Ahhh, sorry to hear that Rosie. Here, I’ve opened another bottle for you. I know it’s rotten when you get results that mean more rather than less treatment, but does it help at all at least knowing now where you’re headed? Did you get any spread, or has it stayed local? Calam is about to enter Determination - keep an eye out.
Oooh, but you could have different heads a la Wurzle Gummage. That could come in handy. 
You can be the Aunt Sally to my Worzel 
Sorry to hear you didn’t get the news you hoped for Rosie, but you’re in good company girl! To be honest, even if I’d been offered the option, at the moment I’m thinking I’d still have gone for chemo. I know it’s rough and we all just want to get past this and back to normal life, but we also don’t want to be going through this again so if it’s chemo that’s needed to prevent that then let’s do it!
I didn’t realise it was possible to have one of each where HER2 is concerned - I thought you either were or you weren’t. It’s all so complicated isn’t it?
I just ate some fresh pineapple my mum brought for me. Turns out I like it now after having avoided it for years because it set my teeth on edge. How odd. I followed that with an options mint hot chocolate with squirty cream on top. Something tells me I won’t be one of the people who lose weight on chemo!!
Thought I’d spelt Worzel wrong. Me neither on the weight loss! I’ve developed a home baked cake habitat, either scrummy fruit cake or victoria sandwich with raspberry jam, and cream if I have it. Disaster!
Oh, and the new campaign (to which I might add blusher for the Aunt Sally look lol).
I feel totally unattractive through all this. The whole cancer, operation, chemo side effect thing – I just feel well, unattractive. So, in the spirit of positivity (and total vanity :D) I decided to find wee things to focus on this year to “improve”. I’m going to keep trying at losing some pounds and toning up, but that’s a life long battle, so I’m not including that in the campaign. Instead it’s small pick me ups. Here’s the list.
Perception – for once in my life, stop looking at myself and seeing faults. Just stop it.
Facial and body scrubs – every day (already seeing an improvement)
Cuticles – always ignored, not anymore!
Nails – buffed, shaped, and maybe a slick of clear varnish, although that might be going too far.
Feet – get rid of that hard skin, paint my toe nails, have lovely feet this summer and actually wear sling backs and sandals without cringing for once.
Hands – stop moaning about the hair on the back of my fingers and remove it. Have razor, will use it.
Eyebrows – hate them, they’re totally blonde/white – dye them – done it. Much better.
Perfume every day even if I’m slobbing about. At last I found my signature perfume, and I love it, so I might as well use it.
Jewellery - A little sparkle, a little colour round the neck, actually use my watch.
I have a bag that I keep in the wardrobe for “good”. Why? What use is it in the wardrobe? So out it comes and I now use it and love it.
Shoes – same as bag, and learn to walk in high heels even if I only wear them twice a year.
Scented candles – buy them, use them, relax and enjoy.
Anybody got any other ideas?
You read my mind - I just went to the loo and whilst washing my hands looked in the mirror. I look like cr@p - huge bags under my eyes I just look awful.
Some of what you’ve mentioned I do already - I have a passion for perfumes, have a few. What’s your signature one?
I’ve also got a lovely Matthew Williamson bag that Jez bought me for my birthday a few years ago that I rarely use. Maybe I’ll actually give that some proper use as it’s big enough to be useful but really pretty.
Nails and toenails I already do - nothing flash but I do paint my toenails in the summer and I’ve got clear varnish on my fingernails right now (I read somewhere it can help protect them from the chemo). Skincare I do, but my hands a rough and old-ladyish so I’ll start using handcream regularly I think. I’m girlier than I think I am obviously!
I did buy myself some scented candles and nice bubble baths from Crabtree & Evelyn. I rarely bath, always just a quick shower every morning, but I’m intending to take time out and just relax in a nice scented bath to chill myself and pamper myself a bit.
I’ve also bought myself a stock of books to indulge in and basically I’m intending to do whatever makes me feel happy. I think a bit of pampering is the way to go.
rosie on the red & et moi aussi…trust you kid!! One of each - see you could turn your hand to anything girl!! I still don’t know re my her2 but there you ago - we’re talking shropshire/mid wales here and laid back we’re meant to be and all that…chemo road here we come me and thee - maybe we’ll meet up at Codsall garden centre - with anyone else who wants to join us…from the midlands…
high heels - there’s hope for me yet although at 5ft 2.5 I could do with the extra height, I’d prob be better in sling back wellies…mary x
ps looks like its another night where I roll into me bunk and roll straight out the other side…;0) mary x
pps my signature perfume, at the mo would be Calvin Klein “Euphoria” - could do with a bit of euphoria et al…
Lol! You keep rolling Poncho-Cat, and we’ll keep stuffing you back in.
