@poppy261 It wasn’t too bad really. They would start to lift at the top, then the side and then the bottom so would flap open a bit like the page of a book. When they got to that stage I just put plasters on until they fell off. There were new nails underneath which have grown really well. Apart from the dents, which I’m sure will grow out, you wouldn’t know. Yours will probably be fine but I had a severe allergic reaction to the Docetaxel which caused my hands and fingers to swell and it was after that that they started to lift.
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I made an oil blend myself for my nails and they are really healthy at the moment considering everything. Its a mix of castor oil, rosemary oil, vitamin e oil and Jojoba oil (equal parts for each) It’s probably a high price way to moisturise my nails as the individual bottles of this stuff are quite expensive but they should last and I like the daily routine of it. Small pleasures are small wins 
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@foxgem That sounds lovely. Apart from the Polybalm recommended by my Onc, I use Navy cuticle balm. They use all natural products and it smells amazing.
I’m looking on the positive side - once my toenails have gone there’s nothing left to fall off 
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It is strange isnt it the price we are all paying for life now. Even toenails. Hopefully they will be the same as your fingernails and already be growing underneath? We bounce back shiny and new was what I got told… well I am still waiting for my post chemo glow 
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I love a balm I’m going to look these up 
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One strong lady @debs5 
You seem to have managed it all really well. Thats one harsh reaction to the chemo. Goodness what our bodies go through.
Im glad to hear new nails were growing underneath. But well done you for being so practical about it. I like your plaster idea.
I dont think any lotion/oils would save nails after such severe swelling, but I guess its what to do to help strengthen the new nails as they grow, thats important isnt it.
Hope its not too awful losing toe nails. I guess the hardest one is the big toe.
Thanks so much for sharing. 
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@foxgem You’ll get there. I had my last chemo 8 weeks ago and feel so much better in myself. I finished 5 cycles of radiotherapy last week and so far haven’t had any issues so things do get better even if it’s sometimes hard to imagine.
Next step is Letrozole 
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@poppy261 My main concern was if they became infected. Luckily they didn’t so maybe the lotions etc worked but I suppose we’ll never know
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I think that would be my worry as well @debs5 . Especially when we use our hands and feet for everything that touches germs…. All day long. And especially when our immune system is broken as well.
Seriously, You did incredibly well.
Glad you’ve finished chemo now and Radiotherapy. That must be a huge weight off your shoulders. Hope the next drugs treat you kindly. 
xxx
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Hello lovely Marchies - it’s a while since I’ve been on so sorry that I haven’t caught up with everyone’s stories. I can see chemo ending for you @big which is a strange feeling isn’t it - glad it’s all over but it isn’t all over type of thing. It’s just nice to finish the chemo stage although as we all know that isn’t the end of side effects or things that seem to happen afterwards - eyebrow and eyelash loss and my nails have now turned white about half way up just on one hand ! As you say we just get used to dealing with what comes. I honestly think if we can get through chemo we can get through anything now 
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I’m sorry to hear your story too @wibbles - most people are very respectful but the insensitivity of others is beyond belief. Glad you were able to respond with how you felt - if someone can be thoughtless they deserve to hear how it impacts! I know surgery is traumatic for you - just remember your March gang will be with you - keep us in your pocket xx
In terms of feelings I think what other have said about being quiet is how I’ve felt. Some sense of getting more stamina and stronger each day and then needing rest and some reflection time on another. I’m due back for my pathology results on Friday. I haven’t really thought about them too much as I can’t change anything they say and will just deal with whatever’s next when I know what it is (at the very least radio therapy). I wonder if this is why I haven’t been on the forum though - I’ve switched my mind off cancer treatmentd for a little while until I know what’s coming.
I have to say though the day I really recognised my taste returning made me have a few tears. The change from feeling like my mouth was on fire and everything tasting awful was a real milestone. Looking forward to some hair growth but I can wait - it will come.
I’m also just shy of three weeks on Letrozole @foxgem no joint pain but I do feel my legs are tightening up - mostly hamstrings and quads. So, when I do my post breast surgery exercises in a morning I also do some stretches and that really does help. Hot flushes at night happening but that has been all the time for me anyway and not noticeably worse. So far all bearable but I see my Oncologist at end of August so see where we are then. I might also be going on to Ribociclib so we’ll be having similar things !
Sending lots of love all and I’ll keep dipping in as it’s so good to keep up to date with how everyone is
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Trying to focus on my love of gardening, shame it is so hot and parched this year, knitting for England as a focussed meditative kind of thing and form of physio for wretched peripheral neuropathy. Using every trick the trauma therapist tried to install when I start to panic about next week. If need be will ask eldest DD to write a covering synopsis for the anaesthetist. She keeps reminding me compared to some of the serious drug addicts they have to deal with I will be an easy patient as I am aware I am backed up by trauma responses from previous experiences. keep reminding myself the booking visit theatre nurse pointed out my responses were normal after what had happened. MIght write that on the mirror so I can see it.
Still cannot face cooking nor food shopping as t still smells awful. Making myself eat though. As a veggie I am sick of having to eat meat just to be above blood transfussion levels. bloody chemotheraphy, definatly the gift that keeps giving.
AS for nails, the only thing I could use was pure beeswax as my skin throw a tantrum over anything else. nails are not as strong as they were but it seems to have helped.
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I hate losing my rag with people but have found my bandwidth for dealing with rude/difficult people much reduced! That chap has to carry his unpleasantness around with him. You don’t.
