Oh where to start…age 43, diagnosed November with 18mm IDC, had lumpectomy and started on Tamoxifen, with radiotherapy starting this week. Clear margins after surgery and no lymph node involvement. Been told I’m ‘lucky’ as it was caught so early. Oncologist said less than 5% chance of it coming back, Consultant said chances of recurrence are extremely low. So why do I feel ‘unlucky’. Had Little Miss Positive face on since diagnosis and now have fell off some kind of mental cliff as all I think about is that it will come back. Every day, all day. Then feel guilty as I was only stage one…again as I am ‘lucky’. How have you all managed to move on after treatment ended? Does the recurrence fear ever recede? Feel like every single thing I read is that it will come back, saw a statistic that 40% of breast cancers will come back (admittedly should of stayed off Google as a study in Denmark circa 2011 is the thing I’ve honed in on…). Sorry for the ramble but at the moment I feel like I’ve dodged it but it will just boomerang back and get me. I’m struggling to plan anything in the future, as I keep telling myself I won’t be here to see my daughter get married, go to uni, won’t get to retire and spend the pension I’ve worked my arse off for.
I was diagnosed with Stage 1 in November, also. I have a lumpectomy scheduled in February 14th (Happy Valentine’s Day” to me). I have implants (2 yrs old in March 2025), and still wonder if that surgery caused my breast cancer. My sister had Stage 1 breast cancer 14 yrs ago, and is doing well. She had the lumpectomy and went through radiation. My Oncology Surgeon said that according to a new study, I could take the Anastozole instead of radiation, so I elected the Anastozole. I’m wondering if I made the right choice??
hardly lucky to get breast cancer at age 43 - only 1 in 50 women aged 40-50 get breast cancer. The good news is the tumour is slightly smaller than the average 2cm, and you have no lymph node involvement.
I was diagnosed in 2003 with breast cancer, my lump was less than 1 cm but of a rare type which worried me a lot. I had no lymph node involvement. It was grade 1 which is the lowest grade, cells looked quite like normal ones. This is the least likely to spread, but I did have some other areas of odd growth of cells (atypical hyperplasia) which I dismissed.
I had surgery called a quadratectomy or segmental mastectomy by my hospital (Barts in London), was told to take tamoxifen and decided not to take the tamoxifen and go back to work as soon as possible. I worked through radiotherapy (15 sessions over three weeks Monday to Friday).
Now they have cut the number of days of radiotherapy but I burnt a lot and it hurt like bad sunburn. Not everyone has this, it depends on what the oncologists decide.
For many years I was cancer free as far as I knew but 19 years later I was diagnosed with a typical case of ductal breast cancer this time with a lymph node I had in my breast next to it. I am unusual in having these kind of lymph nodes in my breast.
What I am trying to say is that being a woman is an increased risk factor for breast cancer for us all our lives. Men can also get it but it is rare for men.
Do not assume you are cured by breast cancer treatment and take account of changes to treatment in future years. This timehave been given completely different advice on carrying heavy loads on the cancer side so I now regularly lug compost rounf the garden at nearly 70 years old!
seagulls
Hi @lambo01 you’re far too early in the process to be able to come to terms with what has happened and that includes worrying about it happening again. I was Stage 1 when diagnosed in July 2022 and it took me around 18 months to stop thinking about recurrence every day. The figure that you saw of 40% is incorrect. Even IF it was correct at the time, it will have changed in the intervening years due to advances in cancer treatments. Recurrence depends on a lot of things - grade, size of tumour, node involvement, age and histology and it sounds as if your stage, size and histology (you mentioned Tamoxifen so it is obviously er+) are all very favourable. There are no guarantees of course and that is something that everyone who has any form of cancer has to come to terms with. You will come to terms with it over time as no-one can live a productive life in the grip of long-term fear. In the short term, have you considered asking your GP for something to help? I would also recommend that you investigate the free BUPA counselling offered by MacMillan. You can find out more about it here Free counselling for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support.
