Hi all, I need advice please!!
So I had breast cancer back in 2023, had one side mastectomy and chemotherapy, ongoing treatment, returned to work, fast forward Jan 2026 and I had further mastectomy and full reconstruction, I took time off work to recover, I work as a plumber so it’s quite physically demanding, I have always been up front with co workers about treatment and they have always been supportive and amazing, there has always been some banter like “you’ll be like Katie price when your back” and it’s never bothered me, until today after 5 months recovery, I returned to work today, a co-worker (who I’m not close with) to say “ho! She’s just had a new rack! Send me some pictures” in front of another co-worker and this hit different! I was upset and angry! I felt so embarrassed! Am I being over sensitive??
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Absolutely disgraceful thing to say. If there is a HR team in your shoes I would be reporting that formally as harassment. You do not deserve to be met with comments like this ever. Shameful.
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I don’t feel I can after I have made jokes myself in the past, I just felt so humiliated 
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@tommykye It doesn’t matter what you may have said in the past-you making a joke of things is entirely different to someone saying something like this to you. It’s a workplace & there’s no need for it.
Is there someone you can speak to at work in confidence?
I promise you don’t need to over-explain yourself. Keep it super simple.
This was said. I find it inappropriate. What are you going to do to protect me better given an already stressful medical situation?
How do you feel about something like that?
This is intimidation and bullying and any tribunal would side with you (also people are bloody idiots) & I’m so sorry this happened to you xx
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There is someone I could talk to, it’s just off putting as I work with predominately men, two of whom heard this and didn’t bat an eyelid, that’s what’s made me feel I’m overthinking it 
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They are not in your shoes. I expect any of them would be horrified if someone said something like that to their partner/wife/daughter. I’m sure Macmillian would reassure you as well if you gave them a call?
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That may be a good shout to chat to them about it 
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No you aren’t . Would you have chosen to have a “ new rack” without having had cancer ? That comment is very reductionist ( if that’s even a word ) as it doesn’t take account of your 3 year journey with medication chemo and multiple surgeries not to mention the psychological trauma that comes with having had cancer the effect on your loved ones and any lingering physical problems that may still be affecting you. It’s very triggering .
I can’t tell exactly from your post whether you think this comment was just horrendously insensitive / someone over compensating for being uncomfortable about cancer because some people really just can’t deal with it . Check this thread The Things People Say and also/One week in & amazed at the reactions & stupid things that people have said! - #221 by sisters_of_percy . Many people have received thoroughly inappropriate comments similar to yours - having had their reconstructions referred to as boob jobs or staring at their boobs enviously and not ever thinking about the price that was paid to get them looking that way.
Could this person be jealous of attention you are getting /they may be jealous of the time off that you have had even - or do you think there was real malice behind it . To suggest sending pictures even in jest especially considering this is someone you aren’t close to anyway is thoroughly inappropriate in a work environment - it could be even be interpreted as bullying or harassment especially if the comment came from a man - which is what I assumed but whoever they are they are a waste of good oxygen in my opinion . Hopefully this is a one off but if you are worried and especially if at present you don’t want to approach a manager at work then it might be worth calling MacMillan who have a lot of information about employment law and get some advice in case it happens again.
I hope that you’re able to enjoy your evening and well done for getting yourself back into a difficult job . Xx
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Hi, I certainly wouldn’t have chosen the surgery (my boobs were one of my positives!
) I guess I hope he is just oblivious to what he said, and just thought it would be funny? That I would find it funny? I will chat to MacMillan tho, I think that will be good 
thank you
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Hey @tommykye
It’s possible that this person has witnessed previous banter that has seemed to go down ok and has tried to get in on it but is just really bad at it. Some people really are idiots and genuinely can’t see the line. Whatever the intent though, you aren’t being over sensitive and I would have felt the same if that had been said to me. I, in fact, gasped when I read it!
If I were in this situation I’d make a mental note of it and see if there’s a repeat performance. If it happened again and it bothered me, I’d have a casual word with them as I don’t think I’d feel the need for things to get heavy at this point. For a subsequent offence, I’d say something a bit firmer and let them know any further comments would be reported.
