Stupid things "non cancer" people say

A revelation this weekend. Mr x who lives in the corner house in my street, who is non medically qualified, assures me I am going to be “ok”. He assures me I won’t get a recurrance or metastais. In fact, according to him, I am going to be “just fine”. Oh well, that’s great to know I thought. Not even cancer specialists can tell me that. He tells me that all i have to do is keep a positive mental attitude. So, there you go folks. That’s all you need to be cured. forget any any tamoxifen or chemo.- just “stay positive!”

Oh please just get lost back to your own little cancer free bubble. Please don’t say such belittling and crass comments until you have walked a day in the shoes of someone with a cancer diagnosis.

Hi - Flower

Better get used to it! - the only thing more annoying is the so called ‘friends’ who want to tell about all the people they know with cancer who have died!

You’ll find more corkers here!

Take care

What about the ones that want to know all about what you have, when you found out, how big it is, what treatement you are having and when the treatement starts and when you start your treatment and need someone to talk to where are they?

hi i have just been dx so have all that to come but will let you know if i get any good advice !

Hi all, just to say (bearing in mind I’ve got secondaries and am going through chemo which appears to be working at present), I’ve got a friend who keeps saying to me I should ask the ONC how long I’ve got left, even her husband went on about it last night. I find it upsetting really, why is she so interested in knowing ‘how long I’ve got left’. Nobody knows that for certain.

OMG… some people are so insensitive sometimes & so uneducated why don’t they just think before opening there mouths!!
I honestly get fed up of people saying oh you wil be fine I’m sure come December it will all be over with when ur treatment is done, but my treatment wont be done because i have to take tamoxifen for 5 yrs … I know they mean well but its so irritating,

Hi I have just joined the site as all this is in early stages. I have had op the cancer has been removed and none in the nodes. So why do theses so called friends keep saying “Sorry to hear your bad news” I think I have had great news, but just because I have to have chemo its like the end of the world. I am actually really happy with my news. I have one good friend who sent me a congratulation card. WONDERFUL

My FIL used to annoy me when first diagnosed telling me about all the people he knew who’d died but had been so positive up to the end. Then he would also say I’d be fine. Well guess what, I now have secondaries, so how much did he know then?

Was out the other day with my OH and we saw someone we hadn’t seen in ages and ages. Usual questions for each other re family, how are you etc, etc. OH said he’d had mini-strokes and I had terminal cancer (have secondaries). Lady says, ‘Oh dear, I am sorry. Have you got the all clear now?’ I realise people won’t know the terminology that goes with this disease or any other for that matter but I did think terminal was fairly obvious!!!

When I was first diagnosed 6 years ago my sister said “just think, only a year to go and you’ll be all cured”. I’ve had a strained relationship ever since.

I also had a lady who plays in my OHs 10 pin bowling league tell me all about her sister having to come back here from living abroad to be treated, 15 years previously. She then went on to tell me it was my cousin who was the Consultant treating her sister and “she died you know”. Like it was my fault because my cousin was her doc eh?

You’ve gotta laugh sometimes.

Afternoon all ,

I have secondaries as well and people keep asking Has it all gone after your chemo ??? I just smile and think go back to your own world and leave me in mine .
I have lost count the times people have said funny things to me. Just smile and think what a muppet you are

Mine will never go , it has just gone to sleep for a while given me a few more years hopefully . Given me quality time with the people I love and care about .

Have a great afternoon on this dull bank holiday
Love Rosie xxx

Yep, I used to just smile and think that too. Sometimes the little song from South Park, The Movie used to pop into my head - the rude one that goes “Shut the **** up you stupid ******” and I’d smile whilst it was playing because they had no idea. Never mind, you learn to switch your brain off when you are with people like that.

I also had an aunt tell me that her neighbour’s daughter was told she had breast cancer, but that she was far sicker than me because she’d had a mastectomy. Aunty is a lifelong hypochondriac, same with her daughter, so if you don’t get something amputated you don’t have much wrong. Neither her or her daughter came near me the entire time I was ill, maybe they thought they’d catch it?

