Hi everyone
Had my last radio today and promptly bust into tears and couldn’t face going into work so have headed to the wonderful BCC site for support. I was diagnosed in July had bilateral mammoplasty in October, Grade 1, SNB clear so really good news futurewise. Most of the time I’m really positive, head ruling heart. Going back to work has helped me feel normal again. But I know I’m not ‘over the rubble’ as I get these occasional, and understandable emotional outbursts. I live on my own so this has been tough to face basically on my own although I am usually very good and even enjoy being ‘independent’. Family and friends have been great but it’s not the same as having someone special there for you to give you a hug. All post treatment courses talk about relaxing and calming techniques. I feel relaxed and calm (maybe I’m not!)but don’t seem to be able to shift the sadness that has me in tears at times - like not being able to get to family for xmas due the the weather, talking about how I am with BC nurses (sympathy sets me off), finishing radio. I just want to put this all behind me and try and forget the raw emotions and staying away from a hospital environment seems best for me. I associate with the bereavement comment and experience of that tells me it just takes time to fully adjust. Supposed to be going out tonight with some friends but not sure I’m over this current wobble. It might be just what I need but I’m not sure I can cope with all the ‘well done, it’s over’ comments when I’m still climbing over the rubble and am likely to burst into tears!
so sorry your having a sad moment, not a lot i can offer in support as im having chemo before surgery but what i can say is after the first few weeks in the dark days of results and awaiting treatment ive not had a bad day until one came out of the blue about a week ago and i just sat and howled it helped its passed and back on track. I find a darn good walk with my terriers or a good work out with the ponies help to clear the mind into a space of fun and beauty. Do you have anything like that you can do. BUT do have the good howl first it helps. Hope your feeling better soon and thinking of you living alone.go out tonight im sure it will do you good and tell your friends dont mention the its all over word. Have fun.
Hi Nat, thanks so much for your post and for being so positive, really helped and my GP is arranging Counselling! How right you were.
I haven’t been online for a while as I have had swine flu and today is first time in 10 days I can look at laptop screen.
Thanks to all the others for their posts too, we all seem to be finding this tough, I wish I could switch my mind off as it seems to be running away with me and thinking all sorts of dark thoughts.
Will see what Oncologist says on the 19th but I am sure it is because they can’t tell me yet if they have got all the cancer cells (next mammogram August!) and I have it in my mind that they are still in there, multiplying! I have tried to keep busy but got ill instead from doing too much and being immunosupressed from the rads, that’ll teach me!
How good it is to read all these posts and realise you are not alone and am not going slowly mad!
Happy and Healthy 2011 everyone
Lorraine xxx
Hi Lorraine
Welcome back! Hope you’re feeling better? I got ill after treatment too, it seems to be quite common due to our low immunity no doubt, hopefully you & your body will be ‘on the up’ from now on.
Let me know how the counselling goes - if it helps I check myself for lumps every day & the other week went into total meltdown after finding a lump on my leg…until I remembered that I had bashed it on a chair the previous day - had to laugh, what a chump!
Incidentally, went to my GP the other day for help with my menopausal symptoms, which include aching joints - I’ll let you know what he recommends, after the inevitable blood tests ‘just in case’ How often am I going to here that phrase??!
xx
Hi Nat,
Thanks for your post. Still on the antibiotics but on the mend, thank you, had to have a week of steriods for chest infection too, this swine flu really lives up to it’s name! I will ask the Oncologist on Wednesday how long immunity is down so I know what situations to avoid!
Back to work tomorrow, my GP seems to have forgotten about the Counselling but, strangely, after feeling so ill and having another appointment coming up with the Oncologist, I am feeling a bit more positive. When you read other posts it does make you realise how lucky you are to have been picked up and, hopefully, cured!
Take care and hope the blood test results are ok (mine were fine, just the rads making me tired/sore joints etc). Still got menopause to look forward to, without HRT, cold turkey - yikes!!!
Lorraine xxx
Bumping for bebelou.