each time I notice something is working better than it was, it’s a little win.
Anyway, well done you.
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@debs5 no I didnt, not on brows or lashes. I did use Holland and Barrett rosemary oil on my head hair which has had great results 
. I think others may have used it on eyebrows too.
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@foxgem @poppy261 @felineoptimist thank you all so very much, l badly needed the reminder that almost everyone makes it back to the day surgery ward.
Tried to spend today imagining walking around gardens l love when it started to get too much.
@poppy261 I have completed as much trauma therapy as l could fit in between chemotheraphy and surgery thanks to local charity run cancer care centre, they organised it for me after they saw the state l was in. It helps as long as I can use it before panic fully sets in. Thankfully I can refer myself back after surgery but did not want to book till l had chance to recover a bit. It would be a tad easier if the worst of trauma was not hospital based. Every single thing l have had to go to the hospital for due to breast cancer has heightened everything. Will try and use art to recreate fave gardens between now and the 19th.
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You are a strong lady @wibbles .
I use to get severe Panic Attacks years ago. So I can fully understand how they consume us. Its getting through these next few days isnt it. But its important you dont feel more pressured. You will know what works for you.
Will be thinking of you and sending love and strength.
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@sam1204 I’ve been using the same on my hair and it seems to be doing well. Just over 1cm of even coverage and quite thick although completely white . I’ll try it on my brows and see what happens.
I lost all of my finger nails on Docetaxel and have now noticed my toe nails seem to be going. It really is the gift that keeps on giving 
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Gosh that must have been hard losing your nails @debs5 . Mine have gone more weak and curved/bumpy on Paclitaxel, but are holding on. Must be hard doing things without nails. Chemo surely can be cruel.
Sending love and strength.
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