You might seem ok to them but if they were that confident you were fine they’d discharge you! There are special protocols in place for chemo patients for a reason! I’m sorry you’re being gaslit like that even if it was said behind your back - really unprofessional to let you overhear too. Have you had any tests taken for infection markers or started on any antibiotics? Hope you get fixed up and get out soon xx
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@rubytuesday You’re doing amazingly 
it’s all such a massive thing to wrap your head around. Getting back to normal activity levels must help too 
I love that you’re all owning going flat. That is how I would have gone had I needed a mastectomy, but side perk of big boobs meant I could have WLE with some reshaping instead.
@zebramoon I’m glad you’re recovering well! It is very frustrating not being able to lift things! My range of motion has got much better this last week so hopefully yours will in the next week!
@Kara glad they got you triaged so quickly! Hope they find you a bed soon and you can escape the haunted house! How frustrating of the night staff to be so dismissive of chemo patients 
glad the day nurses are more understanding!
@lmack95 love the image of the Amazonians! Very appropriate too - we are definitely all fierce warrior women for getting through this!
My surgeon took my steristrips off today (2 weeks post op) and seeing the healing incision was more of a shock than I expected. Still have a long way to go yet with healing though! Great news is my margins and lymph nodes were all clear! Downside is that as I expected there was quite a lot of residual cancer in the tumour so next step will have some chemo alongside the HER2 treatment (kadcyla). Means stopping chemo early was the right thing for me though. They’re just waiting on retesting receptors as tumour didn’t behave like HER2+/ER low so they wonder if some parts are actually more strongly ER so now talking about hormone therapy alongside the HER2 and radiotherapy - will find out in 2 weeks (yay more waiting 
)
And for tonight a celebratory takeaway 
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Great that the margins and lymph nodes were clear. Hearing you need more treatment than expected is never happy news , but at least they are doing everything that needs to be done to make you well. I guess you will know all the details after all the testing, so damn complicated this cancer can be .
Sounds ike you really deserve that takeaway!! Xxx
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Yes have had blood tests, stool and urine samples, am on IV antibiotics. After 24 hours in A&E have made it to a bed in the oncology assessment unit. As usual it’s far too warm but it’s just like an endearing feature of an old friend right now
Should see doctor at some point
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Hi @kcim just popping in from October! There are a couple of us over there moving on to Kadcyla too x I found out this week that I’m starting on 27th March.
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@lmack95 my big hope is we can be the trailblazers who can normalise asymmetry for future generations of women. Maybe that will be a way some of us will handle it. Who knows. I hope I will be able to do it.
I also hope I can be comfortable not wearing a prosthesis. Alas, I think I will resemble more of a Dairylea Triangle than an Amazonian beauty. Hey…it’s all in the eye of the beholder I suppose!
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@tessie86 best wishes for surgery tomorrow, hope it goes smoothly and your recovery is easy xx
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Now been informed I will be moved in night to one of the oncology wards once side room available. It’s cos I have a “c.diff risk” over my head. So having a brief hiatus and hoping I get to the room early enough to get some decent sleep… although it will hopefully make the morning feel more manageable without so much bustle
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I love this. I want to be proud of my scar. It would be great to find things we can wear that suit our unique and beautiful shape 
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Hope surgery goes well tomorrow @tessie86 xx
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Yes, thinking of you @tessie86 xxx
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@Kara firstly I am really sorry you are facing the c-diff risk and I really hope that you get sorted asap.
As for adopting a look, I think I have talked about this before on here, but I have always been a Rockabilly with my look, but that is probably going to be less doable. Not so much from the loss of a boob necessarily, more from the loss of my bloody waistline!
I’m thinking Chrissie Hynde, tailored masculine clothes with a feminine twist. Suits and spats, tailored waistcoats, shirts and ties and a pork pie hat. A little nod to Ska with the hat.
I’ve researched the suggestions for post mastectomy looks and it really isn’t for me. Nothing wrong with it, just not me.
