I’m retiring quietly to the “lack of imagination” bench. Have decided to be a Bengal Tiger but I will need help with the costume please Kay.
Great news Grumpy - good luck!!
Shedloads of snow forecast tonight so everyone in Tesco panic buying allsorts…no, not liquorice…I mean all kinds of things, mainly bread and milk which I’m told was all gone by 4pm. I’m all stocked up, hatches have been battened down and tomorrow is looking like a day off work!! Yay!
Ok folks so here’s the plan as it stands so far. Any constructive comments welcome.
Alligator wranglers (no that’s NOT a new style of jeans!): FoxyFerret, Millymolly_m, Grumpy, Jason Gardener. Can you manage to dig the guilt well too?l - or coerce OHs/unsuspecting passers by to do it?
Ice Dancers:
JCJ - dressed in donkey costume with rhinestones and sequins - dancing to Emeli Sande “Clown”, because it’s slow so I don’t need to skate fast and for the lines “I guess it’s funnier from where you’re standing” and “Clear the way for my crash landing”. It’s also beautiful - unlike me!!
Foxyferret - dressed as a ferret dancing to this: Animation: Ferret dance (A series of tubes) - YouTube (because one of them looks like a foxyferret, and it’s hilarious.)
Kayttc & Ali - dressed in gold sequined sumo outfits doing sumo type ice dancing to “Gangnam Style”
Millymolly_m - dressed in a hooped, sequined gown, doing her knocker/knicker waving ice dance to “Yes sir, I can boobie” a specially commissioned track from Andrew Lloyd Webber, based on “Yes Sir, I can boogie”.
GIJane - dancing Bolero with CHRISTOPHER DEAN dressed in matching purple sequined onesies, (as she wants to imitate Jane T)
Divers: (synchronised)
Nannabarb: - dressed as a mermaid, diving off the lost plottery shed in seductive style
Ali - in sequined camel suit (with a small bottom) piked dive from the spring (bungee) board
Katytc - in grey fur leggings and sequined top - seal suit diving backwards from the high board (top of JC*)
Tuppence - in blue Doc Martins (with rhinestones, of course) and hooped Blue Footed Booby Bird costume - somersault dive from edge of lake.
?? (Someone with recent SNB) - Blue Boobied Bird - no costume required - tripple (or single??) front twisting dive from back of “OUCH!!” bench
Chief dance and dive choreographer - BlueRose - (in consultation with Tom Daley, CD and JT) - that’ll give you something to do and stop you moaning about being bored? 
Kaytee - Costume designer - keep up the excellent work!
Grumpy + RevCat - sell flowers to the gullible fools who like to throw them at the dancers (we may as well make a profit from them?) then collect them up afterwards, ad infinitum. Or should we make that cakes (in wrappers, obviously, so we can consume them after?! :))
Finale:
All skaters swimming in circle - upside-down waving blue doc martins in the air as all divers dive, from springboard into the middle of circle one after the other. Shower of sequins and rhinestones released from ceiling fans.
They don’t know it yet, but Jason and Craig R-H have agreed to do the commentary for our wonderful evening of entersprayment! (entersprainment?)
PS NOW you tell me you want to be a tiger, FF!
PPS - OH looking at my scribbled notes (taken from all your posts) for above and looking extremely puzzled. There could be a straight jacket awaiting me anytime soon! 
ROTFLMAO, JCJ. I really, really, really want to do the ferret dance!! Kay, please cancel the Tiger costume and help decorate this ferret coat I already wear. (Sorry to be a nuisance and change plans).
Excellent programme JCJ. I think it will be spectacular.
Jason Gardener??? One of my least favourite TV people. I may just let the alligator win that wrangling contest!!!
I chose him purely because the alligators will enter the cages of their own free will and make your work easier! We could ‘lose’ him in the bottom of the guilt well?
foxyferret, a Bengal Tiger, how fabulous. Am thinking gold lame with bronze sequins to make the stripes embellished with rhinestones on the eyelashes and whiskers - how does that sound?
JCJ, do you need any help with your costume?
Ali put your onesie in the plottery shed for you to try. Decided to put the leopard pint at the back and zebra at the front. Hope you like the bronze sequins on the leopard spots and the sequins on the zebra stripes. Also got sequins for your camels eyelashes if you like.
tuppence, have seen pattern for your BFBB costume, you will be mpressed.
katyc, am trying to source good quality imitation seal fabric. Will keep you posted
hugs to all
kay x
Oh, I see your thinking now. Yes, I’ll dig the well several feet deeper than needed, send him down to check it and then quickly backfill it to the required depth.
