I’m 52 this month and the last two years have been horribly stressful with both my mum and dad diagnosed with cancer , Dad lung cancer and my mum stage 4 lymphoma .
Dad sadly died in April
(My parents aren’t together ) and I’ve been so busy with looking after him and then grief , I missed a routine mammogram in October which I could now kick myself for .
I’m on hrt and changed over to a different type end of April so wasn’t concerned when my boobs became a bit tender and out it down to the hrt .
However a month ago I noticed my left boob was much more tender and if I brushed against the side it was quite painful . After a couple of days I stood in front of the mirror and noticed that the left one was bigger than the right and felt fuller and firmer .
I went straight to the gp who said it looked like breast cancer and I had my 2ww referal last Tuesday .
They did a 4d mammogram as well as the usual to “get a closer look “ at my nipple area then the consultant radiographer did my ultrasound .
I was panicking and tearful and asked if they’d seen a lump but she said no , however I had two areas of calcifications in my breast that were highly suspicious of malignancy .
I had biopsies done including my axillary lymph node then went in to see the breast surgeon who immediately started telling me that treatments had come on so much and that there was always the option for breast reconstruction.
I was in shock and asked if it was cancer , she said I believe that’s what we are looking at .
I don’t recall much of what she or the breast care nurse said after that - I just cried my eyes out .
My results are on the 12th and I’ve barely slept and just feel terrified .
My gp said she thought it was inflammatory breast cancer which has terrified me more but the radiographer said She wasn’t seeing that on the scans etc .
My youngest is 14 and I’m dreading telling her and just can’t stop thinking that it’s going to be the worse news and it’s spread etc
Sending you all the love in the world. I’m a few weeks ahead of you and even though I’m telling you it will get better with a plan, you won’t believe me - I didn’t believe what people told me.
I went from having a lump which they told me on the day was cancer and could have lumpectomy and radiotherapy, to a double mastectomy last week after they found DCIS in both breasts. I’m now on the three week wait for pathology.
When first diagnosed I couldn’t breathe - I was having panic attack after panic attack (I have a 22 year old and an 11 year old and was 53 last week). My GP was great and I’m taking diazepam to get through the days and a sleeping tablet at night. I also called the phone line on this site and spent a good hour crying hysterically to the wonderful lady.
All I can say is just get through each minute however you can, use your GP, and you will get through. I went to get my drains out on Tuesday and commented to the breast nurse that it was the first time I had been there when I wasn’t crying… it does get better xxxx
Hello,
Very warm welcome. Firstly, I am so sorry you find yourself here but know that every one on this forum has had this anxious wait, so will be able to offer words of support.
I can understand your confusion and sympathise with you. The GP, the ultrasound lady and the first consultant i saw all told me that my lump was not cancer, so you can imagine my shock when I walked into the surgeons office and was told “youve got cancer”.
There are a few things I can suggest for you, one being STAY OFF GOOGLE. Ultimately right now, you do not have a diagnosis and googling ‘key words’ that you think you remember from your appointment, will lead you down a really rocky path which will fill your head with even more confusion. Secondly, I personally didn’t tell anyone until I had a diagnosis and a treatment plan in place. So in terms of telling your daughter, this could make it easier for you.
It is so difficult when we have lost someone close to us due to cancer. I lost my mum due to breast cancer in 2020 so when I got diagnosed, I went straight to “Im going to die” (as did my younger brother). This is far from the truth and the reality is, treatment is so much better and prognosis is always improving.
Please continue to reach out to people on here, honestly everyone on here is amazing . Try to keep calm, keep your mind busy doing things you love and reach out to the doctors if it becomes too much.
I’m sorry you are going through this too - I can certainly identify with the panic attacks , probably not helped by going HRT cold turkey !
The breast surgeon asked me to come off it straight away .
I’ve found when I wake up in the morning , for thirty seconds everything is normal - then I remember and the terror kicks in .
The uncertainty is awful , it’s my birthday in 3 weeks and we were going to a festival we do every year . I’ve now gone fair on having fun summer plans to a hideous sense of dread .
Did they miss the DCIS in your other breast on mammogram initially ?
That must have been such a difficult thing to hear after losing your mum , I’m so sorry
I’m still grieving for my dad and my first thought too was … I’m going to die … I didn’t really hear everything else that was said after she said cancer . Thankfully my husband was taking it all in .
It’s m second marriage and we’ve only been married a year so I feel so sorry for him
I’m not telling any of my children , the rest are grown up , until I have my formal diagnosis as I want to be able to say … it’s this … and this is what’s going to happen .
