Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

I think you must get what you deserve in life, i am battling cancer, and ongoing kidney problems, my mum has deserted me after 2 days helping with the kids(the first time ever), friends are thin on the ground, my husband wont accept any help from anyone. I have just got out of hospital after surgery and have had no time to rest. I have begged Homestart, any any organisation going for help with my children to no avail.
I have hit rock bottom, they say the last thing to come out of pandoras box is hope, but there is no hope

macmillan are very good at times like this.
they are not only there for the end of life stages but throughout cancer from the start. i’m sure you could get some help and support from them
all the best and hugs too
debi xx

Oh bless you, you sound so so sad…wish I could help…your husband must understand what your going through, make him see…please get some rest…gawd I don’t even know you but my heart is so sad for you…I really wish I could help…shout if you just need to talk…hugsxxxx

What can I say? Things can only get better because from what you have said - they can’t get any worse. I think you will find lots of friends on this web site. They can’t help you physically but can offer moral support. You can also use this site to let off steam - and that helps. Try taking one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
God bless.

Hi, things sound very rough for you, dont want to preach but if your hubby wants you well you have to rest in order to heal, thoughts with you I could not manage with this journey with young children to look after,

I have a little pink budda , they say if you rub his belly and wish all will be well, I will rub his belly for you to night.

take care…you are number one in this.


Lily, so sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment. Can you speak to your doctor about how bad you are feeling. It sounds as though you may be depressed (and no blooming wonder) and maybe he could give you something to relax you a bit, which may help you sleep at night. I’m so sorry your mum has left you to it, maybe she’s struggling to see her ‘little girl’ suffering, but she could have tried a bit harder.

The helpline on here is very good, although I think they may be closed over the weekend.

You say that friends are thin on the ground, well just remember you have hundreds of new friends on here. There is always someone to talk to, whatever time of day or night.

Hang in there. You will get through this, but it will take time.

Sending lots of love

She xxx

Hi lilythepink

I am sorry to read you’re having such tough time at the moment. As well as the support you are receiving from the other users please do give the BCC helpline a call. Here you can share your feelings and concerns with one of our trained members of staff who will offer you a listening ear as well as support and information. The helpline is open tomorrow from 9am to 2pm and again Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. The number to call is 0808 800 600.

I hope this helps.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

I will give them a ring in the morning, thanks. My life doesnt allow any time for me, as i have the children, my own business and alot of other complications, but my husband is helping with my business tomorrow and hopefully my friend can watch one of my children so i can have a morning respite make the phone call take some painkillers and try to rest.

Thanks i will ring them tomorrow,

You obviously need some practical help-how old are the children?Are they at school or nursery?if not ask your health visitor for advice on getting some daycare to help.Can you ring your mum?If she helped for 2 days she may be willing to come part of the time when your OH is at work next week.Where do you live?Is there a church support group that could help?Maybe the library would know.Good luck-all will be well eventually and we are here and will do what we can.
Love Valx

Hi Lily,

you are clearly feeling very low and in need of lots of support, emotional as well as practical. I’m sending you a big hug and wish I could do more. Rock bottom is a desperate place to be and saying that the only way is up sounds terribly trite but it is true. You really need the time to recover and I hope that your husband can take over the childcare and household duties this weekend to allow you to rest completely otherwise you’ll make yourself ill.

You’ve already had lots of advice as to who to contact for help. I would willingly help of you’re in my area, my children are older now. You can always talk to us here.

Please take care and look at my name!


Less of that talk young lady xxxxxxxxx
love guess who xxxxxx

Hi lilly
Oh my goodness you are having a rough time, how do you ladies cope with this nightmare and look after small children. Where do you live? If you are anywhwere near norwich we could meet for coffee and a chat, I have just moved here, friends are very thin on the ground for me too, we moved 2months before i was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have my op next tues 24th, having double mastectomy, absolutley terrified!! I have found this forum to be very friendly and helpful. You have already had lots of good advice on here, people are here to help as much as possible, i would definatley help if you are in my area.
Take care and please try to get some rest, you need it.
Tracey. xx

Hello Lilythe pink
I was so sorry to read your post. I’m due to have a MX on the 7th December and am dreading it. I am lucky enough to have friends and family who have offered to help but at the day’s end I will still be a single mum with two kids, one of whom is a hectic toddler.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you do contact your health visitor etc. Mine’s been great at helping me apply for some free childcare places. I may not get it but it’s worth a try. Definitely see your GP for their advice too. Getting over major surgery like this is hard enough but if you’re not being looked after and have to run around after your children, how on earth does anyone around you expect you to heal?!!

I hope and pray that life gets better for you soon.


Hello Lilythepink
my heart really does go out to you. Please contact your health visitor and tell her how things really are, you need practical help right now. I also agree that talking to your GP for some psychological help would be useful, your first comment about ‘deserving’ this in some way does concern me. You don’t deserve this, honey, you deserve support to get through it. There are people who can and will help you. It might be worth letting us know the area you live in as people from your local area may know of helpful organisations. I wish you real fast improvements to your situation and I know others on this site feel the same, please keep talking to us
much love
monica xxx

Hi Lilythepink,
Loads of us would love to help out - where do you live?
Karen xx

It seems that your priority is to get some rest. What about contacting like others have said, your health visitor,GP, social service etc for how you can get temporary help and if the children are at school, contact the headteacher and ask if she could see if any other parents could help take them or take them home after school etc. My experience is that people are very willing to help if they know you need it - they tend to stand back and not ask unless they know you well in case you are offended but if they know, they will help. As for your Mum, families often do the most peculiar things just when you need them most for all sorts of reasons. Leave you Mum to her own devices at the moment and she may come round depending on why she deserted you.

Hi Lilythepink,

None of us deserves this sweetheart, please don’t be so hard on yourself. The others have given good advice about contacting the people who can help you. I know it’s hard to ask for help, especially when you have people close who should be doing it. My husband has buried his head in the sand and carries on as if everything is normal. It makes me feel I can’t ask anyone else for help because he should be doing it. But, I’ve found that once you get over it and ask people they are pleased to be able to do things for you. MacMillan and the District Nurse (Health Visitor in England, I think) have been wonderful. They have clout and all the right contacts. If you haven’t already, please find the strength to contact them.

PS. they won’t mind if you have a hard time talking about it without crying.

Jan xx

was really trying to be positive, but had to cancel appointment with consultant re results on lymph nodes as hubby forgot and agreed to work have no help with kids or shop, so carnt go. he then asked me to leave home when i got upset about it.
wouldnt mind so much but spent 2 hours today begging the building society to be symathetic as cannot afford to pay mortgage as paying staff


Leave home!!! What, as in kicking you out?

Have you managed to contact any of the help listed on previous postings. You sure need it!!

Good luck. Ann x