Runs around the stage area muttering…it’ll be alright on the night…
Hi all
I would like to volunteer my son who is a qualified theatre technician, unfortunately when I told him he looked at me all funny (his girlfriend is convinced I’ve lost the plot!), I could help out back stage as well, good luck with the rehersals tonight.
Weme
Weme, we need all the help we can get! A PROFESSIONAL that’s just fantastic!
Baby you’re a firework lalalalala lala oops wrong song! Will I ever be ready??
grumpy are you the prompter too?, a word of warning you know how the prompters are usually hidden, lower centre stage area well if you are slightly under the stage please be very very careful of the alligators, do not under any circumstances go into the “guilt” lake as they roam around quite freely. All participants please be AWARE & ALERT at all times, the management of this company will not accept any responsibility…xx
My brain is really not working forgot to say thank you RevCat for the squirty stuff, it did indeed do the job and laptop is all shiny and sparkly now.
And the spotlight for pargayan well deserved methinks what a wonderful idea, no acting involved, just bask in that glory girl, you look fabulous xx
OMG, as my sprogs would say. I’ve forgotten what I’m supposed to be doing, other than providing the bald cat.
I can confirm that bald cat has very sharp claws, as proved when I tried (and failed) to administer a worming tablet this morning in readiness for his starring role. My arms are scratched to pieces, and a rather soggy tablet which went into the cat’s mouth five times ended up being squished on my t-shirt and my favourite cushion. How on earth he managed to get out of the sleeping bag I’d wrapped him up tightly in, I don’t know, but I have claw wounds that look more like I’ve been stabbed!
So tomorrow I’ll be putting said cat in cat basket and dragging him off to the vet. The vet nurses have NO problem at all in getting him to take it, so even though he hates being in the car, it’s his own darn fault for not cooperating with me earlier.
Right then, I have my clipboard in my hand and a pencil behind my ear, trying to look as if I know what I’m doing. I don’t, of course, but I reckon if I LOOK efficient it might fool some people.
Oh, I’ve rigged up the safety harnesses on the blades of the fans so the audience won’t fall and damage themselves, and I found my bucket (the one filed with sand that I used to bury my head in in the dark woods) and several others, in case of audience nausea.
Isn’t this exciting!
Ha ha ha. I thought of the wrong sort of ‘fans’ too. They may feel safer suspended from the ceiling? Away from the alligators.
I’m sure we’ll be virtually amazing on the night. 
Jeez - sooo tired, I’ll need a lie down before the dress. Explosions brewing nicely though.
Weme - No-one ‘outside’ understands the joys of Benchland. I’ve given up sharing my hilarity with OH and family - they think the surgeons took more than my lump!!
See you all later!
Evening all
Sorry to cause so much disruption with my previous post. Thank you Revcat for solving Katytc’s problem with her laptop and crumbs.
Have moved off the kn*****ed bench as energy levels are better than yesterday which is good news for tonights practice.
Weme and JCJ - my OH loves Benchland now he understands its concept. As he says - ‘sense of humour is free’.
Can anyone tell me if we are in danger of hitting the ‘fans’ if we get tangled in the bungies?
Glad the weather has cooled down a little, we were in danger of no ice due to excessive heat. Mind you I have to lay off the ice as it sets off my usually unsensitive tum. Still that would help with the explosions!!!
Thankyou for the offer of a spell in the spotlights, I am however a shy retiring sort, who would freeze with a manic look on my face which could scare away the audience, so it might be better if someone else can have their day in the spotlight…pleeeease!
Got to go and sort tea so I have energy for tonights practice, see you later alligator! Hope I have not tempted fate!!!
I’m going to need make-up tonight!! The Bright Red Boobie just…isn’t even pink!! (Thank goodness.)
Grumpy of course we can do this and we will do this, we can do ANYTHING. It will be all right on the night. A bunch of daft wimmin? Of course we are especially me, I’m totally bonkers!!
CM I spent half my working life with a clipboard and pencil and just wandered around and everyone thought I was a wonderful employee.
I’ve mentioned Benchland and the panto to my daughter and got a strange look and the more I tried to explain the more she thought I’d lost the plot.
Looking forward to the dress rehearsal. May need spoons tomorrow for the actual performance, please could Revcat send a couple my way?
Ladies - and companions animals, OHs, Mike and the Techies from under the Stairs, and weme’s son…
OF COURSE WE CAN DO THIS - we have made all our mistakes by now, instead of saving them for the Dress Reherearsal, so tonight should be brilliant!!! Makeup and costumes are your own responsibilities, please inform weme’s son which sound/climate effect you can do, props please have some prop vomit to hand in case Pukey Cat let’s us down, Cardis mended, all medication swallowed, and only ONE alcoholic beverage permitted before you go on stage.
PROMPT - we don’t need this, you all know your lines, or at very least can ad lib in a sophisticated (???) manner in emergencies.
The Girls want to wear ‘costumes’ so Millie will put on her red mac, and Barley will try out her new PINK walking harness!!! Honestly, talk about artistic temperament, as if I haven’t got enough to cope with.
STOP PRESS - managed to recruit some more chaps for the It’s Raining Men number - Liam, David, Tim, Jeremy I, Jeremy P, Bill, Leo. HA FOOLED YOU - IT’S ALL LIES!!!
Dress Rehearsal kicks off at 8pm, so don’t be late. You are allowed to bring someone as long as they can be supportive and constructive.
