My journey begins ,8/7/2016

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hi I’m Amanda 47 years of age , two boys 14-19  Friday 8th July 2016 my life my world changed forever . I was diagnosed with bc stage 2 consultant did name it but sitting there I don’t think I was taking it all in. Thank god for Neil my partner next step as most of you will know is Mri  and then meetings to decide was course of treatment . Lumpectomy with 3xrad or mastectomy x chemo . 

 

My aniexty  whiles being told I had cancer suddenly disappeared after 4 days of my biopsy feeling the worst I could ever be . 

I want to think positive because you know my life is in the medical hands now . I’m learning to live with somethink that’s completly out of my control , after years of controlling my life the way I want it to suddenly having that taken away is pretty hard . My emotions are up and down I want to cry so much then I want to shout at the top of the world ( why me ) . My aniexty comes back in stages I want to control that , so I think I’m going to bite the bullet and go to doctors .

 

my boys need there mum I’m not going anywhere as I told my youngest , he’s gone quiet on me that hurts me but I understand because he’s frightened . I’ve told him how it is , yes Harry they’ve found a cancerous lump there dealing with it and this is how it is , my oldest is away at the moment he’s aware I’ve had my scan but I’ve not told him the results yet .

 

im reading so many positive post on here and it’s helping me but I’m scared very scared . I think il feel a little better once I know my course of treatment . I go away Friday theyv told me to and I’m really going to try and enjoy myself and then come back and start my journey …   

 

Is it normal to sob uncontrollably whilst jotting this down ? yes of course it is I tell myself , my journey will be tough I’m aware of this but everyone (benno)  will come out smiling ?.xxx. Lv hugs xxxx

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Hi Amanda,welcome to the forum.I stumbled my way onto the forum this time last year in a state of blind panic my teenage son was in the middle of his exams and it was like a bomb had exploded in my life .The anxiety does come in waves ,there are times when you feel calm and times when you feel totally overwhelmed by everything but it does get better.Once you know what happens next and when and you can get on with getting rid of the bugger you will feel calmer ,it is very hard having to give control of your life to medical professionals for a few months ,but needs must .Lots of support and advice here to help you through.Just a little note of caution please be aware that this is a public forum and anyone can read your posts whether they are members or not so be wary of using too much information that identifies you or your family unless you are happy for your comments to be read by anyone ,I realised just how public things are when I googled something to do with breast cancer and it took me to a post I had made on the forum !!!I kept my diagnosis pretty private so I found that a bit of a shocker !!!You can edit posts you have made if you wish to remove any information you don’t wish to be public .You can private message people if you wish to have a private conversation .

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Hi Amanda,

have just read your other thread.

Welcome to the forum and the threads, where you really do not want to be. They are though a great place to find information and advice - where you can rant and cry - get support and many virtual hugs - and find laughter, too.

Your emotions sound so familiar and they are so normal, too!

Like you I was in complete control of my life and then it fell apart on 5th January this year, when I was diagnosed and had my biopsy taken. There are so many stages of diagnostics - and it becomes a bit of a whirlwind - with anxious waiting in between.

In some way we need to grieve and go through that grieving process - for what we perceive we may have lost - and then the slow acceptance and moving onwards again.

No, our life will not be the same again - actually, it is highly likely to be better - a different way of looking at things, perceptions change, things which were so important and irritating - are no longer. I am learning so much on this journey and as bizzare as it may sound - it is making me better than I ever was.

 

For me, when I was initialllly diagnosed, it was, as if thrown into the ocean with no lifebelt in side - nothing to hold onto - everything had changed - nothing as it was - no choice but to swim to survive - becoming exhausted with the swimming and having to learn to float and let myself drift. No control of what was going to happen to me. Every result was a bit of floating piece of wood I’d hang onto. Some wood was a bit wrotten, some other - a bit more solid. First one, then two, then three planks, etc. When I had them all - my raft was built and I took one to start paddling. Starting to take control - starting to feel better - working towards finding land again. I can see it now - and am paddling hard to get there.

 

Wishing to be in control as much as possible I started to reasearch - this is definitely not for everyone - one needs a pretty cool head on ones shoulders and distiguish old information from new and non proper reseach bits from solidly founded research.

This site has been brilliant at finding out all of the information I needed. Especially as to Stages,Grades and receptors of breast cancers. - Working my way through all of the combinations (all I knew at this stage - it is a lobular invasive)  I explored the likely treatment required. Then set about how I would manage that kind of treatment and whether I felt I could.

