Hi all, first I want to say how wonderful it is that a forum like this exists. I spent all evening yesterday reading the stories and support and advice which are such a comfort thank you.
So my story so far… I have had very hormonal painful boobs the last few years, I put this down to my age. Im 39. Back in May I realised there was a lump in an area that’s not usually lumpy and I was also getting pain in my armpit and the lump. It kept getting angry with exercise or knocking it accidentally. I have extreme health anxiety so I automatically booked an appointment with my gp and was referred. Unfortunately because of my anxiety, a lot of the time I get pasified and people just feel sorry for me. I tried so hard to guide them to the lump and they ultra sounded my boob but they just said it was dense tissue. To come back if things changed. I knew at the time I wasnt happy with that and couldnt believe they wasnt feeling what I could feel but, anxiety. So I have to get on with things and try to overcome these thoughts. I went back to the breast clinic 3 weeks ago because the lump was changing and the pain wasnt going away, they biopsied the now much more obvious lump and had to biopsy a node that was thicker than they wanted it to be.
Results yesterday. Thankfully the node was negative (although as you can imagine my anxiety brain is questioning that. What if the biopsy stick missed it?) but the lump was confirmed as breast cancer. The doctor thinks they didnt ultrasound the exact area. Will losing 3-4 months mean ive left things too late?
The doctor doesnt know yet what order treatment will be as he is waiting for the results on if its HER2 + or -. And the MRI I had found a different shaped lump, a slightly lighter colour, behind the main one and they spent a long time yesterday trying to biopsy that.
I have so many questions and worries.
The main lump is 2.3cm, the second one behind looks a bit smaller but a longer shape. I’m so worried this is because I’ve got this diagnosed too late. They rescanned my lympnodes and said they look ok and they arent worried about them but what if it has spread? I have all sorts of health anxiety aches and pains which are a result of muscle tension, what if it hasnt just been muscle tension?
I know all these answers will come in time but my brain is going crazy.
I will have so many more questions later on involving everything thats to cone.
My mum had breast cancer 10 years ago, they found it during a routine mammogram. They fixed her, she’s absolutely fine. So I know the process but I thought I had another 10 years atleast before I might need to deal with this. And hers was only 1 lump and no pain, mine is 2 lumps with pain. Do I have less chance of surviving this?
I have 2 teenage girls.
Everything feels a complete mess 
Could really do with some real honesty and support.x
Hi, sorry to hear your news this part of it all everyone says is the hardest I totally feel your pain with health anxiety and brain going into overdrive I was diagnosed in August had surgery in October and am having CT tomorrow then hopefully will get my chemo plan soon, the waiting and worrying for test/scan results is just awful everyone struggles with this bit but all say once you get a plan in place for treatment it gets a little easier. I was like you and wanted all the answers at the start but you just don’t get them without all the tests and awful waiting for results but talking to people on here a huge help! X
Thank you for replying. Im sorry for your diagnosis but it sounds like you are well on your way now. I think I would feel relief after an op. I remember me and mum celebrating that her lumpectomy had clear margins and no spread. Within 3 weeks she had no cancer. It made the treatment after easier. I really wish mine is the same. The 3 weeks wait was awful, the doctor pretty much told me I would need treatment but the diagnosis is still a shock. I do want all the answers. This is going to be the hardest test of my patience ever. As well as keeping my crazy brain in check
Dear friend
I waited six months for a diagnosis of breast cancer in 2003 and had the same fears as they told me in June my lump was benign so I couldn’t get it taken out until I changed hospitals and had the “fibroadenoma” removed on November 11 2003. On 5 December 2003 I was told I had breast cancer and I had another operation on 18 December pm.
The fact is I did not have a mastectomy, I had breast conservation surgery cos my tumour was near my armpit half way down and it was about the size of yours which is about average in size. Difficult to imagine when you think you are going to die of it!
As you can see I am still alive despite being diagnosed with early breast cancer in the same breast in 2022. I had a new primary cancer of a completely different type to the one I had first (when I was 47).
I am now 70 and don’t think I will die of breast cancer but who knows? It’s the living that matters and I am doing my best to enjoy life and use my talents to the full.
