dx 10 nov. 4 ops, chemo and rads and now I should be so happy as it’s over so why am i so scared ??
so many ladies on this site have supported me so feel rather pathetic right now but i am scared about what the future holds for me.
Has anyone else felt the same ?
K x
Hi Karen,
I think that it is bound to be scarry at the end of your treatment. You have been looked after and given all of the treatment which you have needed for some time now and suddenly you will feel left out on a limb. It will take time to recover your confidence after all you have been through but it will get better with time. It has been loverly getting to know you on here and we are all still with you,
Take care and have a great future,
Lots of hugs,
Isabelle xxx
thank you isabelle,
feel so stupid right now.
k x
Karen,
You are in no way stupid, you are doing just great and it’s a pleasure to have such supportive ‘cyber friends’ as yourself.
Isabelle xxx
hello kay
im not as far down the the line as you im still doing the chemo bit and im still to have a op and rads but i know how you feel im scared.
never feel pathetic we all feel the same and i worry about my future every day and when my treatment is over i will still be worrying that it will come back its never ending.
but welldone you you made it now it time for you to get your life back and live it wishing you all the best for future
billiegirl x x x
billiegirl
felt strong while I was going through it but strangely feel very weak and vulnerable now it is over. so scared it will come back to bite me
want to get my life back but not sure how
K x
Karen I know exactly how you feel, and it’s not stupid at all. I expected to feel elated when my chemo finished - instead I felt depressed and rather panicky, and was shocked by my reaction. I almost wanted the treatment to continue. Having seen some comments here, I now think this is quite normal.
I felt I needed to do more to fight the cancer, so started to make some fundamental lifestyle changes, and gradually I calmed down and felt more in control and confident. It took quite a few weeks though.
I hope you will feel better soon.
finty xx
feel so out of control and hating it. the tears won;t stop. dont know if i can keep doing this
just take it day by day treat yourself do things you enjoy dont be so hard on your self you have been through a tough time i know wot your saying your scared it will come back that scareds me to have you tried ((tapping)) emotional freedon technique just google it and it shows you how to do it im looking in to it but as i said befor just be good to yourself
Hold On K,
Whats going on here? forgive me, but have you not just had your ovaries removed? that in itself is a big thing! give yourself some time, for goodness sake girl, stop being so harsh on yourself. You have only just come out of hospital.
Wipe those tears away, we are all sending you a very big hug, now you need a little ‘Karen’ time! a relaxing bath with…well perhaps some nice smelly bath stuff for now…
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you, you are bound to feel emotional, finishing treatment after, what is it 8 months! and to finish on an ovary removal. Goodness me girl, you are not superwoman, well not today anyway.
A goodnight sleep, then everyday WILL get better. In a weeks time you will be laughing at this posting, well perhaps two weeks, as l say give yourself time.
Lots of Hugs and Love for a better day tomorrow
Sandra xxx
its good to have a cry let it all out i know its scarry your treatment is over its takes time you will get there will are all here for you your never alone.
x x x
Hi K,
I know how you feel, mine was 2 ops, 6 months of chemo and 23 sessions of rads that all finished a month ago, and now I’m not coping!!
It’s all a bit scary at the moment. When I was having the treatment I felt like I was doing something and battling the horrible thing. Then this all stops and I’m like, ok…so what do I do now???
I’ve gone back to work, (although not everyone agreed with this as they thought it was too early), and I put on this brave happy face but inside I’m just so confused and upset. I’m scared about the future, and all the what ifs??
I finally plucked up the courage to call my BC nurse on Fri and admit all this to someone,( I couldn’t tell my husband coz he’s already been through so much with me it just doesn’t feel right to now say I still have a problem and burden him or my son again)and she just said this is all normal but has recommended I speak to a counsellor, so I’m just waiting for a phone call.
I don’t think you’re pathetic I think you’re a very brave person, who has been through hell and back, and like me needs some help in how to now deal with all that’s happened and where to go from here.
Thinking about you and sending massive hugs
Jo xoxoxo
i know exactly how you feel! i finished my chemo/rads etc April. On pins now waiting for my mamo next month.
eva
hi karen,
I soooo know where you are coming from, I finished rads mid May, after WLE and 6xTAC chemo, am triple neg so no further treatment for me now. I have been told by many ‘how strong you are!’ but inside I fell to pieces, I had a swelling on the poorly boob and was convinced it was cancer again, went crying to my BC nurse, and she reffered me for counceling.
I had my first appt today and I am so glad I went, I was in two minds as I never thought it was something I would need…Im supposidly strong???
I haven’t returned to work yet, I know i am not up to it pyshically, and I have a lot of guilt about that as somedays I feel fine, others I look like a little old lady, hunched and wobbly along (no offence intended to older ladies!)
Speak to someone Karen, it doesn’t make you a weak person to ask for help, I learned that today, but it certainly has made me look at things a bit differently, and thats only after 1 session!
Good luck to you, and Jo, hope your appt comes through soon.
Big hugs
Mandy
Hi Karen, cant say I know how your feeling because I haven’t come to the end yet. The thing is I am suffering with the side effects from the Herceptin at the minute really bad, but I am dreading when I finish it. I am so scared that when I finish it will come back again. You have been through so much and it is bound to effect you. When I went to see my GP the other week and told him what was happening, he said it was all the chemicals from the different treatments are building up, and it will take a few months after I finish treatment before I start to feel better.
