Hello gang, hope everyone is doing ok/well as can be expected/bit rubbish really (select as appropriate:-)
Shadders, have sent over a 3 foot high birthday cake entirely made of cinnamon doughnuts. I hope the thought of that will help take your mind off Monday. Sadly it’s only virtual but hummm the very thought of it!
Fiona, check you out! You have got your sights firmly set on that finish line! Hope the fringe looks snazzy. Did you guys both go for wigs that looked the same or totally different?
Yup, bit frustrated but I have had some info from the BC nurse and Onc. The results will be back on Monday but Onc can only see me on 13th Jan. Unless the results come back conclusively in favour of chemo I suspect the Onc will say it’s my choice. Brilliant!!! I know we are not supposed to swear on the forums but ‘balls, bums and buckets of brown smelly stuff’…I agonise over choosing a pizza topping!
About the wig question…I meant did you both go for wigs that were the same as your own hair style and not each others! Right head, wrong planet today for me…Doh!
I had my head shaved tonight, day 15 and hair seriously falling out. It actually was ok, I was fed up leaving hair wherever I went!
Now I feel most of the things I was dreading have happened and I’ve survived!
I have gone for a wig like my hair, especially for work, but I think I may go for something different too.
Jacqui, felt sicky, like morning sickness for 3-4 days, pretty tired in second week, but now entering 3rd week I feel like normal, well as near to normal as I ever was!
Cheeky friends say my wig is better than by normal hair, and my daughter says I make a good skinhead!
Zax, I have so nearly sworn on here before, bet you felt better for that!
Oh Zax that really made me smile. I went for one that is similar to my own but wasn’t sure until I tried them on. It is darker than my own hair but son di not notice anything as I had it on when he came home from school. daughter and OH both did though! Thank you for the virtual doughnuts by the way, I did enjoy munching my way through those. Hope It goes well on 13th for you. It is such a hard decision to make but when you’ve made it you’ll feel better. Well i did anyway, that is until the chemo date began to loom nearer.
Fiona- Thanks for your valuable insight into the dark and scary world of chemo. I know my SEs might not be like yours but I feel more prepared the more I hear about the possibilities. I began to follow the ‘Into the Dark Woods’ thread but became a little obsessed and had to come up for air as I’d only got to Feb 2011 and there were 700 odd pages of it. Might see if I can pick up on the later posts.
i don’t mean to pull you all back in time here if not but is anyone else still struggling to come to the terms with the fact that you/ i have been diagnosed with breast cancer?? i just cannot get my head around it, i don’t feel like it’s me??
I have been feeling like you since I got diagnosed myself. I am well aware what is happening, but feel as if I am standing beside myself when I talk about the diagnosis and treatment to come.
Sure everybody deals with this situation in their own little ways but you are not alone with your feelings and thoughts.
I am going for surgery next Tuesday to have mx and am surprised that I am not sitting here in floods of tears every 5 minutes but am busy washing curtains, changing beds and planning to paint the hall before I have to check into Hospital on Monday.
Hope you are doing okay and keep your chin up.
A big hug to you (and everybody else of course)from Alanaa
Lynzie, it is a strange thing for me and my husband. He walked along the High Street the other day doing some shopping and he told me afterwards he thought to himself “my wife has cancer” just so sad. Or a couple of weeks after diagnosis he sat on the sofa and said “I can’t believe this is happening to us” (he’s 41 and I’m 42, we’re married since nine years). But the most weird thing is, I personally don’t want to return to a normality. I keep this “I have cancer, nothing is as it used to be” up, as I’m afraid if I try to return to normality the sad reality hits me again and it is just so horrible. I look into the mirror with my bald patchy head and think “this is not me, what’s happening?”
You are not alone Linzi. I have shown little emotion so far, apart from the effects of the mess when I had my SLNB. I think that is because I don’t really believe it is me I am talking about… Mx and recon next weekend so may hit me more then. I think it is my defence mechanism ?
Don’t worry, it affects us all very diff entry.
Best wishes to all as we continue our journeys xx
Alanaa - i’m totally the same. i’ve been the one who’s held it together the most of everyone around me. i start my chemo on Tues, best of luck with your mx. i dunno how we hold it together i really don’t, i’ve had very few tears. best of luck xxxx
Christine - it’s just so surreal isn’t it, so out of the blue. how are we supposed to come to terms with it? ah i haven’t got to the stage of losing my hair yet but i’m sure by the end of the month i’ll be heading that way. dreading it! best of luck with everything xxx
Lelly61 - thank you, it’s so nice to hear i’m not alone. i too have shown very little emotion, infact you could say i’ve been very cold but i suppose that’s just my way of coping. ignore it and it’s not really happeneing. i went through the op like a zombie, they poked, proded, cut etc etc away at me but i just wasn’t bothered, it didn’t feel like it was me, i’m hoping i go through chemo in the same mode. best of luck with your mx and recon … i will be thinking of you along with all the other ladies on here.