I just knew this was going to be a long night. I’m wide awake!
My signature scent is Oscar de la Renta’s So. Gorgeous. I can only get it online. I got a tiny free sample of perfume with a bag I bought off Ebay, and fell in love immediately. It’s the only one I’ve ever found that smells like it makes my own scent better, rather than smelling like me wearing perfume. Does that make sense? I’ve now got a small stash in case it disappears. I’m not sure they actually make it any more.
I think we’re twins separated at birth Gen. I just bought myself a pile of books too! Some fiction, some fact, a tai-chi book, a yoga book, some buddhist stuff. I’m not a buddhist, but I’m interested in the philosophy.
Sheriff Dan turned as he heard the door open and watched as the six riders came in. Mule held out her hand and he shook it.
Sheriff, she said, You wanted to see us?
Thanks for coming in, he said, Take a seat. The name’s Dan York.
They settled themselves round the office, perching on table edges, Steel leaning against the wall next to the door.
You know my deputy Tod, he said, and this is Bert. Chuck’s over at the station, but you’ll meet him later. I saw you come into town the other day, and was wondering what business you might have here. Care to tell me?
Casey laid her hat down on the table. We’re just passing through Dan. We met up in the desert on the other side of the mountains and we’re heading for the Border. Thought we’d rest up here for a while. The Old One’s given us bunks in return for a hand round her homestead, and that’s about it.
Hmm, said the sheriff. The desert, you say. Y’know, there are stories go round these parts of riders that come out of the desert. They come alone, some folks see them, some folks just hear of them. The stories say they’re gunslingers, going somewhere for their own reasons, keeping to themselves, but if there’s trouble as they’re passing they take care of it. The stories say they arrive on the back of a storm. There was a blizzard the day you folks rode in.
Yes there was Dan, said Riviera, a pretty tough one too. What is it you’re asking?
Ok, said Dan, here it is. The stories call them Storm Riders, and the stories say that when there’s trouble a Storm Rider will come. We’ve got trouble here in Determination, and you rode in from the desert on the back of a storm. I’ve never heard of six riders coming at once, but I think you’re them, and you’re here. I need help with the rancher outside of town. He’s known as The Boss, and he’s clamped down on Determination harder than a collapsed mine shaft. He owns most of the land between the mountains and the border, controls the river, and owns half of Determination itself. He’s bleeding the town dry, sending his boys round demanding high rents or protection payments. He controls the train line and all supplies coming in from the Border. Nobody can cross the border without crossing his land, so if you can’t pay him you either stay here or make a try through the mountains to the east, and that’s not an option for folks with family. The folks in Determination are good people, and this is good land. They want to live here free of the Boss, or be free to cross the border. Me and my deputies just about manage to keep things straight enough, but it’s getting harder. I need your help to break the Boss’s hold.
Sheriff Dan stopped and looked at each face. None of them registered any emotion.
How would we do that, Dan? asked Blackjack. We ain’t deputies and got no interest in that.
I don’t know how you’d do it, said Dan, I honestly don’t. I just know what I think, that you’re Storm Riders and you’ll do what you do just by being here. That’s all I’m asking, stay. Deal with the Boss and his boys as you come across them, maybe back me and my deputies up when we need you.
The six riders looked round at each other.
I’ve got nothing else to be doing, shrugged Poncho-Cat.
Me neither, said Blackjack. The others nodded in agreement.
What do you think, Steel? said Mule.
Steel turned her head back to the others.
I think there’s somebody too interested in what we’re doing here, she said, and nodded towards the boardwalk on the other side of the street.
Two men slouched against the wall, making no disguise of the fact they were staring into the Sheriff’s office.
That’s two of the Boss’s boys, said Sheriff Dan. You’ll see a lot more of them if you stay. The Boss doesn’t like outsiders, and he sure as heck doesn’t like you. He’ll try and run you out, and won’t hold back. It could get pretty tough.
I recognise one of them from last night, said Casey. I think I can still see my shovel mark on his head. And she chuckled.
Dan, said Mule, we’ll stay. You know where we are, and we’d appreciate if you let us know who we can trust.
Sheriff Dan smiled, and looked at Tod and Bert who let out a sigh of relief.
You can trust most everybody, he said, but for a start watch out for the mayor, the station master, and there’s a few townsfolk I’ll let you know about as you come across them. They’re all in the Boss’s pocket. Thanks.
