I have been reading but not posting for a week or so as I wanted to see how you all were. Around the time of my tests and dx I was using this website a huge amount and seeking information but now some times it scares me- so much information and I am such a dreadful worrier about the cancer and making sure it goes the website and other forums sometimes fuels that… Does that make any sense? I am terrified and even though my chemo has begun and I should be on the road to getting better I am still so scared! Sorry if that sounds horribly negative.
I am feeling glum, I want my life back to the way it was.
WOC, I hope that you feel more positive today. =)
Dawn are you docked in Brighton did you say? I live in Hove! X
Angel - LG started on day 12. hair on head was day 16, i’m on day 19 now and still have enough hair to carry on as normal but there are a few bald patches i need to try cover up. once i point them out to people they are obvious but not if i don’t say. i’ve not done anything with my hair today yet so will see how much comes out when i do.
MaryC - i’m not too bad with it at the moment. i think i’ve kinda accepted it although the bald patches freak me out. they feel funny, i expected em to feel like a shaved head but they don’t they just feel like skin - silly me. i think once it clears fully or gets to a point where i HAVE to wear my wig i’ll be upset. i could have quite easily cried my eyes out yesterday but i managed to hold it together. yep round 2 on Tues providing bloods come back ok, hopefully they should.
Anne - yes that is how mine feels, really tender to touch but only on top.
Samos - one is NHS and one i bought from a shop near me. just wanted a bit of a choice really as i don’t totally love my NHS one. gonna have to go for some funky dress up ones occasionally hehe
wineoclock - you don’t ever have to apologise to us for having a whinge, that’s what we’re here for so you whinge away all you like…we all have big ears and big comfy shoulders for you to lean on whenever you need to and we know the same applies to us. big hugs xxx p.s men are funny creatures, they don’t quite know how to deal with all this, he’s probably struggling but still no excuse really. he needs to be there for you rather than upsetting you, you have enough going on xxx
Julianna - got to say i do admire you and all the other ladies who had the courage to shave their heads, there’s no way i could do it. i don’t know why i just know i could never bring myself to do it.
Joanna, i can certainly relate to what you’re saying. think we all go through that, i’m constantly worrying about it coming back else where. as i’m having my treatment as a preventative measure so there’s no ‘checking to make sure it’s working’ or anything like that. i’m forever worrying it’s come back with every little ache or pain anywhere in my body. don’t think those feelings will ever change.
Thank you Lynzi. I just want some certainty but know that I will not have that again. I am feeling for lumps and bumps, I want to know that chemo is working- I need to calm and stop obsessing but it is hard to do. I know that I need to keep positive and usually I am. =(
Had a mega haircut yesterday which got to me a lot too and some other boring ses. On a brighter note I had my whole ponytail cut off and it is going towards a wig for a child.
hi ladies,
really appreciated reading all your posts over the last few weeks. AMAZING women!!! Had my first treatment yesterday and felt like the worst hangover ever last night and overnight, despite Emend, ondansetron and metoclopromide. Think I’m perhaps a wuss! Feeling a bit better today though. I have a portacath in place and was less than impressed with the nurses aseptic technique (I’m a nurse so maybe ultra picky?). Anyone else with similar experience?
I plan to donate my hair in a couple of weeks (gulp!) to littleprincesstrust, and like some of you I’m booked on a Look Good course in Feb (in Exeter). Quite looking forward to that, especially the goodie bag!!!
take care everyone
Claire xxxxxxx
morning ladies
There’s a lot of early risers. That is one SE I haven’t had, sleeping like a log.
WOC, men can be like children sometimes and get upset when they don’t get attention. The focus is totally on us girls, what with hospital appointments feeling crap after chemo and the disfiguement. I’m not defending them. My OH has been fab and although nobody can understand what we are going through unless you have experience of being in our club. I have shown him some of the posts from here and we have had a giggle as well as some epic meltdowns. He is also scared.
Marina, be carefull if you have a cold. I ended up in Velindre hospital overnight with my cold. Keep an eye on that temp.
Julianne, I was looking for some Manuka honey online when I came across the vodka with manuka honey. Thought I could kill 2 birds with 1 stone and have a tipple with the added benefit of the honey.
Hairloss contines. Family are slightly bemused with my new party trick of having big handfulls of hair trailing behind me. LG almost all gone and also leg and underarm hair comimg out.
Aiming for good walk today. Sun is shining here in Cardiff so digging out the sunglasses.
good afternoon girls I’m addicted on here now check more than facebook thesedays!
Julianna looking gr8 and i’m jealous because like Lynzi i just couldn’t! Good news tho washed my hair not much came away just as much as normally does. Big sigh of relief was so worried I’d become bald whilst in shower. Silly i no. Under arm hair never grew back after waxing nor did bottom half of LG usually have full Brazilian done so got a tiny bit at top. Sorry for those who don’t wana no!
