Stop feeling guilty, small rant (BENCHLAND) (Part 1)

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Living with breast cancer
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Hahahaha JCJ:smileyhappy:

Not a video appt but an appt of them videoing me…that’s why I’m embarrassed…

Walk happily out door, freedom, woo hoo!!

 

Went up to Mum’s today, she was looking superly tired but was in good spirits, that’s the main thing. There was a ton of paperwork on her table, so flicked through and managed to get things sorted so was well pleased.

We are visiting a nursery school tomorrow, children have to be registered extremely early nowadays…

Ate a whole bar of chocolate tonight, yumyum xx

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Physio went well, a detailed history taken…seems that maybe the back op. in 2000, although it fixed the problem at the time, has now resulted in the arthritis.  But, I’ll take that… now is nothing compared to back then.  I have 5 exercises to do twice a day.  

One of them says locate your coughing muscle. That is so easy as I have coughed for Britain over the last ten days, no cold, just a cough, wakes me up at night and has resulted in the said muscles being strained and extremely painful.  It hurts to cough and I can’t stop!  As a result there is just no way I can do that exercise,  So, I’m doing the 4 exercises.

 

I’m staggering through work, keep having to sit down and rest, Probably no one will notice… 

 

Up to town today, collected prescription, went to library. Poppd into charity shop…two books and one pair of trousers later…£3. Result.  Off to market, 2019 calendar…£1.  Those are my bargains for the day.

 

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Bargains indeed, FF,  although I can top the calendar for £1. My 2019 calendar -month to a page, room to write on each day, lovely photos of endangered animals - cost just 50p in the local hospice shop, including an humongous envelope (I did give them £1 for it, as it was such a bargain, and for a good cause though, so I guess we are “even”!)

 

Also picked up a super bargain cotton polo (turtle) neck jumper in EWM outlet at the garden centre where we stopped for lunch after OH’s hospital appointment. Originally £19, reduced to £10, then £8. It’s actually a man’s one but I don’t care because it is a lovely colour and is likely to be longer than women’s jumpers tend to be. I’m having that!! Take it to the till and she says it is £5!! She was as surprised as I was. :)  Marvellous! Shame they didn’t have it it any other colours in my size!

 

OH’s consultant appointment went OK: next one booked for just 4 months away  though  so I guess that’s a sign that things are likely to deteriorate quicker now. ? New tablet prescribed. Chewing gum suggested to help with the involuntary drooling and jaw tremor. I was a bit taken aback when Dr asked if we had any carers coming to the house, especially when he said “not yet” in response to our negative reply.  Oh dear! 

 

Hope the nursery school met your exacting standards  KTC :D,  no, seriously, I hope it was lovely and GS will be happy there. When does he start? :stuck_out_tongue:

 

Right. I’m off to get my chippies. :) 

 

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Glad you have your exercises now FF, hopefully things will improve.

Bargains, bargains indeed:smileyhappy:

If OH can manage things? What would carer be doing? Perhaps new tabs will keep things at bay, fingers crossed.

 

We didn’t get up to Nursery, YD felt yuck so appt cancelled and new one arranged. GS goes there so we know that it’s really good. Baby would be there when he is around 1 and only for 2 days per week.

ED’s new baby will also be there same days, haha. 2 weeks to go now…

Really cold here today, it’s the dampness that makes it feel that way, brrrrrrrrrrr.

Had a house full this afternoon, so am now contemplating, takeaway, not sure yet…may well go with the easy option. xx

 

 

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Thank you for my Sunday dinner JCJ, not sure what it was but I enjoyed it .

 

Back is improving, perhps the exercises are doing good.  I’ll keep on with them.

 

Rainy, miserable and mild down here at the moment but tomorrow apparently set to to be freezing.  We will see.

 

 

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Not sure whether to be pleased you enjoyed your “mystery” Sunday dinner, FF, or insulted that you didn’t recognise it was pork! :stuck_out_tongue: And the crackling worked. Of course it did. Because I didn’t even bother to try - just shoved it in the oven and set the timer! It never crackles properly when I Try to do it! I also made proper jam (homemade blackcurrant) roly poly and custard.

 

Glad your exercises seem to be helping. Keep on with them and be gentle with yourself at work. No-one but you will probably even notice if you have to do things slightly less perfectly!

 

Half way through January already! How did that happen? Gradually getting used to this part-time malarkey. Wednesdays are good because I no longer have to teach THAT class all afternoon. A child from that class stopped me yesterday, in the corridor,  and told me she wished I was still teaching them because their new “teacher” shouts at them.  I said “Didn’t I shout?” (something I was accused of, and heavily criticised for) and she said, “No!” I have to admit I did a little fist pump victory dance inside. A member of staff said today that it’s obvious I’m not there in the afternoons and I’m missed. That nearly made me head for the CSL bench!

