hello, im 37yrs old male and on thursday was told i have bc. i just keep looking at my two beautiful kids and break down crying. i argued with my wife last night accusing her of not helping when i know she is. i am really struggling.
i had a wound that would not heal on my nipple. saw the gp who sent me away. that was around april. went back to see a diff gp 4 weeks ago who tried creams for a week. that did not work so went private to see a surgeon. he arranged for a biopsy and a ultra sound scan. the scan came back normal so i was pretty positive about the results of the biopsy.
i was going to have surgery to remove the nipple on sat just gone but after waiting in the room for what seemed like eternity the consultant came in and said that they want to do another biopsy instead and then have the full mastectomy on thurs (2 days from now).
The first bio said it was DCIS intermediate grade. im now petrified that the second one will come back worse. The suspected pagets disease but could not confirm in the first bio.
I really need help. I want to see my kids grow they are only 3 and 6 and dont know why daddy is so upset.
Welcome to the Forums, I am sure you will receive plenty of advice and support from other users.
It sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment, please feel free to contact our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment. Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse and is able to talk about both technical and emotional issues so please use it if you think it will help. The helpline is available Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
I have also posted for you in the Men diagnosed with breast cancer as you may get replies from others who have been in a similar situation.
hi mark, sorry to hear you have to join us all on here all i can say is take each day as it comes ,there will be good days an bad days as to your wife her head will be all over the place my hubbys was i am now a year since being diagnosed grade 3 nodes involved had masectomy then chemo rads then tamoxifen for 5 yrs @ the mo having more rads an switching to arimidex everyones different in the treatment they get but both of you will find that inner strength to see this journey thru ,sounds a bit cliche but things like this either breaks you or makes you stronger anyway all the best for the future and you do have a future i must admit i had to be that lil bit stronger for my hubby he might be a big man but his heart is too big so he felt destroyed by what i`m going thru…keep in touch caroleann
Sorry you are on here, but welcome anyway. It is a rollercoaster of emotions all this and you will have some good days and bad days. But hang in there. Good luck for your mastectomy on Thursday and hopefully they will take everything out. Are you having chemo too or do you not know yet.
I am 39 yrs old and have a 3 yr old daughter and 10 month old son, and it is so hard wondering about the what ifs etc, but they will help you through this, as they make you smile and give you so much to fight for. Also, not sure if you are the same, but mine give me no time to sit and wallow or worry about things, as always on the go.
Anyway, take care and let us know how you get on. Thinking about you and your family.
hi mark
so sorry to hear your recent diagnosis, i think you are at the worst stage it is the waiting for results and treatment that drives you made and puts your emotions into overdrive , i am 37 and my children are the same age it is hard but it is amazing how well they cope, are you having chemo also ? i know its hard please try and be strong you will get a great deal of support and help on this site and you will get through it
love galen x
I am so sorry you have had to join us, but ‘welcome’ to this most awesome site. I have found it to be invaluable since I was diagnosed in March. I was 34 when diagnosed, had my right mastectomy and total axillary clearance a week after diagnosis. It was a VERY step learning curve as I knew v.little about bc prior to diagnosis. I started chemo in May (finish tomorrow all being well) then its onto rads next.
This is a really scary time for you, we can all totally understand that. I remember having to tell people, it all seemed very surreal, like I wasn’t actually telling them about me. Sometimes it still seems surreal, and like a really bad nightmare I’m gonna wake up from.
I’ve had many ‘wobbles’ since I was diagnosed. I live with my boyfriend and as yet we haven’t started a family. Geting married and having children was on our ‘to do’ list, then bl**dy bc went and got in the way!! So, now I have the odd wobble where I panic about not being able to do all those things we’ve dreamed of. You are suddenly faced with the fact that we are not immortal and it is very frightening.
I wish you well as you start out on this journey. I hope your op goes ok on Thurs and you make a very speedy recovery. Take care and ypu know where we are if you need us,
thank you all for the kind words. yes im struggling big time. i had a better day today by hoing to the dentist and having my crown done…weird right… please post some of your stories of success as i think they may really help
Welcome to the site - I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us, but everyone here understands what you’re going through, and you’ll get no end of support and advice.
I know its a really scary time for you at the minute, I’m a litte older than you (42) , married with two daughters age 14 and 10, and when I was diagnosed on 4th April this year, it was frightening for all of us.The first couple of weeks were the worst from diagnosis, to waiting for the results of scans. Six months on, I’ve finished chemo and had a left mastectomy and node clearance last Wednesday. Left hospital yesterday, and have got radiotherapy and herceptin next.
