jane - happy tooting girl!! Will report back later…mary x
Morning all…have a good trip Jane, will be listening out for you. Definitely mention your neck Di…hope it starts to feel better soon.
Hope your dogs op goes just fine Carole…and my boob was grumbling last night Theresa…hope said arm stops its grumbles soon.
My daughter has taken this morning off to take me for my bone scan…ha I nearly wrote brain scan…maybe they should do that too.
Its not at my local hospital…its at times like this, I wish I could drive!!!
catch ya later
Helenxx
Morning!
Was with you all last night - but couldn’t get in! So frustrating, can’t wait to see the size of the cucumber plant!
And the dreams …also have the recurrent exam one, that seem’s pretty common, doesn’t it? - and Gennie, have had the “disgusting loo” one as well.
Other recurrent ones for me - I’m on holiday, and need to get my case packed and to a collection point, but there is stuff all over the place - I keep finding more and more that needs to be in my case… (probably something to do with not feeling in control?)
And - I’m in a house - sometimes my own, sometimes not, - and there is more and more rooms, and I’m planning what I am going to do with them. This is usually a pleasant dream - I’m excited at the space and the plans - might have read somewhere that it’s connected to opportunities?
Oooohhh, the mind - s’wonderful thing, eh?!
Theresa, glad the MRI’s out of the way - fingers crossed for good results, hope the arm settles.
Hope the chemo goes as smoothly as it can, and hey - Mary - last one!!
Thanks for all your support, the last few days, all - and the comments on mum - really appreciated. Think the mood is on the up - daftly weepy still - anything can set it off! - and I can sleep for England - but getting there. And I’ve stopped beating myself up for not rushing back to work - going to take it day at a time and not try and plan.
I think some of it is because nearly everyone (who hasn’t been in this situation)asks THAT question! “Are you back at work yet? / When are you back at work?” I have a telephone interview with occy health today - and I have decided to “tell it as it is” - not pretend that I am feeling better than I am, but just be realistic.
Made that mistake a few years ago, following a damaged disc in my neck - played down the symptoms 'cos I really felt I needed to be back - and struggled.
The only reason I feel I need to go back is financial as salary is now reduced, but doesn’t disappear until November, so I know I am in a better situation than many. Just have to be bit frugal - health’s more important!
Sunny here this morning - very heavy rain most of yesterday - garden loved it! Looks like next week is the return of summer, fingers crossed!
Lizzie XX
Love the pics, Eliza and Di!
Lizzy - I think you’re right - we automatically start with the well I’m doing ok ta, feeling better which we are most of the time but we still need to have time for ourselves don’t we - I wasn’t working before all this as I’d decided to stop nursing - a helluva lot of red tape and daftness and decided that I’d rather be at home - am lucky that old man has good job, I was looking into voluntary stuff and had applied to become a Magistrate which looked really interesting and a new area for me - had an interview the day before chemo started and got called for another one but decided that the timing just wasn’t right and if I had of got offered the place it was all intensively srating in “autumn” and I couldn’t commit could I…mind you this has all changed my mind on things and I’m happy to be hre for the kids etc - they’re 10 and 16 and still need mum - but have been thinking that maybe next year if not before I’m going to do some local voluntary work just for a change of scenery for me when I think I’ll be ready for it…well, thats sort of the plan but who knows…mary x
You go out for dinner and come back the next day to find you lot have had a touch of the verbal diahorrea! It’s taken me an age to catch up.
On the dream front, I’m with you Carole. I get the teeth falling out and the hair in the mouth one. In my case, it’s all stuck in my throat and I keep pulling and it keeps coming. Yuukkkk!
Helen, I still have a very hard area around my incision scar. It improved slowly after surgery, but there’s an area about an inch wide that just isn’t going.
Congratulations Jane. Hope you enjoy your trip today.
Can’t stop, got a friend coming round for a cuppa and she says she has lots to talk about! Not sure whether that’s good or bad.
Lizzie, I know what you mean about sleeping! I used to sleep very little but now I sleep all night and sometimes nap during afternoon or evening!
Hope today is good to everyone - esp the chemo babes.
Eliza xx
Just found a treat for you all… 
Noises of an MRI scan… lol
lodestone.co.uk/faqscansounds.htm
Theresa
Hope all is well Mary x
oh Theresa, thank you soooooooo much for that, that is brilliant, think I wouldv peeed my pants laughing if id had one of them foghorns going off in my ear… in fact its really usefull as have got a mate going for a MRI soon and told her it would be noisy and claustaphobic now can send her the sounds…
Hope all has gone in fine today Mary, whoop whoop, Im the same as you, am lucky that can pick n choose what to do,hence the cake venture, now is the time for a change, had a boot up the bahooky and will do what is important to me now.
Hope your dog is doing fine Carole… school run hell, better get going, have to dodge tractors here !
Sandra x
Hi all…back from having the bone scan…easy peasy…and only if something is wrong or needs changing will they get in touch with me. So one more thing out of the way.
Lizzie I hope the phone call goes ok about work…I have been feeling very similar to you these last few weeks. My confidence has gone…and the thought of standing in front of 20 odd children and working at full pelt, actually scares me.
Yesterday my head teacher rang me for the first time since I finished work. My friend has kept her in the loop as to how I am really feeling…but I am going to be completely honest with her when she visits me on Monday…I have to project how I will be feeling for September…and although I should be ok, I’m not sure!
I don’t want to go back full time or have the stress I felt the term before I finished…but not sure what will happen! I feel that I want my life to be different, so not looking forward to Monday…but need to get it over with…
I sympathize Lizzie…
Hi Mary hope all went smoothly. Theresa…played the sound effects, made me laugh out loud…my kids wondered what on earth it was!!!
At least if we have one we will be prepared!!
