newly diagnosed

hi,bit of technophobe so this may not appear!41yrs young with 2 fab boys.5 &14.dx with idc 14 march.wle & sn removal 4th april.basically cr****ping myself.keep thinking about initial surgery,then thinking ahead!daft i it normal to feel like this?very frightened! so scared of the 10 day wait for results.ultrasound didnt show any affected nodes but i realise that doesnt necessarily mean good news on that score. am i going mad!? help!


I am bumping this up for you , sorry you have to be here but there is lots of info and support

Take a look at the younger women threads there are mums with little ones on there and there will be threads with similar diagnosis.

You wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t scared, its all doable just take each bit as it happens

rhian x

Hi mummysboob

Firstly, welcome to the forums, I am sure you will find it a great source of information and support.

I’m sorry to read of your diagnosis, the first few days and weeks are always difficult when waiting for results and treatment plans.

I’ve given here the link to our Resource Pack, which has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed. The pack contains information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. … tionId/82/

Also, do give the helpline a ring if you need any further support or information. They’re on 0808 800 6000. Open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 9-2 Saturday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

hi mummysboob
sorry we had to meet you here ,like you iam 41 (with 6 kids ) and just been dx(dcis grade 3) my.wle & sn removal is next wends (30th) and like you i am crapping myself so you are not alone belive me you are not mad , i fell so guilty total messed up yet im not showing it to family been told i will have chemo after the results are in maybe rads after that , every back pain bad head i get i keep thinking is this to do with bc belive me its driving me mad and i know its not doing me any good some days i just want to run and hid hoping ill just wake up from this nightmare but truth is i have to face it so inside i maybe crying like a baby but wot everyone is seeing is someone making a joke of it (no joking matter i know ) but if i dont laugh now i never will is how i see it i have even been out got a wig just to show my son who has autism wot lies ahead . im not reading up on it as such as it seem to scare the crap out of me even more so i just stay on this site where i can read wot others are and have gone through and that keeps me going you have come to the right place everyone here is just brill i carnt wait for next week to be over just so i have some little piece of mind that its out so to speak , im more scared of the chemo than anything i think hair loss weight gain sickness , how mad is that and also my son having autism means he dont take to well to change well im sure going to go through alot of change, my daughters are all older youngest being 14 so can all come and talk to me about wot is going on and its easy to tell them im not going to lie to them when the time comes i know they will be my rock along with the members here wot i have found out is this wot i dont know or understand someone here will be able to help you there and when i need to shout ppl here will hear you your not mad and you are not alone
hugs to you
maz xxx

MB, you are NOT being daft, you are NOT going mad, you are being NORMAL. You are also at the worst and most emotional time, because you still don’t know the full extent of what you’re dealing with, and not knowing is probably worse than even bad news.

The resources Sam has pointed you at are very good and should give you a bit of a framework on which to hang the new bits of information as you get them.

I have a couple of tips to pass on, some of which you might find useful.

Get a notebook and write down any questions you have, as you think of them. You can then get your notebook out and ask your questions (write down the answers too!) next time you see one of your care team. It’s a good thing to be able to cross off a question because you’ve got the answer.

If you’re wondering how to deal with your 5-yr-old, a lot of mums with that kind of age kids have found a BCC publication “Mummy’s Lump” really helpful for explaining to a younger child what’s going on.

Give the helpline a ring if you want to talk things over with a voice on the end of the phone who really knows what they’re talking about. They are brilliant. (Thank you, BCC.)

Don’t google indiscriminately. If you are the sort of person who needs to know things, restrict yourself to reputable and relevant websites such as this one (the Publications section is excellent, but again restrict yourself to the bits that are relevant to you), Macmillan, Cancer Research, that kind of thing, and avoid like the plague the single-issue and scaremongering sites that often have inaccurate, out-of-date and very skewed “information”.

If you can, be kind to yourself. If you have something you can bury your mind in to give yourself a break from thinking about cancer 24/7, do it. I found my head got really tired with all the worrying, so getting on and doing something that has nothing to do with cancer can be a welcome relief.

