just for a bit of fun …
OK my pet hate - “you really suit being bald” aaaaarrrrghhhhhh!
anyone else?! ;D
Lynne x
“You look really well” alternating with “you look very pale”, I know they are well meaning but still…
“You’re so brave”.
Makes me burst into immediate tears - some sort of unconcious reaction to disprove their statement!
You have a nice shaped head
You look like: Sinead O’Connor, GI Jane, Gail Porter, Sigourney Weaver in Alien (No, I don’t, the only thing in common is a bald head)
If I shaved all my hair off it wouldn’t suit me (No, it doesn’t suit me either but I have no choice)
Try and enjoy the break (?!)
At least you have loads of time to do stuff that you normally dont have time to do.
Yeah, I’m really tired too I know how you feel (No, you really don’t)
Not long to go now.
I’d love to be able to sleep all the time
I know you can’t have kids now but at least you’ll have plenty of money, time, freedom etc (You could have done too if you didn’t choose to have kids)
Oh yes…
“you look really well” when I feel like I’m dying inside
“being bald suits you” - which woman, in all the world of gods, wants to channel the Duncan Goodhew look?! My lovely long hair suited me!
“it doesn’t matter if your hair, eyelashes, eyebrows and nails drop off and you lose your lovely bangers so long as you end up alive” - as if that makes me feel any better and anyway survival rate of 100% doesn’t exist.
“a woman I know survived it so I know you’ll be fine”. Funny that you know more than the doctors that have been in training for decades.
Grrrr
You’re really brave
You’re an inspiration
You’re so strong
Oh I am am I, you see me 24hrs a day every day for the past 5 months…
When I was having chemo the thing that annoyed me most was people saying ‘keep positive’.
I wanted to say you effing well feel positive when you feel so sick you can hardly stand up! Instead I smiled.
It still annoys me when people say things like:
‘I lost weight and my breasts have shrunk’ - er, hello I’d love to have a pair of breasts. I want to say, tell you what I’ll swap your small breasts for my prostheses.
Ha! Yes, maybe there should be an award for the most annoying one at the end of this thread!!
And then there’s the very helpful people who decide you NEED their advice on what to do. I’ve just received a book in the post from my sister-in-law who I’d decided NOT to tell but the other S-i-l blabbed, so now I’ve got a book written by a snake-oil salesman and advice from someone who I specifically DIDN’T tell because I don’t want to hear her opinions!
Book is being sent straight back with a suitably stern response.
GRRRRR!!!
As for the other comments, I think I’ve had almost all of them, though only Sinead O’Connor and not the rest of them, and nobody’s mentioned kids because I’m lucky enough to have already had them.
If anyone’s interested, I have responses to ALL of the comments, and I’ve used ‘em an’ all!
“You look really well” - “that’s because I AM really well at the moment, but you don’t see me when I’m feeling crap.”
“Being bald suits you” - “no, it so doesn’t. I’d much rather have my hair, that suits me so much better.”
“it doesn’t matter… etc” - “I would much rather keep all of them and stay alive, wouldn’t you?” or just “that’s really not a helpful comment.” (that second one can be used in response to all of them and usually shuts them up with an embarrassed blush.)
“a woman I know…” - “I don’t know how you can say I’ll be fine when my own doctors can’t even tell me. Where was it you got your qualifications?”
“You have a nice shaped head” - “thank you, but it looks better with hair.”
“If I shaved…” - “It doesn’t suit me either, but I have no choice” ( (c) El Katano!)
“Try and enjoy the break” - “yes, thank you, I will remember that next time they’re shoving poisons into my arm and I’m throwing up.”
“At least you have loads of time…” - “Yes, but absolutely no energy.”
“I know how you feel…” - “Really? I didn’t know you’d had cancer too.”
“Not long to go now” - “actually, I have at least five years of treatment to go, that is if it doesn’t come back before then.”
“I’d love to be able to sleep all the time.” - “Feel free to take my next chemo session, I really won’t mind.”
“here, read this book.” - “No thank you, I’ll do my own research and trust the specialists rather than a snake-oil salesman. Try looking at quackwatch.com and find out about the person whose clap-trap you’re trying to shove down my neck before you send me anything else. Thanks all the same.”
Can you tell I’m a bit cross at the moment? Think I need to get that scary cat back!
ahahahaha!
“you can live without breasts” … true, but still very upsetting!
“at least your hair will grow back” … yes, but that doesn’t help me just now!
“you’re always so positive” … i try for the sake of my 5 year old but still have a good old try into my pillow sometimes!
Yummy Mummy tossing her long locks at the school gate telling me “hair is so over-rated”!
Also “it’s only Breast Cancer!”
Or “look at Kylie, she is doing well…”
“you don’t look like there is anything wrong with you”
and my pet hate “stay positive, you are so brave!” urgh
And as soon as active treatment has finished, the “well, all back to normal then!”
Ha ha ha Choccie Muffin - You’re my favourite poster, you always make me laugh with your dry and black sense of humour… oh and did I mention how inspirational and brave you are?
On my odd evil days I can’t help but think that I should pin the next woman down who says these “positive” things to me, shave their hair off, whack some of their boob off, stick poison in their veins for a few months, burn their boob, make them put on weight, take all their money, tell them they have cancer but that they’ll have to wait a few weeks to find out how bad it is so they can truly face their mortality, and make sure they can never have children as well.
Then when I’ve done all that say “you can beat this, stay positive”
Ooooooooooh, a good rant does you good.