My 14 year old had bone cancer in her femur at seven and hasn’t had the all clear yet (appointment in October ) so I’m really worried it’s going to freak her out as she has terrible health anxiety from all of it
Welcome to the forum that no one wants to join but when you do you have lots of supportive and friendly people who will be there for you.
As already suggested don’t try to over think it at the moment, I was told by a physican associate (not a qualified doctor but someone with just 2 years medical training, doctors get 7) that I had nothing to worry about as my lump was smooth. She was wrong I did have cancer and then an MRI to size the tumour found another primary in the other breast. So my world went upside down again waiting results for the second tumour. The waiting is always the hardest. I also came of HRT cold turkey after 7 years, I’m now back on vaginal oestrogen due to Letrozole side effects.
You will definitely feel better once you have a diagnosis and a treatment plan, then you will feel better about sharing with others.
I know from experience it’s very hard not to worry or Google everything, so, If you ever want to find information always use trusted sources, Breast Cancer Now website, MacMillan, Cancer Research. There are many other charities such as Maggie’s www.maggies.orgwww.pennybrohn.org.ukwww.lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk offer help with your appearance during treatment, www.cancerhair.co.uk ( who work with look good charity) www.menopauseandcancer.org Dr Liz O’Riordan is a breast surgeon who was diagnosed with breast cancer and is a font of information.
Here are some very useful links for BCN including a phone number to speak to nurses about anything you are worried about.
Website: You can register for our services. Or find our publications, more information and support or how to volunteer. It’s all here.
Helpline: 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm). Speak to our trained helpline team. No questions are too big or too small.
Ask Our Nurses: You can message our nurses here on the forum, or confidentially. Whatever you prefer.
Someone Like Me: Will match you with a trained volunteer who’s had a similar experience to you. They’ll be a phone call or email away to answer your questions, offer support, or simply listen. Call on 0800 138 6551 or contact our email volunteers
Younger Women Together: For people 45 and under. You can choose the support that suits you: online, one day or 2 day residential events. Find an event.
Moving Forward: Finishing treatment can be hard, and it can be difficult to move forward with your life. You can access our support online or face-to-face. Our online information hub and Moving Forward journal provide extra ideas and information. Courses run over 2 weeks, with 2 3.5hr sessions. Or trained facilitators and volunteers are there to help. Find a course near you.
Publications: Download and order publications. You can read online or order your copy for free. From managing menopausal symptoms, hormone treatment or triple negative breast cancer, our information is here for you.
BECCA: Our free app is your pocket companion to primary breast cancer.
Speaker Live: sessions are on every month. They focus on the topics that matter to you, lead by expert speakers from across the UK. You can register for one of our webinars, and watch it live, or as a recording. We also have Facebook and Instagram Live sessions run by our clinical team on a huge range of topics. You can find them all on YouTube
Secondary breast cancer is full of uncertainties. But you can count onLiving with Secondary Breast Cancer to be there for you, no matter what. You’ll be able to talk, listen and learn with people who understand the challenges that secondary breast cancer brings. Our groups are open to people with a secondary diagnosis. Monthly sessions, facilitated by a therapist, are held in a variety of locations across the UK and online. Find a group. And if you are 45 or under? Our Younger Women with Secondaries Together events provide information and support
LiveChat: Open to people with a secondary diagnosis. A private chat room where you can talk to others in a similar situation.
Access Fund – all our events are free, but if you need help getting there or accessing our services, let us know. Email us at accessfund@breastcancernow.org or call 0345 077 1893.
arty1 once they had found the lump and biopsied it, they went straight away and looked at the other breast so 24 hours later they told me.
It was my birthday the day before mastectomies - I kept thinking this will be the year I don’t have cancer, coz it was likely there last birthday! We are due to go to Turkey for a month on Monday to stay in our regular villa - obviously all that cancelled but got insurance and TUI have changed our flights to next year (apparently they can do this in exceptional circumstances) and even refunded the difference and no fees or charges.
Also going to have a nice holiday once this is all over.
My kids have been great - well pain in the asses so no change and my mum had BC 20 years ago so they have good experiences of recovery. My daughter even thought my flat chest wounds looked cool.
You will get through - minute by minute that’s all that matters xx
That must have been a blow to discover it was in the other breast
Gutting about the holiday but such a relief you’ve been able to change it , something to
Look forward to next year which will be lovely .