 

Just got to train OH to communicate better, so I spend less time just hanging about waiting to see what he wants to do/where he needs taking to/bringing back from etc.

 

His car is full of **** from the garage to take to the tip. Then the car wouldn’t start because it’s been sat for months unused. (I don’t like driving it because a) it’s much bigger than my car and b) OH feels he needs to tell me how to drive it and gets so much more anxious, so he makes me nervous and therefore a worse driver)  Also it was covered in mould because he left damp towels in there.  I doused everything in white vinegar (where I could get at because it’s still full of stuff for the tip) to get rid of the mould and the boyfriend of the teacher I work with kindly came to help us start it. Took it for a long run yesterday (and understood why he had opened the window wide - it absolutely stank of vinegar AND mould! :() 

 

I’m just off to the tip now. Gas mask on. Then I’m going to thoroughly clean the car - and install an air freshener!!

 

You still living in a mad house, Katy? :) 

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Am sorry have been on the “feeling yuck” bench, stomach bug that is being nasty, grrrrrrrrrrrr:smileyfrustrated:

Hopefully feel better tomorrow and post something interesting then??? or not haha xx

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Nope, not freezing, colder but I still haven’t had to zip up the coat! Or put a scarf on!  I had two for Xmas waiting to use them…

 

Sorry you’re feeling rough Katy, hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

Been taking it easy at work, you’re right JCJ, no one will notice.  They have however this week provided me with a new hoover (I reported the last one broken in Oct.). It is sooooo good that I have nearly eradicated all the glitter that has been stuck in the carpets for years.   And the fact that I’m happy about a new hoover just shows how sad my life has become :smileysad:

 

 

 

 

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A new hoover!! Yay!! Fatten up the alligators. Blow up the balloons. Party time. That should make your life easier. And we all love a new “toy”.

 

Much colder here - had to scrape the car a couple of times this week, but no snow here… … Yet.

 

Hope you’re feeling better Katy. 

 

Going to brave the elements and go to the farm shop for fruit and veggies later, if I can get off the CBA bench. We’ll probably have lunch there. There’s an incentive?!

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Roast lamb, roasties, Yorkshire pudding, smashed roots,  courgettes in garlic butter,  sprouts, gravy and mint sauce, followed by pineapple upside down cake (fresh pineapple - I bought a mahoosive one yesterday for £1.Bargain!) and custard. You’re welcome. ?️?

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woo hoo can eat dinner tonight:smileyhappy:!!

Have had a yucky time, that awful cold and cough, then an infection in my toe, WHAT?? and finally fingers crossed that bug, not only visiting loo frequently but dizziness and nausea too, hurrah for me:smileysad:

Yesterday was ok then by evening it all started again, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So many thanks for tonights yum yummy dinner.

 

Woo hoo a hoover, you will be glad, also happy your exercises seem to be making a difference FF.

Are you selling car JCJ? How lovely to be missed…

 

Still crazy, crazy here ED’s baby due any day now, am excited, baby’s head is still not engaged, she’s obviously very comfy so there has been talk of being induced, hopefully not as ED had that with her eldest and she didn’t like it one bit, so it’s a wait and see. GS is doing well, big difference he has grown a lot in the last couple of weeks, amazing!!

Mum has been fine, but has had a couple of more falls paper stitches in her head and a bump to her forehead, she keeps taking the batteries out of the alarm thingy that alerts staff, bad mummy…

Just purchased a new bin for kitchen all shiny and pretty, have meant to get a new one for years but it’s always last thing on the list so am starting from bottom up this year haha xx

 

 

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So much better today:smileyhappy: honestly thank goodness.

Managed to nip into town, odds and ends purchased.

It’s snowed here twice, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr very cold, no way I can venture out without my coat fully zipped and my forty layers…

Have my new bin, woo hoo, haha xx

 

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I am new to the forum but I feel that it will be good to read other peoples stories and so  realised that one is not alone.  I believe that anyone who has been diagnosed with bc will have a myriad of mixed feelings and the level of treatment should in no way be used to judge how we all feel.  Although it is over 5 years since my story began the feelings of isolation are no more or less than there were on day one. 

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Well said.  I feel guilty because I only had a therapeutic mammoplasty and radiotherapy along with 5 years Tamoxifen. There are so many women who have gone through chemotherapy as well and I just don’t feel like I should be moaning about how I’m feeling because I’ve been lucky.

