Very Frightened new member

Hello. I was diagnosed with BC 3 weeks ago and my first thought was that I wanted to go on the holiday booked months ago on 26 June. I really regret saying that now as I just want the cancer out of me and I’ve been told by my BCN that they won’t now bring my op date of 12 July forward. I don’t want to go on the holiday, it’s too near the date to cancel it and we won’t get the money back. I’m supposed to be going to Greece for 12 days and I can’t stand the thought of being in a hot country if get ill and I do feel ill and have pains in arms, legs and spine that I think are either joint or bone cancer. I think my BCN thinks I’m paranoid (and she may be right!) but I don’t want to ring her again and be a nuisance.
I lost my son (aged 10) nearly 2 years ago and can’t believe how life can be so cruel as to now throw something like this at me! This time last year I wanted to die to be with him, but now I don’t and that makes me feel guilty. Sorry, it’s late and I should really be in bed but know I won’t sleep even if I do.

Hello Kristian,

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, this is the place for some good support as the users of this site have a wealth of knowledge and experience between them and I’m sure they’ll be along soon to give you that much needed support.

In the meantime for some immediate support, could I suggest that you give the helpline here a ring and have a chat with one of the staff who are here to support you through this. Calls are free and confidential, lines are open this morning at 9am until 5pm (Mon-Fri, Sat 9-2) 0808 800 6000.

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

Hello - I am so sorry that you have had to join us xxx There hasn’t been any replies before to your post but I am sure that other people will also soon be on the site…

I am so sorry to hear about what happened with your son - you are right sometimes life is very cruel indeed… Please don’t feel guilty that you feel as if you need to fight this.

I’ll go and get a link to another thread started by someone else recently as some of the posts on there might help you - we all seem to think that every ache and pain on diagnosis is secondaries and honestly these first few weeks are the worst until you get into the treatment plan and know what you dealing with…

Do consider giving the helpline on here a ring they really are wonderful…

Theresa x

Here is a link to that other thread…

Theresa x

Hello Kristian,
We all know the feeling of waiting for appointments and operations, l am so very sorry for your terrible loss. You wonder how much we can take in our lives, we are certainly tried and tested!
Another lady on this forum had a holiday booked, l think she did take it, but spent a lot of time worrying, which is understandable, not sure how the insurance companies work is there no way you can cancel and get your money back? have you asked?
Hope you have read the thread Theresa suggested, l am sure it will give you a lot of comfort.
Keep posting
Sandra xxx

Hi Kristian

I am so sorry you are in this situation. It is a very emotional and confusing time. Give yourself space to come to terms with what has happened to you. Please dont feel like a nuisance and contact your bcn. I know there can be long waiting lists for councilling and you have been through a lot. Now may be a good time to get your bcn to put your name down. You might not need it but it is a good back up and I know a lot of people who have found it helpful.

PLease phone the help line for a chat the staff are lovely and have lots of experience to deal with your worries.

Rest assured your medical team would not have agreed to your holiday if they were worried about it effecting your treatment badly.

I hope your friends and family are supportive and you can gradually come to terms with what has happened. dx

Hello Kristian,
I’m sorry that you find yourself here with all of us. I can’t think of anything worse than losing your child, and then having to face all of this.
You will find a lot of support on this site as you go through your treatment. The ladies on here are so loverly and we are all going through the same thing as far as initally being dx with bc is concerned. We will all be here for you, there is always someone to talk to,no matter what sort of a day you are having, you can say what you like on here and know that people can empathise with you as we have all been told we have some stage of bc. You can also get a lot of good advice from the proffessional people on site as well as those on the front line going through the various stages of treatment now and in the recent past. I know that I am very grateful for all of the support I recieve daily from being on here and I’m glad I came…

Best Wishes

Isabelle xxx


I am in exactly the same place as you.

I am sitting here knowing i have to wait until thursday to get my treatment plan - and like you every ache and pain is the cancer spreading… the shortness of breath is cancer - more likely to be because of anxiety!!!

