My chemo/rads finished Sept 07 and am now on Herceptin until May and Femara indefinitly. I’ve always been easy to panic - glass half empty thing - but my stressing seems to be getting worse. After 15 months of stress following dx the slightest thing seems to set me off. I’m stressed at the moment over something so stupid the majority of you would laugh and tell me “to get a grip”. I know I’m being silly and when I read of others in awful situations it puts things into perpective and then I feel guilty and stress about being stressed over my stupid worries in the first place! I used to be a teacher and feel pathetic that I find myself in this place and don’t know what to do.
I would like to know if anyone else feels this way and if anyone has successfully used any techniques, CD’s, DVD’s etc - anything - to help cope with or alleviate stress.
I’m not good at talking about things - tend to bottle everything up. I hate sport so there’s no outlet there. Any suggestions, apart from “pull yourself together” would be gratefully received.
Sorry you feel so down at the moment and I certainly wont tell you to pull yourself together - if it was only that easy. Although you say you have tried different things have you tried talking to a councellor - you say you are not a talker but before dx would you have thought you would end up on a web site sharing your problems.
BC changes us all maybe you could talk to your bcn and see what is available for you? If you dont like it at least you can say you tried it and move onto something else. Whatever you do dont beat yourself up about it. Give yourself some space and time 15 months is not really very long.
No one on here will tell you to pull yourself together.We are all desperately trying to pull ouselves together and often failing,no matter how long since dx!!Let us help if we can.If not Karens idea of talking to your bcn is excellent.Have you tried the helpline attached to this site,it was a godsend to me in the early days of chemo.I am 17 months from dx and it doesnt seem long at all.Good luck,horacexxps I was a teacher too.
Thanks for such a quick reply. The nonsense of it is, is that I don’t feel down/depressed. I feel ok considering the shock of BC and the treatment. Nobody in my family apart from my husband knows I feel this way. (Must be a good actress!) I just don’t seem able to cope very well with situations that put even the slightest amount of pressure on me. I get heated up and flustered and I hate feeling like this. I could never ever talk to a councellor and would prefer to follow the self -help route. Any tips appreciated.
I finished my treatment in Dec and am on Herceptin. Feel like it’s only over the past month or so that this has really hit me and I have been such a baggage! I started seeing a counsellor a couple of weeks ago after much resistance and after my first session she said I was very hard on myself and to blame the cancer and not me.
Am not suggesting counselling if it’s not for you, but I think you’re hard on yourself too! if it’s making you worry it’s not stupid and there are no hard and fast rules for how you should be feeling or what you should be up to doing at this point. You’ve had a hell of time and everything is shaken about all over the place and your usual coping strategies are probably just not working for you as well as they used to.
I have heard that cognitive behavioural techniques are very good - you can do this through counselling or there are bound to be books. It’s basically thinking about why you react to things you way you do and trying to rationally learn to think in a different way ie Oh god I’ve got pain in my tummy it must be cancer …what have I done differently? how would I haev felt before? oh yes i ate a big curry or something like that! You get the gist!
I find things like yoga and meditation really relaxing, swimming and getting fresh air as v basic things. but perhaps if you google the CBT stuff or search on amazon they might have some useful books or dvds? …sure others will have good suggestions too! Talking to your hubby is a definite plus and don’t feel you have to put on a front although it’s very easy to say!
This disease is so difficult both physically and emotionally. Thanks for replying. I was wondering how you were doing. When I first started chemo you were posting about being on Tax. In one of your posts you said you went for radiotherapy (I think) and you had to use a wheelchair because your legs wouldn’t carry you. Then, I couldn’t imagine feeling so weak but towards the end of my Tax I knew just how you felt. Could hardly put one foot in front of the other and had to climb up stairs on all fours! I hope you are feeling well. I think part of my problem is that I’ve gone from someone who is/was a control freak to someone who’s not in control and that is unsettling.
Your comment about coping strategies is interesting. Regarding cognitive behavioural techniques - my daughter is studying A level Psychology. I would probably make a very good case study! (not!!) I could ask her about these techniques. If she sees me getting into a state she just says “Chill out mum!”. Easier saying than doing. Yoga and meditation sound good - I’ve been thinking about these but have never tried them. Can you suggest any books or DVD’s that you have found useful?How do you, yourself, meditate? If this is too personal a question just ignore it or PM me if you wish. Thanks for your suggestions.