The Storm Riders took their leave and went out to their horses. The two men never moved, and one of them spat into the dust, not taking his eyes off Mule. Mule looked back, lifted two fingers to her eyes then pointed them at him. I’m watching you, she mouthed, and turned to her horse.
STILL TO BE CONTINUED!
To all Storm Riders not yet mentioned in the story - sorry it’s taking a while to get to you but you’re coming up in the very next section. This chapter’s turned into a bit of an epic!
Right, sleep time at last. See you all tomorrow.
I love that - the plot thickens! Separated at birth is sounding more likely every day Carole lol.
I fell asleep at 12, slept for 4 hours but kept waking up. Been wide awake since 4am, bloomin steroids! Feeling ok, except tired, stomach feels a bit unsettled but I had one lot of anti-sick when I woke up - just about to take my next dose of steroids now I’ve had some breakfast.
Bunging-up effects seem to be well on the way - pondering whether to have the excitement of a laxative today or let the stomach settle a little and blast it tomorrow. Oooh the thrills never end!
No wonder you get fatigue with this - I find that often happens the day after I’ve sat and watched an old Abbott & Costello movie at 4.30am!!!
Signature perfumes - I have 3. Chanel Allure (for best, therefore rarely worn - maybe I should rectify that because I love it and people always ask what it is); Jean Paul Gaultier Classique and Paul Smith Rose worn depending upon mood.
Right, I’m off back to bed for a while I think. Well, maybe I’ll just lie and read for a bit anyway. *yawn*
Survived my first dose of TAX yesterday and now waiting for all the horrible side effects to kick in. I was at the hospital for over 4 hours always seem to be delays everytime but hey as long as I get the chemo that’s what matters. As I have had 3 cycles of chemo delayed they are now going to give me the injections to boost my blood count - I had to ask for them though!!
Got dentist today to fit front false tooth on a plate as my front tooth dropped out 3 weeks ago so this is a temporary measure until I can get a permanent crown done. Will be glad to be able to smile again!
Vegas Kid
My thoughts these days, if you love it use it! Get out that Chanel.
Gaultier doesn’t work for me, but I haven’t tried Paul Smith. I’ll give that a squirt next time I’m in Frasers. Estee Lauder’s Pleasures smelt nice in a mag sample, and I think it’s rose based. I was wondering about trying rose for the summer, although I just love So at any time.
Oh no, not Aaaaabbooooooot! They, and Harold Lloyd, were my absolute favourites when I was a kid. Move aside Laurel and Hardy! I haven’t seen them for years. Wonder if you can get DVDs from Amazon?
I didn’t get to sleep till 2 and slept fitfully till 7. I’m having real trouble sleeping this last week, and it’s starting to feel bad. I’m having some thoughts about it. I’d like to get other folks opinions from their experience over the last few weeks, or years. I’m thinking it’s possibly stress based, maybe a realisation now that chemo has started of how much of an impact the last 10 weeks is having, and will have for a long time (wow, is it only 10 weeks?!). I’ve been just getting on with it, facing it, but nonetheless just doing it. Maybe I need to accept the reality more, although I’m not sure what I mean by that. I need to get to the bottom of it or I’m going to implode with tiredness, and I don’t want to end up on sleeping pills! How are you all feeling, in yourselves as it were? I’m not wanting to lower the mood here or anything, just a quick wee exploration of the psyche involved with this. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Hey Vegas, glad it wasn’t as bad as you feared. And that’s it, the chemo comes with bad guys, but in the end it’s Determination and Determination is a good place. Bring it on! Excellent idea about the injections, although it would be nice if they thought it up themselves. lol.
Keep smiling!
Hi everyone,
Have been doing some catch up with the story so far. (love it) Will take some time to sort out faces and names , but will get there! I had melt down yesterday, just 2nd time since I was diagnosed, so think I’ve been on automatic pilot. I’m a positive kind of gal, but something has to slip sometime! and I feel relieved that it has.
I have been reading about all the different phrases and initials for different treatments…wow bewildering!!! Maybe I’ll understand them better if I go down that route too…not in a rush though, to go through the treatment…just to find out.
I’m just 8 days away from the town of Determination,. I’m riding hard and fast on my beautiful white steed - lightening,…hope he lives up to his name! Thing is never ridden a horse, so might have
to walk beside him for a while and take it easy, while I learn!!!