Actually, that’s murder and I don’t think I’m quite up for that even in “virtual” land. So maybe I’ll just avoid him as much as possible.
Kay, I’m so sorry, there’s been a change of plan thanks to JCJ’s posting of You Tube video. Although your costume sounds wonderful, I’m now just going to be myself (ferret) with embellishments!!
Kay - if you could just embellish the donkey suit with rhinestones and attach the solar lights to the skates - and perhaps some hoof-colour fur? That’d be brilliant. Thanks.
Here are the rhinestones 
and sequins ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
OMG only went offline for a day !! 29 posts !!!
YAY GRUMPY ! so pleased for you, just as well your not the V I Director-type Person this time 
and MillyMolly congrats on clear nodes xx
Tuppence / BFBB your collapsing bottom sounds just like mine since I turned 50 (well OK, since I turned 40…)
OH JCJ how did you find that fabulous ferret dance, I will always think of that when FF posts now.
LOVING the program of events, just what I need to keep my mind off tomorrow (friend’s funeral 
)
Thanks JCJ, will get working on it.
no problem Ferret, will adapt pattern to ferret
I love this thread!
Thanks Kay. You’re a star!!
I also love this thread. I never realised that so many women were as bonkers as I am. You have all been a lifeline for me for the last few months and I thank you all. To take part in this “sillyness” is something that really HELPS.
I’m attaching rhinestones to my fur at the moment, I look pretty good if I say so myself but hope I don’t have to go to work tomorrow with them…oh, hang on a minute…I go to work as a human… only in Benchland am I a foxyferret with rhinestones.
JCJ - the entire show sounds utterly fantastic. I will be delighted to get that guilt well dug. I loe the idea of solar lights on the skates. Please may I have some too as I think they will enhance the booby dance so well.
RevCat, I’ve managed to source light up spinning nipple tassles so have left half a pair in the plotting shed if you want to try for size. will have to stick close for the full effect of the pair to be appreciated.
I laughed so loud reading the descriptions of participants and then when I pictured the half pair of nipple tassels I could hardly breathe. My OH came running as he thought I was suddenly overcome with the pain in my arm!! This thread is the best medicine in the world. X
Cried laughing at the ferret film!! Brilliant!
it all sounds wonderful, and I get to dance the bolero with Christopher Dean? He might even keep me upright!
great news Grumpy…
a room full (computer full) of funny women certainly kept me sane last year. Happy to oblige this year!
how long have I got to practise? When IS. this 'ere amazing production? I think I lost that bit of info in all the posts waiting to be read!
night… Off to try and catch a sleep fairy…
jane xxx
RevCat - where are we going to find FLOWERS at this time of year??? I think I may have few periwinkles in flower and the snowdrops and daffs are sprouting in the garden…oh of cousre this is BENCHLAND so we can find vrtual flowers of all varieties. I think maybe long stem roses, scented, all colours, with that fern stuff, in neat little sprays. THEN we could embellish them with glitter spray and the leftover sequins and rhinestones - GORGEOUSNESS - and cast could order the colours they prefer!! A quick squirt of flowery perfume and job’s a good one!! Is there abudget???
Me n Rev are getting modified shortly and it’s soooo exciting after all the waiting and thank you so much everyone for your good wishes, I appreciate that so much. Millie is ‘booked in’ with NDN for the duration, and if the bairns are naughty they wont be allowed to take the dog for walkies!!! My friend is taking me to Preston for the op so we are hoping there will be no snow on the M6.
I am so excited!!!
grumpy and giggly (large snifters in the JM)
Just realised - the college substation blew up last week, roof blew off, walls collapsed, and the utilities people had to bring excavators and generators. Should I try to ‘borrow’ these to dig the well, and provide power? If I get a few local youths on the case, we could probably hide them somewhere until needed…
grumpy
WOWEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! JCJ you have created something kinda wonderful, am sooooooooo excited by my roles in the spectacular production, can I say you have indeed excelled expectation.
FF fab dance moves, you’ll be the star of the show!! Will be watching you practising today, especially love the flips/somersaults.
Jane and CD performing Bolero, brings tears to my eyes…
Can we still have our “afterparty” with fireworks and sparklers JCJ?
Am going into the lake today" flushing for diving", it’s all gonna be fantastical xx
Me and Ali sumo ing earlier…as I am diving from up high, will my rhinestones, glitter, sequins and tiara be secure Kay?? xx
Kaytc, I swear by Blutac, but can reinforce with superglue where needed.x