Hello Everyone,
I am 43 years old, and diagnosed as having breast cancer last Thursday, I am going into surgery at the end of May for a lumpectomy at this stage. Please tell me how to get from hour to hour, never mind day to day. I am going to work tomorrow but I don’t know if I can concentrate, or stop crying. I haven’t told my family yet(not married with no kids)so just my mum and my sisters/brother. However, I helped pay for my Mum and big sis to go to Italy for a week on Saturday, and I wanted them to at least have a nice week before being faced with this.
I have a booklet to read, but find it too frightning, and I haven’t asked many questions, (I notice all the technical terms on some of the posts, I don’t know what they mean), again, all too frightning.
The only highlight of this week was seeing Barry Manilow at the O2, he was fantastic.
Please, how do you get through each day, I’m really struggling.
Kind Regards
Dear Barryfan,
Welcome to the forums. I am sure other members will soon be along to offer support.
You could also call our Helpline for support and information, and just a “listening ear”. They are open 9-5 on weekdays and 9-2 on Saturdays. All calls are free and confidential. The number is 0808 800 6000.
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC facilitator
Hi Barryfan
You’re in the worst place at the moment, all a shock and massively worrying. It does become more controlable, can’t say it gets better but more manageable and a new normal.
I understand you not having told your family yet. My biggest worry when diagnosed in Feb was how to tell my family. I have four children. A mother protects her children and you protect your family and giving them distressing news isn’t what we do. I waited for a couple of weeks as my daughtere was about to go on holiday and I wanted her not worrying about me so I told her when she came back, and by then I had a lot more to tell her. I gave her as much information as I could and stressed the positives, she was brilliant. She did confess later though that she phoned her husband and burst into tears. Natural really. I also told my other daughter over the phone and pretty much went through the same scenario. I couldn’t take any more after that and asked them to spread the word to my 2 sons next which they did. It also gave them a chance to talk among themselves about what was happening. Perhaps you could tell the strongest member of your family first and ask them to spread the word. Be open to help and talk. This site is wonderful and you’ll get a lot of support help and useful information here from people who really understand.
Jane
Hi Barryfan - It is really scary, you’re right. Everything you describe has been felt by all of us on here but please take some comfort in believing me that i promise it does get easier with time. The first few weeks, really until treatment is underway is the most difficult for most folk. You will get through it. My advice to you is to chunk everything down to very small periods of time, let everything slow right down for a while and try not to look too far ahead - you’ve had one of the biggest shocks anyone ever has to face, you need time for your mind and your body to adjust to that.
Regarding the level of knowledge or technicalities you have - everyone is different some folks want to know everything, others the opposite - don’t take it as a reflection of how well you’re dealing with it, or how well you’ll do.
The first really positive thing you’ve done is found the forums - well done, i’m sure you’ll find it really helpful. Often in the beginning, some ladies like to find others at a similar stage as them as it helps give you support at the right level and helps you relate to others. Wishing you well and sending you kind thoughts. Keep posting.
Lynn
x
Hi Barryfan
I#m sorry you have cause to join the forums, but you can take comfort from the knowledge that everyone who posts has been where you are right know, and we really know how you’re feeling right now. It absolutely sucks.
Re telling your family, there’s really no hurry. Take your time, it seems like you could do with it in order to get your own head round the atom bomb that was let off in your life last Thursday.
I know you haven’t asked many questions yet, but it would be a good idea to get hold of a little notebook and write down any questions you might think of, and it’s a good place to write down the answers when you get them too.
Give the helpline a ring tomorrow, they are fabulous. And keep posting on here, you will find support second to none.
Don’t google when you decide you do want to find out more, there’s lots of stuff out there that is tosh and nonsense, so stick to reputable sites.
Ask as many questions as you like. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION.
And finally, be kind to yourself. If you don’t feel up to going to work, stay off. The shock you’ve had justifies you taking a day off sick, you’re not pulling a fast one if you do and you’d probably be a bit useless even if you do go in, if your head’s not in the right place.
Good luck for the next few months, it’s not going to be easy, but you’re not alone.
