Thankful for this forum. I got diagnosed on 24 June and was told it was early and small but had an MRI which showed more abnormalities so have to wait for an ultrasound and potential biopsies. I asked the consultant for more info and he was reluctant but told me to read the screen which looked like it was a 45mm IDC ER+ and then they’re testing for abnormalities close to or in lymph nodes. I’m 46 but act 21 so this has been absolutely devastating. I feel like my life is over. I’m terrified and anxious about the future. I recently separated from my partner and just keep thinking will I ever meet anyone now. The thought of losing my hair and a boob is overwhelming. I can’t stop crying. I have a loving family around me which thankful for. I’ve also haven’t told my daughter, she turns 21 in October and we have a big family holiday planned to go to Mexico. Will we even be able to go. I’m also worried about work. I just on an award and was due a promotion. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare…
Hello @jnra
Welcome to the forums and the club no-one wants to join
We can all absolutely relate to how you are feeling at the moment: the diagnosis hits you out of blue and you are left feeling utterly wrung out and helpless.
However, here is the good news, believe it or not it does get better and easier once you know what you are dealing with and a treatment plan.
I think it’s safe to say we all have an idea of what a breast cancer diagnosis entails and what it feels like, but the truth is when it happens to you it’s not what you expect. Breast cancer is most common cancer diagnosis for ladies and the treatments and science is way ahead of so many other cancers. You will absolutely receive the best treatment and you will come through it, and the “best” thing about it all: the support available and the amazing people who are there for you.
Sending you lots of hugs 
AM xxx
Wow @jnra so much to unpack here. Maybe nothing I can say will help the bewilderment and panic but let me give it a try. Basically you’ve just had a life-changing event drop on you like a bomb and, like everyone on this forum, you’re suddenly in a world you don’t understand, didn’t ask for and which leaves you feeling powerless. First thing to say is, you’re in the worst phase at the moment, when you don’t know the full picture and nor do the medics. There’s still information gathering to be done and there will be a wait for the results. Nightmare - if you don’t know the facts, the imagination takes over and goes to the darkest places. When this phase, which will take a few weeks, is over and you know what the treatment plan is, you will feel a lot calmer and able to get through it positively. The only way out is through so you have no choice.
You say you’re Er+. You don’t say if you’re HER2+ which suggests to me you aren’t. If you are Er+ and HER2- you have the same type of tumour that 70%(ish) women have. This means it is well understood, treated multiple times a day by your team and has a good prognosis for full recovery if found early enough, which your doctor said it has been. Hang on to the fact that this is likely to be in the rear view mirror this time next year.
None of this is your fault so you mustn’t feel like you’re letting people like your daughter down if you can’t make the Mexico trip. You need the support of family and friends not censure and I’m sure you will get that support. Make a plan with her to have another big holiday to celebrate her 21st when you’ve finished active treatment. That will be two things to celebrate!
You’ve just won an award at work (congratulations!), does that mean you’re in sales or marketing? Cancer is covered by the Equality Act (old disability discrimination) so legally your employer has to make reasonable adjustments during your treatment which could be changing your duties, giving you a reduced working week or more personnel support - whatever you and they agree will help you through this period. I know that what is legally required and what happens to the employment relationship can be different but, once again, they know you’re a fantastic employee - award winning, right? - and should want to help you get back to that once you’re through treatment.
As for the impact of treatment, you don’t know yet if you’ll have to have chemo. I had an Er+ HER2- tumour and I didn’t have chemo. Nor did lots of women on this forum. I was told, when I got my treatment plan, that I’d have surgery, radiotherapy and endocrine treatment (basically tablets) and they wouldn’t know until after surgery if chemo would be needed. It wasn’t. But in the event that chemo is needed, the impact of that on your hair etc will eventually resolve itself. I’m sure more women will be along to reassure you of that. As for mastectomy, well, they will try if at all possible to do a lumpectomy but if they can’t, you don’t have to go flat, there are a number of options to keep your shape.
I’m sorry for writing War and Peace here but I want to try to reassure you that, whilst it doesn’t seem so right now, the way through may not be as horrendous as you imagine. That bubbly 21yo trapped in a 46yo body will be back in time. Keep posting, we’re here for you.
Thank you so much both, and trust me I’m here for war and peace at the moment! This forum is helping and I just need to try and stay positive. I’m not sure if I’m HER + yet, waiting for results so will wait to see what the ultrasound says. It’s so frustrating waiting. I don’t even have an appointment yet. I may go private for ultrasound but not sure if it will help or hinder the process.