Hope this helps and I’m pleased for you that you’re back at work. x
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Yes it’s possible that he thought it was funny or that is was black humour and he thought you might appreciate that . As for his audience people laugh at that kind of thing and he may not be able to tell the difference between genuine laughter and someone laughing because they’re nervous or embarrassed . You know him so you might be able to work out what if anything was behind his comment. The idea of sending pictures of your boobs even as a joke I find offensive - but I’m older (61) and I don’t have a large social media presence so maybe that’s why xx
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Hi, thank you, this is what I’m scared of, that I have set the bar for people to pass comments, I try to have banter with my work being dominated by males and it’s never bothered me before, I think like you say take a mental note and see if it happens again and also as others have said have a chat with MacMillan just to clear my head x
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Maybe he was trying to be funny and I’ve have been a little over sensitive with it being my first day back, To be honest no one else laughed…. Could be because I didn’t? I might have made him feel awful, he quite possibly doesn’t know how to approach it and if that’s the case my reaction would not have helped 
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Sorry but you don’t need to worry about how you made him feel?? For what-having cancer? Fighting to live? Having life-altering surgery? Making the poor little man feel a bit uncomfortable because of all that??? No no no!! Please look after yourself xxx
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Oh no do not put yourself down and think that you might have over reacted or been over sensitive. What he said triggered you and after everything you have been through it’s not surprising and I don’t think that your reaction is out of proportion especially considering that you’re not close so you don’t really have the kind of relationship that should allow him to think he can make very off colour and insensitive jokes involving sending him pictures of your breasts . The fact that nobody laughed or joined in is good - that suggests to me that they also thought he was a bit out of order and hopefully he will take his cue from that .
So that may well be the end of it and I hope it is but be watchful . If it persists and anyone suggests that you might be over sensitive then ask them if you came into work with a prosthetic leg instead of reconstructed breasts would that be treated as though it were nothing very much and would anyone be joking about sending them pictures . Xx
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No one laughed because it wasn’t funny. There’s a reason previous banter hasn’t bothered you and this has. Content, delivery and the person saying it matters. He’s someone you’re not particularly close to and has crossed the line from workplace banter into 80s’ building site sleaze. This would be a hideous comment under any circumstances but since it’s directly tied to treatment for a serious health condition, it’s so much worse.
I worked for well over a decade in a heavily male dominated office environment and had a male colleague I was particularly close to. I could see him making the Katie Price joke and I would have come back with a witty remark to join in the joke. He would have never made the “joke” about sending pictures.
You’re not being over sensitive and it doesn’t matter what you’ve thought about or how you’ve responded to previous jokes either. I had a male colleague who I wasn’t close to compliment my appearance on a very regular basis and I always used to say thank you. Then he started commenting on what he thought looked better on me, which is obviously a completely different thing. He may have thought this was okay based on me accepting his compliments previously, but I think you’d agree this most definitely crosses a line. This was all quite easily sorted when I replied, “Er…I’ll bear that in mind?” And he replied with, “Sorry, that was weird, wasn’t it?” I replied with a smile and a nod, “Little bit, yeah”. He never said anything ever about my appearance again and the professional relationship didn’t suffer.
Hope you have a better day today and take care in the heat! x
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That is infuriating. Not only is it not funny, sexist, stupid and insensitive, it also totally underplays your amazing strength, bravery and resilience in getting yourself back to work so soon.
F..,ing well done you. Ignore those fools. That’s all they are!
I accept that maybe your colleagues that said nothing were possibly embarrassed so don’t feel too upset that they didn’t do anything. Men aren’t the best at dealing with that sort of thing maybe???
People who know understand how well you have done. Don’t listen to idiots!
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[quote=“JoanneN, post:8, topic:141530”]
Could this person be jealous of attention you are getting /they may be jealous of the time off that you have had even
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I understand you’re trying to look at all angles, but not for one second we should give this rude person the benefit of the doubt. Time off for operations or people asking after you following a gruelling time is hardly a reason for jealousy.
@tommykye You are not being sensitive. It’s totally different from banter and you joking. I bet 99% of that was not sexual harassment - a huge difference.
That comment is utterly disgraceful - it’s not banter. In the UK, asking for images of breasts without consent can be a criminal offence.
In front of another colleague = witness = report it.
It’s a pity the ones who overheard didn’t put the fool in their place.
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Just a little update, I was working with my colleague again today (not the guy who made the remarks but one who witnessed it) we got on the conversation of what was said and he agreed the comments were to far and uncomfortable, I’ve not mentioned anything to anyone else yet, I’m hopeful the silence after the comments will have made him realise his error, I think I will need to have a clear think before going any further and a chat to my husband when he’s home (he works away and I did want to say anything or have him worrying)
Thanks you to everyone for all the advice, reassurance and support! You all amazing 
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@gelbel I agree that having time off for major surgery is not something that should cause jealousy in others . Unfortunately this is what some people have been greeted with on their return to work - resentment at the amount of time that has been taken off and further resentment and hostility if a return to work plan / phased return has been put in place so that is why I mentioned it . If you have read my other posts I think I’ve made it clear that there were no excuses for this person .
@tommykye I’m glad you had a better day today . Xx
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