Oh, Mark, it is hard.
I hope you have really good back up and that there is a hospice bed available if needed. If there is any difficulty in controlling her pain, go for hospice or hospital. I don’t think you have let your Mum or your Dad down, you are just saying it how you see it.
Wishing you quiet nights-do you have access to night nurses from marie curie?
Lavender
xx
Oh Mark I so feel for you all. When we brought Dad home we engaged a full time nurse for the last month of his life. It did cost a lot but we got a preportion back from social services. Not everyone is in a position to do this but she was really worth her weight in gold as it enabled us to spend some quality time with Dad but also have help with the lifting and drug administration. Towards the end you will get support from Marie Curie and also the district nurse - they came in and put up a syringe driver (for pain relief) but in my opinion it was too little too late (I know they are all terribly overstretched) if we hadn’t had help from an agency nurse we would have been on our knees. I hope the situation is better for you and your Mum and Dad.
be strong
Caroline
mums condtion has worsened. She is now too unwell to come home and is going into a hospice this week.
: (
Hi Wacky,
I am so sorry to read this. I assume the new photo is you with your lovely Mum. I do hope that the hospice people are able to make her comfortable so that whatever time she has left with you all can be the best possible. I hope your Dad copes with this as well as he can, and that you are all able to share these precious times together. There is nothing I can say or do to make it any better, but I hope you won’t mind if I keep you all in my prayers just now (think of it as positive vibes if you prefer).
Please be assured of the good wishes of those of us who have been privleged to follow your thread. Love to you, your wife and your family.
Thanks Revcat thats so nice.
Thankyou for keeping us all in your prayers. Im affraid im not a religous person but i find myself looking for something at this time.
(if that makes sence)
The picture is of me and my mum taken a couple of weeks ago.
Thankyou all for being sooooo kind.
I will keep up with the thread. i dont really comment on other parts of the forum as i dont feel ,(for want of a better word), qualified enough to do so. Wouldnt want to comment or say something that would upset someone or be taken the wrong way and make someone feel worse.
In a way this thread has helped me to deal with what has been happening to my mum.
Thanks.
Mark x
Dear Mark,
What a good picture of you and your lovely and loved Mum.
I hope you find that the hospice care is so good, that your Dad sees it as the best place for your Mum to be. And for him and you too, so that the time you spend with her is really with her, not used up in doing things for her and to her and wondering when to call in doctors or nurses.
You will probably find the hospice give support to you and your family, including the opportunity to talk to one of the chaplains.
Adding my prayers (or good vibes) to Rev Cat’s for a gentle time for your Mum
Lavender
xx
Mum went into a Marie Curie hospice last Wednesday.
Mum is sleeping most of the time. When she is awake its only for a couple of minutes, then she’s asleep again.
Shes not really talking or acknowledging you. It’s so sad to see her this way. She has been having small amounts of morphine and seems quite peacefull.
It upsets me that soon we will loose her and the “quality time” (. For want of a better word) are now gone. I can’t have a conversation with her anymore.
I still love her to bits and right now I can’t think if anyone else but my mum.
Im going to miss her sooooooooooooooooooo much!!! : (
Mark I am so sorry to read this, but pleased that you Mum is safe, warm and cared for.
The experts tell me that our sense of hearing is the very last thing to fade away, and I am sure your Mum will hear you speaking to her and know you are near even if she can’t reply. If you are able to sit and hold her hand, and to tell her you love her, or remember happy moments, or read her favourite poems or stories, I am sure she will know. The waiting and watching is so very hard, but she will sense you loving presence and when the time is right you will find the inner reserves to let her go.
Sending you, your Dad, your wife and your son my best wishes and prayers for your faithful, loving vigil.
Hi Mark, sending loving thoughts to you and your family love junieliz x
I really feel for you, Mark.
Rev Cat has put it perfectly re the sense of hearing. Keep talking to your Mum, and encourage your Dad to do the same. You will not regret it.
Glad to hear that she is comfortable and cared for and that your Dad can be with her without taking on the work of physical care, which can be a distraction from just being with her.