You might also find the Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward course to be helpful . You can find out more about it here Moving Forward | Breast Cancer Now. If you live anywhere near a Maggie’s centre, found in both NHS or private hospitals, drop in and have a chat. Find your closest one here https://www.maggies.org/. Finally, having a call with the wonderful Breast Cancer Now nurses can help put things in to perspective so call them on 0808 800 6000 from 9am to 4pm Monday to Friday or to 1pm on Saturday.
You’re having valid feelings and fears at the moment so don’t compare your situation with anyone else’s. Give yourself time to process what has happened and use the tools available some of which I’ve mentioned above. It will get easier.
Thanks @Tigress. Someone else did mention the Moving Forward course so I’ll definitely
look into that. I’m normally quite a rationale and methodical person so the unknown doesn’t sit well with me-it’s just trying to find a way that it doesn’t drive me mental and I can move forward. I’m very fortunate that I have counselling available through my work, so I think once I get radiotherapy out the way I’ll look into that as well. I’m finding it hard to talk to my husband about my fears and also the new hatred towards my body that I’ve looked after it and it’s done this to me 
it’s such a minefield of emotion, so thank you for taking the time to reply x
Thanks so much for the reply @Seagulls. My first thought was 2003, wow that’s quite recent as I still think that was just yesterday and now just feel old! 
lugging things round the garden I hold my hands up to you as I think I’d end up in physio if I even tried! My Oncologist echoed what you said about the biggest risk factor being a female. He was so good at telling me no, you’ve not caused this and that my vigilance in getting something a little ‘off’ checked out means I’ve got the best out the worst possible circumstances. I actually got a wee book to write things like that down so when I have a wobble I can try and get myself back together. I’m sure time will be a healer of sorts, and that I can help reassure others going through this x
Hi @yorkiemom3, thanks for the reply. Sorry to hear of your diagnosis and wish you well for your lumpectomy and recovery. I haven’t read anything anywhere about implants contributing to breast cancer. I think we reach for anything when diagnosed. I don’t fit any of the risk categories, the Oncologist just said to me it’s bad luck and you’re female, that’s the biggest risk. I went through a range of things thinking it was as I had my daughter past the age of 35, due to not being able to breastfeed, the fact I drink Diet Coke….rational, no, but acceptable after your world is crushed, absolutely. I think the main thing I’ve read about the hormone therapy is that if you don’t tolerate one then there are other options available so definitely go back to your Nurse if you are struggling. I’ve had no side effects from Tamoxifen so think I am quite fortunate in that regard. I’m glad to hear you have your sister who has been through as support. I’ve a friend who has been through this and she just gets it when I vent. People don’t get it until they have been through it, which is one of the reasons I joined the forum.
Hi @lambo01
I’m a few weeks ahead of you treatment wise, diagnosed Jun, and finished rads two weeks ago.
My recurrence worry has subsided a little, but it’s not disappeared all together. This forum is very helpful and supportive but it does include posts from people unfortunate to have a recurrence, and it can feel as thou there are more than you expect. I have mixed thoughts…Do I want to know about so many recurrences? Or do I want to ignore they exist? Should I stop using sites like this, and if so can I archive the past 6 months? Yes, no, I don’t know! My answers change that quickly, I sometimes can’t keep up.
My mind felt lighter once I knew the active treatment was coming to an end, and I could think more about normal, positive things I want to do. Give yourself a bit more time, if you’re still struggling there is a lot of support to be found.
Best wishes x
I thought my breast looked totally deformed after surgery despite all the stuff the surgeon told me. In those days Barts insisted on me having topless pics taken and. Have no idea what happened to them.
When I got copies of all my notes from 2003-4 from Barts the photos were missing! Anyway after a few years I got used to the new me so by 2022 when I found another couple of lumps I had come to terms with it.
I had radiotherapy in 2004 so I knew getting cancer again in the same breast would mean a mastectomy this time -which I did not want. I avoided going to an appointment one bank holiday in July 2022 at my local hospital and got referred to Guy’s which I thought might be a better option.
i had a mastectomy and diep reconstruction on the same day - at 67. It is much better than the reconstructions of 2004. In those days there was a booklet with pics of reconstructions and doctors loved it as they were all pretty mediocre and probably put a lot of women off having surgery!
