Starting Chemo in December.2012

Going through breast cancer treatment Chemotherapy monthly threads
601

so sorry you are having such a bad time cybele, i am on FEC 1 day 9 and i am feeling ok, got over my sickness in the first week, just get really tired when i try and do something, like ironing or hoovering, feeling like one of the lucking ones reading on here, so you must be really getting all the side effects going, ten fold, Hope you get over it soon must be draging you down, but saying that at least you know all these drugs they pump into you must be working.

sending vurtual hugs and hope your side effect sod, off and soon.
love your blog
love lolly
x

602

Hi Cressida and fellow crackers!
I have bc in right breast and will be having 2nd lot of taxatere on friday. I think im doing everything backwards cos im having taxotere then fec then surgery! Im ok but tired tired tired and worried that t2 wil have a culmulative effect. Good tip re the corsodyl cos my mouth was the sorest part of me. Difflam is ace! A gong to the woman who invented it!!! A second gong to the woman who invented picc lines. Had my bloods taken this morning-painless! x

603

Thanks so much for the reassurance and support everyone. xxxx Wendy , am having 6 fEC, but if I feellike this after 2, am just dreading the rest.
Just got to get used to the fatigue/weakness aspect, I guess- I don’t know why it took me so much by surprise, but I didn’t get it for FEC 1, and it’s just completely knocked me down.
Something else has knocked me down today, out of the blue: an email from a close friend of 5 years saying essentially that while she admires all the fine qualities I exhibit when healthy, and so enjoys being my friend and spending time with me, she just can’t deal with the cancer, all the unpleasantness upsets her, so I mustn’t mind if I don’t really hear from her until I’m no longer a cancerous loser who brings her down emotionally(I’m paraphrasing, obvs, but this is the essence of her message), and she’s really keen for me to get well so we can resume our friendship.
This is one of the rare occasions in my life when I am actually lost for words.

604

Hi Cybele.Your story was horrid but not unusual I’m afraid. Some people just can’t handle this. I have two sisters- one phones me every night, the other has spoken to me twice since being diagnosed - and that was to tell me to get a second opinion! You have to decide how much you value her friendship. That will guide you in whether you want to contact her when you are well. What would happen if she was diagnosed I wonder? Please don’t waste time worrying about her. Your number one priority is you. Concentrate on what makes you happy and take strength from those who genuinely wish you well . x

605

Cybele

I have just finished 6 FEC (last one yesterday) and some cycles were better than others so hopefully they wont all be as bad for you. I think our bodies get used to the poison and the most cumulative effect for me has been tiredness but even that is manageable as long as I apply the rule of rest for the same number of hours as activity.

I am so sorry about your friend, what a shocker! Maybe she is fearing for her own mortalty, it is a complete shock to everyone close, one of our closest friends has been diagnosed with lymphoma just before Christmas and has his 2nd chemo tomorrow - we were all on holiday together this summer, carefree, now two of us have cancer. I hope she can come to some understanding of how her reaction has made you feel, it is very scary when people we care about fall ill, I have been more worried about my friend than myself! I certainly wouldnt avoid him though, it doesnt change how I feel about our friendship at all and they have been brilliant friends to me too before and since his diagnosis.

You clearly have so many good and supportive friends so if this one can’t cope when needed, maybe its time to review what you get out of the friendship, she has made it clear she gets a lot out of it when you are fit and well but my view is that a true friend is there for you whatever!

Take care
Jayne x

606

Queendrama - I like the way you assume a woman invented all the useful stuff like PICCs and Difflam. I am sure you are right.

Cybele - I too am lost for words. But she can’t come to our summer Xmas party.

xxxx

607

Cybele - I too am lost for words although I have to say one particular so called friend has dropped me and my family like a lead balloon…another friend has said that she doesnt know how to deal with it…well I’m the one dealing with it and feel that quite simply she doesnt have time for a sick friend… i was good enough as a running and gym partner, and for dinner parties etc… but not anygood as someone who needs a shoulder to cry on (continually). That’s the fact of the matter… I wasn’t particularly tolerent before and dont think I am going to be so now…I cannot forgive…
…life is too short for not true friends…
xxxxxxx

608

‘If you see me walking down the street, walk on by…’ :

today’s post on chemonights.blogspot.co.uk/

609

Cybele - I am so outraged by your “friend” that it is distracting me from the horror that is my approaching dose of GemCarbo. I have found a few people have gone MIA since I became cancer, and a few more since I failed to get better in the allotted year, but no-one has had the nerve to tell me that I have upset them by having a life threatning disease. How dare you distress this delicate person with your cancer??? Why should she have to ponder mortality just because you are so selfish as to be seriously ill when she wants to drink frothy coffee and discuss literature???

I really hope you are not wasting energy that you need on feeling upset about her behaviour, because I doubt she is using any of hers to worry about you. If only the cancer were as easy to get rid of as she is.