I did learn something from my experience the first time. I went to a fantastic support group at St Thomas’ Hospital and met some amazing women who helped me so much. It was an honour to meet them. I remember spending an afternoon drinking Pimm’s with lemonade and fresh fruit with ice from a shop near the London Eye and celebrating the joy of life.
Good luck whatever happens.
Seagulls
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Your positivity is a real help for me today. I’m so glad you were able to overcome both your diagnosis and are here now to help me 
Hi @foxgem
I’m sorry you have to be here, but welcome.
I think most people will agree that the waiting and not knowing is the hardest part so no wonder you are feeling anxious. Hopefully the HER2 results are through soon as then you’ll know more about your treatment plan. It somehow feels a lot easier when you know what is happening and when. Once you do know what it involves I am sure the lovely people here will be happy to share their experiences and offer support. x
Thank you for your reply. This forum is very helpful. I’m mindful not to dive too far into it until I have more details but its very helpful to know my thoughts and anxieties are normal.
I just spoke to one of the breast care nurses and she has helped reassure me also. They do believe this is early despite my worry about the delay so I have to cling to that for now. I know things might change as I go but for now I need to stop worrying so much about things I dont know. For now I’m going to keep telling myself, its early and they arent concerned about my lymphnodes. What happens next hasnt happened yet.
What a journey ive started!
Hi @foxgem I’m glad you’ve found the forum, you will get much support here. I would imagine that a sizeable percentage of people who, on getting a BC diagnosis, imagine that they have the Big C and think about getting their affairs in order. Many also imagine that the cancer is running amok through their bodies at warp speed. The truth is, as I’m sure you know, Stages 1-3 BC will not kill you as your breasts are not organs and the fact that your lymph nodes look clear is very hopeful of containment. In fact, your mother’s experience is the most common in that a minimum of 70% of women get through treatment and out the other side. So hold on to that. This is not to minimise your response to the situation - not knowing the full picture and what treatments you will face is awful for everyone. This time will pass and once your medical team have a complete picture you can start on the positive path of getting this thing gone. Until then - and it’s a relatively short period in the overall process (I know it doesn’t feel like that at the moment!), try to focus on getting yourself as fit as possible, this includes sleep and stress control, as it will aid your recovery. Not easy when you have health anxiety but tell yourself you are investing that energy into something positive rather than the negativity of pointless worry. Discuss it with your GP to see if there’s anything he or she can do or give you to help you through this short period. Keep posting here, ask questions, download or just for a rant - we get it and we’ve got you.
Thank you so much for your reply. There is so much there to hold on to. That was an emotional read but thank you for the positive outlook I will be reading all these replies today multiple times going forward. I cant thank each of you enough
Welcome to the forum @foxgem and so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. The waiting for results is always hard. I am HER2+ and there is a very supportive and friendly thread called HER2+ and need some buddies that you can join if you get that diagnosis. Treatment for HER2+ can last much longer than some other BC diagnoses.
I wanted to share some helpful links including the Younger Women Together for those under 45. You may also benefit from a chat with one of the lovely BCN nurses.
- Helpline: 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm). Speak to our trained helpline team. No questions are too big or too small.
- Ask Our Nurses: You can message our nurses here on the forum, or confidentially. Whatever you prefer.
- Someone Like Me: Will match you with a trained volunteer who’s had a similar experience to you. They’ll be a phone call or email away to answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen. Call on 0800 138 6551 or contact our email volunteers
- Younger Women Together: For people 45 and under. You can choose the support that suits you: online, one day or 2 day residential events. Find an event.
- Publications: Download and order publications. You can read online or order your copy for free. From managing menopausal symptoms, hormone treatment or triple negative breast cancer, our information is here for you.
- BECCA: Our free app is your pocket companion to primary breast cancer.
- Speaker Live: sessions are on every month. They focus on the topics that matter to you, lead by expert speakers from across the UK. You can register for one of our webinars, and watch it live, or as a recording. We also have Facebook and Instagram Live sessions run by our clinical team on a huge range of topics. You can find them all on YouTube
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- Access Fund – all our events are free, but if you need help getting there or accessing our services, let us know. Email us at accessfund@breastcancernow.org or call 0345 077 1893.
Keep us informed how you get on.
I think you’ve been given some excellent advice above, I agree with all of it.