Twenty years on the results are much better but they still have a problem with nipples - our original ones have a lot of ducts in them so are frowned upon by cancer docs but without a nipple the recon bosom is not really authentic.
Nevertheless my reconstruction is warm, and I can swim at the gym in a one piece costume and feel fine.
Seagulls
I had breast cancer in 2015. Had lumpectomy amd some. Lymphnodes removed followed by radio therapy. I didnt like taking the letrozole due to side effects felt like some one at 93 coming down stairs in my bum. Asked my oncolagist what the % was if i stopoed taking them of cancer coming back he said about 2%. I said im sorry my quality of life is more important right now. I stopped taking the lleteozole and bounced back to my fitness zumba/gym/walking etc felt great. Ianaged 9 years cancee free tjen lasr year was back again in same boob found on mamagram botj times. I had to have a Masectomy due to already javing radio therapy last time. Ive jad a Diep flap opp doing ok but back on letrozole this time im going tonhave to carry on with the tablers but have found a brand im ok with last time they kept swappong brands so now my chemist will order my brand in specially for me. I Offten wonder if it came back due to me stoppong taking letrozole after 3months. Any one else??
Sorry about the spelling I tye so fast on my phone and send before check 
Impossible to say whether not taking letrozole made it come back faster or if it made a difference to your new diagnosis. Was it a recurrence of previous cancer or a different type? Mine was in the same breast but a new kind so I think it happened more because I had unstable breast cells still there.
I didn’t take tamoxifen as prescribed as I was working and it would have been a nuisance and expensive as we had to pay for prescriptions and it was pretty hefty.
I am really glad I opted not to take any meds but I am sorry I didn’t have a child as I could have had.
I wanted a donor egg and donor sperm so I wouldn’t be related to it and could not pass on the cancer. It would have been too expensive though.
It annoyed me when I heard of a 66 year old doctor who went abroad to Spain and Italy to have another child. It’s so much easier if you are rich but I mustn’t grumble - not having children freed me up to do what I liked.
It’s only now I really regret it as I feel lonely and unloved. I need to give myself a little affection as I deserve it for having lived through breast cancer twice now. I am doing my best to make every day a happy one.
Seagulls
There’s absolutely no telling for sure @chilt7777 if giving up the AET contributed. For every person on this forum who has had a recurrence or a new diagnosis, there are dozens of people who aren’t on the forum as they haven’t. There is no way of telling if an individual will or won’t, just some data which approximates one’s situation on which to base a guess. This is why, when refusing or giving up a treatment, a person has to be absolutely sure that they will be able to deal on an emotional level with a recurrence if it happens. It is a very hard and very personal decision to make and understandable that many choose to gamble. I’m sorry that it’s come back and I hope your treatment plan is successful.
I’m sorry your head is where it is at right now. It’s a process and counseling may help or some temp meds to chill the anxiety. As for the boomerang… yep, it may come back but if you’re living your best life in the meantime then so be it. We could all be hit by a car tomorrow, etc., but it doesn’t mean we stop and roll over. So instead of a long lecture, I will tell you I was 46 with 1.2cm IDC ER+. I had 2 micromets in the lymph nodes and did surgery, chemo and rads. I had 2 young children (9 & 13) and barely let them know there was an issue. Yes, they knew I had cancer (9 year old helped shave my head), but they also saw mom just move on. So now I could be part of that Danish study. 14 years later and it came back. Fortunately it wasn’t Stage IV. It was a local recurrence and I just finished DMX this time, DIEP reconstruction and fortunately no lymph nodes. Does it suck… yep. Is my life now at 60 filled with this crap… yep. But soon it will be a distant memory again and another one of those shitty experience in life.
I completely get where you’re coming from with this. I’m 3 years on from a diagnosis of ER+ HER2- BC T1bNoMo, stage and grade 1, invasive 10mm with 2 areas of DCIS. First biopsy showed tubular cells too which rarely metastasise but I still don’t know if it was all true tubular. I had a mastectomy and Tamoxifen.
