Oh where to start…age 43, diagnosed November with 18mm IDC, had lumpectomy and started on Tamoxifen, with radiotherapy starting this week. Clear margins after surgery and no lymph node involvement. Been told I’m ‘lucky’ as it was caught so early. Oncologist said less than 5% chance of it coming back, Consultant said chances of recurrence are extremely low. So why do I feel ‘unlucky’. Had Little Miss Positive face on since diagnosis and now have fell off some kind of mental cliff as all I think about is that it will come back. Every day, all day. Then feel guilty as I was only stage one…again as I am ‘lucky’. How have you all managed to move on after treatment ended? Does the recurrence fear ever recede? Feel like every single thing I read is that it will come back, saw a statistic that 40% of breast cancers will come back (admittedly should of stayed off Google as a study in Denmark circa 2011 is the thing I’ve honed in on…). Sorry for the ramble but at the moment I feel like I’ve dodged it but it will just boomerang back and get me. I’m struggling to plan anything in the future, as I keep telling myself I won’t be here to see my daughter get married, go to uni, won’t get to retire and spend the pension I’ve worked my arse off for.
I was diagnosed with Stage 1 in November, also. I have a lumpectomy scheduled in February 14th (Happy Valentine’s Day” to me). I have implants (2 yrs old in March 2025), and still wonder if that surgery caused my breast cancer. My sister had Stage 1 breast cancer 14 yrs ago, and is doing well. She had the lumpectomy and went through radiation. My Oncology Surgeon said that according to a new study, I could take the Anastozole instead of radiation, so I elected the Anastozole. I’m wondering if I made the right choice??
hardly lucky to get breast cancer at age 43 - only 1 in 50 women aged 40-50 get breast cancer. The good news is the tumour is slightly smaller than the average 2cm, and you have no lymph node involvement.
I was diagnosed in 2003 with breast cancer, my lump was less than 1 cm but of a rare type which worried me a lot. I had no lymph node involvement. It was grade 1 which is the lowest grade, cells looked quite like normal ones. This is the least likely to spread, but I did have some other areas of odd growth of cells (atypical hyperplasia) which I dismissed.
I had surgery called a quadratectomy or segmental mastectomy by my hospital (Barts in London), was told to take tamoxifen and decided not to take the tamoxifen and go back to work as soon as possible. I worked through radiotherapy (15 sessions over three weeks Monday to Friday).
Now they have cut the number of days of radiotherapy but I burnt a lot and it hurt like bad sunburn. Not everyone has this, it depends on what the oncologists decide.
For many years I was cancer free as far as I knew but 19 years later I was diagnosed with a typical case of ductal breast cancer this time with a lymph node I had in my breast next to it. I am unusual in having these kind of lymph nodes in my breast.
What I am trying to say is that being a woman is an increased risk factor for breast cancer for us all our lives. Men can also get it but it is rare for men.
Do not assume you are cured by breast cancer treatment and take account of changes to treatment in future years. This timehave been given completely different advice on carrying heavy loads on the cancer side so I now regularly lug compost rounf the garden at nearly 70 years old!
seagulls
Hi @lambo01 you’re far too early in the process to be able to come to terms with what has happened and that includes worrying about it happening again. I was Stage 1 when diagnosed in July 2022 and it took me around 18 months to stop thinking about recurrence every day. The figure that you saw of 40% is incorrect. Even IF it was correct at the time, it will have changed in the intervening years due to advances in cancer treatments. Recurrence depends on a lot of things - grade, size of tumour, node involvement, age and histology and it sounds as if your stage, size and histology (you mentioned Tamoxifen so it is obviously er+) are all very favourable. There are no guarantees of course and that is something that everyone who has any form of cancer has to come to terms with. You will come to terms with it over time as no-one can live a productive life in the grip of long-term fear. In the short term, have you considered asking your GP for something to help? I would also recommend that you investigate the free BUPA counselling offered by MacMillan. You can find out more about it here Free counselling for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support.
You might also find the Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward course to be helpful . You can find out more about it here Moving Forward | Breast Cancer Now. If you live anywhere near a Maggie’s centre, found in both NHS or private hospitals, drop in and have a chat. Find your closest one here https://www.maggies.org/. Finally, having a call with the wonderful Breast Cancer Now nurses can help put things in to perspective so call them on 0808 800 6000 from 9am to 4pm Monday to Friday or to 1pm on Saturday.
You’re having valid feelings and fears at the moment so don’t compare your situation with anyone else’s. Give yourself time to process what has happened and use the tools available some of which I’ve mentioned above. It will get easier.