It stood me in good stead - but I really have to point out - it is not for everyone. And simply googling is not a good idea for anyone.

In some way it was a pretense of control, but the information was very handy, when my biopsy results came through. I already knew then - that I was going to be ok - just needed to get treated. Mastecomy done, immediate reconstruction with implant done (looks great btw) and now on my chemo journey.

Your biopsy results together with the further scans, etc - will be the basis of your initial treatment plan.

Should they chose to operate, before starting other treatments - then your pathology results will be the basis for further treatment decisions.

Make good use of your assigned Breast Cancer Care Nurse - she/he will be with you throughout your journey. You should have their contact details and they will always get back to you as quickly as possible.

They have access to your records and the relevant treatment team - so should be able to answer all of your questions, should you have some after an appoitment - they are there for you to make your journey as easy as possible.

Amanda - and we are all here for you, too - and will give you all of the support we can.

Huge Hug

Sue xxx

 

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Thank you ladies for your kind words /advice /outcomes it’s like stepping on a ladder isn’t it .soon as I get to the top I’m on a winner arnt I … I sit here reading all these stories with tears and thinking I can do this xxx??

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Hi Amanda

I’m 57 years old and my boys are 31 and 28 and like you my life was changed on Monday 2nd July, I have had my MRI (not as bad as i imagined) and will get my results on the 15th July, I have already been told that surgery and radiotherapy are a definate.

I cried reading your post as all your emotions are the same as mine, of all the things I thought could happen as I got older this this was definately not one of them, am trying to be positive but it is hard sometimes, I have found this forum to be so helpful and uplifting, I know that this will be a journey of ups and downs and yes I am scared but with the help of family, friends and everyone here it is one that I (and you) will get to the end of and as you say come out smiling

Love and Hugs

Mary

 

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Hi Amanda
I started with all sorts of aches and pains from the day I was diagnosed! Backache, indigestion type pain and tightness in my chest. I spoke to my consultant and the nurse and they both reassured me it was down to stress and anxiety. It’s very common apparently. Sending big hugs.
Sarah x

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Hi Amanda - it’s absolutely normal. I’ve had aches and pains all over the place. Most of us do. It is worrying and I have to keep giving myself stern talkings to (or someone else does!). Try not to worry (good advice for me too!). Debbie xx

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Just seen that Sarah’s post slipped in in front of mine! I had indigestion type pain and tight chest too. Thought I was going to have heart attack! Debbie xx

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Hi - will be back on that to you later, as currently out on business. Sometimes it may take a while, as new members do not get given immediate access. When did you join?
Hug
Sue x

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I reg on Thursday 7th x

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I’ve only got a iPad sue xx

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Thanks sue …I haven’t the option to private message but I’ve followed the link you sent me and emailed them to ask for request .

I’m ok , I’m getting there , still frightened but it is what it is and il let them get me better xxxx

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Hiya Benno

I first introduced myself when you posted for the first time and you hadent actually got the results so  as promised I am going to dip in and see how your are doing . 

 

You seemed very positive at the beginning and I hope you are still keeping that way. As i dont visit this thread very much … what stage are you at with it all now ??

 

Hugs xx

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Hiya benno
It’s all about the waiting game but its because they are checking and double checking you really well.
My primary was in 2004 but I notice they do a lot more scans etc now which is good.
A lumpectomy is not much to worry about and a quick stay in hospital if I remember.
Lymph glands being clear are good too…but stay calm …take a day at a time and put your trust in oncologist / surgeon as they will b doing the very best for you.
I will keep in touch with you but the other ladies here will b better as they are up to date with the new procedures …mine were twelve years ago.
Hugs xx??

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Thank you …feel loads calmer today I’m on my 5th step of my ladder I hope it’s not a big ladder …but your right I take every day and procedure as it comes …hugs xxx

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Hello Everyone

I have been reading this threat with interest as Benno is at nearly the same point as me and is undergoing all the same emotions/worries etc as me and you are all being so positive in your responses which helps me massively too!

I was diagnosed with grade three ER positive breast cancer on 9th July and underwent a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy on 15 July. Results came back with clear margins and no node involvement on 30 July but there is a possibility that I am also Herceptin positive but will find out tonight at my first appointment with the oncologist.

