Wow 6 weeks after surgery, that’s crazy. Why so long or is that standard? I told my parents I have cancer and they said anything we can do to help they would. While drinking wine I wrote them a shitagram but hubby won’t let me sent it until the morning😂
2 Likes
I only had a mri because I have super dense breasts. Not everyone needs it they can see enough from the ultrasound. It was funny they showed be how dense they were when the put in the anaesthetic, it was like putting it into rock. They couldn’t press the plunger on the needle.
Good that your parents are onboard. And yes…check your shitogram before you send it!! Though i think at this stage in the game, you’re entitled to be a bit cross! I don’t know why 6 weeks…some people on here waited days. Perhaps Birmingham is just mega busy with all the pathology needed? I did ring up to ask if i could get my results sooner but apparently there’s a shortage of pathologists and the multidisciplinary team need to meet up to discuss. Just hope there’s no surprises. X
1 Like
While the nhs are great for cancer care, I do think that is a barbaric form of torture making you wait 6 weeks. I know people will think those are strong words but I actually think they are justified.(half bottle of wine or not)
2 Likes
The wait time is the very worst, so sorry you appear caught up in the consequences of nhs shortages. I did find the speed of treatment post diagnosis was excellent - hoping you have the same if necessary. On the question of telling the children, I agree with many on here that it’s better to be honest but you know your children best so how much you tell them really must be your call. There is a lot of advice on line, I read it all when it was me but the parts that stand out are to tell them in the morning, not on a school day - we waited for mid-half term. This gives them chance to think about what you’ve said and come back to you or your partner with any questions and for reassurance rather than have a restless night or dreadful day at school. This worked well for us so I offer it as an option. Good luck xx
3 Likes
Oh @starburst I’m so sorry to hear this. I had to have an MRI to size my tumour and they found a second in the other boob. Now I have two naughty boobs ! Then more biopsies and more waiting. I know it’s hard waiting again but you want the best treatment for you and the whole multi disciplinary team need to get your results and discuss what is best for you.
The NHS is definitely not perfect but they will try their best with limited resources to help you.
I get the shitogram! Why would your parents not offer to come to you? Do they have health issues that would prevent this? If not, the old offer of ‘whatever you need’ doesn’t hold any weight. Maybe you could politely ask if they could come to you to give you and your husband more quality time together? Maybe they are used to you dropping your kids off on the past and thinks it still stands now. Best to get on the same page now as you’ll need help with the kids during your treatment. I’ve had so many people say ‘whatever you need just ask’ and then they have disappeared. When going through treatment you aren’t always in the best state of mind to ask for help you want people to offer or say can I do this?
Take care 
1 Like
V Good advice, re morning etc thank you I didn’t think of any of that
In both breasts is uncommon, are they testing you for the bcra gene?
Yes it’s uncommon. I had a chat with the genetics team in July and I really need to chase them up. I remember them saying it could be a while and I’m aware of people waiting for heart genetics for 6 months. That’s before they even offer to test you!
Let this act as a prompt then If you want to know!! bcra can carry increase risks of ovarian cancer. Which you can now have your fallopian tubes removed to negate the risk.
Your comment did prompt me to call and I have a video call with them on the 27th. The lady I spoke to was very cagey, said I was on a waiting list. I asked what was the waiting list for? She replied to contact you.
Thank you for the prompt. Sometimes you think about something and then something else pops up and you forget. Roll on the 27th.
There is also a link to Prostate cancer with BRCA and my husband’s side has a family history.
1 Like
Ah this is a horrible thing to have to do, probably one of the worst. My daughter is 11 and in year 6 at school. Shes a worrier naturally and I absolutely dreaded having to tell her about my diagnosis. But at the same time I was terrified about her accidentally finding out through overhearing conversations or finding letters etc.
This was made worse by the fact that my mum, her grandma died suddenly of cancer just a couple months before my diagnosis. So i had already had to tell her that grandma had cancer and that there was nothing doctors could do.
I am having chemo now and i also have a PICC line in my arm so i knew there was no way i would be able to avoid telling her. The endless appointments and calls and texts you get from hospital alone would be very difficult to hide. Especially from a child her age, plus she is pretty nosey!