Use the forums as much as you like, here you will find people who understand your worries and fears like no-one else can, and putting your worries and fears into words can help you to manage them without going completely round the bend.

Take your time telling people, and only do so when YOU are ready to. There’s no hurry, there’s no reason why everyone needs to know, so do things at your own pace. (I still haven’t told my 89-yr-old dad, for example, as I know it would only worry him. He can’t DO anything about it, and frankly I could do without the stress of dealing with him fretting at me when all I want to do is get on with things in my own way.)

If you find you need to have a procedure or scan or test, post on here to find out what’s what. For example, if you’re booked in for an MRI scan people can give you tips on what it’s like and how to make it more comfortable (warm socks and fluffy PJ trousers!).

Good luck, we’re with you.


Hello Mummysboob

So sorry you have had to join us but the warmest of welcomes to you.

I like you have idc, 3cm with wle and slnb on 29 March and I too am c***ping myself also. My nodes appeared clear on the ultrasound and hence the Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy that will be done at the time of the surgery in order to confirm they are clear.

I am totally with you, the rollercoaster of emotions, tears one minute laughter the next, this is perfectly normal so go with it. Take the advice given by Choccie and do not think too far ahead and do not read up more than you need to it is very easy to let it take over your life and that will only leave you totally exhausted, I know! I cannot imagine having to try to explain to very young children, it was hard telling my son of 23 but again it is all doable. The ‘waiting room’ as they refer to it on the forum is horrible and I hated every single minute of it but sadly it is part of the process and the only way to find out what they need to do so try to be patient and to help you through have a rant on here we all understand.

As hard as it is keep reminding yourself that this is going to be treated and you can go on to live a long, full and happy life this is just another little blip sent to try you. You absolutely are NOT going mad so don’t think it or say it what you are feeling is perfectly normal I feel just the same really I do.

For the coming days just keep your head up and smile, its hard but do it you will feel much better. We are all with you every step of the way, whatever support you need you have got it.

Tracy xx

hi all and thanks for your calm,reassuring posts.wish i had not needed to find this site but reckon it will be invaluble to me.u all seem so clued up on things-guess i will be soon and a computor whizz to boot!i went from visitig gp with THE LUMP! to being dx in 6 days so still v surreal.maz,like u,happy smily outside but screamin shoutin inside!tryin to be normal for kids and u hav it harder than me with 6 and1 bein autistic.i work with teens with severe asd so hav a small insight of your worries u, the poss chemo thing and the lovely things that go with it scare me more than anything!silly eh?CM-good advice bout the tellin folk of the"leave me alone 2 be ill by myself camp"hate fuss and people worrying bout me.still at the blub like a baby stagewen tellin any one.thank god for texting!!throwin myself into work for my last wk b4 op on 4th.busy def helps and my oh has banned me fom googling random things!thanx all,will post again soon when i think of somethin new 2 worry the waitin room thing totally sucks xxx

ps maz,why r u def havin chemo if ur wle & sn biopsy isnt til wed if u dont mind me askin?xx


Once they receive the results of the biopsy that is taken at your first appointment they can usually tell you if you are going to need chemo. I was told that I will defo have chemo for five months once the lump is removed and they are sure they have clear margins and no further surgery is required. This is due to my age (46) the size of the lump (3cm), they give you chemo to ensure that the whole body is blasted to be free of any stray cancer cells and then radiotherapy once chemo is finished to blast the breast. I have been told once chemo is finished I will have 3 weeks of rads.

I hope this clarifies things a little.

Keep smiling

Tracy xx

just as tracy has put it the age thing,(for once im younge ) i was told on my first appointment too i dont know how long tho but at my last appointment they did say i may have rads after this i guess i will know after the results are back in about 3 weeks just wot and when ,

tracy will be thinking about you on tuesday xx

Thanks Honeybee, trying hard not to think too much about it but know this is the start of the road to recovery so I must face it no matter what. Its good to know that people are out there thinking of you.

Will keep you informed how it goes.

