Stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND) (Part 1)

I had the works' with regard to my treatment for bc - lumpectomy quickly followed by mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, reconstruction. As far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter what level of treatment you've had (eg lumpectomy/radiotherapy and nothing else) we have ALL been in that doctor's office and been given the diagnosis of breast cancer, so we are ALL equal. There is nothing else like the fear of being told that and we have ALL experienced it. So for those of you who feel guilty’ please DON’T…

ok, so juat to recap the benches:
to your right as you come in you’ll find the guilty bench - it’s small, & there’s a queue so when you’re sitting on it you can feel guilty about that too
to your left is the long ****ing furious bench - it’s become a circular bench (with a nice easy gap entrance for those of us who can’t clamber) but tere’s always plenty of room, & it’s the powerhouse for the whole bench area, in producing steam which somehow gets turned into energy
the straight ahead we have the we’re-all-equal bench - as you’ll see it’s conveniently near the guilty bench so people can hop across from one to the other any time they feel like they should / shouldn’t be moanin as much / little as they are, because compared to other people hey have / haven’t got it better / worse
the just behinf the large circular ****ing furious bench you’ll find the fat b******s bench - reinforced, obviously - which is conveniently close to the it’s-my-fault-i-got-cancer bench (queue there as well, sorry, we’re working on making that one bigger)
the over to your right behind the guilty bench you’ll find the is-it-me? bench - for hen we’ve been shaafted by the nhs getting it wrong & somehow always manage to come out thinking it’s out fault or we’re completely mad
conveniently near that one is the sad bench - it does what it says on the tin
& next to that we have the my-oh’s-a-b****** bench, some of us will nip on & off that one but if anyone gets glued to it tere’s a divorce / run away crane available
|& now i feel guilty that i’ve probably forgotten a vital one - don’t worry, i’m typing this in the queue for the guilty bench - but i can confirm that each bench has tissues a tissue bin, chocolate, alcohol, wet wipes & a maagic box with anything else you might need in it (meat cleaver, pin doll, photo albums …)
hope having a map clarifies things nicley - you’ll notice that large empty area to your far left where there’s room for growth, & electric scooters / buggies are available for travelling around the site
pl note that us disabled people can’t jump the queue for the guilty bench - that’d be depriving others of something else to feel guilty about, which isn’t fair play

Norberte… thank u so much, ur post just cheered me up no end. i’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself (hmm is there a bench for that?) cos i’m 2 weeks post op & was recovering nicely but i’ve now got mastitis infection which has made me feel s***e again. Ur post made me laugh out loud,u have a great SOH, brilliant :slight_smile: xx

Norberte - brilliant! Is there musak so that we can play musical benches?


Love it Norberte - wonderful! Can we have a “your so lucky bench” as well, or would it be empty?!!!

Really made me laugh Thankyou!!

Jill x x x

Think I’ll just stand thanks - can’t decide where to sit !!!


might have to cancel my Florida holiday to try out all the benches???.. Yeah right!!!

have fun has someone got the music???

Love to all
Jeanette xxx

You’re right, you did forget one. There’s the “It’s my fault” bench. This one’s pretty full too, and I reckon most of us jump onto that one for all sorts of reasons, not only BC but the fridge breaking down, the washing machine flooding, the car costing a lot of money, etc etc etc… It’s right beside the “guilty” bench, for ease of access.

Brillant, can you give me instructions to the "had enough of this " bench guessing it’s not far from the “sad” bench!
T x

Choccie - it is there…

“just behinf the large circular ****ing furious bench you’ll find the fat b******s bench - reinforced, obviously - which is conveniently close to the it’s-my-fault-i-got-cancer bench (queue there as well, sorry, we’re working on making that one bigger)”

Not just cancer, everything’s my fault some days! But thanks for pointing out that certain I gothic wrong, which puts me firmly on the “my fault” bench!

Id like to perch a buttock cheek portion on a number of benches, but after a night without sleep with my friend mr steroid (had chemo today) I wonder if theres a bench i could have a lie down on, perhaps the “if youre really tired you’ll go to sleep” bench that my husband would suggest??? I can bring my own newspaper blankets( though wont need them thanks to hot flushes) and can of special brew which I think is mandatory for sleeping on a park bench. What joy!!

Can we please have the “crazy, sobbing lady” bench? This bench will have to be strategically placed somewhere in the background so as not to upset the guilty crew or get on the nerves of the ****ing furious! x

Katy, I’ve been on THAT one a lot recently, have warmed it up for you.

Thank you Chocciemuffin it’s a bench I don’t want to be on very often, let’s move over to the ****ing furious bench, don’t feel guilty about moving CM, bypass guilt and go straight to furious x

Good plan, good plan…

Thank you Norberte for giving me such a laff. My ribs are aching sooo much. It certainly makes me feel less isolated with the feelings I’m going thru’ and I almost feel normal in these circumstances now…wooo hoo. It’s really nice to be among people that understands exactly the feelings and emotions we have and thanks to you Norberte it will be great fun choosing which bench to sit on at any particular time. It will certainly be good daily exersize…lol. How good are you at diagrams?

Hugs to all of us. xxx

Is there a very soft, cushioned bench …maybe I have stumbled on it and cant get off…I propose to name it the ’ I havent got the energy, and if I had I cant be bothered’ bench… perhaps we should remove the cushions or the ‘guilty’ bench will get too full??? XX
Jeanette xx

J, that’s not a bench, it’s the massive pile of beanbags in the corner! (Even if you WANT to get out of a beanbag it’s next to impossible!)