Dont you think sometimes where do all these tears come from, I wish the fluid from my tears caused weight loss I would be happy then lol I am a very sentimental person any way, but I have never been this bad. I sat watching you’ve been framed on Saturday night, it was kids special and all I could think of was when my kids were little, and I cried. Hubby said I put this on to cheer you up, you usually laugh at this, Saturday for a change was crying day lol So Karen have a good cry, I think it does us good, and go and see your GP and tell him,probably like the other lady said it might be good to speak to someone.
Take Care, and lots of special hugs,
Heather
xxxxxxxx
thanks for all your lovely comments.
spoke to occupational health nurse from work today as had been planning to go back on 9th Aug. She told me no way and so have now agreed 31st Aug with a phased return over 6 weeks !!
During the conversation she asked how I was doing emotionally. Well that did it and I got upset so she is referring me to a counsellor.
Am feeling a little more positive and I do know that some of it is the emotion of the operation last Friday. Look like I am 6 months pregnant and it is quite painful but stubborn me hasn’t taken any painkillers since coming out of hospital.
Thanks again. you are all such a fantastic support to me.
K x
take the painkillers they will help! I am still on the treatment train, 4 herceptins to do and finish end of Sep. My nightmare started in May 09 and I can’t imagine not going to the hospital every 3 weeks! I think its goin to be tough. I went back to work mid April and still am only doing 3 days a week! I aim to try and get back when herceptin is over. It really is draining and I still get very tired.
Best of luck and take each day as it comes, you cannot rush your recovery!
xx
Hi Karen,
I have been very fortunate not to have anywhere near all of the treatment which you have gone through, but we all have very emotional times as we go through all of this c–p!
I have recently been refered to see a therapist to talk to about how I feel. My only daughter and her husband have separated in the last few weeks, they have 3 very small children and I’m worried sick over them as well as the bc, I don’t know which to worry about most. Therefore I think it may be a good idea to speak to someone who may understand where I’m comming from, if you know what I mean.
It could help you to have someone to talk to who could help you to come to terms with all of this treatment you have been through recently. In our ‘normal’ life before bc we all had so much more control over our lives and since bc we have all lost the control which we take for granted. We have been told what is going to happen to us every step of the way through the bc dx. It will take time to get used to being back in charge of your own life now that your treatment is complete.
As Janey says, take your painkillers, at least they will help you get through the day painfree until everything begins to heal naturally, you are going through enough without being in constant pain as well.
We are all still here for you for as long as you want us ,
Thinking of you,
Hugs and Best Wishes,
Isabelle xxx
hiya kay
sorry to hear you are having a tough time since your operation. I have found that emotionally i get very down and upset whenever i am physically low. therefore after my operation i felt very upset for a while, and after each chemo. Perhaps thats part of it for you too?
I have grabbed the opportunity to see a counsellor too. I saw that bloke psychiatrist a few weeks ago who was useless, but my bcn organised another appointment with the decent counsellor and i got a letter off her apologising for having sent me to a man as she always sees breast ladies herself! I am lookinf forward to seeing her.
I also found that article on the cancer counselling trust website to be very very very helpful. If you haven’t read it you should. It explains how your emotions are post treatment and that there is a period where our bodies and our minds need convalescance to adjust, and that it is hard when the crutch of treatment goes. It is a very very good article and written well so you can pick and choose which sections you want to read.
Hope you are taking your painkillers you stubborn girl!!!
Vickie
Hi Karen
Haven’t been on for a while, just popped back to see what’s going on, & sorry to find you feeling so low. Mind you that was a couple of days ago you posted, so I hope things are improving. But everything you feel is quite normal I believe, I thought I would be so happy to have my last chemo (Woo-hoo, Celebration Time !!), but instead I cried all the way home & I think for the whole weekend. Coming to the end of rads, I couldn’t imagine what I would do when I didn’t have to go to hospital every day & see all the nice radiographers, & actually found I was glad to be having the Herceptin, & felt sorry for those who were just finishing at that point with no more treatment to ‘look forward to’ ! So, that’s how much of a numpty I am ! Since then there have been many times I have cried, for apparently nothing, in fact up to a few weeks ago I could cry at the drop of a hat - me, who has always been known for being unemotional ! But I read the link that one of the ladies has mentioned & it helped me to realise that we don’t just have the treatment then bang, that’s it we’re done. Just as our bodies need to convalesce, so do our minds. I think as well, that while we’re having the physical treatment we don’t have the time or energy to focus on our feelings, it’s when all that stuff stops that we start to think & feel. Also you’ve been through more than a lot of us with the ovary removal, & I would think, although I’ve no experience of this, that even if you don’t want more children, it’s still an emotional upset having the choice removed so finally.
So please don’t feel bad for feeling bad cos that will just make you feel worse if you see what I mean. The way you feel is the way you feel, & however it is, it’s normal.It’s just something to be got through & it will pass just like all the rest of the c**p.
Two more things
Take the painkillers
Great picture
Lots of love xxx