Well ladies your posts have really made me laugh today! People seriously do say the daftest things.
i have been known on occasions saying to some people that I have cancer and have not been hit with the stupid stick, but then usually for the first 7 days after chemo I do act like I have been hit by the said stupid stick.
They do say
laughter is the best medicine…and at times you really have to or you would cry xx
Me too, best laugh for ages! If I had a £1 for every time I have been told " but you look so well! ".
The most common one is because I had a primary, no spread to nodes, but two lots of surgery, radiotherapy and now Anastrole that makes me feel awful . " Well you were lucky then? ". Latest was someone I have not seen for awhile “You still,have your hair!” as if I should not have . Did not have a clue!
As some ladies have indicated, I reckon I could fill a swear box at the moment! . Katy.
i love this thread… just what I needed today
My contribution…
i told a friend about my diagnosis and about having lots of scans etc booked. My friend has just had her gall bladder out…after many months of toing and froing, her response. ’ seems you have to have cancer these days for the NHS to work fast’
i had to peel my hubby off the ceiling when i told him
I have noticed recently that many people want to tell me how to live my life: you must … do yoga/pilates/swimming, …eat dairy/no dairy/ no meat/ no sugar, … take vitamins etc etc. When did my life become public property? One close and good friend suggested that this is a way for (scared) non cancer people to feel that they know how to avoid cancer by doing the above and so they are telling me to be like them because they dont have cancer. Its hard work smiling and biting my tongue in the face of such unwelcome advice - but losing my rag with them will not make anyone feel better. Off to a conference today where no-one know about my treatment - bliss, a cancer free day.
Sorry ladies I have to add a comment on this thread. I hope no-one minds. Four weeks ago I had my mastectomy and immediate DIEP. Things didn’t go smoothly, the flap kept failing due to my dodgy veins (legacy of chemo 6 months ago! ) and i ended up having an 8 hrs DIEP op,followed by x3 lots of emergency surgery and a vein grafted from my arm (thry used the arm which had all lymph nodes taken out in Feb). In the end I had +20 hours of surgery and I also crashed during surgery. Needless to say all a bit dodgy! Anyway, had to contend with relatives visiting me like the local "zoo exhibit " telling me how good I looked,now I was “cancer free”, and that if it was good enough for Angelina Jolie - and she looks fabulous - it can’t be that bad. And to top it all, I had to hear about a relative having a really bad trip to the dentist - oh she had to have an injection. Which was really painful. And she was really terrified. And there was a bit of blood. And she thought it would never stop bleeding. And it took ages to get the tooth out. And she thought she would faint it was so traumatic. I swear if I had had the energy and wasn’t in so much pain I would have smacked her with a frying pan. But was in so much pain couldn’t even get up to get away from her. Good job I only had a minor procedure then wasn’t it!!!
It’s a year ago today since I was diagnosed and like everyone else on here I’m sick and tired of people telling me how well I look and how brave I’ve been - how it’s just a ‘year out of my life’ and then everything will be back to normal. But things will never be the same again for me, even though my treatment’s all but over (save for a few more Herceptins), because once you’ve been diagnosed with this horrendous disease, it’ll be lurking in the back of my mind forever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happier than I ever thought I would be, but ‘it’s’ still hovering and nothing will ever take that away - for me or my family
That does sound pretty bad spookmoo, good job you didn’t have that frying pan to hand! Some times you really have to bite your tongue, as for Angelina Jolie I disagree with people saying she’s brave for doing the sensible thing and swapping them out for something that won’t try and kill her! Think my partner soon found out how I felt after he said ‘oh have you heard about…’ With this stuff you just do what you have to do to survive, I don’t think brave is the right word, for Angelina brave would have been not having surgery when she had been told she was high risk for getting bc. My neighbours several times had to tell my how well their friend was doing after having bc a couple of years ago - ‘you would never know, in great shape!’ So i should be happy - their friend is well so that means I will survive as well! I can stop thinking about weither I should cancel my pension fund now!
I admire your determination to go through with all that surgery, mine went smoothly - no recon as yet, but I’m not sure i want to go through the hassle and pain bt I don’t have to decide till next feb. I hope you have an easier time of it now, hopefully the worst is behind you.
On a lighter note…
I had my brother 5 days after surgery telling me how bad his IBS was and that he knew how I felt, and my Mother asking if it was key hole surgery! Because as we all know a mastectomy & ANC only leaves a tiny scar, can hardly tell - as long as I don’t look in the mirror (think I’ve stopped trying to scratch the phantom boob!)
i just hope these people giving such great support / advice never have to go through this themselves, thanks to the keyhole surgery I only think about everything that’s happened in the last year and about my future a half dozen times a day, you have to laugh but sometimes I do worry about the general ignorance surrounding bc (I was one of these, but now I know too much!)
sorry think I started ranting, better not get started on the chemo curl that really suits me, as did being bald…
ok could rant a while longer, instead I’ll get some sleep. Hope everyone is as well as possible! Just don’t fogret to keep smiling at the daft things in life, we just have to take each day as it comes and look (sometimes really hard) for the possitive stuff even if it is just a nice sunset.
sleep well xx
Just returned to work after 11 months off. I have lost count of the wow you look well/amazing comments. Oh your hair is really curly, really suits you etc etc…its like a cracked record. Funniest comment so far…I work in a primary school…was from two boys (who said the same comment independently…have you had a nice holiday! Had to smile but am not sure if they even realised i had been away for 11 months!!!