I haven’t got any book or DVD suggestions I’m afraid - I read a few that focused on diet, but not so much with picking up the pieces of your life afterwards… it’s funny isn’t it as I think I wanted to just keep faking normal until it became normal again if that makes sense!? So I didn’t want to think about it too much, but then finally thought I’m just gettign very annoyed bvy things I didn’t used to and I want to be able to relax!!
Yoga I do at my local gym, and meditation I tried on holiday - it was a real wellbeing type place…eek. I am a bit of a cynic and thought, oh this is very silly, as it was an appreciation meditation so I was sending love to my feet for working so hard for me??? But the next thing i knw I was being told to wake up after 5 feeling refreshed and I had totally zonked out!! I think it was the first time I had properly relaxed in a year!
Some gyms offer meditation classes. Do you have a breast cancer haven or support centre near you? I know that they do relaxation techniques and things which can be great. I’m in London and there are some here. Perhaps your BCN would know of somewhere near you…
Yoga is lovely, or maybe even Tai Chi too - it’s actually so nice to have an hour just for you, thinking about your breathing, stretching etc with no stresses and strains and trying to manage.
As you sound quite interested in some of the above suggestions I thought you might find it useful to have a look at the Breast Cancer Care booklet on Complimentary Therapies. This can be found by following the link below breastcancercare.org.uk//docs/complementary_therapies_aug07_0.pdf
There is some information on yoga as well others therapies.
I would also advocate the meditation route. I did a stress reduction course as an experiment via my breast clinic last year. We were given meditation and yoga stretches to do over a 6 part course and everyone thought it was a great help. My clinic hope to get funding in place so all BC patients can have access to this little course. At the moment patients get picked at random. I am still doing the meditations and yoga when I get time.
We were also taught proper breathing techniques i.e from the diaphragm and not the chest and were taught that meditation could involve something like paying attention to your surroundings on a walk or looking at a nice view. There are a lot of good meditation CDs out there if you look. I also find reading or being on the computer with rainforest music in the background is very calming and I have got lavender scented joss sticks and candles as well.
The Breast Cancer Haven in London/Hereford offer a free 2 day relaxation/meditation workshop. When I went it was run by Barbara Siddall who had worked for years at the Bristol Cancer Centre. She has a DVD available. The Maggie’s Centres offer relaxation and meditation support groups including a calming CD and Macmillan have a CD which I (somehow!) have a copy of.
If you do a bit of Googling you will find lots of things about relaxation and meditation and some will be cancer specific.
Thanks for your suggestions. The meditation route seems promising although I’m not sure what distinguishes a good CD from a bad one. When I get the chance ( the computer will be hogged most of the evening by my daughter and husband!) I will do some googling.
I too was going to mention that I did a brilliant meditation relaxation workshop - retreat day - at the Haven in London - and also went to the one in Hereford as I have family there. I came back armed with their CDs which I have found to be a godsend. Whenever I am feeling stressed or anxious I lie on my bed and listen to one of these and I feel so much better. They are also good for listening to at night before sleep so I have put them on my ipod!
I also have to reiterate what others have said - that seeing a cancer counsellor is absolutely brilliant - it provides an outlet for a lot of your inner fears and anxieties and gives you strategies for dealing with them. Again - I used the one at The Haven - and then another one through the BC clinic. One thing he said which I found very useful was that when we go through something like this, it puts us into a ‘survival’ mode - imagine being in a jungle surrounded by dangerous lions. We live for a while in a sort of constant state of red alert as we feel we have to be aware of imminent danger…This made sense to me at the time - although I probably haven’t expressed it particularly well. In any event - it can only be a good thing to talk through things - even if you just have a couple of sessions. You can do telephone counselling through The Haven, once you have registered with them…
Anyway - don’t be hard on yourself - this is a tough journey - and you deserve to get all the help you need to get back on the long road to recovery!