So actually although i dreaded telling her it was such a relief. I tried to put it as positively as possible. As my cancer is very small hasnt spread and is very treatable. Of course she was upset and still is at times, life goes on for us all shes still her usual crazy energetic self and if anything in the times she feels sad it brings us closer together. She is mega supportive on the days where im having a wobble and there is just far less pressure than there was before telling her.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. If you do decide to tell them i promise it wont be as bad as you anticipate it to be xx
2 Likes
Hi @maxmay
Sorry you have also found yourself on here but pleased you have a treatment plan and having chemotherapy.
There is so much help and support on the forum. Were you aware there is a monthly chemo starters group? Link below. I found it a great place to share, rant and get support from other’s in the same situation. Likewise there is a monthly radiotherapy is that is on your treatment plan.
I also had a PICC line and suffered a few blockages. Chemotherapy is not without its problems. From my experience if in doubt ring your team. Or breast cancer now nurses on 0808 800 6000.
Just to say I told the kids yesterday and they were completely fine about. They made jokes about it, I just said, I have cancer like lots of people and the king. And that I would be having treatment which will make me tired. Nothing to stress about at all. I guess they are still young and don’t fear the word cancer like us oldies! Tbh I’ve told some friends and they have looked at me like I’m gonna die next week. The kids were so great. The sense of relief I feel is considerable! If they can laugh about cancer so can I!
10 Likes
@starburst that must be such a relief for you. It’s surprising how resilient children can be.
1 Like
Hi I have recently been diagnosed with lobular breast cancer this is all very new and very scary for me I am 42 and have 4 children my eldest son is 20 and I have a daughter who will be 17 in may a son who is 15 and an 11 year old daughter my 17 year old daughter has recently had a two year battle with anorexia and was very unwell we have turned a corner recently and she is now in recovery but I feel dropping this bombshell would send her spiralling I don’t know what to do
3 Likes
I would start a new post as I think you get more responses. I was lucky I now realise that my kids are at an age that they are more concerned with football and lipgloss. You are in a very hard situation, I would probably seek advice from your daughter’s medical team. You may find she surprises you and looks more outwards towards you, rather than internalises it.
2 Likes
Hello @springtime1
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis, we can all relate to the absolute turmoil of receiving a diagnosis without the added complications of worrying about those we love and care for and how they will react to the news.
@starburst suggestion of speaking to someone who is helping your daughter about how best to help her process your diagnosis is a very good idea. You may be surprised at her reaction, some people find that when having to deal with what is a “real” worry that some of the “perceived” worries that can affect us day to day become much easier to deal with.
There is plenty of support available through Breast Cancer Now, MacMillan and Maggie’s please don’t hesitate to use them.
Lots of love AM xxx
2 Likes
Hi @springtime1
So sorry to hear your diagnosis. I don’t have the same situation as you and only you can decide what is best for your family.
I have two adult children in their 20s both with mental health issues and other things that worried me about telling them, pushing them over the edge. But I also knew they wouldn’t have liked me keeping a secret. They don’t live locally so it would have been somewhat easier to keep it from them. They were both grateful that they were kept involved and I continued to support them (as much as I could) during my treatment.
To be totally honest, I didn’t tell them straight away, I waited until I knew what my treatment plan was. I have also been referred to genetics which depending on the results will have an impact on my children. I have been informed that my daughter has a moderate risk of breast cancer with my diagnosis, even without any other family history, and will be eligible for screening from 40 ( instead of 50). If the genetics is positive that will be earlier from 30 MRI and 35 MRI and Mammogram.
I understand others have suggested you speak to them people in your daughter’s medical team but due to confidentiality they probably can’t talk to you without her permission.
I wish you well in your journey.
1 Like
People are so cruel, I found out when I was
12 years old that my sister had breast cancer and when she passed away in 1967 I was not in a good place always thinking about her I still do. I had Breast cancer in 1998 I was at the time 42 years old. Had breast off had chemotherapy and radiotherapy, was quite well, unti