I was also told to feel lucky and that I’d be okay. Obviously I didn’t and was terrified, and that feeling continued for at least 18 months. I had to have counselling with Macmillan to stop me catastrophising every little thing, which I learned I was doing in my every day life too. In short, I was a worrier.
It does take time to come to terms with things but do get some help if you struggle every day with it. Getting diagnosed with BC of any type, stage and grade is a very traumatic and frightening experience and everyone’s experience is different of course.
I’ve also read about the Danish study. It seems that ER+ BC there is quite a long stretch that it can reoccur, even 20/30 years later. I’ve read there is a lot to be done with lifestyle changes and with this type of cancer it’s very important to lose weight and reduce alcohol consumption - work in progress on both scores for me -
All you can do is your best. We have been lucky that it was caught so early and in time you will enjoy your life again and think about it less. It will just take time.
All the best x
Aw I totally get the worry and think it’s perfectly normal for anyone who has been through what you have been through to feel that way. I was told I was lucky when first diagnosed as it was stage 1, but then after surgery I was ‘upgraded’ to stage 2 due to the tumour being bigger and there being a positive node. This just made me panic more as people stopped saying I was lucky, so I pretty much picked my funeral songs.
I’m still in active treatment (rads starts on Thursday for 20 sessions) so it’s still very raw and I think about recurrence pretty much daily. Actually…I think about secondaries more than recurrence. A recurrence would be horrid but secondaries terrify me. I am hoping that as time passes the fear will fade to a manageable hum instead of a bone-shaking crescendo. We shall see.
I try not to read too many studies. I have read enough now to feel sufficiently informed about my treatment and the kind of cancer I have. I found that the studies just made me too focused on survival rates and death rates and prognosis…it reminded me of the height of covid when the death toll was on the news every half hour and we were all perpetually on edge. I’ve decided it’s just best for me to back off from it.
Counselling will help I think! I think I will access some when all of the big ticket treatment is over. I really hope as time goes on your sense of dread starts to fade 
Thanks for the response @rockym and sorry to hear you’ve had to go through everything again. I think time will definitely help and probably talking to someone outwith my family and friends so I can get the really stupid things in my head out to someone and then put them away in a wee box somewhere in my head! I can’t escape the chance of a recurrence/secondary as we all have it, but I just need to stay vigilant as I was and that led to this diagnosis. Like you said I could be under a bus tomorrow and then feel like quite an idiot for not going out and seizing the good and never ever take my healthy for granted.
Thanks for the reply @sharlou. Secondaries is pretty much what I mean when I say recurrence-that fear it will creep back and I won’t feel or notice anything until it’s too late. Even though I doubt I’ll ever not be checking myself or going to my GP at the slightest twinge!
I’ve decided to stop reading statistics and studies. My husband was annoyed at me the other night going ‘did Covid teach you nothing’ in terms of how skewed studies can be and statistics are out of date and misinterpreted almost immediately. I wish you well with your Radiotherapy. Mine starts on Thursday and I’m feeling good that it will finish off this treatment.
I had to confide in a colleague today about my diagnosis as she’s just started and I’m meant to be working on a project with her, and now I’ll be off work having the rads. She ended up telling me she carries the BRAC gene and lost her mum, aunt and nana to cancer and had a double mastectomy a few years ago. It was quite sobering to realise actually we are lucky to be in the position we are in even though it’s utter pants!
@lambo01 I’m not a believer in luck and thankfully nor is my surgeon. When he gave me the results of my original biopsy his response was “this is totally doable, we will get this sorted”. It was said with a confident smile and was totally reassuring. I trusted him completely and I always will. Do I worry about it coming back? Of course I do but I can honestly say a year on it’s only a passing thought now and usually if I get an odd twinge or ache, in fact I still don’t quite believe I had breast cancer until I notice the big dent in my breast.
It will ease for you and I wouldn’t wish this type of “luck” on anyone.
Take care xxx
@Seagulls Thinking of you and you are loved xxxx