LET’S GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD…
grumpy
Noooooo… I’m not an expert on this but I’ve heard that a bad Dress Rehearsal leads to a good performance and vice versa, so although tonight will be brilliant FUN ,I hope it’s just not quite right. Also believe that the correct expression to use to everyone is “break a leg” and please, please, pretty please no-one mention the Scottish play!!!
Oh Great! You all get to have a little nip for dutch courage and I can’t. Drunk in charge of a flying broomstick is a charge I can’t afford to face. I’ve got no points on my license (smug bench) and not intending to start now. Plus , can you imagine the talk in my town!!
Only 5 mins to rehearsal so no time for make-up on the Boobie, will just smear a bit of lipstick on it for tonight and will get the proper stuff for tomorrow.
Not bringing anyone with me as I don’t know anyone supportive and constructive.
LETS GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD…
Ta Dahhhhhh!!!
Stupid reporting for duty!!
Sorry I have already broken the drink rule, was not aware it existed Hic !!!
Co-ordinated cardi at the ready, no holes so should avoid the bungies this time.
Barley looks brilliant in her harness and Millie looks a little hot in her red coat.
Lines all learnt but may not be remembered!
OH has enough dirnk in the bar to let everyone have a good stiff one after the rehearsal.
123, 123, 12, 1234, 1235, hummmphhhh not sure my timing is right, working on Foxy;'s theory that mistakes tonight mean a perfect performance tomorrow.
Cardi on cardi off, on off on off - yeah I got it!!!
CM - I can remember a similar battle with my old female cat, long since departed, and after thinking I had finally got her to swallow her wormer, 6 hours later I found it under her food bowl! How she got it under there I do not know.
Good luck ladies, we are going to be brilliant x
Ohhhhhh… I’ll need a good stiff one after the rehearsal!!!
This panto is going to be great - as long as we all manage to avoid falling into the lake with the alligators. OH has just nipped out to replenishh the stocks in the bar -guilty conscience I think becuse I think he may have sneaked a few tipples when everyone else was watching our great performance! Foxy Ferret isn’t it true that alcohol in benchland is ‘unit free’ just as the cakes are calorie free? I hope so anyway after tucking in to several of the cakes and biscuits on offer!
Whew!! Almost drowned not in the lake but finding my way to Benchland, soaked to the skin which means I will need to wash and dry my 40 cardis for the perfomance tomorrow. Went to the chippie tonight, getting rounder by the minute, no costume needed for the role of “fatty”. Yeah!!
Here we go, soooooooooooooo nervous, stomach churning, but sooooooooooooo exciting…xx
Droopy here. Even more droopy after the exhausting rehearsal - and watching Federer nearly go out at Wimbledon too. All too exhausting after a long day at work!
I don’t think it went too badly, but room for imrovement tomorrow. Expecting a good telling off grom Grumpy. She’s such a perfectionist!!
Who’s going to tidy up all those Cardies, strewn all over the place - before the bunnies/dogs/cats/alligators start eating them?
I sent OH to chippy for me for my tea - needed to conserve energy! - ate it watching Tennis to ensure good explosions.
Still running around muttering…it’ll be alright on the night…did anyone print programs? Anyone seen the bunnies? I’ve lost my tambourine too…mutter…mutter…it’ll be alright on the night…
Better order bouquets of flowers for the leading ladies…and of course one for the very important director. Will there be a critic in the audience? Can we expect a wrote up in the Benchland Post?
Twinky x
Everyone - that was FANTASTIC, STUPENDOUS, FABBY-DOO-DOZY!!!
You have worked so hard, and it has been an excellent dress rehearsal. Pukey the Cat threw up ALMOST on cue, but has promised to eat lots of disgusting comestibles tomorrow to ensure accurate performance - bless! (Sorry Revcat if she ‘cues’ too early while still at home). EVERYTHING was lovely, and no-one got caught up in bungees, fell off the stage, or lost items of costume (phew!!!).
OHs seem to understand their roles, even if they are deeply confused as to when they volunteered…
B & M can’t understand why Tizer and Leela (border collie & border terrier in A Players) weren’t in the Green Room - they usually share biccies with them. I really can’t be bothered to explain the concept of ‘virtual’…
Tomorrow, arrive at 7 pm to get ready, curtain up at 8pm, party at 9 pm, headache/joint tablets and Resolve at midnight.
And Sunday we can read the Reviews in the papers!
I am thrilled with you all - thank you.
grumpy
Please can I sleep in Benchland tonight? Water pouring through my ceiling from my upstairs neighbours has rendered my bedroom unusable 
Emergency plumber was very helpful but now I have joys of insurance claims to look forward to. At least in Benchland it’s only raining men…! All of this resulted in Pukey puking out of terror as her home was invaded by strange people, so she wants to sleep in Benchland too, and promises not to chase the bunnies.
On a more cheery note, I have mopped the stage, restocked the hankies, checked the fans, no not THAT sort of fans, and shooed all the alligators back into the lake. A bumper supply of spoons is due at dawn along with virtual cupcakes for all ac-tors and the Very Important Director.
Ooh, PROGRAMMES with a gorgeous picture of Snow Whitescalp and her animal companions on the front cover, how lovely. Well done Twinky for ordering them just in time.
Now, I really must get my ugly sleep so that I can flush in synchronicity come the vital moment.
OMG - What on earth is going on in here? I will be back after some sleep to catch up…