diagnosed oct last year had chemo straight away- after 4 the tumour had shrunk by more than half. was due to have 8 but after 6 it had started to grow again, surgeon disappointed and cancelled last chemo as no point. going for lumpectomy on 15th April and lymph nodes removed, have been through child birth but that is my only time in hospital, never been put to sleep so very nervous and as my emotions are all over the place any way feel very frustrated, am normally outgoing, game for a laugh etc, now i wont go out, have put on 2 stone, no confidence in myself. i start on herceptin tomorrow, which is every 3 weeks for the next year and i know i am lucky to have it, then radiotherapy in a few weeks – i got married a week after my diagnosis and Colin has been my rock and while i am normally a positive person i am going through an its not fair phase and i hate it - have definitely thrown my dummy and don’t want to play any more.am at an all time low
Hi Maryfrod
I think it is Ok to throw your dummy out of the pram. It is a rotten game. I am nearly out of the other end but really feel for you.
Although I was quite scared about the op ( June last year, no previous surgery or anaesthetic)I saw a hospital documentary about a little girl less than a year old having stomach surgery. It showed her the day after the op standing up in her cot, so I thought ok I think I might be able to do this! It did help me though.
The chemo really knocked me for six and you have already done that. That is the worse bit. I put on a stone and a half too and still have it. Expect to feel rotten some days but give yourself a break. Somehow I am getting back to the old me thank goodness and although it may take a little while there is no reason to think you won’t.
Well done for choosing Colin!
Cyber Hug
Topper x
Hi there
I know some of how you’re feeling. I was diagnosed in Dec and started chemo sraight away to shrink the tumour so I could have a lumpectomy. I had an MRI scan after
Thanks for that topper
If I could stop crying when I speak to people it would help, nothing seems rational any more
hi suegal
thanks for your reply. hope things are ok
I stopped getting the weepies only about six weeks or so ago. It was worse when I was tired. Remember the chemo does awful things to you physically and mentally. You just don’t have the reserves you had before. You will get them back but it does need time
Topper x
my breast cancer nurse is fantastic. so calming, she says i am not showing any signs she is not unfamiliar with, and while I understand that, its because its unfamiliar to me. The logical me knows it will get better as I am strong and will not let this beat me.I just need that part of me to come back as I feel I am wallowing in self pity and those around me suffer for it.
I know. It is probably because you are normally a confident, positive person that this is such a contrast to the way you are really. I hope you feel better soon, but I think what you have described will be ringing a bell with a great many of us.
You are not alone
Topperx
Hi maryfrod,
I was scared too at the thought of the anaesthetic and surgery, the staff were lovely, i asked the health care who settled me in to hold my hand whilst i was having my anaesthetic and that made a big difference, you do just gently drift off to sleep. when i woke up in the recovery area i cried (with relief i think that that bit was over), the recovery nurse gave me a tissue and a hug! will be thinking of you on the 15th, hope it all goes well. up & down days are normal, be kind to yourself & don’t expect too much from yourself you are up against it at the moment. Weight gain seems like a real insult on top of everything else doesn’t it? have stopped worrying about mine now & still eat choccy if the mood takes me!!
Best wishes, rivergirl x
Hi again
Don’t know what happened there so I’ll finish what I was gonna say.
Had an MRI scan after 2nd chemo and told it was more of a mass than an actual lump, so would in fact need a mastectomy on the left and a lumpectomy on the right as a small area had showed up on that side. It seemed to me that every time I went to the hospital I got worse news. Well I went home in a daze but was ok. A couple of hours later I don’t know what came over me but I broke down. I went in to my spare bedroom and kicked the absolute hell out of an empty cardboard box. Why me, it wasn’t fair, what had I done to deserve it? All this went through my head, and what you’re feeling sounds the same (and understandable). The day after I phoned the Breast Cancer Care helpline and blubbed for nearly an hour to a lovely lady on there. I can’t help with the Herceptin cos I’ve not had it, but if you look on the ‘’ Terrified ‘’ page on this site the lovely ladies on there have and there should be some useful threads. Join in on that page and you’ll get loads of support too, I have already and I’m new to it.
Please remember that you’re not alone.
Best Wishes
Sue x
Thanks Rivergirl
My breast care nurse has said she will come with me- and hey things are not nver that bad to give up choccy or the odd vodka for that matter xx
Great news about your bc nurse, hold her hand tight & go for it! get the vodka in for a post op treat.
take care rivergirl x
Hello maryfrod,
I had a lumpectomy and four lymph nodes removed last Tuesday, 1 April. I had had a general anaesthetic before, ten years ago, to have my tonsils out, so that didn’t particularly frighten me.
