Ive managed to work all way through part time. Missed the odd day here and there due to extreme tiredness. Sleeping hasnt been my thing all way through. Usually id walk dog a few hours a day but had to be kind to myself and cut back on that. Anxiety is kicking in now towards the end and approaching radiotherapy. Its more so having to travel to a different hospital thats worrying me the most.
Another thing is when its all done im scared that ill feel alone . At least while having treatment you feel in a safety net. Also ive been told that no scans will be performed afterwards which worrys me that your just left hanging in fear of reoccurrence
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Thanks. You too. I am going to give in and start with regular painkillers tomorrow. I canāt stand this much longer. I hope you get some respite before next weekās round. XX
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It is such a lot to deal with it, isnāt it. I have friends that say Iām nearly there and then I can rebuild my life come the spring. But I donāt feel like that at all. I donāt think I will ever be the person I was. I think what you are feeling is entirely natural though. XX
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@flojo definitely never be the same. Constant fear. I dont think people who have actually gone through it themselves, even the ones closest can fully understand
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Hello ladies and a very Happy New Year ! Xx
It was my first Christmas without my dad and the sale on his house completed a few days before Christmas so Iāve felt quite bereft
Iāve had my head in paperwork , did my tax return just before New Year and working on my business marketing etc . I then hit a bit a low point when New year was just me and my hubby ā¦ Iāve five children and a grandson and I felt so miserable and missed them all . Understandably my 14 year old chose to go to wales and spend it with her daddy and grown up siblings and I donāt blame her but I had a little cry as obviously I couldnāt travel to see my family so it felt rubbish . And after all that my daughter came back with a raging cold so I might as well not have hidden away 
Oh and my false tooth (bridge ) fell out . It was attached to the tooth next to it and that tooth broke . So had to see the dentist yesterday but canāt have anything done until
After chemo ā¦ I look wonderful ā¦ missing boob . No hair and a missing tooth 
@stevie86 I donāt blame you for not wanting to think about this over Christmas ā¦ I hope you were able to enjoy it x
@flojo Every one seems to be different but Iāve heard Doxetaxel can me a bit of a butt kicker ā¦ if it hits hard they may well reduce the dose for you . Taxels seem to cause bone pain ā¦ my first dose of nab paclitaxel hit hard for pain and I had a dose reduction x
@hlc I also feel that when I finally finish treatment ā¦ itās going to feel odd and Iām not sure Iāll ever stop being frightened of a return of cancer
@flower5 you are putting me to shame ! If I try to do anything strenuous I feel like Iām dying - although I did repaint an old wardrobe when I was on my steroid high after my last cycle
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@flojo and @hlc on a positive note, this is my second primary cancer and I can report that after a couple of years I did get to the point where it wasnāt constantly stealing my thoughts. One unhelpful train of thought I used to have was the idea that the diagnosis had somehow robbed me of certainty in my future plans, but I had to keep reminding myself that those plans were never certain. x
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Thank you and sorry that you are going through this again, @flowers5.
@arty1 what a tough time you are having. Christmas is hard because itās supposed to be a happy time - unless itās not happy, and missing your dad and youngsters must have been sad. I am so sorry to hear about your tooth - that is just totally unfair on top of everything else. I can only imagine how beleaguered you must feel. I love the wardrobe - you are a talented lady!
Take care everyone - we need some sunshine. xxx
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@flojo It definitely wasn the best new year for me but my daughter had a great day on Christmas Day ā¦and tbh Christmas felt nice and relaxed ā¦ Daughter got everything she wanted so she was happy !
Sadly my daughter is quite ill in bed today with this fluey/cold ā¦ normally I wouldnāt bat an eye lid but Iāve gone into panic mode ā¦ told her if she comes out of her room she needs to wear a mask as sheās coughing up a lung ā¦ I feel really mean ! Plus itās probably too late and I already have it ā¦ I went in there masked up this morning to take her temperature ā¦ cycle 3 tomorrow so the timing is rubbish . What a palava!
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Really hope you donāt come down with it 
My youngest is still at senior school & she had a really bad cough thatās only just cleared up after a couple of weeks. I was panicking & I did get a cough & felt really chesty but luckily Iāve managed to get rid of it . I kept thinking the worst that I would end up in hospital but luckily I didnāt!! There are 6 of us in my household all at different work places so itās hard to avoid illness all the time! We just have to be as mindful as we can & hope for the best!!! 