Xxx
I really don’t know about the cross over points between private and NHS. One of my closest friends has gone private through her husband’s occupational health insurance but she went all-in. Not sure if it was much quicker but it has been more comfortable. I went NHS but, at the point of getting my results after biopsy, did ask whether I should go private (don’t have HI but could have paid for it) but the doctor said that it would cost a large 5 figure sum and as the tumour is small and slow-growing it would be a waste. Completely get that you need to know. Did they give you a contact number for a breast cancer nurse? Maybe you could ask whether the NHS would accept the results of a privately done scan? Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately ) they do have strict protocols that have to be followed. As both @adoptedmanc and myself have said, this is THE worst time but it will end. Can you go and duff up a pillow or something, get the frustration out of your system?
Haha, or down a bottle of tequila! I’ve just called the ultrasound and they haven’t got an appointment until 19 July which means my oncologist wouldn’t see me until the following Wednesday. Given I was first diagnosed on 24 June it seems so long to wait - it could be getting bigger
They said Er+ did they tell you anything like grade? Generally speaking Er+ are comparatively slow growing. It’s easy to imagine it running riot in your body but I would expect the surgeon/oncologist to make sure you were seen very quickly if they suspected the tumour to be aggressive. Unfortunately they only get a bit of intel from biopsies. The main way of knowing exactly what is going on is to get it out and subject it to very rigorous tests. I know it’s easy for me to say don’t imagine it going nuts in your body but it won’t be.
This has been the best forum for me and you will find a lot of support here.
One of the most important facts I learned was as mentioned above, the only way through is through. I had a particularly rough go: lobular with lympho vascular infiltration picked up on ultrasound as mammo was negative. Neoadjuvant chemo to reduce tumor load ( it didn’t work. Had recurrence on chemo). No significant hair loss while cold capping THEN 80 % loss on Taxol which continued for two months post final chemo! Single mastectomy, 30 radiation treatments. Failed 3 aromatase inhibitors but now seem to manage on Raloxifene. Was supposed to start Abemaciclib or ribociclib but that’s on hold. Had DIEP reconstruction last Sept. It’s looking natural and I go in for stage 2 reconstruction soon. I was single at the start of this terribly long journey but now am dating. I wore toppers ( never wore the wig though) and now add extensions to my hair, I have a lovely "mane, " better than my natural hair. I lost eyelashes - use fake stick ons, lost eyebrows - microblade if your doc approves. I ski and take ballet. Did it all throughout this journey as those activities are my passion. I continued to work…as mentioned above you qualify for accomodation. Keep working as it is evident from your winning an award that you’re tops. Give yourself more time than you ever imagined to rest and recover. Accept a new normal. You’ll get through this. We all did/ do. Good luck and God bless!
You’ll get through this!
So they said grade 2 and still waiting for HER but that was before the MRI results. Good news though, I called patient care at the hospital and they pushed through my appointment. I’m slowly learning you have to push for what you want with the nhs you get some amazing people but I’ve also come across a few people who really shouldn’t be working in the care field… think I’m going through my angry stage though so maybe I’ll fondle yoga and chill out
Wow, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best in your recovery. I’m going to try cold capping for sure. I haven’t got much hair but I’d prefer to keep it if I can. But I’m also researching wigs and once I get a bit of growth I’ll put braids in until it grows again. Just need to get through the hair falling out stage. The thought absolutely freaks me out. I’ve always been so conscious of how I look so also looking into semi permanent eye liner and blush lips. Already got my brows done 
so vain but what can you do lol. This forum is really helping xx
Excuse the typos 
Hello @jnra
Your message struck a chord with me as I had exactly the same shocked and numb feelings too, felt like I was doomed (would think about my funeral a lot!) and generally thought my life was over. I was 41 when diagnosed, single and no kids so can relate to the worries about meeting someone. However, as someone has said you don’t know yet if you’ll need chemo. I had chemo first and was dreading losing my hair but actually I found that I love it short and going to keep it that way (it’s growing back now). So that was a surprise! I cold capped but lost a lot from the crown so didn’t cold cap for my last chemo and by then I didn’t give two hoots about being bald! I was also told from the off that I’d need a mastectomy. I was also completely horrified by that. However, now that the op has been done and it’s been reconstructed I have to say it looks very good, not my breast, no, and it is a loss I’m still grieving but it is okay too and it’s not the end of the world that it felt like to start with. For me the cancer completely went at the end of the chemo, they call it a complete pathological response so I was very chuffed with that and when they examined the tissue from the op they couldn’t find a scrap of cancer 
so now I’m just waiting for radiotherapy next to treat any stray cancer cells. Mine was her2 positive only so I will also have phesgo injections for 9 months or so then I’ll be done with treatment. I remember my diagnosis and those months after as being the most traumatic thing in my life (much more traumatic than the chemo or the op) so it will get loads better even if it doesn’t feel like it will at the moment. I did get free telephone counselling through Macmillan and that helped me a lot so may be worth a look on their website if you think it may help. If they aren’t doing it then look up the Penny Brohn website as I think they might do some. They also do other stuff via zoom which may be of interest. I’ve learnt that I’m way tougher than I ever thought I was. My friends and family were amazingly supportive and I’m sure yours will be too. When you get started with the treatment it will feel a lot better. 
