Hello everyone. I am 40 years old with two girls 2 and 5. After finishing breastfeeding my youngest at the end of January I felt a lump at end of Feb. I went to the nurse who nearly didn’t refer me as she thought it was from stopping feeding (as did I!) But thank goodness she did.
Fast forward to last week: I have grade 3 hormone positive breast cancer. Two lumps in my breast and it’s in the nodes too (‘quite a few’) they said. I’m to have chemo, mastectomy and then radio.
We’ve had the shock of our lives and it’s been a very very dark time. I’m starting to emerge now and the nurses recommended this website.
There’s two things I’d love you all to help me with if you can:
I’m really struggling with the regret of not finding the lump sooner and checking as I should have been. I was feeding! It was the last thing on my mind but I’m gobsmacked that I didn’t notice a 3cm lump growing in my breast at all. I only felt it in the end my leaning my arms against my chest. I am small busted (and they said I have very ‘dense’ breasts?) so I feel like I can feel a lot just washing myself etc. Anyway, I know I need to get over this but how?
They described me as ‘oliogmetastatic’ I spelt that wrong but you’ll know what I mean. I have one ‘hot spot’ on my breast bone rest of PET CT looked ok. They say they are treating me curatively and hope the hot spot will go with the treatment. Has anyone got a positive story on this front? It’s terrifying me and again linking to how different things could have been had I found this earlier.
Sorry you find yourself here please don’t be hard on yourself, I think a lot of us over the years suddenly found a lump and were how didn’t we notice that, but life gets busy your working rushing around and for me I’d been using a scrunchie wash thing in the shower so it wasn’t till I put bra on a different way felt it. The main thing is you’ve gone and got yourself checked out straight away and not ignored it so well done you for doing that. we’ve got you, breast cancer now’s got you ask away on here, use the someone like me option and the younger women with breast cancer option if you want too, take it a day at a time a treatment at a time, step by step you will get through we’re all here do do reach out as much or as little as you need be kind to yourself and do everything your own way your treatments will be tailored specifically to you and your team have seen it all before and will keep you safe sending Shi xx
Thank you for bringing out the positives. Everyone has said I shouldn’t blame myself and try to accept where I am now. But it’s easier said than done……
You’re right about trusting my team. They’ve been great so far and have acted so quickly on everything. I’m trying to trust the process but all the unknowns are so terrifying……
they mean well and they probably don’t know what to say or how to try and support you, I found it a fine balance, because it felt like being chucked out of a plane with no parachute at diagnosis, and then you go into protect mode of family and friends while your head is going , for me having breast cancer now and all the incredible kindness of strangers on here gave beauty and amazing friendships from something trying to harm sending Shi xx
Hi! I can relate to your story, I 41 years and I have also two littler girls (3 and 7). I think you should not beat yourself up for not having noticed the lump sooner. I happens. You should feel gratefull that you found it and that you did something about.
I had my unilateral mastectomy done last Monday and surprisingly I am feeling fine. I can move my arm more than I would have expected and the recovery process if going smoothly so far. I am telling you this because you will see that it will be better than you expect it. Have faith, have a good atittute, good vibes and enjoy more things that you did prior to the diagnostics. Keep yourself entertained. I started writing a book for my girls on how to explain the situation, kept working, and so on while in the middle of the check-ups and balance that with pausing. Taking time for you. Eventhough it seems hard, in a couple of months/years you probably will look back at this time with pride: you did it! One day at a time. I am a wine lover (nor more than 1 month without a single sip) so I always say One glass of wine at the time…
My story is very similar to yours stage 3 er+ with lymph node involvement. I had 2 lumps never knew the first was was there. Its only when the 2nd one developed that I could feel it… Do not beat your self up, you sought help as soon as you could! I had surgeries, chemo, radio and currently still on hormone treatment. Tamoxifen and leuprorelin. I am coming up on 3 years NED, your team will know what they are doing… stay positive, you will get through this… please reach out if you need to talk or have any more questions xx
Thank you. It’s so comforting to hear similar stories. Grade 3 seems to be a lot worse than people I know in real life who have had it……is it weird that I fantasise about grade 1 even grade 2?!