Tracy xx

hi tracy, thanx 4 ur post u feelin? prob pants if its way i feel! ha! i really didnt feel that chemo and such was an option 4 me but i now realise they may be softening the blow?hey ho bring it on!chemo?we will kick its bum 2 oblivion!!xxx

thats just how im looking at it MB just go with the flow and kick in the bum ,tracy my op is wens and like you im trying not to think about it as such wots funny is im trying to see just how much i can do with 1 arm lol not much but i really dont know wot ill be like after all im thinking is this dam lump will be out seeing as i can feel and see mine all the time and altho i may be sore it will be worth it in the end

thanks honey bee and miniminx!u have both been big help 4 me last couple of days!hopefully i will have more answers after my op on 4th will post shortly!bit cross my bcn only mentioned wle and snd and rads after.thats the best case scenario? thinking of u x alex x

ihi i wasnt really thinking about the post op.scenario!4 once in my my life i may get a cuppa in bed.for at least one day please!

mb just cos we have been told chemo dont mean you would have the same my mother had bc 10 yrs ago and only had rads cant remember the name of the pills she took for 5 yrs too after the wle she is doing fine, at first i was told it would be only chemo but last appointment told rads too but like you wont really know untill after the op i guess it all about wot kind of bc you have and wot they find out
hugs maz

thanks for ur latest post maz;big hugs back x tomorrow is another hopfully sunny day!god this cancer thing is so crappy!sleep well!alex xx

Dearest Alex & Maz

Alex as Maz has said just because we have been told chemo does not mean that will be the treatment plan for your cancer so try not to panic and take each day as it comes. When my grandfather had bc about 15 years ago (yes I did say Grandfather) he had a lumpectomy and node removal, rads and then was on tamoxifen for 3 years after that. At no time did he have chemo either.

I will reiterate that my BCN did say that a lump over 2cm (mine is 3cm) and age do tend to mean chemo as they need to get rid of any stray cells to provide this whole body protection.

Maz if I am totally honest I am c******g myself and feel like time is going as slow as it possibly can because I just want to get this operation over and done with. I am also dreading the two week wait to find out if the margins are clear and no further surgery is required. Trying to keep busy but find myself wandering around in a daze thinking too much really. Just cannot concentrate again just like the ‘waiting room’ thing all over again. Got to think positive though.

I wish you all the very very best for Wednesday. I will be thinking of you Maz, let us know how you go and that you are ok.

Alex I am so glad to have been able to offer you some comfort, do keep in touch and send me a pm if you need a chat anytime.

Love to both
Tracy xxx

thanx 4 ur posts last nite maz and tracey re chemo. iknow im looking 2 far ahead but hey i like 2 be organised!not!! my LUMP is 2.5 cm and im41 so if that means chemo then bring it on! i hope u both are chilling out and relaxing as much as can this wkend b4 ur ops nxt and hugs 2 u both;hope all goes well and will be thinking of u both.all the love and luck in the world alex xx

alex you think your looking to far ahead how about me buying a cheep wig just so my autistic son can see wot they are like did make us laugh today when everyone had a go putting it on even the men in the family but altho i was laughing at first it has made me think for the rest of the day i have been in a right mood holding the tears back feeling sick ect i carnt show my son how this is upsetting me but im sure he feels somethink as he ask me all the time if im ok, im going to go for a shower in a mo just so i can let it all out .like i said before im 41 so im classed as young the one time we get called young and it dont feel good also mine is the same size as tracys 3cm . it is best to take 1 day at a time you are not alone we are here for you and nodoubt you will be there for us thats wot i love about being here there is always someone around to help you out as tracy said got to think positive i know that isnt always easy to do but we are stronger than we think (i dont belive i just said that cos everyone keeps saying “god maz your so strong” but i dont feel it )but i guess they are right i wouldnt let some sod punch me in the face and get away with it so i aint going to let this im thinking of naming my left breast after my ex he couldnt knock me down then he sure as hell aint going to do it now take care both of you pm me too if you ever want to chat my laptop is on 24 /7 (i got a new one after punching my other one out last week ) maz x