I know people say things thinking it’ll help but really it doesn’t when you’ve heard it a thousand times does it
On my odd evil days I can’t help but think that I should pin the next woman down who says these “positive” things to me, shave their hair off, whack some of their boob off, stick poison in their veins for a few months, burn their boob, make them put on weight, take all their money, tell them they have cancer but that they’ll have to wait a few weeks to find out how bad it is so they can truly face their mortality, and make sure they can never have children as well.
Then when I’ve done all that say “you can beat this, stay positive”
Ooooooooooh, a good rant does you good.
I know people say things thinking it’ll help but really it doesn’t when you’ve heard it a thousand times does it
The “you’re so brave” thing REALLY p***es me off. Bravery is the soldier who goes out knowing that someone with a bloomin’ great big gun is aiming at him. He doesn’t HAVE to do that, but still does.
Bravery is the ambulance paramedic who turns up at a riot and gets out of the ambulance to rescue someone who’s injured. They don’t have to do that.
Getting poisoned etc etc because the alternative is too awful to contemplate is NOT bravery, because we really don’t have much of a choice in the matter.
El K, I SOOO know how you feel. And on a bad day they’d better stay out of arm’s reach because I would be VERY tempted! Glad I can keep you amused, by the way. If we don’t laugh, or at very least put on a wry smile, we’d be screaming. (Actually, some of the time I AM screaming but hey, I’m human. No, honestly, I really am, I just feel like that cat from time to time. Thing is, the cat picture really doesn’t do enough at the moment, I’m still absolutely boiling about that flipping book.)
And yes, a good rant does the world of good, so keep ranting.
you know wot is so annoying to me
those so called friends of hubbys that would come round every day drink all your tea coffee and sit in yr kitchen for hours so you never got anything done for yrs do this then one day stop outside your house after 6 weeksof not comming round to say to hubby sorry i havent been round but i have been busy and i dont want to give your wife anything someone tell me where the hell the friend in that has gone… sorry but im the one with breast cancer and you carnt catch it but it would be nice to know that yr so called friends are there when you or hubby need them,
Here’s something I wrote and posted on my Facebook Page about “Bravery”
The “Bravery” of the Cancer “Battle”
We people with cancer are not brave for dealing with cancer.
Bravery is about choice, bravery is going into a burning building to rescue someone, it’s going into the line of fire to save a mate, it’s throwing yourself into the sea to rescue someone drowning, it’s standing up for what you believe in with everything to loose… where you could choose not to but do it anyway, that’s bravery in my eyes.
We people with cancer don’t have a choice about having a disease like this, noone of us opted for it out of bravery.
Those people who are finding it hard to cope as normal aren’t therefore failures or not brave enough or letting themselves down.
What we have is courage in the face of adversity - and a base animalistic survival instinct and also, we’re the same people we were in spirit before diagnosis and keep carrying on being the same person which people see as “brave” perhaps - as if we’re going to be reduced to a gollumesque shadow of our former selves.
I’m the same person as I was before my diagnosis - sometimes a little more scared, a lot more tired and bored, frustrated at feeling that my life is on hold. but basically ME.
And this war imagery used - Battle, Fight, War, Beating… I find this a bit insulting to those people who don’t “Beat cancer” - it is not a choice to survive or succumb to cancer by sheer force of will, personality or joie de vivre alone, or positivity - its a lottery and that’s it. There is no choice about it, that is what makes it so so horrible! If cancer could be beaten by sheer determination to overcome, by inner strength and tenacity, then I know a few people who would still be with us and I’m sure you do too.
THisis no bitter rant - I’m just saying it as I see it is
You’re looking really well???-- said with that are you really ill tone-…( do they think we are making it up) TODAYS RESPONSE OUTSIDE SCHOOL >>>I am glad, perhaps you could nominate me for an oscar… as you can see I have NO hair , my nose is all scabby and sore, I can’t get rid of this irritating cough or the chronic indegestion… 1 week in three I spend most of it sick or feeling sick, 1 week out of 3 I am so tired I can’t even climb the stairs to the loo without resting before or after and 1 week out of 3 I try to be ‘normal’ so as not to terrify my 2 young children! My hand and arm are so sore and can you see the colour of my veins??? Oh and did I mention that had even more blood taken from me today as on Monday I get another infusiuon of toxic poison??? … I wonder then how do you think I should look??? so all of you… that’s the big question how do you think people expect us to look??? J XX
A couple of times I’ve had:
“well, if you’re going to get cancer, breast cancer is the one to get isn’t it. People don’t die of that as much”
Eh, no it isn’t and yes they do. You have it instead (my response).
Al x
Yeah I know what you mean & I get ‘MAD’ days where I really go for it lol & its usually aimed at the family BOTH sides who just have NO IDEA they ask you how are you & if you say what your really feeling which is usually " im ok or okish" what do I get you got to stay positive AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH sorry im being true to how I was feeling you asked … I told you WHY OH WHY do they see it as being negative ? being TRUE & realistic is being positive in my book, plastering on a fake smile & saying oh im feeling fantastic is not how im feeling at the moment hopefully it will come … dont get me wrong most days Im getting on with each day I smile I laugh I crack jokes as I did before.
hubby can be the worse at times when I have a bad day & all the scary stuff starts filling my head, wether its his way of dealing with it I dont know but he often says oh see your being negative again grrrrrr thats why im so glad I have you all here without you guys Id feel so isolated & stuck in this ^%&*"£ cancer bubble
Is it just me ive always been a compasionate person & always concerned for others but I find those that spend time moaning about trivial ailments so grinding I see the desperation in their faces & SO have to bite my tongue so not to say would you like to swap ? Im sure im going to blurt this out sooner or later
OOOOOOOOOOOH thats better.
Mekala X