Good to hear from you, Wacky, and hear that the first scans were good, sorry about recent developments
People get collapsed vertebrae from osteoporosis and it hurts like any other kind of damaged vertebrae but there are treatments to try to prevent more damage.
The good news bad news cycle must be very difficult to deal with, thoughts and prayers with you.
Hang on in there
Lavender
x
Right lets try again, tried to post an update twice already but does not appear any where!
Hi all, just a quick update on mum.
Mum has got a urine infection so all ops have been postponed until this is cleared up.
Mum is due to have a spinal op for the compressed veribrae first.
The brain op has been put on hold and they are still monitoring this, hopefully get results of brain scan today that was done on Friday.
Mum is still very confused ,thinks she is in shops, hotels etc. She see’s dogs and birds on the wards that are not there.
Mum now has low blood pressure.
Hi Wacky,
Well done for persevering with the post - I appreciate the update.
Urine infections are notorious for causing confusion and hallucinations (sometimes what people say they see is very funny, but it is very worrying for family members). Once that’s cleared up I expect she will be more like herself.
Hopefully they will soon get her well again - she really has been through the mill this year. And so have you.
Take care of yourself; you’re doing great.
Thanks for the update, Mark. It does sound as if they are doing their best for her, as you are. Best wishes to you all including your Dad- and your OH
Lavender
xx
Hi all
So mum is starting her 5th week in hospital.
Its all been happening since i last posted. Mum was suddenly transfered back to the original hospital, for reasons we are still not completely sure of. Anyway mum was not getting better from the bladder infection, 3 days after being transfered to the original hospital, this was sorted.
Mum has been told that she is too old for the back op and is to be fitted if a back brace to wear when out of bed.
The brain op is now not needed and mum was confirmed as having Alzheimers yesterday.
There is very small bits of skin cancer on her back which is being treated with a chemo tablet (sorry cant remember name).
They tried to get mum out of bed yesterday but the muscles in her legs have gone and she was unable to stand.
Mum is to have physio for her back and legs.
The doctors that look after her treatment have been coming onto the ward each day to see how she is doing.
Home care people have been to see mum and dad to discuss aids needed arond the home to help when mum comes home.
Also what help would be needed with services/people coming into help bath, dress. etc.
One thing that did alarm dad was a question that mum was asked and that was, did she want to go home when she was better?
This was not asked in a ," i bet you would like to go home when your better" way but as if to say, “do you feel that you could ever go home”?
Still not sure what to think about the way they asked it, do they not think that she will be mobile enough for my dad and me to care for her?
A hospice was mentioned a few days ago and as the doctor put it " you are not going there to die, its not that sort, its a place where you can get care until you are well enough to go home".
The nurses where she is now have been great. It was her birthday Wednesday and wedding Aniversary on the same day. One nurse went out of her way to buy mum a birthday cake with her own money and time. What a nice thought!
They also put happy birthday bunting on her wall.
Hi Mark,
Just sending you a big hug. It is a roller coaster ride for you all just now. Hopefully you will get your Mum home soon and she will have some quality time with you and your Dad. The hospital staff sound lovely and very careing but it just isn’t home is it? I helped nurse my Dad at home and it does take a lot of energy both emotional and physical but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Before she comes home make sure you are getting adequate help from your local authority sociai services, you will need as much support as you can get. Also try Mc Millian and the district nurse. One thing that was good with Dad was a special kind of rippling matress that helped prevent him getting bed sores, there are lots of other gadgets they can supply to make your Mum’s life easier but sometimes you really have to push to get them (drawer sheet, sling for lifting,walking frame etc etc)
good luck
caroline
Hello Wacky,
I am SO sorry to hear how poorly your poor Mum has been, but how lovely of that nurse to bring in the cake - it just shows how much they think of her.
I think Caroline has lots of wise advcie for you all. Speak to McMillan and perhaps to Marie Curie too, as there is a lot of help your parents can get at home. I know that some hospices offer excellent respite care, where people go in for a few days just to give their family a much needed break, and they then go home again. But there is no way your Mum can be made to go there if she doesn’t want to. Hopefully the hospital can put together a good care package for your Mum so that she is soon home, where you can all care for her. I hope your Dad is getting help and support from the professionals as it must be very distressing for him.
I hope you are getting support too - you could phone the BCC helpline people if you wanted to, they are there for family as well as people with breast cancer.
Take care of yourself… and you know where we are.
Oh Wacky, What a time of it for you all.
But it does sound as though they are looking after your Mum well, and not putting her through procedures and treatments that are not appropriate.
Given the time she has been unwell, it is not surprising that she is not so good at standing, it may yet improve.
Often in our area, elderly folk go to a rehab unit for a short (2-4 week packages) time to get them more mobile and more into looking after themselves, before they go home, also giving time for support packages to be set up.
Love to you all, from your Mum and you, to your Dad and your OH.
Lavender
xx
Hi all, so mum is just starting her 6th week in hospital.
We had a family meeting with the doctors on friday to discuss mum’s treatment.
I asked for the meeting as the information that i was getting from dad seemed to be a bit vague at times and i was at work when the doctors were doing their ward rounds.
We were told that mum’s cancer has spread to her spine in 2 places and that there is nothing more that they could do for mum.
They told us that mum only has months to live.
The plan is to have mum home in about two weeks after the care programe of having carers come in, has been put in place and a hospital bed put in mum and dad bedroom.
Hopefully now we can spend what time mum has left looking after her at home and enjoy the time we have left with her.