Did your opt not to have a reconstruction or were you not suitable for it ?
I suppose in the grand scheme of things I’m lucky that no one had given me false hope .Ive been told from the start it’s beast cancer most likely so I haven’t really been clinging onto the slim chance it isn’t .
Thank you for all the resources. My husband has banned me from Google !
There was a nine week wait for DIEP recon or five/six week for implant.
I wouldn’t have lasted that long so I decided to get op first and deal with it later.
I’m so glad I didn’t get immediate reconstruction- I actually don’t mind it and I was up walking six miles two days later so pleased to be back out and about xx
God that’s a hell of a wait
Are you considering reconstruction in the future ?
I’m pretty impressed you were walking six miles two days later ! I can’t even do that in a good day ! (I do have long covid though )
I was initially definitely wanting reconstruction.
One week on, I’m having second thoughts. I genuinely don’t mind the scars, I love the way some of my summer tops are hanging on my flat chest, and I don’t miss my 34gg boobs (that turned out we’re trying to kill me).
I may change my mind, who knows, and that’s always an option. In six weeks I will get measured for a prosthesis which might be nice if I wanted to wear a fitted dress or something.
But two weeks ago I was screaming hysterically and panicking that I could not wake up after losing my breasts and needed the immediate reconstruction… but minute by minute I got through it.
You will too xxxx
Firstly, im so sorry to hear youre in this situation. You have had a highly stressful year looking after your mum ans your dad. Missing your mammogram is understandable & you shpuldnt be blaming yourself for anyrhinf. You are where you are & the surgeon is correct. Its a tough road but you will get through it.
Now you know know that its most likely cancer, use this time to write down any questions you may have & take them to your next appointment.
I took my phone to appointments & had questions and their answers.
Dont worry about telling your children just now. Concentrate on yourself, find out all the facts & then tell them when you have the whole story. Children are resilient you will all get through this
I was told by the radiologist who did my biopsy that she thought it was cancer, too, and I was devastated. I lost about 10 pounds from the start of the wait for complete diagnosis to after. This is the most horrible time of it all IMO, the information gathering time. Just know it will get better. Once you know for sure, they get a plan in place, you get a much needed sense of control back. So just hold tight and know we all understand and have been there.
I understand and I suppose it gives you time to come to terms with the initial op and your own emotions
I’m very busty and my boobs have always been a pain in the bum tbh ! Annoying that they were the only part of my body that hadn’t headed south … typical … Now … I hate them , I just keep looking at them, well definitely the “bad Boob” and thinking well I’ll be glad to see the back of you if you are going to try and kill me … emotions are all over the place at the moment.
Thank you
I’m definitely going to write everything down because I was such a mess at last weeks app I didn’t ask anything … I know I was just in total shock , it took a couple of days to really sink in tbh
I know, sweetie. We all do. But we are all almost always wrong. Granted there are some cases where people are diagnosed de novo stage 4. But’s that only 6% of us. And even those that are usually respond beautifully to treatment because they’ve never been exposed to it before. But the chances that this has spread are really, really low. Now treatment can be arduous and possibly might be but breast cancer has an excellent prognosis now if you follow standard treatment protocol for your diagnosis. There will be an ending and the chances that you will fine when this is all over is fantastic. Just remember that for your next few weeks as you continue getting more information. This, too, shall pass.
Hi Arty1,
Im so sorry to hear that you recently lost your Dad and are now having to deal with this.
I missed my 1st mammogram too, im 53 and weve had a tough time. I had my biopsies on 20th june and results to confirm on the 1st july that i have grade 1 cancer in both breasts.
I havent had many good nights sleep since and have struggled to think of anything else.
Ive found it helpful to write things in a journal, distract myself and ive tried listening to some sleep playlists, anything to slow my mind down. Ive talked to some friends, and that helped.
Thinking of you and holding that hand real tight x
I’m sorry you are going through this too it’s hard to switch off at night I find no matter how tired I am .
I’ve started watching tv in bed at night , light or funny stuff and last night actually fell asleep at ten and didn’t wake up till nine ! I think it helped that I wasn’t doom scrolling on my phone for a change
I’m amazed how quickly you got your results ! My appointment was 23rd July but my results appointment isn’t until the 12th August which is nearly 3 weeks from my biopsy day , it seems so long and I’m stressing the cancer is rampaging round my body !
What is your plan going forward ? X
. Try to keep calm, keep your mind busy doing things you love and reach out to the doctors if it becomes too much.
