Totally agree, am happy with the title, was meant as a bit of a laugh and we do need to have a laugh at such a rotten time! If people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it.
Trudi
I wasn’t offended by the title of the this thread.
But I am one of those annoying people who always tries to see the brighter side of life. My mother was the opposite, she would go into shops to point out spelling mistakes in notices! Her whole life revolved around writing letters of complaint about stupid things. What a waste of time when she could have been smelling the roses instead of complaining about the thorns.
i see the name has been changed, now it makes me think of Life of Bryan, not a bad thing really, i love that film, always makes me laugh
“lifes a piece of s**t when you look at it” lol
Gill x
Im a little bit worried about posting a ‘story’ following the debate - but im going to get back to the threads intention!!
Christmas day nd no washing up!!! I was only 6 days post chemo number 29 nd shattered!! So, everything done for me!! My Mum was a STAR!! No driving, hubby a star. No tidying up, kids stars! If id not had cancer i know i would have been doing all of the above…so, yes, i was ‘playing the CC’ so i could enjoy christmas!!!
Anyway, hope this is uncontrivertial!!
Sadie Xx Xx
Am i being thick,lol. Has the name been changed. I can’t remember what the original one was, shows just how offended i was,lol. I’d saved this thread as i love to read nice things that people have done for others during this hideous journey. No, cancer is not funny but i’ve found that having a sense of humour about it keeps me going & helps others not to feel awkward about discussing it with me. I’m very open with my friends & family about my BC & joke about my baldness etc, i don’t want them to feel embarrassed to talk to me about it which in turn makes me feel more comfortable.
Supertrouper, i love ur post, ‘Smelling the roses instead of complaining about the thorns’ is such a perfect way to describe looking on the brighter side.
Judes, everyone is entitled to their opinion but just so u know i love the thread & am not offended in the slightest.
Hi judes, offence no, non taken, lightheartedness, yes, made me smile, that is what we need. Keep on smiling. luv junieliz x
Personally I was exercising my, I don’t like the title so I am not reading the thread prerogative, but it keep popping to the top of the latest post list, si I was intrigued. I wrongly assumed that an enormous number of cancer cards were being used this Christmas. But instead I see that a small number of women have expressed unhappiness at the thread and because others, perhaps like myself who up to now ignored it, are not there to back them up, they appear to be the minority- or maybe I am wrong. But, having spoken to other women who read the forum I know they are not, but people just don’t like to express themselves in case they are turned on. And they get sick of jumping through linguistic and semantic hoops to say they are unhappy with something without offending anyone. This is not personal in anyway and I have no problem with people cheering themselves up by any means necessary.
However my point of dislike is it his is a public forum, where anyone can read about our experiences with cancer. That includes the press ( I have the daily mail in mind here) At a time when we are threatened with benefit cuts because the awfulness of the disease is being erroded by polititians and the public is being given statistics that suggest we are largely to blame for the disease, the idea that we might manipulate situations and use cancer
as a mean to get what want makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Maybe this is an over reaction to what was meant to be a lighthearted thread. But anyone who did a simple google search could see this thread and nothing else about our experience. Again this is not personal ( jumping through hoops to not offend) but it is my personal opinion.
Dx
You know, when I was first diagnosed at the end of October, I was completely inconsolable for the first 2 weeks, thought that that was it, my life was over and death was imminent. Then common sense kicked in, I picked myself up and dusted myself down and decided then and there to just get on with it and refused to be a misery guts.
I’ve been very open with friends and family, I refuse to let this cancer (yes, CANCER - I couldn’t even SAY that word out aloud at first!) drag me down. I know the next few months are gonna be hard work, but I WILL get thru the other side. To do that I am (trying) to be very positive and have a sense of humour! There are days when I really am being an old bat, but I have no control as re side effects. Being an old bat is NOT me, and thank GOD people who know me know that!! My OH and kids have been great - and they know that I will get to the other side of this, and hopefully with a big damn smile on my face!
When I had my SNLB, I came out of theatre with a big smile on my face, my OH couldn’t believe it and a couple of other patients commented on how nice it was to see that. I was actually smiling coz I was relieved I’d not popped my clogs in surgery!
Now, I have chosen to meet this head on. And if that means daring to laugh at things and enjoy a good banter with others who are going through the same thing and are of the same mind, then so be it. Whatever gets you through all the horrid stuff each of us are facing in the next few months is what I say.
If I am offended by something, then I won’t go back to it. And certainly not again and again! So Judes, no, this thread does not offend me in the least, I think it’s great. I am offended by people killing others, by world poverty, racism . . . but NOT by people making light a horrid situation.
I have ‘met’ some wonderful ladies here on this site, where we can all laugh and cry together because we each understands what the other is going through. As the song goes, "Always look on the bright side of life, do doo, do, dooby dooby doo . . . . "
xxx
All I would say is having cancer doesn’t need to change who you are, and you no doubt knew how to get what you wanted through life by asking or stating your preferences in a straightforward way. Using cancer to manipulate others might be a lighthearted way of dealing with it, but beware the fact that what you write here is open to any interpretation by the media or anyone else, and yes, some of our benefit situations are under threat, and yes, stories abound in the media about how we could have avoided bc, and we just need to be aware of that. Its about not giving the people who would use it, a stick to beat you with. might be paranoid, but we keep seeing it happen…
I think the title is British ironic rather than offensive, after all we all know that we don’t want possession of this particular card, but can see how some might take it literally (or think others might) and be upset.