Thinking of you love. Hope you get a peaceful sleep. XXX
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@zebramoon @Jaygo @kcim thank you, i have it on Tuesday, but will keep those best wishes close for then 
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One hundred percent I know what you mean about being a trailblazer. I have never been particularly attached to my boobs anyway as they always kind of did their own thing… mainly show nipples under shirts in highly inappropriate settings- why is it always so cold at weddings in the UK I am weirdly excited by the idea that I have evidence of my my battle with cancer as well. I’ll probably wear the prosthesis for the first bit and see how I feel. Maybe more a “fancy occasions with dresses” where I will need it, but usually I am in big sweaters anyway so we’ll see!
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@Kara hope you managed to get a good nights rest! Hopefully they’ll have you on the mend quickly!
Maybe we all need to start a new business
Unfortunately results come back and yes have c.diff for second time.
Was very achy and in pain this morning owing to the combination of Docetaxel and final(yay) filgrastim. Got a little weepy. The nurse, bless him, kept apologising, even though I said it wasn’t his fault. He took my case to the doctor for codeine not just paracetamol (they were holding back until stool sample results came back)and found out the diagnosis of c.diff. So have not spoken to doctor yet though they will likely come by soon.
They don’t like to prescribe codeine with active c.diff as it slows down the gut too much, but have put oramorph on the table if I need. Although that did make me feel weird last time, but am now not sure that was oramorph because it was a similar scenario with shivers and fever that brought me in this time and definitely no oramorph this time . They are here to monitor me anyway.
And I had a nurse put cream on my bum this morning, I soooo know how to live. I texted my partner saying “nothing like having a nurse peer between your butt cheeks and say ‘hmm’”. He replied with “FFS” followed by a laughing face
The staff will have to keep tolerating my silly sense of humour.
I keep talking to myself accidentally in my room. “Whoops! Custard creams overboard!”
Maybe going slightly dollally.
Sounds odd, BUT
I am kinda glad re the result because it is what I suspected. I think if it had come back negative I would have kept thinking but yes what if it’s triggered since that sample? It looks and feels like c.diff.
So. Looking for silver linings doggedly as usual!
While I was typing HCA came into do OBs. She said, “oh!!! you look REALLY fed up .” The compassion in her tone triggered a sniffle response. She insisted on hugging me even though I said I wasn’t sure she was allowed and she said ‘i don’t care what you have , I can change all my clothes if I need to’
They are all aproned and gloved up with me and have been since I got here.
At least this is my last Docetaxel . At least that was my last Docetaxel. (Saying on repeat )If I now have to deal with recurrent c.diff I will have to take that as it comes.
Not sure when will go home. Probably not today . Radiotherapy planning supposed to be on Tuesday.
Love to all!
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Sounds absolutely horrific! Can’t believe how much you’ve had to go through on top of the usual treatment and side effects! Have you finished all your chemo now? I understand what you mean about being glad they found something - at least you know what you’re dealing with, I felt like that about the DVT too. If it’s any consolation my cousin had c.diff a few years ago and it took a lot of antibiotics to clear it but he’s had no problems since and is very fit and healthy now. Did you get the impression yours wasn’t entirely gone the first or that this is a new infection? Shows the A&E staff totally underestimated your illness too if you have the energy to go through pals with a complaint. Hope you get some relief and get home asap xx
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Not sure , but I was constipated on cycle 3 after c.diff on cycle 2 , which implies it had cleared up. But you can have c.diff bacteria in your tummy and it not cause issues, just triggered again. So who knows?
It was an off the cuff remark by one night nurse I overheard and I only heard snatches (can’t even prove they were talking about me, although that doesn’t change anythig… they were talking about someone with breast cancer…)so not sure it’s mega complaint worthy but I may look into whether there is some way I can feed back an observation about the need for A&E staff to understand. The A&E day nurse and HCA were both excellent and certainly appreciated why I was there, and the A&E doctor was great too. So largely an isolated incident. But I will look into how to feedback a little. There was no animosity towards me just a lack of understanding of “why are oncology using our bed space”. So I feel it’s just something that needs a bit more education on. Will ponder.
The simple answer is if course that oncology was so busy with patients needing care there were no other options, and infections for chemo patients can be life threatening.
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Oh and yes that was my last chemo. Radiotherapy planning appointment on Tuesday - so I will either have to come right back (a friend arranged to drive me) OR if all else fails… walk downstairs tbh that would be simpler than if I ended up going home Monday night.
We shall see. The toilet shenanigans are definitely still ‘current’ so I am here till my guts de-shenanigan.
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