One minute I am up and the next I am down but remain positive mainly due to reading all your encouraging threads ladies - especially you Sue as you seem a font of knowledge. I am doing lots of research at the moment and finding out LOTS about cancer (not something that I had ever thought of having to do!) but it is helping me to come to terms with things and to realize that there is life after cancer. I need to know what is happening and this is my way of dealing with things.

The lumpectomy was a lot easier than I thought and the sentinel node biopsy was strange - blue wee, blue skin and blue boob but again not too bad (apart from an achy feeling under my armpit since which I am controlling with paracetamol). I seem to be sleeping a lot more than normal which is good as it passes the time in between getting results. I have had days when I have dressed up and gone out and suddenly remember that I have breast cancer but then wonder how that can be as I feel so well. I even went to a wedding reception last Friday and danced the night away and felt sooooo good :slight_smile:

I will come back again and post my results from tonight and let you know what the next plan of action for me is regarding treatment. Big hugs to all and here’s to our futures!

 

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Hello Ladies

I saw the oncologist last night but my Herceptin results are not back yet. However, I have been given an   appointment to have a port installed on 11 July to allow my first session of FEC to commence on 17 July should the results be positive. On the other hand if they are negative my ‘specimen’ with be sent to US for a second opinion just to double check its negative. If this is the case I will then not require the chemo but will instead have a seven week course of radiotherapy and commence on hormone treatments. Back to a waiting game again for results :frowning:

On the positive side I got to speak with a lovely lady who was undergoing her third cycle of FEC and was in the process of using a cold cap. Lovely warm room and no blankets/booties/wooly stuff needed to keep her warm and she had, so far, retained 95% of her hair. She said that the first 10-15 minutes are the worst but she has a lady come in to carry out reflexology on her to distract her whilst having her treatment. Definitely something I am at least going to give a try. I had been concerned about needing to be cocooned in blankets etc but this lovely lady’s experience has changed my mind.

How are things going with you Benno? Ive been thinking about you and your journey. It wouldalso be nice to hear how you are coping with your cycles of chemo please Sue. Off to sort out appointments with the dentist and wig salon now just in case I need to start chemo in two weeks and to purchase some of the ‘stuff’ on the list that Sue put on a different thread which is really, really helpful.

Have a good day everyone xx

 

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Hello ladies , it’s been abit emotional for me last few days but all,s  ok now and I’m ready to kick @ss … Last Friday was my appointment for my results from ct scan I had on the Monday . 

Ok here we go ! CT confirmed MRI scan, no further spread detected so the care package they propose is:-
A) 3 sessions of Chemo
? MRI scan after to evaluate the effects of the chemo on the lump.
C) probable lumpectomy.
D) evaluation of further Chemo.
Had a clip fitted to the lump this morning. Think this was to give intense detail as to where the tumour is when they operate … Which to be honest that’s all I want …need the monkey gone .
I have appointment Monday 15th for a pre op for a sentinel node check !!  if they tell you it’s not gone to my lymph nodes via a mri and ct scan why do we have this check,  just a little sacred again may come back different to what the scan says .  I then see the Oncologist prior to Chemo plan.
Im a bit shocked as the care plan is now reversed, ie. Chemo then surgery and i was thinking Radiotherapy ? … they say they have the full picture, it’s contained and they have a clear treatment plan for the next 5 months…previous Friday they told me possible lumpectomy with radiation , certainly is a roller coaster …my breast nurse has told me Amanda your right it is a roller coaster because things change and when they do we change what’s best for you …

 

  So in a spate of 6 weeks my whole life has changed and I’m getting better day by day in dealing with this … good days and bad days I or shall I say we shall beat the little monkey …

 

Im back to smilie benno ???. Xxx

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Hello benno
Just dipped into this thread to wish you all the best …you are receiving excellent checks and supports for the very best plan.
It’s not easy but you are positive and ready to kick the c .
Hugs xx​:relaxed::relaxed:

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Thank you sue you are a absolute gem in making me understand all of this …I go into these appointments hoping to take everything in but I don’t and I do try …thankgod for the other half as he listens and jots things down as we go along …Carolyn thank you again I’ve had me tears felt a tadge sorry for myself all but 3 seconds only lol ?Brushed my tears away and now ready for my next step on my ladder , 7th step is the next one hoping it’s not a large ladder as I’m only petite ???