My daughter had a needle phobia and found a couple of hypnosis sessions really helpful. The Penny Brohn centre also offers group sessions online that are apparently more helpful than you would think they could be…
You’ll get there. If you can get through chemo you can do anything!
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So my surgeon’s secretary rang on Monday to move my next appointment (pathology results) up by a week, to tomorrow. I wasn’t feeling worried about that appointment when it was over a week away but now it’s actively moved, I have entered a dark brooding place where only bad news can live. Because of course she’s only moved it now the results are back and she can see they’re not what she wanted.
Also had largely been avoiding social media but foolishly dipped in and was presented with two younger women with terminal cancer diagnoses. That did not help.
I have been so focused on the ‘other side’ of all this, with a fairly strong faith that there is another side. But now it just feels inevitable that it won’t end.
Today is my daughter’s last day of summer hols so trying to shake it off for her so we can have a good day. The appointment is 1.30pm tomorrow so I’ll need to keep myself together to get her off to school. Really what I want to do is hide under my duvet. I haven’t felt such huge anxiety about results since right at the beginning of all this. I’m replaying the diagnosis conversation and imagining it all again tomorrow.
I’m not sure what I’m posting for - any kind and wise words I guess. I know everyone has had their moments like this.
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Morning @felineoptimist I wonder if this unexpected bag of nerves is because its kind of the final big news day. You’ve done your chemo, you’ve had surgery. Those are the 2 biggest weapons against cancer. And I know for me, my results day from my op is 17th August and I’m thinking, if I get news I havent planned for then I will think well whats left? What else can I do? So we are stuck right back at the begining again with all the what ifs. That feeling of no control. All the unknown. And that is exactly what causes anxiety. It isnt our results because we havent been given them, its not knowing whats coming next.
Isn’t there just as much chance that she’s brought the appointment forward because maybe she’s booked a holiday for the week after. Maybe someone else needed an appointment change because of infection or misinformation. Its so easy for us to go straight to the worst case scenarios, believe me its exactly what I do, but our thoughts aren’t facts! Hang in there @felineoptimist cancer has taken enough from you this summer, dont give it this last day. Have an even better day than you planned
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And dont get me started on the cancer algorithms. Once I’m past results day and somewhat moving on from all this (I’m ignoring all the hormone therapy fallout) I am going to unjoin and unlike anything cancer related and just start searching for kittens, flowers and mountain views on repeat
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@felineoptimist it might be something as simple as the results came back earlier than they had anticipated. I have been told it’s a five to six week histology turn round. If the results come back quicker they come back quicker. Depends on the path lab staffing and workloads.
All l can tell you is this; if the results worried the heck out of the MDT looking after you you would be called straight in. That happened to my younger daughter. From phone call to being in a specialist hospital was less than 12 hours as it took a consultant orthopaedic-oncologist to understand all her results and explain she had multiple benign bone tumours that did need his oversight but not active intervention.. I would not wish that on anyone.
Truly hope the lab has simply been able to process the result faster than was anticipated. Do what you can to look after yourself and as foxgem has said you have already been through a lot so try and be kind to yourself.
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I would wait until tomorrow @felineoptimist and enjoy today with your daughter. As foxgem stated, appointments get changed all the time.
I had two appointments for Heart Monitoring booked in, only to find out that they had muddled up patients, and they weren’t for me !!!
Personally, I would always prefer results sooner rather than later.
Social Media is never a good place to go sometimes. If it makes you feel better, when I found out I had cancer I went and bought a grave. Only to find out that most people either live cancer free after treatment, or live with cancer, but well managed, for many years to come. So it wasnt quite as doomsday as I was thinking it was.
Sending you strength, and love 
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@poppy261 good point - hospital bureaucracy doesn’t need to point to anything at all! If I’m being rational, I know they’re capable of mix-ups as I already had a bonus meeting with the surgeon because of a misunderstanding.
@wibbles thanks for that - you’re right your daughter’s experience suggests they would be quicker if it was super serious. My anxiety is stemming from the fact she moved it before the MDT meeting today so I’m just feeling paranoid.
@foxgem your reply brought a little tear to my eye. You’re 100% right that it’s the unknown and the fear of more, complicated and/or long treatments. You’re also right I should expend my energy on a nice summer day with my kid instead of cancer nonsense. There are other days for cancer nonsense.
Thanks team, I don’t think I’ll be totally free of this heaviness until after the appointment tomorrow but I will at least try to leave it at home while we head into the sun and the Edinburgh Festival madness for a few hours.
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Edinburgh Festival sounds perfect. Enjoy every minute @felineoptimist . 
I totally understand this @felineoptimist. All I can tell you is when I spoke to my breast care nurse last week in her post surgery check in phone call she said to me don’t worry if you don’t get the results on the day of your appointment. Sometimes they are delayed and we know that if we change an appointment it causes people to worry, she said they can’t always guarantee the reports come in when they expect. My appointment is on Friday, it’s stands to reason to me that the reverse can be true and that they make the appointment for longer away than needed and bring you in earlier if the results come back. Something like this or one of many other reasons could be behind it. I really don’t think however they always understand the impact something like this change can have on us.
I know it’s easy for us that aren’t facing this to be logical about it all - let me assure you I would be feeling exactly as you are now. I guess everyone else has said it all but I think heading out with your daughter is the right andidote. @faxgem is right - this is such a powerless process and we feel before results day that we’re heading on an upward trajectory and can start thinking about our future (hormone blockers aside). This is a real bump back to Earth. Worry won’t change tomorrow - I know you know that but when tomorrow comes you’ll face whatever they tell you and I hope you reach out to the group - I know I’ll be thinking of you
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