Can I draw your attention to a great article in the Guardian Weekend magazine? I think it is a fantastic piece of myth-busting cancer journalism and I for one will be buying Barbara Ehrenreich’s forthcoming book.
guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich
Now, I really am feeling more positive than when I got up this morning, thank you Barbara!
Jenny
Hi Jenny,
So glad you posted this. I read it too, but only after my husband read it and wholehaertedly agreed with it!!!
It made me think of Debs, JaneRa and the many others of us, held to ransom by the ‘tyranny of positive thinking’.
Whether you agree or not, its well worth a read.
Julie xxx
Jenny, thank you. Thats a very helpful article and I’m going to email family and friends with the link as it reflects so much of what I think but never feel able to articulate properly - through guilt about upsetting people!!!
I too feel more positive, having read it.
monica
Good link.
Doubt i will ever stop being angry about getting cancer!
Yup - thanks Julie. Maybe I’m wrong but I couldn’t help thinking that the responses she got from the website would have been a bit more realistic and less horribly positive in this country than in the states.
A good read tho, For me I find the best way is not to think positively about breast cancer, but to try not to think about it at all - it’s far too depressing!
Got to read the book !! I am always being told to be positive etc and get angry about it !! others do not understand so leave me feeling isolated.
R xx
I read the article online at about 3am this morning when I couldn’t sleep. I was then reading the local paper this afternoon and there was a samll mention of Barbara Ehrenreich talking at the Bristol Festival of Ideas. Looking on the Festival website she will be at Bristol Watershed on Jan 12th talking about her book. Here’s the link ideasfestival.co.uk/?p=385
aroline
Jenny
Thanks so much for posting this. It’s a brilliant article and I wish JaneRA, among several sorely missed others, had been around to have the pleasure of reading it as well.
A great link to post to friends, too, as daisyleaf says. Cancer is an illness, not an epiphany. I no more want to parachute out of an aircraft or climb Mount Everest now than I did 16 years ago.
Btw, if having cancer is a ‘gift’, I’d like the receipt and the money instead, please.
X to all
S
How refreshing to see an article like this in the press!
I have mostly felt positive about my situation, but have no illusions about it preventing a recurrence. After all, I too had children young/breast fed/exercised/lead a healthy lifestyle etc etc and here I am. I think we all have times when we are scared/angry/depressed about the whole situation and we can’t possibly be positive all the time. Unless, of course, you’re called Pollyanna! And how annoying would you be if you were. lol
I get sick of people saying to me “you’re such a positive/strong person” as if that is going to prevent a recurrence. I just smile and say nothing; like most people, I imagine. The reality isthat what will happen, will happen and I have no control over it.
Just read the article in the weekend guardian, need many more articles like this. Will have to read her book now!!! Curious why breast cancer has been targeted for all of the pink,fluffy,brave, positive, guilt laden crap though, what about prostate cancer for example?? Why hasn’t that been tarred with blue,macho,gun-it-down,we men can fight this??
Any ideas?
Leadie
Some of the comments by readers below the article are very good, too.
I especially liked this one by a lady (I think) called raincoaster:
"When I told a friend I had Stage IIIb Hodgkin’s Disease (a lymph node cancer) she asked me, sincerely, “What have you done to bring this into your life?”
I looked at her in silence for a moment, because THAT was exactly the moment for which the word “speechless” was invented. Then I said,
“I guess it’s because I choose very unsupportive friends.”"
Brilliant.
X
S
yes bahons, I loved that too. There were some interesting posts. I think the book might be a good read
monica xx
Great article, must read the book.
From a purely personal point of view, I don’t see having had cancer as a gift at all. My family would say the same thing. There has been lots of anger and tears about it and I think it’s healthier (for me) to just be open about how I feel rather that constantly trying to make things ‘easier’ for other people. What will be will be, but let’s be allowed to react in whatever way is right for each of us affected by bc.
And I swear, if just one more person tells me to ‘keep my chin up’…
x
Thanks for this link, Jenny - a really good article and I too will be buying the book.