Morning ladies
I concur with all you have posted. I have a work colleague with a daughter who has had to have chemo following I think a lumpectomy (not absolutely sure). Meanwhile I’ve had a bilateral mx followed two weeks later with further surgery to clear my lymph nodes on the left side (had three different stages of cancer across both breasts and the lymph nodes). I also have developed a frozen shoulder which is causing havoc!
My colleague when I visited the office was quite aggressive towards me saying that her daughter was back at work and driving even though she was having chemo! Well bully for her I say. Cancer is NOT a competition even though some people seem to think it is!
Don’t you just wish people would keep their thoughts to themselves? Whatever happened to the internal monologue?
Nicola xx

Hello Ladies,

I have just stumbled across this thread and had to chuckle as i have had some very similar experiences. Just to explain whats happened briefly I am 33yrs old, I was 2 weeks away from having IVF when was diagnosed, I have had a mastectomy, 3xFEC 3XTAX (last one on thursday hurraah) and radiotherapy to follow plus 5 years of tamoxifen. 11 of 17 lymphs affected. Anyway, the comments I get really frustrate me. Similar to Michelle04 It annoys me when people say by xmas you will be back to normal and all recovered…I will be on tamoxifen for 5 years and also will never be ‘normal’ as this will stay with us forever. the check ups and the worrying isnt going to go away. I get asked if I am having a party after my radiotherapy! What for…to celebrate having cancer! I would never jinx myself like that, I dont even like using the sentence ‘its my final chemo on thursday’. Work are always telling me about a lady at my work who has worked throughout her chemo which really annoys and upsets me, i physically couldnt as have really suffered with the high dose of chemo and even if i sailed through chemo i wouldnt work. Like redterrier said it does feel like a cancer competition which is just wrong. When I was first diagnosed i was forced to listen to peoples stories of people they knew who had got cancer and did i want to meet these people, no thanks as every cancer is different anyway i have had my rant and it felt good! thanks ladies and i wish us all the best xxx

Love this thread - you sounds so sensible hobo , good on you. My favourite ( which is frequent ) is " so you are OK now" …not with a question mark at the end please note …
thats like saying “hope you had a good holiday” rather than “how was your holiday” …which annoys me
I sometimes don;t reply, I sometimes say well I seem OK today but who knows, anything can happen, you get used to living with uncertainty when you live with cancer and I cannot give you the certainty you clearly seek…

Moorcow, the “so you are OK now” is so annoying! I replied a grumpy “no, I’m not OK. I’m just a bit better” the other day to a sort of friend. It’s so good to come in here and see we all understand each other, phew!

oh moorcow i get that all the time!! and if one person asks if im ok and i reply today i seem ok then that person tells everyone im over the worst and im on the up!! they just dont understand that everyday is different, feels a releif to know its not just me being a moaner haha x

My boss - who I have to say is generally VERY supportive, when I got symptoms of a cough & breathlessness & was openly saying I was very worried it was my cancer spread (it was!) said “Oh I’m not worried - you often get chest infections I’m sure it’s just that” - I just think they can’t handle it & sometimes feel sorry for them then pull myself up & think - WTF - I have cancer.
I talk openly about what I am going through - if they choose to stay my freinds then I assume they are OK with that - if not then they are not my friends - luckily nearly all are sticking with me even now they know it is incurable - I sent a personal memo to my whole service that let them know that so I wouldn’t then have to put up with anyone silly saying - Oh so once the chemo is over you’ll be better! - If they are too thick to realise the situation then I’ll soon put them straight!

Good on you Millykins01!! i am going to be putting something in writing to my boss very soon that will give a indepth look into how i feel and what my new views are on life as i want to go from full time to two days a week. They wont understand at all as they think that once my radio ends in oct il be returning full time in november!! I work long hard physical shifts and i mentally and physically am not upto it anymore, we are never cured from cancer and not only that i want to be in the bes possible position to hopefully fulfill my IVF in 5 years time after i come off tamoxifen (if im that lucky).
Im sorry to hear about your news and heres me slating others when i myself am rubbish at saying the right thing, but i just hope you are strong throughout, you sound like your a strong lady xx

Hi Flower,we either live in the same street with the same well meaning but infuriating neighbour or there is one of these on the corner of every street. I think this shows just how scared they are of facing reality. Keep smiling x