Thanks @Tigress. Someone else did mention the Moving Forward course so I’ll definitely
look into that. I’m normally quite a rationale and methodical person so the unknown doesn’t sit well with me-it’s just trying to find a way that it doesn’t drive me mental and I can move forward. I’m very fortunate that I have counselling available through my work, so I think once I get radiotherapy out the way I’ll look into that as well. I’m finding it hard to talk to my husband about my fears and also the new hatred towards my body that I’ve looked after it and it’s done this to me 
it’s such a minefield of emotion, so thank you for taking the time to reply x
Thanks so much for the reply @Seagulls. My first thought was 2003, wow that’s quite recent as I still think that was just yesterday and now just feel old! 
lugging things round the garden I hold my hands up to you as I think I’d end up in physio if I even tried! My Oncologist echoed what you said about the biggest risk factor being a female. He was so good at telling me no, you’ve not caused this and that my vigilance in getting something a little ‘off’ checked out means I’ve got the best out the worst possible circumstances. I actually got a wee book to write things like that down so when I have a wobble I can try and get myself back together. I’m sure time will be a healer of sorts, and that I can help reassure others going through this x
Hi @yorkiemom3, thanks for the reply. Sorry to hear of your diagnosis and wish you well for your lumpectomy and recovery. I haven’t read anything anywhere about implants contributing to breast cancer. I think we reach for anything when diagnosed. I don’t fit any of the risk categories, the Oncologist just said to me it’s bad luck and you’re female, that’s the biggest risk. I went through a range of things thinking it was as I had my daughter past the age of 35, due to not being able to breastfeed, the fact I drink Diet Coke….rational, no, but acceptable after your world is crushed, absolutely. I think the main thing I’ve read about the hormone therapy is that if you don’t tolerate one then there are other options available so definitely go back to your Nurse if you are struggling. I’ve had no side effects from Tamoxifen so think I am quite fortunate in that regard. I’m glad to hear you have your sister who has been through as support. I’ve a friend who has been through this and she just gets it when I vent. People don’t get it until they have been through it, which is one of the reasons I joined the forum.
Hi @lambo01
I’m a few weeks ahead of you treatment wise, diagnosed Jun, and finished rads two weeks ago.
My recurrence worry has subsided a little, but it’s not disappeared all together. This forum is very helpful and supportive but it does include posts from people unfortunate to have a recurrence, and it can feel as thou there are more than you expect. I have mixed thoughts…Do I want to know about so many recurrences? Or do I want to ignore they exist? Should I stop using sites like this, and if so can I archive the past 6 months? Yes, no, I don’t know! My answers change that quickly, I sometimes can’t keep up.
My mind felt lighter once I knew the active treatment was coming to an end, and I could think more about normal, positive things I want to do. Give yourself a bit more time, if you’re still struggling there is a lot of support to be found.
Best wishes x
I thought my breast looked totally deformed after surgery despite all the stuff the surgeon told me. In those days Barts insisted on me having topless pics taken and. Have no idea what happened to them.
When I got copies of all my notes from 2003-4 from Barts the photos were missing! Anyway after a few years I got used to the new me so by 2022 when I found another couple of lumps I had come to terms with it.
I had radiotherapy in 2004 so I knew getting cancer again in the same breast would mean a mastectomy this time -which I did not want. I avoided going to an appointment one bank holiday in July 2022 at my local hospital and got referred to Guy’s which I thought might be a better option.
i had a mastectomy and diep reconstruction on the same day - at 67. It is much better than the reconstructions of 2004. In those days there was a booklet with pics of reconstructions and doctors loved it as they were all pretty mediocre and probably put a lot of women off having surgery!
Twenty years on the results are much better but they still have a problem with nipples - our original ones have a lot of ducts in them so are frowned upon by cancer docs but without a nipple the recon bosom is not really authentic.
Nevertheless my reconstruction is warm, and I can swim at the gym in a one piece costume and feel fine.
Seagulls
I had breast cancer in 2015. Had lumpectomy amd some. Lymphnodes removed followed by radio therapy. I didnt like taking the letrozole due to side effects felt like some one at 93 coming down stairs in my bum. Asked my oncolagist what the % was if i stopoed taking them of cancer coming back he said about 2%. I said im sorry my quality of life is more important right now. I stopped taking the lleteozole and bounced back to my fitness zumba/gym/walking etc felt great. Ianaged 9 years cancee free tjen lasr year was back again in same boob found on mamagram botj times. I had to have a Masectomy due to already javing radio therapy last time. Ive jad a Diep flap opp doing ok but back on letrozole this time im going tonhave to carry on with the tablers but have found a brand im ok with last time they kept swappong brands so now my chemist will order my brand in specially for me. I Offten wonder if it came back due to me stoppong taking letrozole after 3months. Any one else??
Sorry about the spelling I tye so fast on my phone and send before check 
Impossible to say whether not taking letrozole made it come back faster or if it made a difference to your new diagnosis. Was it a recurrence of previous cancer or a different type? Mine was in the same breast but a new kind so I think it happened more because I had unstable breast cells still there.
I didn’t take tamoxifen as prescribed as I was working and it would have been a nuisance and expensive as we had to pay for prescriptions and it was pretty hefty.
I am really glad I opted not to take any meds but I am sorry I didn’t have a child as I could have had.
I wanted a donor egg and donor sperm so I wouldn’t be related to it and could not pass on the cancer. It would have been too expensive though.
It annoyed me when I heard of a 66 year old doctor who went abroad to Spain and Italy to have another child. It’s so much easier if you are rich but I mustn’t grumble - not having children freed me up to do what I liked.
It’s only now I really regret it as I feel lonely and unloved. I need to give myself a little affection as I deserve it for having lived through breast cancer twice now. I am doing my best to make every day a happy one.
Seagulls