I am absolutely convinced that a lot of the “you must be positive” brigade have that attitude purely because it makes them feel better and they don’t have to face the reality of our situation. At no time is that clearer to me than when waiting for scan results (as I am at the moment) - I’ve already been told several times that I should be positive they will be ok. I pointed out (rather vehemently LOL) to the last person that in actual fact the scans are already done and however positive or negative I am, it really can’t change what they show.
Might punch the next person …!
Kay x
Hi - I read the article today. It is two years since the end of my treatment and being told I now have a 50% chance of being alive in 10 years (I want my bus pass dammit). I just had to log on and see how people reacted to it. I am so happy to see it. Goodness I know every time BC awarness week comes up and I see loads of pics of giggly girls in pink fluffy bunny ears in the paper I want to scream. I know they mean well but it just seems to trivialise the disease and what it means to the indiviual. I am fed up with being told that I am ungrateful for feeling like this. to me the disease has now become totally commercialised.
Goodness it is great to have a rant - cheers Jacqui
excellent article and again a book to read when it comes out, she puts how it feels so eloquently!
I think a lot of health care workers should read this too, I cant count the amount of times the chemo nurses etc have said that I will get through this because I am so upbeat and positive! I will bloody will get through it because I have no choice in the matter, I have to do it as I cant bear the thought of the alternative, I am not ‘brave’, or ‘strong’ of any of the other descriptors that wind me up so much, - I do not have a choice, yes I could say I am not doing this anymore but then what a stupid choice that would be!
I do not see this as a gift, or an opportunity to change my life, I quite liked the old life, and the person I used to be before the 24th of July 2009! I will never have that life back or be that person again and I think I have a right to mourn that fact if I want too, without being told how grateful I should be that it is only stage 2 cancer and once they have stopped poisoning me I can get back to be me with a great chance of survival - golly how lucky am I???!!!
Sprry, rant over but I am all for the returning of the unwanted gift, dont even want the money thanks, just to be me again, as I was in my happy little life.
Dena xxx
I hold my hands up … I’m a “think positive” person. But then I was diagnosed at the off in July 2009 with secondary spread to my liver and lungs and now further spread to my bones. If I didn’t try to keep myself positive then I would be creating some miserable memories for my young children when I’m no longer here.
In defense of positive thinking, it isn’t all about deluding yourself although it’s a coping mechanism the same as any others. I have no delusions that having a positive outlook will cure me or gain me some extra months, I know it won’t. Having a positive outlook to me means getting on with what’s left of my life in the best way possible. Yes I get angry, I also get sad and frustrated and yes I do express those feelings but I enjoy my life much more when I’m thinking more cheerfully whilst still being realistic.
Let’s face it, I’m 40 and might be lucky to have another year, even luckier to have another five years. Why would I want to spend what time I have left feeling totally and utterly miserable and fed up? It’s not going to change the outcome.
swanie,Must agree about giggly girls in pink, how the hell did this all come about? As you say bc seems to have become commercialised and it helps people who have not had or experienced cancer to deny the seriousness of it
Leadie
Hi bad fairy (excellent name!)
I think the thrust of the article was about expectations that we should all be positive and treat this illness as a gift. Like loads of us here, I am fairly optimistic by nature and tend to put a positive slant on things, but I can’t always keep it up, and need time to be quiet, allowing myself to feel low sometimes.
I don’t have secondaries, but as I have had a recurrence thats mutated to grade 3 and surgeon couldn’t get clear margins, I am tempted to write ‘yet’.
For me, the objection is to the stereotype that we are all brave and positive all the time, with no acceptance of the fact (in public perception) that we get tired, worn out, distressed and disconsolate about all the losses this illness has brought us from time to time, and thats OK
I totally take your point about positivity - sometimes its all there is, but at other times, its hard to find.
I hope things go well for you
take care
monica xx
love the v bad fairy pic , gonna have a go with my cats tomoz, when all my family go back to work, uni,…I have renamed tickled pink day to terrified …less day…coz think underneath all our coping mechanisimes that unfortunatley is what we all are…
i am just praying for the day when they do find a cure… imagine that.instead at the moment ladies with this crap seem to be getting younger and younger !!!
somebody hurry up with all the answers
xx