CM
x
hi barryfan, sorry u had to join us but welcome. you r in great company. its easy to say dont b frightened cos u will be. we all are or were at some point.believe me, it does get easier.the waiting part is so awful i know.i had lumpectomy(or wle,wide local excision and snb sentinal node biopsy)in april. i so know how u feel at this moment.i cried,screamed,didnt sleep,basically was a snot ridden mess! have u anyone you can talk to before ur mum and sis get back? a friend or other relative.have u a breast care nurse? please call this helpline tomorrow,they are fantastic and no question is “silly” i know cos i asked lots. dont be scared of asking about ur op (it really isnt so bad).once u have a treatment plan things seem easier.doable.copeable.and they are. i did go into work before my op without telling my colleagues.personally that helped for me,i had 2 keep busy but we are all different. please dont bottle things up and talk to someone as it will help. this forum is the best! u can moan,cry,laugh,ask things. someone will always be there. keep posting and love and best wishes alex xx
Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words, (it doesn’t help my internet connection keeps failing!).
I am just sitting at my computer, crying and crying, I don’t know what to do…
Tommorow I have to tell the team at work. I am very proud to be line manager to a great team of people, we are all involved with two very big, high profile projects, so I am worried about work too. As I live alone, and have to work to keep a roof over my head, I’m all so worried sick about my job, (although my boss has been very supportive so far).
I have been reading some posts on here from women who have children, I simply cannot imagine how that must be, some of the posts are inspirational.
Thank you all again, I might watch some Frasier on dvd, does anyone have any hints about how to manage minute to minute? I have lost my appetite also, (usually a great appetite, and I exercise quite a lot, but just lost the will…).I think I’m hungry, but can’t face food.
thank you all again…so much.
Hi Barryfan,
Sorry to hear that you’ve joined us!! I’ve been here a year now as I joined last April and it has been the most wonderfully supportive place that I know and ‘met’ so many people who are on the same boat as myself. Our journeys differ slightly but in the main we all go through very similar processes.
At the mo you are in the worst level of the ship but there are other decks which you will swiftly enter which are better than the place you are in at the moment. There are even decks where you laugh endlessly…I know that seems hard to believe at the moment but really you will.
Stick with us, ask anything you want to, personal stuff like when to tell family is entirely up to you, there’s no right or wrong, just find what’s best for you. In the meantime we are here for you.
Take care, here for you, be less terrified because you’re in friendly waters now, just let us know when you need a hand holding or cyber hug and it will be on its way
Suze xx
Hi there
Just to reiterate what the others have said - this is the very worst time when you are basically in a state of shock & feeling you can’t keep going is the norm. it feels like dropping through a big black hole but I promise it does settle down. Your will still face very hard times ahead but the raw nightmarish feelings you have now do dull & yes - you enter a new state of being. I was DX last Sept & easy to say now in hindsight but really just try to get through the time moment by moment, day by day. once your surgery is done & you get a full treatment plan started that’s when the feelings tend to settle as you then know more about what you are dealing with. It’s then head down & get through it.
This forum has been a huge support & made a massive difference tomy ability to get through & cope so you are in the right place. we all understand what it is like in a way that people not going through the same just cannot so keep posting & there are people here who can help & support you.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX hug XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi Barryfan
I know just how you feel.
I had a lumpectomy, all lymph nodes removed and radiotherapy.
This week I was discharged from the breast cancer clinic after 5 years all clear.
It’s a bit like being an alcoholic. You do one day at a time.
When reading the forums remember that not everybody does the same or reacts the same, otherwise you will scare yourself to death : )
There is a great deal of support here though.
You’ll get through it.
Regards and love
Chinook.
Hiya, I was diagnosed in March and had a WLE and SNB in April, I’ve been back to clinic and now am awaiting Radiotherapy and will be taking tablets for 5 years. I believe its the first part thats the worst, you feel like you are in limbo and your head is messed up, you should be given your breast nurse by now or very soon, call her, they are brilliant and don’t mind at all how many times you phone.
Thank you all so much for all your support, it really, really helps.
I do have one question, how long do people generally take off work after the surgery? Im just trying to plan, I think it will help me cope.
Thank you again.
Barryfan, (or you can call me Lisa!)
Hi,
Yup, I remember the ‘terrified witless’ bit. Oddly, for a lot of us, it gets easier somehow once we start the treatment and start realising that it’s not an automatic ‘arrgh I’m definitely going to die’ thing. Whilst there’s no guarantees, modern treatments are bloomin’ good and often very effective. Just a pain in the b*m to get through for a good number of people. Others sail through a lot of it.
Get all the support you can. Talk with everyone here.
Ann x ( diagnosed in Jan/Feb this year with a grade 3 2.3 cm lump but no nodes involved, going through chemo then an operation at the end then herceptin)
Hi Barryfan
Sorry you have had to join us but the warmest of welcomes to you.