When I was first diagnosed I bought some relaxation DVD’s - jungle sounds,waterfalls, waves crashing on a beach. I’ve played them a few times and although the filming is beautiful and the sounds quite pleasant, I just can’t “switch off” and relax. So, your comment about being in a constant state of red alert does,I think, describe how I feel. Also, your suggestion of telephone counselling is interesting. I really don’t want to speak to someone face to face and this could be an alternative.
Thanks for the suggestions.
Cancer diagnosis and treatment is a big shock and it takes a while to recover. You have to learn to deal with uncertainty and to take risks again.
Some suggestions:
I’ve never tried meditation but this seems to help. Get some bubble mixture and blow big bubbles - great for breathing control when stressed and for getting in touch with one’s inner child.
Go and do something scary - I recommend ‘Oblivion’ at Alton Towers - just before the 150ft vertical drop I stopped worrying about anything else for sure.
Change your routine - invite friends around for breakfast and to listen to the dawn chorus, join your local bat group, buy yourself a trendy leather jacket, go to an opera.
Test drive a sports car and (afterwards) have a glass of champagne - I’m pretty sure that this helps and am convinced it should be available on the NHS.
If you do decide to try a sport then make sure everyone is shocked by how daring you are - scuba diving or rock climbing might be good options. I know one lady in her late fifties who after her double mastectomy and reconstructions learned how to water ski.
There are a couple of Breast Cancer Care’s support services that might be of interest to you as they can offer help and support via the telephone.
The first is Breast Cancer Care’s telephone support group. It’s a chance to get together once a week to talk with people who’ve been there. Linked together by phone in comfortable surroundings, you can express your feelings and discuss the practical and emotional impact of living with breast cancer. The groups will be particularly useful for you if you feel isolated. The groups are completely free (we pay for the phone calls) and as long as you have access to a phone and have a quiet private place from which to call, you can join us from anywhere in the UK.
There is also Breast Cancer Care’s peer support service. The telephone service aims to quickly put you in touch with one of our trained peer supporters, who has had a personal experience of breast cancer. Our peer supporters are from diverse backgrounds and ages and have experienced different types of breast cancer and treatments. They are ready to listen, offer skilled emotional support and share their experiences and understanding.
For more information about these and our other support services available to you please telephone our helpline on 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm) or email:
Really sorry you are feeling so bad, dont be hard on yourself. I used to get very stressed about everything and about 4 years ago I went on a night class course called “Self hypnosis for stress management” and dont get me wrong when I found my lump and was dx on xmas eve believe me I did get stressed. I’m not wandering around in some sort of Karmic Cloud but without that course and you lot in here I wouldnt have got this far with this bloomin thing.
It was a 10 week course. There were about 12 of us and the man who ran the class was a qualified hypnotherapist and I have no shame is saying this but he honestly changed my life forever. We talked about different kinds of stress and triggers and coping strategies and had a kind of open discussion for about an hour where you could talk or not and then at the end we would have a relaxation session which was amazing. Most local adult education centres run stress management courses in some sort of capacity and it may not be right for you but you never know.
Hope this is some use to you and good luck. You may be being too hard on yourself expecting to “be over it”. I’m not even 3 months after surgery and I already feel under pressure to get on with it so god knows how you are feeling. Chin up hun.
Love Shonagh xx
I finished chemo and rads in Nov 07. Everyone seems to tohink that when the treatment is finished then you are better! I suppose everyone deals with things differently. i myself know that I am not recovered mentally, emotionally and even ohysically. Towards the end of my treatment I saw a councellor as I really thoght I was going to have a breakdown… thngs got on top of me and I coud not cope… Althought my counseller was nice… i did not feel this was the way for me. So just get through each day and look for the positives, when I want to cry I cry, when I eat chocolate i (try) not to feel guily and maybe I am a bit more out for myself now. Anyway, going back to Jibby’s first post I found this website for meditation (edited by Moderator) The website is easey to use and have sampl demos to hear. they have audi CD’s for various things i.e stree releif, calming thoughts, self beleif. the cd’s are reasonably cheap to with easy to follow guide. I feel that listening to them at times has helped me focus etc.
On another note… I think that all us brave ladies and gentlmen that get put through this cancer thing are brilliant. Thre is no right or wrong way to deal with it, you just do. No one seems to understand like another person who has had similar DX. Wish you all the best everyone.