I am going to the docs today to see if i can get any tablets to calm me down in the short term and some tablets to help me sleep. Could this be helpful for you??

I am so sorry about your son, i have two of my own, 4yrs and 5yrs and cant imagine what you went through.

The place we are in at the moment is a very dark place, but on this forum there are loads of ladies who have been there and come through the other side… we have to believe that we will conquer it as well!!!


Hi Kristian,

I had the same dilemma as you with a holiday booked 3 weeks after dx. I did go on the holiday and postponed my surgery and it was the right thing to do. It will take your mind off the worrying before surgery and put you in the best frame of mind - especially if it means you stay away from the internet and self-diagnosing all those aches and pains.

Also, it may be some time before you get a chance to go on another holiday so take this one and enjoy it before the treatment starts. If your medical team is happy that the delay won’t make a difference, then you should also relax.

I am so sorry about your son. Nothing could be as bad as the loss of a child. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best for your treatment. Let us know how you get on.

E xx

Hi Kristian

Sorry to hear of your dx and the fact that you are dealing with this after the loss of your young son. I understand the feeling of guilt you talked about when you said you wanted to die to be with him but now don’t want to. My daughter was 4 when she died of cancer and 3 months later I was dx too plus I was pregnant all at the same time. I think of how my little girl dealt with her illness and how she inspires me to keep going - I think she would be very cross with me if I just caved in even though there are times when I want to.

Please don’t ever think you are being a nuisance ringing your BCN - their role is to help and support you not to make you worry more about contacting them.

Have you spoken with your insurance company to see whether you could cancel your holiday without losing too much money? That is what insurance is there for at the end of the day when the unexpected happens so it may be worthwhile giving them a call.

These are very early and raw days in your dx as well as grieving for your son. If you get no joy from your BCN please try your onc’s secretary and see if you can get an appt to see him/her. It is bad enough without all these additional worries. Please let us know how you get on. Take care. Love xxx

Hi Kristian

Why don’t you ask your GP to give you a note for the insurance company to cancel your holiday? He could put down all sorts of reasons (make sure you know which may be invalid) why you are not up to going such as stress, fatigue, nausea, etc etc and I am sure he would understand why you don’t want to go and help you out.
Life can be so cruel and unpredictable. When you have already a dreadful thing happen to you like losing a child, you would hope that you had received your share of grief and trouble. I very nearly lost my son to cancer when he was two and thought after what we had been through life should be plain sailing. Not to be. I think that losing a child must be the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone and in some ways, like Swissmiss says, make you more able to cope with what you are going through now, both in memory of your son and because you know you can.

Hi again Kristian

Cathy59’s advice to see your GP is good advice. I know in the past we have had to cancel a holiday because of an illness, nothing like as serious as a cancer dx but nevertheless we have not been able to travel and the only money we lost out on was our excess. We had to cancel on the day of travel and had to get a GP’s note that morning!

Also, I think you would have to tell your insurance company anyway of your dx as if you do decide to go on your holiday you don’t want to end up in that dreadful situation of your insurance being invalidated if anything went wrong and you hadn’t informed them.

Love xxx

Hi again.
Thank you for your replies.
After a sleepless night (yet another one!) I went to my GP who is sure the bone pain is just anxiety (although I’m struggling to be convinced of this)!. She rang the hosp for me and asked if my ‘op date’ could be brought forward - waiting for consultant’s secretary to ring me back.
Didn’t have hol insurance, and didn’t realise until I came to cancel it! Have now got it but think too late to get money back, given I was diagnosed with BC 3 weeks before I took out insurance! If op can be b/f, I def won’t be going anyway. Thanks Theresa for link - I phoned Helpline, spoke to very nice lady Stephanie.
By the way, my name is Norma, but I always use my son’s name Kristian as my ‘username’ - it’s nice to see his name come up on screen even though he’s not with me any more. Many thanks to all again and I wish you all well, Swissmiss, so sorry about your daughter, the worst thing ever to lose a child (I’m convinced the stress has brought the BC on!) but comforting to know I am not alone.
This is a great forum and has helped me already.
Love Norma xx