I would strongly echo the advice of @Tigress - use the waiting time for prehab.
On this journey, there are things we cannot control or change - no matter how much we want to. The one thing we do have control of, is our physical fitness, diet and mental wellbeing - working on these whilst waiting for the plan and then treatments puts you in the best possible shape for the journey ahead.
Re mental wellbeing- both counselling and mindfulness could help. Some charities offer both.
X
Hi my @foxgem.
This is a very worrying time for anyone, but when you have heightened anxiety I can entirely understand how you might be feeling.
Let’s just unpick the positives first. Your team say your lymph nodes are fine. Hold on to this as a good sign.
The pathway works fast, so you will get concrete information very quickly. Given I am in a very similar position to you right now (waiting to hear if I am HER2 +ve or -ve) I feel every inch of your worry. To manage that anxiety while you wait, do some mindfulness breath work to try and soothe yourself and regulate the heart rate and calm your thoughts.
This is my second brush with cancer. One piece of advice from last time which really stuck with me was ‘if you haven’t been told it’s bad news, then it’s not bad news yet’. It might help you stay on top of your anxious thoughts.
My other critical piece of advice is this. Stay away from Dr Google. Just work with ‘what’s between the noses’ as I say. Stay with the conversations you are having with your care team who will give you information based on your personal diagnosis. Write all your questions down so you can ask the people who can give you concrete answers.
I can’t comment on your last question, but you should have been assigned a breast nurse. My advice to you is to give her a ring and get some reassurance, or refer you to get some extra support. My breast nurse has referred my to the psych team to get a counsellor and some treatment for anxiety.
Finally, break things down into smaller chunks. I have a series of treatments coming up. If I were to think of them as one big whole, I’d not cope. I’m just dealing with it ‘one appointment at a time’.
Sending you support by the bucket load. Hopefully you have a good network of friends and family who can support you in person. If you don’t feel you have that, then know you will get shed loads of support here.
Wishing you well as you navigate this. xxx
Such wise and beautiful words. I’m going to hold on to this. x
Thank you for those links. I will have a look today
Yes you are right. I dont have all the information yet but I do know I have cancer which means a fight one way or another. I hate not being productive so this will be a better path than googling and looking back wishing things be different. I need to get myself strong 
Thank you
Thank you so much for your positive outlook. I feel really blessed. Reading these comments really helps take me out of my own mind. Thoughts arent facts! My anxiety journey started many years ago so I have lots of tools I should be putting to the test. Now is the time to remember them.
Yesterday I tried to rest but I spent the majority of my day online, fretting. I am not good at sitting still for too long, my brain is too untrustworthy.
I’ve been inspired. I’m going to try to move a bit more today, to do the prep work. Small steps forward I think.
I’m so sorry to you and everyone going through this, all the waiting and all the uncertainty. I want to be stronger for myself, my family and for everyone here that needs support also.
Thank you so much. I hope you get your results soon
Ive read so many positive quotes and words I think I’m going to start writting them down in a journal so I can read them back to myself when I’m feeling anxious 
I have spent the last four weeks doing scrabble on my phone, reading trashy books and watching happy programmes to keep my brain distracted. Also doing all the right things to prepare health wise, and also the practical stuff. I have referred to my negative thoughts as ‘the demons’ and naming them helps me to see them in the room so that I can tell them to **** off.
My friend also called me a ‘Fierce B!tch’ the other day, so I’ve had a t shirt printed with that on. It is my Warrior outfit. I’m in a band, and plan to dye my hair pink and wear the t-shirt for my last gig on 21 November.
You are already strong. You’ve got this. X
@Jaygo that is amazing I am filled with happiness at your courage! I might need to find my warrior outfit haha
I myself have been invested in playing Yatzee on my phone and for some reason I started binge watching StarTrek 
anything to keep my mind occupied. What I really want is to walk. I feel like I need to get moving. I will be putting that on the list today also. Lots of inspiration today thank you
Yes to walking. I wish I could do that but I have a slipped disc and sciatica and can’t walk very far. However, I am setting an intention to do little walks up and down the park every day. The natural daylight will do wonders. Plus I have been going to the gym to do weights to help my back, and I will carry on with that to strengthen muscle. Both of these help immunity.
Go Boldly Fierce Warrior! xxxxx