Without her there will now be more room for proper support, sending hugs, Cress, xxxx

610

Cybele -I’m frothing at the mouth having just read your posts and blog. You have to ask, ‘who’s really the one with the illness?’. Seriously!
I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog, proof, if it were needed, that you are most certainly not “all about the cancer”. I loved the rat story, and look forward to more tales from Yorkshire. I feel that I’ve grown to love Chemo Brian and hope you’ll bring him along to our summer Christmas party. I do feel sorry for your erstwhile friend because who would want to be that person?
Hope the outrage has galvanised you a bit and that you’re feeling a bit better today.
Cressida -Thanks for the mouth info. I will be bringing the whole medicinal arsenal to my next round of chemo!

611

QueenDrama, Jayne, Mandy, Cress, Maire - thanks xxx

Since I published that post last night I have received a huge wave of support via email twitter, facebook and comments on the blog, it’s been very moving, and a huge help.

I was just devastated yesterday, and it came at the end of such an outstandingly horrible week with the FEC.

Still, onwards, and upwards, eh? I’m not going to waste any more emotional energy on her, and that.

I broke my ‘no booze during chemo’ pledge last night, and unfortunately drank both cider brandy and sloe gin, a combo probably not advisable even during the best of times , but hey, that was what was to hand. Back on the Chemo Wagon this morning, slightly shamefaced, and were it not for the self-inflicted hangover, I think I’d actually be feeling a bit better this morning…

Cress, this may be the fault of Chemo Brian, but where is the competition you were talking about? I can’t find it…

On the plus side, it is Day 30 of chemo, I 've had 2 FECs, and I still have my hair!
Although, let’s not tempt fate, I am not boasting about this, and am absolutely sure it’s all going to fall out tomorrow. Or this afternoon. Or probably started falling out at the exact moment 2 minutes ago when I vaingloriously wrote ‘I still have my hair’

The Alopecia Demon is probably rushing towards Hammersmith even at this very moment…

612

Cybele - I have bumped it, and now I have moved it down one by posting this…

Off to meet chemo no 3.

x

613

Oh, and the best thing to do with a raging narcissist is to completly ignore them. So I won’t be thinking about her anymore and I am glad to hear that you won’t be, x

614

NO Cybele - you shall keep your hair!!! think it would have gone by now if it was going to go.
Hope all ok Cressida X

615

Glad you’re feeling more positive Cybele. Im not very good on the old computer (normally have to ask a teenager - they know everything!), but where will I find your blog? I am intrigued to find out the rat story!!!
Fingers crossed for you Cressida.Hope youre not feeling too yukky. I have tax 2 tomorrow- eek!!!I’ve had my steroids today in readiness and i’m buzzing! Shame my legs have gone all wobbly!
And yes I reckoned a woman did invent the good stuff! Some of the yukky things we women go through all begin with MEN! menarch, menstruation, menopause.etc.

616

I went to the chemo unit. Hubbie took the afternoon off (no pay). I waited 2 hours. It took 2 nurses to get a cannula in. I swallowed steriods and anti-sickness meds. The saline pump was started. Then they came over and told me my neuts were still way too low to actually give me the chemo. Is it me??? Could they have checked earlier??? Aaaaggggghhhhh.

So the lesson for today is - always ask about your bloods before you let them touch you.

617

Oh, Cress, that is truly, truly awful

HUGE HUG.

And massively incompetent on the part of the staff - that is just appalling.
Am just outraged that they did that to you.
As if it wasn’t all bad enough t ostart with…

Mandy -thanks for hair vote of confidence. I am keeping my fingers very firmly crossed.

QueenDrama, good luck with the Tax tomorrow. Iif you click on this link, it will take you straight to my blog: chemonights.blogspot.co.uk/

The rat story is in a post called The North Yorkshire Rat Apocalypse, which was in December, and you can find here:
chemonights.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-north-yorkshire-rat-apocalypse.html

I still can’t believe they did that to Cress - except I can believe it…

618

Cress really feel for you that is pants. Is there anything they can do to sort your blood ? Or is it just another wait.

Hugs

Wendy x x x

619

Something I forgot to say earlier:

Jayne , congratulations on finishing FEC!

HOORAY!!!

How does it feel now you’ve got to the end?

Also ,thanks for tip re balancing hours of rest and activity - I think maybe that needs adjusting in my case.
I have been very hyper from the steroids and putting a massive amount of energy into writing the blog every day, and I have been resting very little. Maybe the massive fatigue I had over Tuesday and Wedhnesday was partly to do with that.
It was really quite scary, so getting a bit more balance sounds like a good plan.

620

Wendy - I am waiting for the onc to decide what to do about me and my blood. They might have to lower the dose, which I am not keen on - I don’t want to tickle the damn thing - if I am doing this I want to do it proper. Or they might be able to give me injections to boost my immunity - I have had these before and needed morphine based painkillers for the side effects. Big Pants.