Some of you may have read my thread a couple of weeks ago about my friend going down hill. Well her partner phoned me tonight and she has lost her battle. I am so sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye. We spoke on the phone about 2 weeks ago but she was too poorly to talk for long.
I sent her a funny card, she always liked them. But got no reply. She always sent me at least a text when I sent her something funny. That should have indicated to me that it wouldn’t be long. I’ve been so busy recently and infact nearly called on her on monday as I was passing nr her house. But with the fatigue I’ve been suffering, I had no energy and just wanted to get home to put my feet up. How selfish. I should have gone. We are away when it is her funeral.
Had a cry, OH asked could he do anything practical for me! I said no, just give me a hug. Why are some men so alien to female feelings?
There has also been the making comparisons with me. We were the same age, did the same job. She got the best possible prognosis 6 yrs ago but then kept getting re-occurances, then bone mets then lung mets.
Hi Irene,
I am very sorry about your friend passing away. Don’t blame yourself for not seeing her in the last few days though, I am sure you were there for her many times and helped her in her battle. You look after yourself.
Love to you and your friend
Cxxx
I am so sorry to hear about your beautiful friend Julie. You two will always be friends so hang onto those happy memories and allow those tears to flow…here’s a hug from me. (((((((((((((( hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry about your friend. No matter how much you have prepared yourself it still is such a horrible shock. I guess you also have mixed emotions being so close in everything including having had breast cancer. This in itself will stir up all sorts of questions that probably cant be answered. Like you said, she is at peace.
Hi Irene
So sorry about your friend, it brings things home, but please don’t feel selfish for not going to see her,I am sure she will have understood,
I bet you have fond memories of your friendship so hold onto those,perhaps when it is her funeral you could find a church, if practical, to light a candle and say a prayer.
I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer ten years ago. I was in France when she died and missed her by a day. Her husband, who is still a dear friend, always tells me not to be guilty. She would not have known by the end. She did not even know him. But feeling the horrible angst you must be feeling, and the loss. Just be there when you can for her partner.
Irene -
I am so sorry to hear that your friend died. Please don’t beat yourself up about not going to see her. You are dealing with very much yourself and it is really understandable.
Irene,
It’s so easy to feel guilty for not having seen your friend in the few days before she died, but she knew you were thinking of her, and sending her funny cards to raise a smile. Be kind to yourself, take a little time out, and find a quiet moment to share with her.
love Silver
Dear Irene - I am so sorry to read about the death of your friend. As others here have written try not to dwell too much on the time you didn’t see her - much more important to remember is all the times that you did share together, and the support and friendship that you gave her. This will be a hard time for you, thinking about Julie, but also inevitably about yourself because of the similarities. Don’t be afraid to tell your husband when you need a hug, or just to be able to sit and talk, or cry. I’m sure he wants to help in anyway he can, but needs to take the lead from you. Be very gentle with yourself. Love Sarah
So very sorry to hear of your friend Julie passing on. She knew how much you cared and knew also how tired you were. Do not beat yourself up over this, she is in no pain now and would not want you to be feeling this way. Your hubby will want to help you thru this, sometimes we do need to ask our men for what we need i.e. hugs, understanding and not expect them to read our minds! Remember all the happy times you have had with Julie and popping into a church when you are away would be what I would do, but you can say goodbye to Julie anywhere, throw a flower into the sea maybe.
I am so sorry to hear that your friend has passed away. Please don’t consider yourself selfish for not calling on her on Monday, you have your own health issues and you need to look after yourself. Please also do not start comparing yourself with your friend and concluding that you will end up the same. It is so difficult when a friend passes … my thoughts are with you and her family.
Just to echo everbody else - so sorry your friend has died. It just brings it home to us and please don’t feel guilty you didn’t go. You were a good friend to her and she knew that. Have a silent prayer when you are away at the time of the funeral. Please look after yourself.
So sorry to hear of your friend passing away Irene, I lost my friend to secondary breast cancer last year, it is so very hard especially when we make comparisons with our own diagnosis.
May your friend rest in peace.
Sincere condolences to you and your friends family.
I just want to ditto what everyone has already said - Your friend would have totally understood how you were feeling & wouldn’t want you to feel bad about not seeing her.
I lost a friend to BC very quickly last year & just managed to make it to her funeral half an hour after my 4th chemo. It is the hardest thing I have had to go through in my whole BC journey, the comparisons…we were the same age, had kids the same age (2 under 5) & it made me realise how merciless this disease is…
Not sure if I’m alone here but I also feel guilty about having the same disease & still being alive. When I speak to her husband he asks me how I am getting on & I quickly change the subject as I don’t want to say “Oh, me? I’m fine, don’t see the oncologist for another 6 months…”
Deepest condolances to you & your friend’s loved ones
xxx
Very, very sorry to hear about your friend. I can’t really say anything more than others have said on here except to give you this poem that Swissmiss put on Lisa’s thread. It moved me and I hope it brings you some comfort at this sad time:
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she’d want -
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your friend Julie. I lost my friend Julia to this awful disease back in march, she was 28 and left a husband and a 3 year old son. I did not get to see her before she died as it all happened very quickly, and that it something I will always regret.
Take care Irene, condolances to you and Julies family and friends,