The C word has not entered my house… That has been a priority in my case, as I do not want them to worry. My eldest is very curios so I explained that mommy had a little ball in the breast that needed to be removed. I gave her all sort of cool explanations from a science perspective and she was thrilled. Whenever I have an examen o biopsy I explained how the procedure is in a kid friendly way and she loves it. I also include her in my little day to day victories, like “I manage to make my own pony tail”! So my strategy was to be natural about the process, include them in a kid-friendly way and to make sure that they know that I am ok.
The hardest part for them -and for me- is that we have been apart for weeks. I am from south America and decided to have the checkups after the diagnostics in the States and thus, decided to have surgery here. So my bottom point during this whole process was feeling like a bad mom for leaving them for such a long time. It was 2 weeks the first time, the I left for 2 days and now its going to be almost 3 weeks. Regardless of this, they are doing well, they are with my parents and continue to do their daily routines and we constantly talk. They are comming to the States next week so they are focusing on that trip and are super exited. I hope that it is usefull.
@mrshmbucks
Similar to your situation, I’m 41 has a 6 year old boy and I work full time. Since my first appt on a one stop clinic I had been blaming myself why I did not see this coming and I work on a hospital.
Then 3 weeks after I saw the surgeon and my last question to her how long has my cancer had been lingering, and she told me straight to my face 6months to a 1 year and if the lump had not gone bigger I would not known about it. It give me relief after that but I’m still annoyed why we cannot have mammogram at the age 40.
I was told that on my borough it starts at the age of 45 for routine mammogram.
But now as I go for my 3rd chemo next week, my mind is just focusing forward.
I feel that I was very familiar with my breasts what with still breastfeeding etc. They told me at the mammogram that I have very dense breasts so I don’t know whether that has to do with why I didn’t feel the lump sooner. After I found my first 3cm lump at the top I found the second 1cm lump to the side and that was after I’d been to the nurse already about the larger lump! She felt under my arm and said it all felt fine and yet turns out it has gone to my lymphs although I’m not sure which ones to be honest I haven’t asked but I’m presuming under my arm. I had actually gone last summer about pain under my arm and the doctor examined me (not breast but under arm area) and said it was muscular but now of course I’m thinking was it this? I think to myself could I have found the first lump when it was smaller like the second lump which I found when feeling around the first lump? Who knows. I guess I could torture myself with this but really where will it get me? And it may be there was nothing to feel anyway or even if there was I may not have felt it soon enough to make a difference to where I am now. Assuming if I’d found it earlier that would have made a difference is just that: an assumption. And who knows I mean I was still feeding: my cousin went to the gp when she was still feeding and they sent her away initially. Turns out she had breast cancer. They may have sent me away whilst still feeding and then who knows I could have thought oh I’ve had it checked it’s nothing and waited a lot longer overall. Or if I’d gone on feeding for another six months and not discovered it? Who knows. The nurse almost didn’t refer me anyway. She initially said go away and give it a few weeks see if it settles. Thank god she then hesitated and said actually no, I’ll refer you just in case. Got to hold on to that. From when I first felt the lump to my diagnosis has been one month. Maybe it took off after I finished feeding?
Hello, sorry you find yourself here but im glad you found us as you will find so much support here Everything you are feeling we have all felt to some degree or another. I had what I assumed was a cyst, I’d had them before and this was no different, so it was longer than it should’ve been before I got it checked out. Turned out to be a grade 2 tumour, er pos & in my lymph node’s. Of course I then went through the whole why didn’t I go to the drs sooner? How could I be so foolish ect ect but ultimately that doesn’t help. I saw someone say on here I think, that there’s a reason the rear view window is smaller than the windscreen …… just keep looking forward now. The important thing is you DID go to the dr & you DID get referred and you will now get the treatment you need
As I write this I’m 5 days post op , lumpectomy with therapeutic mammoplasty & node clearance. And I’m doing ok I’ll have other treatments in the coming months but right now I’m focusing on one day at a time and the little wins (like my bra isn’t too itchy today!) It’s been 6 weeks since my diagnosis and in some ways it feels like 6 years and others 6 minutes!