Wineoclock chin up luv.
No problems sleeping here. Lo woke up at 7am managed to keep her waiting til 7:30am but then had to get up! OH has cold man bloody flu but he is a darling has done all the cleaning just left bathroom for me. So can live wi that!
Joanna felt like you so many times then one day whilst looking after my lo i decided i can’t do anything about having this terrible illness so i must live each day to the max enjoy life enjoy my kids Hubby etc. Sometimes easier said than done.
I personally don’t look up anything on net etc as scares the hell out of me just take each day as it comes and we’ll get there slowly. X
Lizzyship Lol i too had them bald nightmares used to wake up all disorientated!
Samos don’t worry i don’t drink at all went off it wen pregnant wi 1st then was desperate to lose the 4 stone I’d put on so never bothered after abit never got tempted!
Claire you’re not a Wuss at all i felt like that too wishing your se’s are manageable hun. I felt very tired 2 days after chemo that was worse hangover feeling day! Just rest up and eat wat you can wen you can.
Anne hope you have a nice walk I’m just led next to my lo at min whilst she sleeps! It’s the only time she is angelic wen asleep!
Hello Claire x - no such things as wuss’s on here - we are all truely strong and amazing - albeit a tad bald and lopsided:). Well i’m neither of those yet, but god’s counting lol.
And Lizzyship i too fell off the wagon last night! Well only slightly slipped as I only managed half a small glass of red then decided i wasn’t enjoying it so binned it. Ok so i did’nt bin it, hubby finished it! But i’m not giving up without a fight so am going for a g&t tonight, although it will defo be more t than g.
Managed a 6 mile walk today slipping around in the mud -yuk. But at least i had matching boots today, althoughnwithnall the mud on them you’d not have noticed whether they were a pair or not. Feel good - it’s day 10 - just a niggly achy lower back. Nothing that a couple of ibuprofen can’t shift.
I think we also need to award Julianna a special award for her beautiful head! But don’t let the award go to your head (yes, pun intended) Julianna as pretty soon you will have some stiff competition!
Smells lovely in our house now as the pork is gently roasting - yummmm
Things are no better here for me relationship wise and I’m in tears most of the time- it just happens.
Asked my best friend to come round today and shave my head. God we both cried, it was a very emotional moment. But we also had a giggle here and there. I feel better now I’ve taken control but tearful when I see myself. I’m keeping a hat on now, and will wear my wig if I have to go out anywhere. Right now I can’t see me going anywhere as I’m too miserable.
Hope you’re all ok and I’m sorry I’m so negative xxxx
Oh dear woc, this is one big emotional rollercoaster for everyone, and that includes oh’s. I do so hope things settle down between you both or I shall have to give him a stern talking to!
You have taken a big but positive step today with the hair and yes you took control and you did it - now that does deserve a huge pat on the back. - oops, too hard, i hope i didn’t hurt you!
I guess everyone around us all is walking on egg shells right now, afraid like us, afraid for us, afraid for themselves, afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing. Just plain afraid. We are the ones on the ride, we may not be in control of it, but we have each other to turn to for support, but i guess those around us are more on their own Iyswim.
Hold on to the fact that each day is one step nearer the end, and be kind to yourself. In many ways i think we are all grieving. Grieving for the us that has now gone - and maybe, just maybe not quite ready to love the us that we have become. Sorry if i’m rambling - it must be the small sniff of the gin!
WOC - are you going to give me a run for my money in the ‘nice shaped head’ department? And girl, don’t you worry about being negative; if you can’t moan in here… Every day I thank Google that it showed me this website!
MaryC, Lynzi - I bet you all the tea in China that you would be able to shave your hair off, if it ever came to that. 6 months ago, if someone told you that you had to have your boob(s) cut off and had your body poisoned on a regular basis, I bet you would have said ‘I could never do it’. But you did. But you do. This is the same…
Been out to lunch with some friends today to my favourite Thai place. I was a good girl and had diet Coke (!) with my food but one girlie bought me a gift; a bottle of really nice Barolo, which I had to open. Heavenly! So was lunch - I usually only eat (a lot of) starters in there. They do a fantastic fried shrimp dish with a Wasabi sauce - yum! Was that good, I might take my sister back there tomorrow for an early dinner - we are going to the Opera after.
bloody hell sue 6 mile walk that is fab dusted off all the cobwebs i bet. Ah your post has got me choking back tears such a lovely message and no you didn’t ramble. Big virtual hug.