It is so sad reading your post it brings back the memories of how I felt on 9 March when I was diagnosed and the feeling of disbelief and how could this happen to me etc etc etc so you can see we have all been here at some stage. Please take one little piece of advice from me and that is just take one day at a time, cry if you need to, ask for a hug if you need to and more importantly ask ANY question you need to because you will have so many of them and they are all VERY IMPORTANT so ask!
Its hard whilst waiting for the “plan” to start and the waiting room is the most hideous place to be ever but you can and will get through it because you have all of us to help you so be strong. Once treatment starts with an operation or whatever it does get easier to face each step and go forward believe me and you will do it.
I was diagnosed 9 March, lumpectomy 29 March, started chemotherapy 26 April so you can see the wheels turn quickly and this does help. I had a 30mm lump, high grade 3 invasive ductal cancer with no node involvement. I am embarking on 6 x FEC chemotherapy and then 4 weeks of radiotherapy so this year is a bit of a “write off” but I am going to make sure the new year is a good one and this is what you can do too my darling look forward. Just shaved my hair off today as it has started to go and that was such a hard thing to do and I cried my eyes out when hubby did it but hey I am ok now and have faced a couple of people already so the expectation was again worse than the event and you will find this all the way along.
Tell people when you are ready and feel able to say the “C” word. Its hard because family do panic a bit and think the worst but once they realise you are in good hands and that the treatment starts quickly they will soon come to realise you are going to be ok.
Anyway I have rambled on enough but please do keep us updated here and do private message me if you have any questions or if I can support you in any way. We are all here to be your strength when you need it so please don’t forget that.
Love and hugs
Tracy xxxxxxx
Lisa,
One thing about work - you don’t HAVE to tell people if you don’t want to. Your boss and HR would need to know, but as part of employment law they do not have the right to tell anyone else WHY you’re off sick, just that you’re off sick. Of course you can CHOOSE to tell people more, but there is no obligation on you to do so.
I would also suggest you wait a day or two before you tell people at work, until you have got your own head around the whole thing. You’ll probably have people asking you questions and if you don’t know the answers yourself you might find it even more distressing. Take your time, there’s really no hurry.
On the question of surgery, because you have a general anaesthetic you can’t drive or make any legal decisions for 24 hours and you can’t drive for a day or two at least. It depends on what op you’re having, and of course on what you do in your job. If just WLE and you cope well with the after-effects, you could potentially be back at work the next week. If you have lots of nodes removed you could find recovery a bit slower. It’s a very individual thing so not easy to give a simple answer.
Thank you for your wonderful message Tracey, you didn’t ramble on at all, your support is most welcomed. I’m still crying, I am so, so scared, I don’t know who to call, what to do or what to say, how do I get through tonight???
thank you again.
Lisa
Sorry you have had to join us but glad you came to the right place. Its ok to cry, dont beat yourself up about it, just let it out. It is such a shock and hard to get your head around. I was diagnosed 9th November last year and have had op and chemo and start radiotherapy next monday. Until you know your course of treatment you must try not to worry, easier said than done I know but please dont google as there is a lot of scary information out there, most of which will not apply to your case and will just frightened the life out of you. How to get through the next few days? Well I did it with copious amounts of alcohol and cigarettes and the odd 10 bars of chocolate every day but Lisa you WILL get through it. Stay strong and positive, there is usually always somebody signed on to this site at all hours so take heart that we are all with you to support and help you. Sending virtual hugs, Alison xxx
Thank you alimbutt, cigarettes and alcohol, you sound like my kind of woman!
It’s times like this I wish I was in a relationship, I just want someone to hold me, heck I’v even thought about calling my ex, which would never be a good idea, I feel so alone., but better for meeting everyone on here.
I hope you can all forgive the pic of barry in my profile, it just cheers me up.
Thankful that you are all here, I’ve never felt anything emotionally like this before, and I’m not handling it well.
Barryfan you are probably handling it in much the same way as the rest of us did. We were all scared silly and imagined all kind of awful outcomes. The shock is devastating but you will eventually come to terms with things. The way ahead will not be easy but you are now on a sort of conveyor belt and just have to keep going till it hopefully slows down or stops. As you can see there are loads of us on this forum who have gone through it or who are in the middle of it and we are surviving and getting on with life. Of course none of us wanted this to happen to us but it did. The treatment now is so much better and the outcomes have improved so much. All that won’t take away how you are feeling right now but do keep in mind that you are not alone and that we all wish you the very best.
And as others have said once your treatment starts you will feel better. It is the waiting in between things that is hardest to deal with.