I had to go in on Monday for various pre-op tests and to answer hundreds of questions. This is to make sure you are healthy enough for the op and to let them know of any allergies, etc. I got to go home that evening. I had to fast from midnight, but was allowed clear fluids until 9 AM (they thought my surgery would be about 12:30). I was to be there at 7:30. At some point I was taken to a mammography machine to insert a wire to a previously inserted marker. The marker told them where my tumor had been (chemo had shrunk it to nearly nothing). The wire was to guide the surgeon. I was back up on the ward in a gown and anti-DVT socks and was given a pre-op med to help keep me calm. Oh, the evening before and the moning of I was given an injection of a blood thinner. I was taken down on the bed and was wheeled into the anaethetic room. There were about four people there, and they were all very kind. They put a cannula in the back of my hand and injected the anaesthetic. They talked to me a bit and asked me to say when I felt tired. They asked if I felt the med, but I didn’t. I did say I felt tired, but that was it until I woke up in recovery.
With my tonsilectomy I’d felt cold when I awoke, and told them this before this op. They said they’d make sure I was kept warm. Sure enough, no probs with feeling cold. My nurse seemed to be with me almost all the time, but I know she went away. She asked how the pain was and gave me some morphine when it hurt. I noticed the time when I was first aware, and I know from my notes I was awake 30 minutes before that. And the time jumped, too. It would suddenly be fifteen minutes later.
On the ward it was ok. I now I was a bit woozy, but not too bad. I had a some water to drink and eventually wanted to eat something. I had some toast with butter on it. All was fine and I was hoping hubby would take me home. After I went to the loo, I was sitting in bed and suddenly felt ill. Hubby was rushing for a bowl, but it passed. About half an hour later I felt ill again and was sick. It was very quick, and immediately after I felt better. Some time later it happened again, so that sealed it: I was staying the night. Both times I suddenly felt ill, quickly was sick, and felt ok right after.
Before I could go home the next morning both my surgeons came and saw me. Then I had to wait for a physiotherapist to come around. She gave me a sheet and went through some exercises with me. I was given ibuprofen, paracetemol and hydrocodeine to take home.
I found the codeine made me feel extremely weird. I took to my bed maybe 40 minutes after taking it with breakfast the next day, and slept the entire morning away. I found out my dad and brother are allergic to it, and my sister has an intolerance. I haven’t taken it since.
The first five days I’d feel mostly fine, but suddenly become tired. After a rest I felt better again. Since Sunday I haven’t felt as tired, but still get tired patches in the day. That is a bit like getting tired while on chemo. Since Monday I’ve been having a strange feeling in my upper arm, on the inside and backside. It sometimes feels tight, sometimes feels tingly. I think this might be a lymph problem, but if I do the exercises from my sheet, it does help. I have also rubbed/massaged my arm, and that helps, too.
I had two dressings that I had to leave on for two days. After that I could have a shower. Under the dressings were steri-strips that I’m to leave on for ten days. Some of those have come off on their own. Those were all in the armpit, I suppose because that part moves around quite a lot. I had a mole in my armpit, which my surgeon removed for me while he did the rest. There were two stitches for that which had to come out. My GP’s nurse did that on Monday. She said the wounds look really good.
Be sure to do those exercises. They help keep your arm mobile and keep the lymph moving. Try not to favour that arm, but you aren’t to do any heavy lifting.
I’ve been driving my car, just around town (school run, doctor, groceries), since Monday. It is an automatic, so I don’t have to worry about changing gears. I also just shuffle my hands around the wheel like you’re taught during driving lessons. If you are naughty and drive hand-over-hand, that just won’t work.
Best of luck with your surgery! I hope I haven’t been too long-winded.
Not at all thats a great help.Going for pre-op tomorrow -so thats one thing out of the way.
Good Luck for tomorrow - hope you are not so nervous now!
Getting there thanks, see what Tues morn brings
Mary
Oh well bag is packed ready to go .Have chosen to go into tonight so not having to stay in waiting room tomorrow.Starting to feel really anxious and weepy now.My 19 year old daughter is in Australia and phoned this morning, made me realise how much I miss her, so made me cry even more, what am I like I need to get a grip but cant.
Mary
X
Mary-
Good idea to go into the hosp early and get all the pre-rush stuff done. There will also be time for last-minute things (that always come up) to be sorted out without repercussions. If it will help, you can say this to yourself:
“I am woman, I am strong” It comes from a lovely prayer/poem that describes a woman in great sorrow, going through both external and internal hell. She says, “I am strong because I am sure of my redeeming.” That phrase has become my motto. So give it a try.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow and knowing you will come out of this beautifully!
I love playing leapfrog with you on the Chit-Chat Fun forum, so let’s hear from you when you are up to it!!!
Hugs sweetie,
Emily
xxx
Thank you Emily,am sure I am just being over emotional .I enjoy Chit-Chat too, gets the grey matter working
Mary
x
Hi Mary
Will be thinking of you tomorrow. These things in reality are never as bad as your imagination can be.
with love
Topper x