Fingers crossed you dont hear anything re the bone scan then Helen.
I think having bc does knock the stuffing out of you, literally, and because of the stress that it has caused you will re-asses your life/job whatever and won’t really want to go back to the stresses that we used to put up with in everyday life. I’m all for an easy life anyway, I enjoy sitting back and smelling the roses…or in my case scones…
Sandra x
Hope things went smoothly today, Mary. As someone whose organisation relies on volunteers in several capacities I can say that if that is what you decide to do at some point, I’m sure you will be welcomed with open arms by any number of them.
Glad the bone scan went easily, Helen, and hope you don’t hear anything. How did the phone call go, Lizzie? I agree that the reaction we have is usually to say how well we are doing and minimise the problems, but then we store up trouble for ourselves later.
Theresa, thanks for that link. I didn’t realise MRI was so noisy. More to the point they are the sort of noises that would normally make you think that something dire was wrong with the machinery! Expensive sounding noises, as I friend of mine would put it.
How is your dog doing, Carole?
Eliza xx
When I had an MRI last Dec, I thought it sounded like the sound effects from an old sci-fi B movie. It made me want to giggle, but of course you can’t because you have to keep still.
Lizzie and Helen I sympathise with your dilemma about work. The question I asked myself when deciding whether to go back to the job was “was I completely happy with the job before all this happened?” The answer to that was no and there was also the lymphoedema risk, so I jacked it into touch. I feel that, after all that has happened over the last 6 months, I don’t want to spend my time doing something that I dislike, or bores me or where I don’t feel appreciated. This is “me time” for us all I think.
I thought this afternoon I’d spend sometime online looking at what jobs were out there. I also looked at the Pathways to Work info that the Jobcentre gave me. Having done that for a couple of hours, I suddenly felt really tearful. Strange, because I’ve been feeling great for the last couple of weeks. I suppose I can deduce from my reaction that I’m not ready to go back to work either! I’m thinking of doing some volunteering too Mary. I may go down to the volunteer bureau to see what’s going.
Hope pooch is recovering Carole.
Theresa, love it! Sound 6 is Ros in the garden the other day, and I do believe Sound 7 was me after my baked beans on toast earlier. Lol
Sandra, Babe, you are most definitely bringing scone making ingredients in November. I’ll bring the strawberry jam. Sorry Mule, but Scotia’s taking over on the griddle. 
Talking of confidence, yes, it does knock you a whammy upside. But why? Serious question, not being flippant. I’ll throw a few ideas out there for starters. It hits our trust in our bodies, which we didn’t know we had till we got this, now we understand what it means. It hits our confidence in our looks, but we know our looks will come back, except obviously in the boob region, apart from you lucky gals that just got a neato boob job for free! 
Envy city!
It makes us scared and worried and uncertain, but I bet we’ve been there before somewhere in our lives. So, why should this knock us the big one? I’ll be honest and say that I don’t really feel that whammied, except in the trusting my body bit, and trusting the future. In fact I feel stronger in that I feel I can ditch the rubbish, and I don’t have to put up with the *ssh*le sitting at the meeting trying to do the “you’re just a woman what would you know about my great big manly engineering topic”. Well, my little man, I’ll tell you exactly what I know, and it’s probably more than you! Ah girls, you will laugh in November when I tell you the little absolutely accidental, probably chemobrain inspired faux pas I made in an email to a client who wouldn’t pay (can’t say it here, it’s too rude. :0). Let it be enough that he paid out, and paid all his consultants whom he had so far not paid, to the tune of, well, loadsamoney.
Absolutely do not want to go heavy here and make everybody want to dial Switzerland. But really, where does the confidence go, and why? We have so many experiences with so many potential answers that the “docs” and the “studies” just don’t seem to get no matter how many people they ask.
Kick me broadside and bury me neck deep in sand in front of an anthill if you all think this is soooo OFF TOPIC. But hey, we’re Storm Riders, we can do deep thinking without digging ourselves to Hades.
Oh, poochy dog is fine. No op. Not enough evidence for a torn cartilage to justify opening her up for a 4th time. Ongoing infection in the joint which we can’t seem to clear. It’s now escalating to 6 months antiboitics. She’s a Storm Dog through and through. Takes every blow on the chin and gets up the next day, tail a wagging!
Now just a cotton-picking minute! I can bake cakes! Mule does a mean line in double choc chip muffins:)
I think you’re right though Carole about the psychology of bc. I can’t think why I was suddenly floored this afternoon, after feeling so good. Just when you think you’re getting the hang of it, something comes along and slams you in the gut. Anyway, feeling better now - minor wobble over. I think one of the things is that I was feeling so well and fit before dx. I’m sure we all were, so if we didn’t know what was going on in our bodies, how can we trust ourselves again? I’m with you about ditching the rubbish. I’ve been getting less and less tolerant as I’ve got older and now I think I’m going to be worse. This afternoon I was thinking of some of the places I’ve worked in the past and there’s no way I would put up with the crap/laziness of other people/attitudes etc any more.
Glad pooch is ok.
Well, I think we have a baking shoot out! Chuckle! I bagsie doing my chinese fighting muffins (as termed by Charlies Angels). Steel will shatter Mule’s double choc chip with one throw of her vanilla and blueberry. Who’s going to holster their wooden spoons and fight it out at high noon?
If it’s going to be a fight to the death, I bagsie the rock cakes:D
Aaargh! You got me… Ah ha, except I have the secret recipe for Grandma’s fruit cake. Diamond hard sultanas and burnt brown crust fit for building demolition. Tee hee…
Soooo, if you’re going for the heavyweight fruit cake, I’ll have to be sneaky and drop some butter on the floor. That’ll take your feet from under you and once your down, that fruitcake will keep you pinned down. He he he he…