Sometimes it’s the things people don’t say…like the friend (who lives miles away) who hasn’t phoned once to ask after me…
As some of you have already said ‘Oh you look really well’ is an annoying comment - maybe beacause I am off work just now and have had to slow down my hectic pace of life I probably look less stressed than I normally do…
In a meeting discussing my return to work, a comment from my HR lady when I told her I would need on-going follow up appointments with the onc, with the surgeon and for mammograms etc she demanded to know when the appointments would be and how they would impact on my job (I’m a teacher, so they hate you missing lessons…)
I just love this thread. It helps keep me sane. I think a book would be wonderful.
My latest jaw-dropping moment - I’ve been looking after a friend’s house while they were in Tenerife. She returned yesterday and came over for her key, looking very bronzed. Brought me a large bar of chocolate. “Are you ok to eat chocolate???”!!!. Then she proceeded to tell me how it had been so hot she’d had terrible sunburn, almost sunstroke, face red and swollen (she should try my streoids!), had to keep out of the sun…She asked how I’d been - but of course told me I was looking really well. Felt a bit peeved since she’s had a holiday and I’ve had chemo so asked her if she wanted to see how I looked without the wig. When I took it off she said, “the first thing I notice is your ears stick out” B*tch!
Keep smiling xxx
I guess at the moment I’m on a guilt trip 
.
I got told that seeing as I’m the only one in the family that has had BC and that I am the only one in the family that drinks lots of diet coke its my fault and I should stay off the coke. Then my brother in law said to me yesterday to be careful what I say to my sis (not his wife) cos she is saying. " Well Sandra has that but she is now well and I (she ) is never going to get better." I am so mad with her.
Ok rant over sorry but needed to get it out
Hi Ladies
When people tell me to ‘eat properly/do yoga/ avoid red meat etc etc’ I just smile sweetly and say I will tell my oncologist next time I see him, as I don’t think that theory was covered in his extensive and expensive specialist training for dealing with breast cancer.
Generally shuts them up.
And when they say I’m lucky it was ONLY breast cancer, I reply ‘No I’m NOT lucky but I am extremely fortunate that medical science has moved on so much in the last 50 years, and developed such a wide range of effective treatments which I’ve been able to have for free due to the NHS’ then I suggest making a donation to a cancer research charity.
grumpy
Hi,
great thread, I hate when people tell you a story about someone and then say " oh that’s them that died of breast cancer" very insensitive, also when you see people who haven’t seen you for a while and they put on that face and ask you " how are you" but with that look that your going to die shortly… But to date the worst one was a photographer froM the daily mail who was doing a story on my wait for radiotherapy, and asked me for a photograph of when I looked unwell, the story wasn’t about how I looked it was about the government lying about waiting times…
I can relate to most of the posts above. I also get sick of everyone telling me how well I look. Daftest comment I’ve had was from my dippy neighbour. I had mx on left side and she is used to seeing me walking about lob sided (I don’t wear my bra and prosthesis at home often). One day I went outside wearing my bra with the prosthesis in and pointed to my left boob. “Oh” she said “has it grown back?” !!!
Oh Poems! I would love to have been there!
What did you say? “Yes, yes it has! Isn’t it marvellous?!!!” *ROFL*
Priceless!!!
Gordok, re your tv story. (Aren’t people thoughtless)
I was taking part in a drumming circle at our local support centre, and the tv were doing a piece on the lady that ran it. So they had the film crew there for a session. We were forewarned, and given the opportunity to say if we didn’t want to appear on camera, and although I was feeling really shitty that day (turns out I had a dvt/pe at the time), I didn’t want to be a killjoy, but kept my head down and tried not to look at the camera.
I was amazed at how many people said “I saw you on TV!”, after the piece was aired some weeks later. I imagine I did look quite unwell, plus I think I was the only one on active treatment, so no hair (wore a little cap). I never saw the piece, but I wonder how much time they DID dwell on me, looking like the stereotypical cancer patient! 
Oh I have enjoyed reading all your posts. It has given me a lift and a giggle today. I have to agree that I have had a lot of the comments “Oh you do look well” and “You so suit short hair” (Yeah right, good job you are not Pinocchio!). And have also had the “friends” who have mysteriously disappeared, because “my cancer is too stressful for them to deal with " - and I have a choice in dealing with it??! And don’t get me started on the “You are so brave”. I am not brave. I am terrified most of the time. Terrified I might not live to see my children grow up. Terrified that it will come back. Terrified that it has spread. Terrified of more treatment. I am not brave. I just have to get on with it. You can’t really run away from it. you have to just square yourself up (like standing up to a bully), and get on with it (even though your knees are trembling and your heart is racing!)
And for all those who say its to do with lifestyle - this article published today makes interesting reading - its about finding cancer in Neandetheral reamins from 120,000 years ago! bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-22780717
And then there are the peeps who say” Well you are all done now. The cancer is all gone isn’t it? It’s never coming back." Well how do you know ? Do you know more than my consultant? Because even he can’t promise me that.
Right rant over. Onto do normal stuff like cook tea!
By the way, Morwenna, I am loving your new pic.
Why Thankyou Spooky 
I had been to a makeover session, and I was practising drawing on my eyebrows and was rather pleased with myself that day! 
Morwenna, you look even more gorgeous than ever. I always think of something clever to say about 3 days later!!
Spooky, even my sister thinks I’m ‘brave’ and is very proud of me!! What is there to be proud of? Having a bald sister with only one boob? I think she thinks it makes me feel better - it doesn’t!!
Gordok, your story just proves what we already knew. That the media will twist any story to make it ‘newsworthy’ As if the original concept wasn’t newsworthy enough!!
I’d better stop, my blood is beginning to boil.
Apparently I’m very lucky as of all the cancers I could get, BC is very treatable!