Wineoclock had tears in my eyes for you chic. But I’m going to say don’t sit feeling miserable get your make up on get the wig on and get out and have a giggle with your girls. We all have down days but it’s important to think positive that is wat Will get us thru this crap time. Our psychological mind set affects our immune system and overall well being. And you can’t have an amazing woman like you down in the dumps. Also try to wear something red. No I’ve not been on the booze but apparently it helps us to feel good. Google it. Also i no you may not be in mood but watch a great comedy i love ‘Mrs brown’s boys’ laughing helps us create endorphins which is good for us. Sorry if I’m boring!
Julianna nice to hear you’ve had a lovely day and you are totally right we probs could but truth be told just don’t want to. Lol at you made me giggle with all tea in China remark. Told OH today my cyber sisters have shaved head and he said they are very wise that’s wat i should do. Then came out with “you’ll look like me then”. Wtf? Did he think this would make me feel better?! Tell ya i could’ve punched him.
Today has been a good day for me. Went to nando’s my favourite eating place and eaten a full meal which is the best I’ve done in 3 weeks. Did feel rather over full but that was my fault for being greedy guts! It was amazing. Had planned to watch a movie and enjoy a night in with OH but he is fast asleep on sofa since 7:30pm snoring away so left him to it and watching the box on my own!
Big hugs woc dee dee whos your nurse I’m being treated at kings mill too and can I ask a question please ad daft as it sounds anyone I’m on day 17 shaved my hair off with graders last night as it was coming out by handful so got hedgehog head now so do I leave the rest to fall out itself or give it a really close shave with the razor sorry if this sounds stupid new to all this x inadvertently posted this first in terms and conditions sorry tried to delete but it won’t go away x
Think I got my chemos wrong way round backtracking on posts sure nurse said doing them back to front so t then FEC got my next dose on Thursday hope stand it as well as this time although have got a stinking cold haven’t had much appetite at all but was bit poorly tummy wise before chemo plus have irritable bowel so don’t help but doing really well or so o thought six mile walks and five was it earlier in the thread by someone else sorry my memory is rubbish goldfish memory I go shopping and by time get home totally pooped is this normal? I’ve been sleeping rubbish too if I’m really lucky might get 2 hours usually one though do go back bit not for hours so all interrupted sleep but can cope if these the worst I’m gonna be don’t like the sicky feeling but even that gone now get more headaches but migraine sufferer anyhow but don’t think this lousy cold helping also very emotional most of time then feel really guilty cos mine is preventative bit was grade 3 stage 3 one very lucky lady only found because breast doc at kmc insisted on biopsy I’m in no doubt he saved my life he is my hero
angelfish hello to you i bet weve met i like you am at kmc and have my first chem thurs after being held back because of infection was suppose to start 12 would be nice to keep in touch denisexxxxx
Angelfish, the only stupid question is the one you don’t ask. I am another baldy - cut my hair with a hair clipper but it left some stubble which is not very nice. Going to ask my sister to shave it for me - I was afraid I would cut the skin if I did it myself (probably not, but I am not taking chances). Can you believe this? I am still tugging at my hair? It will be better to get it all off, then presto! Nothing to tug at. So, girl, you do what you feel is the best for you. Yes, being tired after shopping is perfectly normal.
I would tell my onc that I am not sleeping well and ask for something to help with this. It is no good having only a couple of hours of sleep.
Quick question for the ladies who have had surgery prior to chemo- I have a real itch and slight rash in what used to be my cleavage area is anyone else finding this?
SE’s for me seem to be tiredness, a little nausea and very interrupted sleep…only day 5 (not including juicing day)so early days. Might try and wrap up and get some fresh air today might help with the sleep etc…
Hi Angelfish and Denise, I used to live in Mansfield, only left when I got married. I did my nurse training at km ( it wasn’t a centre then). Still have a lot of family there but don’t visit as much now.
Anne x
Wow, this thread really growing!! I do read most days and yes i too check this as often as FB!
Only day 5 for me at the moment and it seems to be everyother day is a good one. Awake 2-5 last night, good night the night before, awake 3-6 the night before that! so that probably doesn’t help…
Trying to force an energizer juice down me but it’s going slowly i have to say…
Feeling more like that early stages of pregnancy and very fuzzy around the edges…,does anyone’s eyesight change??
WOC - please try and put a face on, wig on and get out with your pals! there is nothing like a girly day to bring you around. thinking of you X
SOC - loving the head, hope i am brave enough when time comes!!
well i am going to wibble my way to church and hope i don’t walk into a wall! out for a meal at lunch with hubby and kids - yum!
Hope everyone has a good day with no SE’s!
xx
joyce
p.s men are funny creatures, they don’t quite know how to deal with all this, he’s probably struggling but still no excuse really. he needs to be there for you rather than upsetting you, you have enough going on xxx