You have given her your care and love and time, and will continue to do so, even after she has gone, in looking after your Dad for one thing.
More loving thoughts and blessings winging your way
Lavender
xx
A very sad day today.
Mum passed away in the early hours of this morning.
Dad and i had been with her constantly over the last 3 days. We came home last night to try and get a few hours rest and mum passed away then.
I feel guilty for not being there with her when she went.
We went to see her shortly after getting the news and spent some time with her. She looked very peaceful.
I will always love you mum. Miss you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello Mark/Whacky,
I am so sorry to read this, and offer my most sincere condolences.
You must not feel guilty that you weren’t with your Mum at the moment she slipped away. Sometimes people seem to do that - they seem to wait until they are on their own, their loved ones safely somewhere else, and then quietly they pass through the door to eternity. I wonder if maybe that’s what happened with you Mum? She knew that you and your Dad were exhausted and needed a rest before facing the challenges ahead? She IS at peace now, there is no more pain, or drugs or suffering, and she can rest. Inflammatory breast cancer is a particuarly awful form of this cruel disease, but your Mum has been a real trooper, going through the treatment and keeping going.
Of course you will always miss her, and no-one can ever fill the gap where she was, but one day you will remember her and smile as you recall something funny or lovely. I am sure she would want you all to live life to the full, and I know you won’t let her down.
Hugs to you and all your family.
PS I hope you don’t mind, I have put a post on the ‘In Memory’ section for you.
Oh wacky racer, I am so sorry to see your news, I have followed you and your Mum’s story but have not posted, just wanted to send my condolences to you and your Dad. Your Mum is at peace now and your love for her has shone throughout this thread, take care xx
Dear Mark,
On behalf of the moderation team here at BCC, please accept our sincere condolences on the loss of your mum. I know you have had some good support from other members of this forum over the past months, but if you need that extra support, please don’t hesitate to give the helpline here a ring as they’re here to support you and your dad.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Ditto katytc. My thoughts are with you, I am so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you have had. She is now free from pain and you must take comfort from that.
You and your dad are in my thoughts I lost my mum to cancer when I was 17 and while I remember her every day, I now remember the lovely, happy times not the illness and you too will one day.
Much love,
Gaynor xx
Dear Mark
So sorry to hear the sad news of your mum. Have followed your thread from the start even though this is the first time of posting.
Please don’t feel guilty that you were not there when your mum passed away. I am a firm believer that people choose whether they want to be alone or not when they leave this world but they always take the love of their family with them wherever they are.
I lost my mum to cancer four years ago and felt such immense pain that I thought I would never get past it. Now,even though I miss her every day, I can recall the good times and remember her with a smile on my face. You will reach that place one day Mark and after reading your posts, it is clear that your mum could not have wished for a more loving and kind son than the one she was blessed with.
Look after yourself Mark and my condolences to your dad as well
Liz x
Dear Mark,
I am so sorry to hear your news and send you love and sympathy and wish you strength to deal with the next phase of supporting your Dad through all the arrangements while grieving yourself.
Love and again well done on how you have supported tour wonderful Mum
Lavender
xx
Mark,
Don’t worry about not being there. When my mum died of cancer five years ago my brother and I had been by her bedside all afternoon. There had been no change in her condition for hours. At around 7pm we decided to pop out for something to eat. We went to the pub down the road, we hadn’t even ordered when we got a call from the hospital to say she had died. I think she had been listening to us chatting, and then when we left it gave her an opportunity to slip away, which was what she needed.
Thanks everyone for your kind words.
We went to get mums things from the hospice today. Very strange going back into the room and seeing an empty bed.
busy making arangements at the moment with dad.
I also have plans to have another tattoo on my arm.
It will mean a huge amount to me, even more than the first one and will be something very special that my mum would fully understand.
Mark.
Fetching someone’s things like that can be really hard, just as well there were the two of you. And such a help for your Dad to have you there so you can go over arrangements together.
Continued best wishes to you and your Dad
Lavender
xx