Welcome to the forum @jnra
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through at the moment. Your feelings of anxiety and fear are completely valid and something that a lot of people here experience.
We hope you find this a supportive place and please know if you ever want to chat things through, our breast care nurses are here. You can reach them on 0808 800 6000.
Thinking of you,
Lucy
Always advocate for yourself. For each line of treatment you have to sign a consent form so make sure you ask any questions you may have at the time as it is important (in my view as a retired lawyer) to get informed consent.
If you are grade 2 the NHS might send off the tumour to the USA for an Oncotype test to see if chemo would be beneficial. It does take a few weeks but you get a score which tells you potential chance of recurrence too. If you have a low Oncotype score you won’t be offered chemo. It is by no means a foregone conclusion that you’ll lose your hair …
Thank you so much. It’s great to hear how positive you are and amazing you’re nearly at the end. Can I ask, did they do the reconstruction at the same time they done the mastectomy? Mine is only in my right boob so I’m worried about what it’ll look like. I’m pretty fit for my age but gravity has got the best of my boobs so I’m wondering if one will look all perky and the other droopy… xx
Hiya @jnra
Ask away…yes I had an implant reconstruction done at the same time and they also took out the lymph nodes under the armpit (I only had 5 - which is well below the average). I had a skin sparing mastectomy, so couldn’t keep my nipple but because the skin is mine it does look quite natural and pretty good. The surgeon did internal dissolvable stitches and glued the cut so it will heal to one silver line, they are very good at making a neat job of it! I chose an implant because I didn’t want another part of my body impacted by the surgery as I do loads of fitness so wasn’t keen on surgery on my stomach or legs etc. the implant does feel firmer than flesh. It is still a bit swollen (takes 6-12 months for swelling to go down) and when I’ve got my bra off it feels heavier than my other natural breast and I can tell it is not part of me. But I think that will improve as the swelling goes down and also as my brain gets used to it. It actually sits in line with my other breast and it doesn’t look noticeably perkier, the surgeon commented the symmetry was really good! I’m a B cup though so it may be different if you are a larger cup size. Ask to see photos from your surgeon, they may well be reassuring (they were for me).
I have to say I appreciate my life a lot more now, I don’t sweat the small stuff, and I’m closer now to my friends and family which is really nice. I also listen to myself more and only do what I really want to do but I don’t let things (like not having enough money) stand in my way like I used to. If I want to do something then I do it! I feel like I’ve lost that innocence I had about feeling my body was bullet proof but actually I look after myself a lot better now with eating more whole foods for example. Being diagnosed with cancer is utterly horrible but as I’ve worked through it all I’ve found some upsides in terms of how I view my life. But it’s important to feel the shock, anger, grief etc etc, the only way is through. But the staff at my hospital have been incredible. I had quite the banter with all the nurses on the chemo ward, I knew all their names by the end of my chemo!
And I defo recommend the someone like me service that breast cancer now offer. They match you with someone who had a similar diagnosis. The lady I spoke to helped me loads, she’s had a virtually identical diagnosis about 9 years ago, I felt loads more positive once I’d spoken to her and I was like “maybe this is do-able after all”! She also gave me the low down on what to expect from chemo and surgery etc it was really helpful xx
It is not vain in the least! Our baseline…hair, eyebrows, lashes is what defines us. Losing that is heartbreaking and horrifying. Hair loss was probably the most frightening thing for me as it was a concrete reminder of what was happening to my body. I found a lot of information and support on the Paxman Facebook group which I inadvertently joined became that was the cold cap system my hospital offered. I never joined Facebook or groups before! But they have been helpful and informative. Feel free to reach out at any time. Wishing you the best!
Hi there @jnra. Im 46 too. I had the shock of my life when diagnosed back in December. They will take it out and then decide next steps but you might not need chemo at all. The waiting is the worst part and it is so stressful, but once you know the treatment plan you will be able to see a way through. Talk to a nurse on here on the phone line…theyre very supportive. Keep us all posted xxx