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Yay!! The reply button is back! ???

I thought, for a while, that I’d said something and been banned - or someone took offence to Menopausal Rhapsody ?

It’s ridiculous how bereft I felt not being able to post on here so thank you techies, once again, for all your efforts on our behalf. Beverages, cakes and biscuits under the stairs for you all. ?

Now I have to remember what I came on here, 2 days ago, to say… when I’ve finished looking for those… what do you call them? Round glass things? Ah yes. Marbles.

OH was out, for once, on Tuesday. Hurrah! Place to myself ? Had my favourite CBA egg, oven chips, mushy peas and mayonnaise for dinner, watching tennis on TV. Then I decided to have a nice long shower (no shortage of water here! Goodness! Have we had some rain!!) I didn’t bother closing the bathroom door as there was no-one else in the house. Big mistake. The steam set the landing smoke alarm off!! Dashed out to check there wasn’t a fire - and to stop the *****y noise - but couldn’t reach properly to take the battery out. Had to run downstairs, in just a towel, to fetch the step-stool. All curtains on our - massive - windows still open! ? Ah well. At least it WASN’T a fire so I didn’t have to go out into the street like that!

Most of the camping stuff is organised for next week. Just got to pack my clothes and the fresh food. Will load up the car Sunday Evening or Monday morning. Pick YD from station, 10 miles away, at 12pm. Excited but trying not to show it because OH is anxious about being home alone. He admits he was fine last time so… ??? Also, I’m fighting hard to ditch the guilt I feel about leaving him.

While this site was down, I spent a happy couple of hours re-reading the first posts in this thread. Pages 716 to 699: all before I even joined in! I laughed out loud. Again. Completely bonkers. Such joy! Also sadness. ?? Must make the time to read the rest. ?

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Meant to say, Katy: I’m sure there’ll be a few more weeks with GD, when she catches all the, inevitable, bugs Reception children always seem to catch and can’t go to school. Make the most of the peace and quiet! ?

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When are you leaving or have you already left? Have a fabulous time with YD, plenty of laughter and no guilt whatsoever.?

Nooooooooo don’t want any bugs thank you, hahaha.

What a calamity hee hee, typical when you are just enjoying yourself. Hate when alarm goes off, never know which one to press, do it wrong every single time (which is not often that’s why I forget)

Suitcase is fully packed, not being funny but have no idea how I am going to move between chariot, suitcase and a bag arrgh trying not to think about it…

Lido was on Fri, all went well hurrah, just usual thuddy headache. Fell asleep for around 3 hours didn’t even hear machine alarm going off. Nurse had to waken me haha. Great cause time passed so quickly, bad point couldn’t sleep at bed time. aaah well you can’t have everything haha xx

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I leave at 11am tomorrow (Monday). We have to be off the site by 11am Friday so will be back here for YD to spend time with her Dad…and have Friday chippy tea! ? … before I take her to the station for her 19:50something train.

You are holidaying with family aren’t you, Katy? Surely they will help you with your bags? Have a fab time.

I’ve been reading this thread from the beginning. It’s incredibly addictive. I’ve read - many - books that have been much less enthralling and easier to put down. But maybe that’s because this is so much part of my last 11 years? Honestly, it would make a good book…or even a film! Casting suggestions?  ?

I have spent HOURS and HOURS reading it and I’m still only on page 239  (page 1 being the latest posts: there are fewer, much longer, pages since the recent update: 287 in all, I think). I keep saying I’ll stop but I just can’t!

It is so uplifting, despite at times being very sad. We were (are) so supportive of each other in amongst all the bonkersness. It makes me feel so lucky to have found it - and privileged to have been part of it and even a little bit proud. So thank you, again, Katy for your initial post. You had no idea what that little rant would start!! ? And thank you, BCC (as was)/BCN for letting us keep rambling on. 

That makes it sound as if I’m leaving Benchland. Nope. Not a chance. It’s my second home! ?

Love to all current and ex-Benchlanders and anyone lurking. xx

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It’s 2am. I must stop reading but I’ve got to the Panto on Ice (page 227/226 where page 1 is newest posts) and I’m literally crying with laughter. Again. Such joy! ?

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Laughed and laughed, yes will be on holiday with family it’s the journey to YD s I was meaning ? you must think family is cruel leaving poor mother to fend for herself haha ??

Am on train just now missed the rain showers whew, first part is going well just the bit now to taxi then I’ll be done.

Hopefully you will be there soon and weather stays good for you fingers crossed, enjoy.

Have never reread posts apart from searching for the benches story, 2 am??? no reading tonight for you xx