Its going to be really hard but im looking forward to having her back home and mum cant wait to get home.
Love you mum. : (
Oh Wacky, I am so sorry to read this, it is such devastating news for you, your dad and of course, your lovely Mum. Cancer is such an unpredictable disease, and it is so sad to hear there is no more that can be done for your Mum.
Hopefully the hospital will get the care-package sorted quickly so that she can get home where she belongs, to the care of her family, and will put in place good support with Marie Curie or other palliative care nurses.
This may sound trite, but try to find little things to make each day special - maybe a little treat, or taking your Mum out if she is up to it (you can borrow a wheelchair if she needs one), or a take away meal or a glass of her favourite tipple. Enjoy recalling ahppier days, laugh at old jokes, smile at old memories, and make some new ones. Your Mum will be so so glad to spend her time surrounded by her loving family.
Thinking of you all
Oh Mark, I feel for you all at this time. Like Rev Cat says try and make the most of the time you have left with your Mum - little things can mean such a lot - get out the old photos and have a good laugh/cry together. There will be a lot on your shoulders over the coming months so remember to take care of yourself (come on here if you need a simpathetic ear)… I have no idea how old your Dad is but i suspect he will find the whole situation quite bewildering and so you will have to support him too. It will be hard but careing for someone at this stage in their life can make for an incredibly close bond and this can be very rewarding in its own way.
best wishes
Caroline
Thanks for your kind words.
Mark I have not browsed the forums for some time so your news has come as an unwelcome shock, I can’t give any new words if comfort at this horrible time other than to agree so much with the messages from Revcat and Caroline. Do as much as you can to make this a happy restful time. Take all the help that is offered and get to know all mums hidden memories of you and her family’s history. You are a wonderful loving son, she must be so proud of you
Lots of thoughts for you at this time
Big Hugs
Cackles
Mark, I am so sorry to read find this news.
I cannot add anything useful to the advice above, live in the small things to enjoy and continue to let your Mum know how much she is loved. Once again you have been there for your Mum and Dad, you are a real blessing to them
Lavender
xx
Its been a tough week for eveyone after the news we got about mum last week.
Mum is about the same.
My reason for this post is to see if the way im feeling at the moment is “normal” and if other people in the same situation have felt the same.
I feel very angry at the moment. sounds silly but i feel like, why MY mum! must sound pathetic but its the way i feel.
I have a very short temper at the moment and the people that are getting most of the anger from me are my wife, my son and my poor dad. I dont mean to, but i feel anger to everyone, everyone apart from my mum.
Nothing else or no one matters to me at the moment apart from my mum!!!
Im also very teary, it come over me in huge waves. : (
Hi Wacky,
What you are describing is absolutely normal and natural. I won’t bore you with psychobabble, but anger, questioning and grief are all to be expected. We all need somewhere to vent and often it is those nearest to us who bear the brunt of it. Hopefully your wife will understand that this is your bewilderment and grief, not that you are angry with her.
I don’t know how old your son is, but I am guessing quite young? Maybe you can tell him that Daddy is very upset because this is something he can’t mend and this makes him feel sad and cross? Perhaps, too, you can find some fun things to do with him, where you can both have a good laugh. I expect your Dad feels helpless too, and will want to make it right and he can’t either.
I don’t know how you’d feel about calling the helpline people here? Or maybe you wife might find that helpful? Also your son’s school might be able to help him if they know the score.
You will get through this, it wil be hard for all of you, but you are strong and have proven your deep love for all your family over nad again through these past months. Come on here and shout in our direction - we can take it!
Big hugs to you all.
Thanks Revcat, my son is 18 and suffers from agoraphobia.
My wife is very understanding. Don’t know what I would do without her.
Hi again Wacky,
How dumb of me to assume your son was a little boy - it’s because in your old photo you look too young to have a grown up child. Well, that’s my excuse. What I said still stands though, try to explain to him that this is so hard for you to cope with and that sometimes you lash out at the wrong people. Maybe you can have a lads night in with him? It is OK to have fun, your Mum will be glad that you do, I’m sure.
Just keep doing what you’re doing… you’re doing fine.
How you are is really normal, Mark, and other people will understand if you say youare sorry every now and then. When my older brother was very ill, my other brother and I had a lot of arguments because we dealt with it all in different ways. Fortunately we could see what we were doing, as you can see what you are doing, and we got beyond it all, and when I was going through chemo, he became one of my best supporters.
Glad your wife is understanding, give her a hug from all of us and say the BCC ladies think you are both great
Lavender
xx
Thanks.
I seem to have got past the anger stage now.
We had another family meeting with the doctors and care staff this week to discuss mum coming home.
The original plan was to have mum home and have carers come in and help out dad. Since we last met with the doctors, mums dementia has got worse and they are worried that we would not be able to cope with her at home. Mum only sleeps for about 2 hours per night. They are trying to fine tune her drugs so that she is able to sleep for longer at night. She needs someone to sit with her all through the night. She has tried to get out of bed on more than one occation when left on her own but she has no muscle in her legs and is unable to stand. The worry is that she could fall and break her hip, or worse.
We were advised to not have her home but for her to go into a home where they could care for her 24/7. They said that dad could visit and be a husband rather than being her carer and having that massive strain on their relationship.
Dad asked me my opinion and i told him that yes we all want mum home but i do worry about him alot and that it may be too much for him/us to cope with.
My head says She needs specialist care and my heart says get mum home as soon as possible.
Its so tough and with siding with the doctors point of view, i feel ive let dad down.
Dad decided anyway that mum is to come home.