. Itās that time of year where everyone seems to be ill aswell. I donāt even like touching trolleys etc!! Good luck for cycle 3 tomorrow x
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@flower5 . So sorry that you are dealing with this crap again. Thankyou though id never thought of it that way so makes me feel a little less scared x
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Good luck with tomorrow. There seem to be so many nasty bugs around, sadly. Youāre nearly though! xx
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@shelbylou81 it must be a headache when so many people are going about their lives in the house , itās impossible to isolate ā¦ Iām glad your cough cleared up but Iām not surprised you were worried ! My daughter is year 10 so of course sheās just a walking Petri dish
@flojo keep your fingers crossed but Iāve a feeling Iām coming down with it - Iāve got a headache today and Iām a bit snotty . Doesnāt help when you have to keep going to hospital !
Everyone seems to be coughing ā¦ urrgghh
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A belated happy new year to all . Havnt posted in a while. Have been wiped out over Christmas and new year with an infection in my saliva glands very painful straight away followed by the Rsv virus thankfully not flu or Covid. Has put my treatment back a week so finally get to start on the pacletaxel today which Iām really hoping I wonāt react to as I feel like I just want to crack on with the next rounds without any setbacks so I can move on toward the end. Weekly now as opposed to 3 weekly but hopefully better tolerance of it. Doing everything I can at the minute to avoid the flu and the norovirus. Social distancing, masks, sanitising everything. Obsessive hand washing. Slightly anxious of catching those 2. Best wishes to you all. Xx
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@louisea77 . Hope you find the paclitaxel ok. Im on week 11 of 12 and ive found it well tolerated, hopefully you will do the same
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@louisea77 - that sounds tough ā¦ you poor thing ā¦ I hope you are feeling better now ?
Most people seem to find paclitaxel tolerable .
Iām
On NAB- paclitaxel so itās three weekly , had cycle 3 today and starting to feel very tired but itās doable x
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How is everyone today ?
@flojo
@stevie86
@flower5
@louisea77
@hlc
@shelbylou81
@bluehourd
@rfg
@shefflass
@purple_rain
Apologies I canāt tag everyone as I think it gets picked up as spam
Itās freezing here today and for once Iām grateful Iām not working this weekend !
Had cycle 3 on Thursday and the nurse couldnāt get the needle in properly in my hand and twice she just pushed it through the vein ā¦ being in blood thinners there was blood everywhere !!
Eventually they got it in my arm instead and the rest of the session passed without incident - they dropped the hydrocortisone from my ore meds so I felt a bit odd again after my herceptin but not enough to feel concerned and it passed after a few mins ā¦
Slept quite well for a change the night after chemo but not brilliant last night - not helped by my overdue period which Iād hoped was never coming back due to chemo , deciding to show up !! At 52 I was expecting to be plunged into menopause
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@arty1 . Feeling absolutely gerbage on maybe two hour sleep accompanied with hot sweat. -6 through night as well. Didnt bother attempting going bed just got on sofa and binge watched tv feeling very much wide awake. Going to nip and fill car up and take son for haircut, dont think ill manage much else today. Hopefully a nap later then fingers crossed for a good nights sleep.
How many more cycles have you got. Sorry to hear you had problems with the catheter. Must be scary when you see so much blood and worried theyll not get your line in
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Hi @arty1
Iām doing ok Thankyou! It has taken me until now to start to feel a bit back to normal after my 1st round of Docetaxel that I had on the 27th dec!! I am having my next round of chemo on Thursday so those 3 weeks have gone pretty fast!
Sorry to hear they had problems with the canula! They never get mine in 1st time either. I actually canāt believe how much damage the chemo does to your veins. Mine were so sore especially after each round of the EC i had.
How many more rounds have you got left now? Iāve got my 1 next week hopefully if my bloods are ok 
then my final 1 hopefully on the 6th Feb!!
Hope you are feeling ok & can enjoy the weekend!!
I had a period after my 1st 3 rounds of chemo, then I never had 1 last month which was due the 27th Dec!! Iām 43 so Iām not sure if they will return or not x
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Hi @arty1 your needle experience sounds horrible, is it still feeling sore? Heat pads helped me.
How are you finding being on abraxane? Iām on it too with carboplatin and phesgo. If you donāt mind me asking how long are you on the abraxane drip? I ask because my one said it should take 30 mins but for the last two cycles it was either 1.5 hours or a hour.
I havenāt had a great experience either tbh. I had extravasation on my left hand for second cycle and have a massive scar to remind me each day!! Cycles 3&4 have been from my right hand and I donāt know if I have any veins that can hold out for cycles 5&6.
Iām on day 10 of cycle 4 and am just about feeling better today but I have a nasty cold too to contend with but have tried to manage this with mannukah honey and water drinks which has helped.
This cycle my right hand which was cannulated started tingling as soon as the cannula was removed and it was quite intense over the first few days but has subsided.
Looking forward to hopefully the ice melting and some walking days ahead before cycle 5
Hope everyone has a good weekend xx
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