There is a difference between the kindness of friends and family, who I have found to be just wonderful and they do it for love not for us playing the card at all , and maybe organisations. I have been very reluctant to use the "card, if mentioning chemotherapy is using it. Once returning skin care that I had a reaction to, explaining that it may be chemotherapy making my skin more sensitive as normally I have no problem with particular product, and the second time getting analgesia for my elderly pony without her being seen by the vet as at the moment I can hardly walk up the stairs and have no chance of trotting a pony up - I would probably expire - on both occasions they were very understanding. I think we have to be sensitive, after all we would give up a seat to someone elderly, and we have to be nice to each other. Jude put the post up to make us smile not to upset anyone.
On a black humour note, when walking the dog with my husband, he will say “oh I guess you can’t pick up the dog poo, you have cancer” and I haven’t contradicted him yet.
how about “The kindness of strangers if they realise we’ve got cancer”
because that’s what we’re talking about… and it shouldn’t affect benefits or public opinion or anything (in my view)
some of us choose to wear a wig (I did 99% of the time unless it was boiling) Others that travelled alongside me chose to go commando… in that way some of us tried to cover the fact that we were having treatment and others didn’t… it’s a free world… no exploitation intended…
Jane
It is a tricky subject, have already read back my previous post and realised I implied something I didn’t mean.
I have been busy over Christmas so haven’t read this thread for a while, wow a lot has happened while I have been away!
I came back to read some light hearted comments to cheer me up a bit, instead it has got all heavy and controversial.
Shame, I liked reading about other peoples good luck and acts of kindness.
Kate xx
i could have sworn that earlier the thread came up as Always look on the bright side of life, Hmmm, must have been dreaming?? Chemo brain
Gill x
Gill - you aren’t going mad or dreaming. I just changed the subject title - as I have just done again. It soon reverts back to the original thread title.
No chemo brain!
Debs x
Debs - i’ve just seen it again, and thought i was going mad! Or had posted on the wrong thread…
glad its not chemo brain xx
Gill - you aren’t going mad! You may have chemo brain as I think a lot of us do. I struggle to remember actors names and film titles and other stuff like that. It may or may not return. In my opinion it is a handy thing to use as an excuse if I forget something.
I have also avoided this thread. I read the thread title when it was first posted and wondered what the angle would be be. Was it somebody annoyed at people’s use of the cancer card, or somebody discussing their use of it? I read the first few posts and realised it wasn’t for me. It made me uncomfortable. The problem is that the title of a thread continually pops up on the latest posts page and so I can’t avoid it. I have looked now because of it’s prevalence at the top of the posts lists over the last few days.
The reason I was uncomfortable with the thread is that I just don’t want to use my cancer diagnosis to elicit VIP treatment. Yes, I can see that there are advantages to it, such as less stress, financial benefits, getting my own way etc. But for me the problems with using the cancer card outweigh the positives. If I used it in my personal relationships it would alter the balance of those relationships and trust, and not just now but going into the future too. People have been kind to me because they want to be, not because i asked and pricked their consciences. Hopefully there will be a lot more time after treatment than I ever spent going through treatment and I want to preserve those relationships, and not affect their balance and how my family and friends think of me by highlighting my status as a cancer victim/survivor. It is not this illness which defines me, and it is extremely hard moving away from it after treatment finishes, without having used it to get my own way. I would not therefore use my diagnosis for trivial matters.
However, sometimes my cancer diagnosis is a genuine factor to be considered, such as during chemotherapy mentioning it to the nurses who took blood so that I didn’t have to wait in a waiting room of ill people, or when I had to be kept separate and my treatment being expedited at A&E because of being neutropenic. And now, after treatment, not watching certain things on telly because i know they will upset me for days afterwards, or getting my husband to put the wheelie bin out because it really hurts my arm and shoulder to do so and i am scared of lymphodoema.
However, I would only use it in genuine situations where it is pertinent information. I don’t want people to think I need special treatment in restaurants etc because I have had cancer. That would make me feel like a victim, and make me seem vulnerable to people, and I don’t want people to have that perception of me because I work very hard at moving forwards after my cancer diagnosis. For me, it’s similar to acting the helpless female to get out of doing a yukky job and getting a bloke to do it for me instead. There’s some things I genuinely need help with, like having the sheer strength to lift something, but I’ll do something myself if I am able to, and enjoy the fact that yes, I can do it myself now.
In respect of this being a public forum, I too am uncomfortable that we are basically handing out free whips to be beaten with by letting the world know that breast cancer patients in the UK manipulate things to get VIP treatment in trivial situations and then laugh about it. Yes, it might raise a smile but I there is a negative flip side. Would any of us want it on the front of a local paper that we had been laughing about manipulating school admissions, or restaurant bookings etc on a public forum? My view is that if you would feel uncomfortable admitting something to a High Court Judge then it is probably something that you shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. (I’m a solicitor, that take on things has always stood me in good stead!)
I am writing this to simply state my own take on this. As many people have said, this is an open forum, there is freedom of speech, and that means people should be free to read and post, whether they agree or not. It works both ways, and people shouldn’t be castigated for having a negative response to a thread. This is simply how I feel and how I try to lead my life for myself, and is not meant to be hurtful, threatening or personally critical of anybody.
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