So difficult…Have been in hospice for over 7 weeks as nowhere else to go. No partner or kids or family who could house me. Too immobile to be home with care package. Before that was mostly in hospital for a month. Had some hope until about a month ago when “only” had bone mets, liver mets, spinal cord compression (treated with radiotherapy but no surgical option), bladder and bowel problems. Then belatedly diagnosed with brain and Leptomeningeal mets in both brain lining and probably spinal fluid. Tried capecitabine for a couple of cycles in case it could help brain. No luck. Nothing more on offer unless I try some whole brain radiotherapy but it’s unlikely to help either. Oh, and have a DVT too so risk from that too although I’m on blood thinners.
Some visitors but finding it hard to cope between those times.
Some of you who have stopped treatment actually seem to be feeling better and having some good times. That’s great but I have no prospect of feeling better now. Just deterioration. Part of the time I hope one of the quick options will finish me off, but part of me wants to see another sunrise or more. I’m not religious unfortunately.
Not expecting any replies, just needed a rant! I just didn’t think it would be so tough.
Felt I couldn’t just pass by without sending out as much love to you as possible. You are not alone and there are many here who care and will be thinking of you.
Oh my love you rant away , there will always be someone here to listen and more importantly respond, I’m so sorry you are in this awful situation and truly hope you get to see many more sunrises Xx
Please never give up hope. I know you must feel at your lowest ebb right now but there are a lot of people out there who will pray for you. I will pray for you. Love Debbie xx
I can’t think of any words that can give you the comfort you need but I could not pass this post without wanting you to know that you are in my thoughts and I so hope you get to see some more sunrises. Xx
Did you really think that you would not get any replies? This forum is like a family Tournesol and as you see there are plenty of caring ‘brothers and sisters’ on here who are thinking about you. I truly hope that you can feel all these waves of love and that they are giving you comfort. If I could I would gladly come and put my arms around you and give you a big hug right now.
I did not realise you are feeling so down remember we are all with you in spirit. We really do care and if possible I would come and hug you but I don’t think you are from the north. We want you to keep posting on our skinny thread along with Smartie and Janice our hearts are with you and send loads of cyber
((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) and love xxx
Hello tournesol
I’m sorry I don’t usually read these threads and missed your post.
We are all holding your hand from cyber land and so you are not alone.
Massive hugs xxxxx
Dear Tournesol, I wanted to join everyone else who has replied and say you are not forgotten and you are not alone, if a group of cyber supporters counts! If you feel able to tell us what part of the country you are in I am sure one of us is within travelling distance and would gladly visit regularly. Gentle hugs xxxx
Hi Tournesol, have been thinking about you and I pray things are a bit easier for you . There are so many of us
thinking about you and sending you warm loving thoughts.
I live near Lndon, if you want to pm me and tell me which hospice you are in, ill gladly come and give you a hug if its not too far away. The last time we spoke, i got the impression the hospice might not be too far away…not sure why.
on top of all the things you have to contend with, now the weather has changed and sometimes that can be depressing…but hopefully we will have some more warm days.
Hiya tournesol
Well you are too far away for me to visit but imagine all your cyber friends gathered around and we are thinking of you.
Loads of hugs xxx
Rant all you like. I wish I could be there with you so you could rant at me in person. I thought of you while I was on holiday driving through fields of sunflowers and wondered how you were. I hope you see more beautiful sunrises and enjoy each one. Much love x
Hello tournesol
Good morning …hope u slept well and enjoyed breakfast …
We are all here holding your hand so post anything u want to …rant or whatever …
Xxxxx
We’re listening Tournesol, you rant away. I hope that you are being looked after at the hospice and you see lots more sunrises. Thinking of you and sending big cyber (((((hugs))))) xxxx