Hi Norma, Just wondered how the 31 day rule applies to your case? you are supposed to be treated within 31days of diagnosis, not sure if you refused an earlier appointment because of your holiday. You could always plead that you were in shock and didn’t understand how important it was for you to get treated!! such a distressing time, no one thinks straight at these times!
Might be worth a try, if the secretary doesn’t get back with an earlier appointment
Sandra xxx

Hi Norma , so sorry for all your troubles .
I´m sure your BCN is right when she is trying to put your mind at rest about leg and arm pains . From what I´´ve gathered , BC does´nt tend to go to arms and legs , you´re worried sick , and thats what is proberbly causing your pains .
I would proberbly take the holiday , but then we are all different . I was dx on my younger son´s birthday and i was due to fly back to stay with him and his family that weekend . My onc was in agreement that I could go , and i had a wonderful time . I knew I would ´nt be able to see them again for many months so I made sure i enjoyed myself and did´nt tell them .
Hopefully your BCN has got back to you and may well have changed your appointment . Good luck and you´ll find a lot of help on here whenever you want it .

Oh Kristian I’m so terribly sorry for the loss of your child and now having to deal with this. Life can be so unfair, it doesn’t make sense. As far as your holiday goes, do get some good advice about the money as there must be ways around it in cases such as this. You’re not a nuisance to ring your BCN if you’re worried or concerned - that is what they are there for.

I feel your pain tonight and do hope you get something sorted so that at least you don’t have the added stress of the holiday money x

Ah just read your latest post - I’m pleased you’ve spoken to people but shame about the holiday. Insurance is a blessed evil x

I was diagnosed in april and could have had the DCIS removed 19th May, but we had booked a holiday to Oberammergau which only takes place every ten years so decided to go , and enjoyed it , sometimes even forgot about the BC .Flew back on atuesday night and wasat the hopsital next morning. I was glad I had had the holiday. I now have results of op and have to have a mastectomy and have a long weekend planned around then, but again hope to go and have the op when i return.
Take the holiday but just pamper yourself and stay out of the hot sun in an airconditioned hotel room , or go out in the early morning or evening. You know what would suit you, but I would suggest the holiday , only because my experience was good of having a bit of R and R. Very very sorry to hear about your son, and of course this means you feel very frightened.
Go with your instinct, but keep your options open, rather than cancel the holiday immediately

Hi All.
Hosp says op can be brought fwd to 5 Jul, only one wk earlier than originally planned - have tried cancelling/changing hol from 12 days to 7 and it’s all a nightmare and too stressful to cope with at the mo. Right now, thinking am going to go on the hol (tomorrow could be different though!) Could have had op earlier but at the time (prob coz of shock!) my first reaction to Consultant rather than “OMG it’s cancer” was “can I please go on my holiday at the end of June - I booked it in January”. Sounds like total madness now on reflection, but that’s how I came to be booked in for op so far after diagnosis.
Had blood tests done today - dr promised to get them back asap - apparently if calcium levels low, could be sign of ‘spread’? Anyway, once again, thanks for advice/support. Want to try to help others in this forum in same/worse crap situation and am sorry to be thinking of myself all the time at the mo - will try harder once head in a better place.
Norma xx

Hi,i went to the docs beginninng of may,had to wait 2 wks b4 mammaogram,ultrasound and biopsy,and had a holiday booked,luckily for me the appointment came through after i got back but unfortunately i had to tell my family as it took sooooo long waiting for the appointment that i thought id would happen right when we were away and as it got closer i had to tell them about my tests,trying to tell them it was just a lump when i knew it wasnt,i didnt enjoy my time away as its always there in ur mind and ur have peace of mind when u know exactly what u have and what they can do for you,i wish you all the best and have my fingers crossed that ur results are good

Hang in there Norma . Whatever you decide will be right for you , and once you´ve made the decision you´ll be fine.
You cannot alter the outcome now , so whatever happens , don´t think that you should have done something different .
You´ll cope with the crap , it´s just so hard at first to accept it´s happened to you .
Keep your chin up !