I think a lot of us feel the same. It is almost like a bad dream and hard to believe we are really involved in it.
I also feel like my and my OH life is on hold, but everyone around us their life is carrying on as normal. Even though had x2 oparations and with no left breast and no hair it still doesn’t feel real.
I think it must be a way of our minds protecting ourselves, if it really sunk in perhaps we could not cope , or at least cope a swell!
I’ve seen it described in the same terms as grieving for a loved one. Disbelief, denial, anger and finally acceptance and I think for me at least this is very true. I think we are all a way off anger and acceptance still; I still have to repeat to myself ‘I have cancer’ in the hope it sinks in fully at some stage and I often feel incredibly sad to have lost my old life but I also tell myself there is a new normal for me further down the road. I’m not going to put more pressure by trying to go too fast so I try to welcome all these feelings as part of the healing process inside.
Had a very emotionally torrid week (good and bad) so apologies for the somewhat philosophical babble! Normal sarcastic service will no doubt resume soon!
Had my pre-op appointment today and my surgery will be on the 17th Jan with a wire localisation and all the injections for the snb the day before…the intern who dealt with me was so optimistic my husband and i came away thinking …what were we so worried about?
Lumpectomy 17th followed ny radiotherapy and the medication for 5 years …probably no chemo NO CHEMO…!!!Keeping my fingers crossed.
I also took a long while to feel any emotion. The emotional bit came for me after my pre assessment apt for chemo. Suddenly I was crying at everything. I don’t know why that particular process had the effect it did but since then I have felt that it is me going through all of it. However when I let myself start thinking about it too much I go to a scary place where I start thinking about reccurancies. I have to tell myself that many people get on with their lives after cancer and die in old age of something totally unrelated. I also read a lot of books which helped.
It is certain things that set me off, and how tired I am.
I watched Mama Mia twice this week, once I sang most of the way through, the next time I got all emotional at the mum and daughter scene wondering if I will make my daughters wedding should she ever marry!!
Hi there
I was diagnosed on 4 Nov, had surgery on 6 Dec to remove lump, then more surgery on 3Jan to remove lymph nodes. Waiting for results now. I had been coping really well but just feel there’s so much to go through. Happy New Year just bringing a load of horrible stuff to face. I have lovely husband and work friends are supportive, but suddenly feel quite bleak about the next step.
Everyone was so positive at first, it’s been caught early etc, but now it could have spread … Hard hard hard
i spend to whole of Sunday crying, from the moment i opened my eyes until the second i dropped off. i guess it all finally caught up with me. was petrified to start chemo, all down the the fear of the unknown i would imagine. not slept much since then.
well i’ve started chemo today and must say it went rather well thankfully, just posted a big message in the ‘starting chemo in Jan’ thread if you fancy a nosey. basically it went really well, only se’s at the mo have been a slight sickly feeling, slight tiredness (most probably due to the lack of sleep i’ve had past few nights) and slight dryness off the mouth but i’ve been drinking a lot to try keep it under control, will have to see how it plays out. i found i was able to tolerate the cool cap pretty well too so far so i’m a happy bunny. just got to wait and see what happens in the next few weeks.
thank you all for the lovely words you’ve all been great. hope you are all doing as well as you can. take care of yourselves.
Glad your first chemo went well and that the cold cap wasn’t too bad.
As long as bloods are OK, i’m due second FEC chemo tomorrow. I chose not to use cold cap, my hair has nearly all gone now and my head is shaved. Even that was not as bad as I thought it would be.
Hello all, also have had my first chemo and not as bad as I’d expected, also posted on Jan started chemo thread.
Zax- haven’t heard from you for a while, you ok?
Ruth- good luck tomorrow with your second FEC assumiong your bloods are good.
Lynzi- Well done to both of us. We are 1 down and 5 to go, so it does seem like a huge leap forward to me anyway. I was also a bit tearful on Sunday. Had a row with OH on Southend seafront in full public view and I burst into tears. Would never do that normally let alone have a row so I think we were all feeling the strain. OH usually lovely I must point out!
Must go now and do some housework as I said I was doing on other thread!!!
Second FEC today, and given x4 different anti sickness things! Still feel sick, but no where near as bad.
Jacqui- it does put such a strain on everyone, I know I blow at often the slightest thing, especially when I’m tired. I had to seperate , not literally, my OH and daughter over the weekend who were arguing. Take it out on the housework, but shouldn’t you be resting?
Lynzi- hope you are still feeling Ok after your first FEC.