You will get through this Mark, somehow we find strength from somewhere, and we’re all here for you if you need us.
I was glad to read that you had a more positive day and as we have said, welcome to the rollercoaster.
I am sorry you have to find yourself on this site but welcome you have found a really good place to let off steam, rant shout and on the other side of the coin, laugh and feel encouraged.
I think you will read plenty of threads ( The line of responses, I found this new language entertaining) that tell of different experience. I believe they are not put there to scare folks just to help people make sense of what can happen and how people get through them. Trust and hope in treatment is the byword and you will receive good care so when ever you can remain positive, a stupid word on the black days I know but on the good days wow how it helps.
there were 2 threads for this post and I asked for them to be amalgamated, the other one seems to have disapeared now completely and so do the responses that were posted, the responses on both were different as mine seem to have gone ???
Just wanted to say thinking about you and your family. Any questions you have one thing for sure someone will always be on line to reassure no matter what time of day or nite. I know, been there and amazed hoew many other people can’t sleep and are on line at 3 in the morning. You will get loads and loads of support on here Mark for you and your family too.
Sending loads of positive thoughts your way
Big hug to each of you,
Hi Mark
Sorry you’re here! I was dagnosed in June aged 37 with two boys 11 and 8. I have to say it is very tough. When I cry it is not for me, but the fear that I might not see my beutiful boys become men.
As for being tough on your wife, sometimes we hit out at those closest. I even said to my husband, and embarrassed to admit that I wished he had it, as I could do a better job at raising the boys on my own than him. It was really mean and I felt crap but sometimes this thing makes us so helpless. You wife is probably having a really tough time too- not sure what to say, feeling helpless etc.
Hang in there - good luck for tomorrow.
I find this website really good -people here are all in the same boat and you’ll get support.
Hi mark,
Just another new friend logging in to offer support. You are in total shock, so don’t worry about how you behave or what you say to people. Just do what you have to. OK, try to be gentle on your wife, she is as shocked as you, but lean on everyone else around you, and only talk to those you want to. You will know who you feel comfortable talking to even if they are not the obvious people.
I was diagnosed in March and have 3 kids, so i have an idea how you feel. It’s a complete rollercoaster at first, and you just have to get your head round so much new information, it’s overwhelming. But things do settle down, and as you start to build a relationship with your care team, it starts to feel less scary and more manageable. Information is power, so ask anything you want to know.
Keep visiting the discussion boards for support and info. Accept all offers of practical help with kids, lifts and household stuff. I have never felt so loved in all my life - friends and family have rallied round and showed their love and support for us as a family, but i had to let them help, and it feels bit of a risk, sharing your needs and your journey with them. But ultimately worthwhile.
I wish you all the very best for tomorrow and the coming weeks,
Jacquie x
So sorry that you have joined that C club. I was diagnosed 8 wks ago and still find it difficult to come to terms with but I am sure we will get their. I have to little boys 2 and 10mths and find it so hard just looking at them some times as they do and say the sweetest things and it breaks my heart that I may not see them grow up but I sure as hell will not let this bloody disease take me away from them. They will be your fighting force. Good luck and take care. I cannot remember the name of the other guy on this site but if you look on the home page and go into the recent fashion show they did you will see him.
Have just been browsing the discussions on this site, came across you, and felt compelled to register so I could respond to what you’d written.
I was diagnosed with b/c last September, and remember looking at my kids and feeling exactly the same as you. My 2 are the same age as yours, and I just used to
look at them and cry. And cry. And cry. I just thought I’d never get through it, and that I wouldn’t live to see them grow up. But in the end they were, and still are one of the main things that kept me going, and made me so bloody determined to fight this awful disease. Even on my darkest days, one, or both of them would do something that would make me smile, or make me laugh. And I would think, life’s not so crap after all. Look at what I’ve got. I also found that being as honest as possible, (bearing in mind their young ages), helped them come to terms with what was going on. Kids are amazing. They’re so resilient, you’ll be amazed at how well they cope. My two have actually dealt with it much better than most adults. Also, hard as it is, try and let your wife in, and talk to her about how you’re feeling. She is probably feeling many of the same things and is just as fearful. It sounds weird, but having a good cry together actually helps. My husband and I have done it many times!
I know it seems hard to believe it right now, but you will get through this. In the meantime, allow yourself to have bad days, aswell as the good. It’s impossible to be positive all the time. I just hope you’re able to feel positive at least some of the time. And the negative days in time, will get less, and be replaced by lots of positive days. But get there in your own time, in your own way. And if anyone tells you to ‘keep your chin up,’ hit them!!!
I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey.
Take care.