It’s a hell of a shock when you get diagnosed but you will get through it. Keep reading info on here, a bit at a time & keep posting when you need to. We’re all here for you x
The shock is unreal. I feel like I’m in one of those bad dreams you wake up from but I can’t wake up from this. For a little while I can forget and then it hits me again and my stomach lurches and it’s like coming to terms with it all over again.
Hello, I wanted to reply to your message because you’re in an extremely similar position to me. I was breastfeeding my 2 year old at the time I found my lump. It was 24mm when they removed it so that and the stage lets me know it was there for a long time before I found it.
I should have found it sooner and some days, I am fuming I didn’t.
I wanted to tell you to be kind to yourself. With a 2 and a 4 year old, my life pre-diagnosis revolved around taking care of them. I also worked full time. The fact that I managed to eat on a daily basis was an achievement, never mind anything else. I’m sure all mums of toddlers are in a similar position. In terms of looking after myself, most things went to the back of the queue because I was so busy and tired. That was how I wanted it to be (and still is tbh) but this has all been a stark reminder that I cannot neglect my own health. I won’t ever again.
I also, wrongly, assumed that breast cancer in younger women was very very rare. I assumed that’s why mammograms didn’t start as young as cervical screening. As I had no family history, if you had asked me before my diagnosis, I would have said my chances of getting breast cancer were pretty much zero. All of which is to say I had hardly any awareness of it and was not checking myself regularly, as I should have been. I console myself that at least my daughter will now know to check herself regularly and be proactive. I also intend to be the most annoying person ever to all my girlfriends and ensure they are checking themselves regularly!
You asked how to move on from feeling upset at not having found your lumps sooner - I have tried to find positivity that I found it when I did and move forward from there.
Thank you for this. I remember laughing with my friend before I went to get it checked and I was like I mean no one finishes breastfeeding then get breast cancer. I was always told breast feeding PROTECTS you against cancer. How did you find your treatment and how are you now? If you don’t mind me asking x
I just heard a podcast that you might like. Is a podcast to interview a breast cancer patient that decided to make a podcast from her chemotherapy chair. Her line of thought for making this: chemo sucks I want to make it something fun and something that I look forward to doing. Its from Breascancer.org Podcast / Podcasting from Chemo Chair.
I’m not sure if any of you have read strawberry blondes post in hope and inspiration called mountain lion, it’s helped lots of us over the years:heart: I’m hoping one of tge other cc’s can paste it on this thread (I’m technophobe and don’t know how) Shi xx
please don’t be hard on yourself, I think a lot of us over the years suddenly found a lump and were how didn’t we notice that, but life gets busy your working rushing around and for me I’d been using a scrunchie wash thing in the shower so it wasn’t till I put bra on a different way felt it. The main thing is you’ve gone and got yourself checked out straight away and not ignored it 
we’ve got you, breast cancer now’s got you 
, for me having breast cancer now and all the incredible kindness of strangers on here gave beauty and amazing friendships from something trying to harm 
Everything you are feeling we have all felt to some degree or another. I had what I assumed was a cyst, I’d had them before and this was no different, so it was longer than it should’ve been before I got it checked out. Turned out to be a grade 2 tumour, er pos & in my lymph node’s. Of course I then went through the whole why didn’t I go to the drs sooner? How could I be so foolish ect ect but ultimately that doesn’t help. I saw someone say on here I think, that there’s a reason the rear view window is smaller than the windscreen …… just keep looking forward now. The important thing is you DID go to the dr & you DID get referred and you will now get the treatment you need 
I’ll have other treatments in the coming months but right now I’m focusing on one day at a time and the little wins (like my bra isn’t too itchy today!) It’s been 6 weeks since my diagnosis and in some ways it feels like 6 years and others 6 minutes!