Helen x(‘Yorkie’…don’t think I’m a relative of the sheriff…The name reflects where I live)
On the sleep thing, Carole, I got so tired yesterday I went to bed at 7:45pm and, apart from a couple of brief spells when I was awake, slept until 7am!! So I’m feeling much better today, although my boob, side, armpit are definitely more swollen today. Generally, though, I’m feeling pretty upbeat about the whole thing. I never did go through the “I’ve got to get this thing out of me” sort of thing. Maybe because I couldn’t feel a lump, it didn’t feel real. I still sort of feels like that. It’s almost as if I’m going through the motions of this as some sort of practice exercise. That could change tomorrow though when I get my results. Who knows.
I’m glad the chemo went ok Gen. I’m sorry about this, but I’m going to make you and Carole feel rotten here, but try to appreciate the fact that your Mums are around. My Mum died at the age of 46 when I was 20 (11 days after I got married). So I never really got to know her as an adult. She never saw any of her 7 grandchildren. Maybe now’s the time to really sort out why you feel like a 13 year old when she’s around and address that with her.
Enough of that. Two good chapters there Carole. But why am I always eating? You have been stalking me haven’t you?
Rosie, I’m sorry you have to have chemo. HER2 - how do you pronounce it? Is is a word - HER2 or is it letters - H.E.R.2? Don’t want to make a fool of myself tomorrow if I have to ask about it.
I’m glad the rads went ok Jane. I can’t believe you’ll be finished so soon. Tell us what it’s like back in Normality when you get there.
Did anyone else feel the cold after surgery? I’ve been cold ever since and can’t understand it. I’ve always got cold hands and feet - I’m used to that, but I don’t usually feel generally cold like this.
I’m definitely trying to pamper myself a bit more. Now I’m not working and wrecking my hands with cuts, scratches, rose thorns etc I must try to get things like cuticles sorted. I can’t wear perfume - it gives me a headache, but I’m definitely trying not to just sling on a fleece and a pair of joggers all the time. “Because I’m worth it” lol
Helen, I had a meltdown moment about a month ago. HORRID! Had to come home from work as I started to cry and couldn’t stop. Cringe. Yorkie - great name. Conjures up visions of chocolate and that can’t be a bad thing:)
Morning Gals…D
Carole I found that my sleep went in different cycles with the two types of chemo I was on… But by my 8th cycle I was pretty much tired all the time and would sometimes sleep for 12 hours solid… There was one day when i slept 20 hours of the 24…
Feelings - that is a tricky one - I have ranged from this isn’t happening, i’m definatly going to die, perhaps i might actually live, to resigned that secondaries are probably going to show up one day but try and make the most of the time until that happens…
But alot of that is due to the type of cancer I have and what i have read about it, doctors have said and people on forums like this. I remember the first time I dared venture onto a secondaries thread - various people were discussing awful symptoms and then one piped up “But thank god I havn’t got IBC” and the next person said “Yes”…
That motions and practice thing sounds right Sal. Even with the obvious thing like hair loss, it still feels not real. I think I need to give myself a good talking to about reality. :0
I hear you on the mother issue, and don’t be sorry about saying what you think, definitely not now! I think people just have different relationships with their parents. Some work better than others, just like any relationship. One day when we can all sit round a real fire, with real beer, and real grits (oh yes, we have to have those. lol), we can dive into it in depth. And I don’t feel rotten.
Psychic Steel strikes again! Or maybe I should just own up to the stalking. lol.
I’ve been saying HER2 as a word. Nobody’s laughed at me yet.
Not feeling cold, but my temperature has dropped. I do however live in what you all would call a fridge, so I have a different thermostat setting anyway.
Helen, meltdowns are what we do best! If you’re going to do something, do it well. The Storm Riders just pick Yorkie up, plunk her on Lightning and head her into the Old One’s place for good food and a jug of home made beer. Melt away whenever necessary.
Morning gals,
Re pronunciation of HER2 - my Consultant said it as “H.E.R.two” and I understand it is derived from:
‘A cancer that tests positive for a protein called Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor-2’.
It is indeed weird to have two lumps of different types, trust me!
Mind you, this consultant, bless him, has sussed out that I’m a bit of a one-off… I asked about getting lymphoedema risk bracelets and he looked thoughtful and said no one had ever asked him that before. He promptly tasked my BC nurse with following up with the Lympho specialist at the hospital so hopefully they can investigate adding this in to the package of care offered.
Thanks for all your wonderful hints and tips about getting through this next phase - i’ve just dug my two ‘only for best’ perfumes out of their dark little drawer! Calvin Klein’s ‘In2U’ and Ralph Lauren’s ‘Cool’. Perfume goes off eventually if not used so might as well get squirting!
love and hugs
Rosie